Finding it hard to connect with new girls

[Neon Owl]

No matter how gorgeous/sexy a girl is I just can't get myself to get excited about them. The whole flirting game is more of a chore than something I actually enjoy but I do it as I know it's necessary to lead to sex.

I'm on 4 weeks of NC with my ex and while it is getting easier week by week I can't stop picturing her face and how I wish every girl I talk to was really her. In a way I feel bad for the girls I'm seeing as I feel if I did get into another relationship she would only be a device for me to try get over my ex.

I've had sex with 2 girls since the split but couldn't even cvm both times and afterwards it just made me even more depressed with how much I realised I still miss her.

Do I just keep doing what I'm doing in hope things will get better or is there anything I can do in the meantime to stop this bullsh1t thinking?

 

[dvjackson]

Why are you trying to force yourself to do something that feels like a chore and ultimately does you no tangible good?

Focus on something else. increase your value. Learn a new skill, get in shape, do some reading, whatever. Hell, playing video games is probably better than soulless one-night stands where you can't even ***. that's just depressing to read about.

 

[Neon Owl]

Why are you trying to force yourself to do something that feels like a chore and ultimately does you no tangible good?

Focus on something else. increase your value. Learn a new skill, get in shape, do some reading, whatever. Hell, playing video games is probably better than soulless one-night stands where you can't even ***. that's just depressing to read about.

I have no male friends atm and so this is the only social life I've got...if I didn't meet up with women I would be on my own all week. It's only the part of the interaction where I've got to pretend I'm actually attracted to them that feels like a chore, the rest of the time where we're just hanging out is pretty fun and I do enjoy it. It's hard to explain.

The 2 girls I've slept with aren't really anything special in the looks department but they're just attractive enough for me to want to have sex with them...maybe I'm feeling like this because I actually haven't been with anyone who is better looking than my ex or more my type of girl.
It's not just the looks that does it for me she must have the sort of demeanor and personality that i like for me to be attracted. Both those girls definitely don;t fit the bill.

I have been working out as always and I'm doing various things to improve my life atm but I feel I need to be out pursuing other women as part of the moving on process...plus I know she's probably already got another guy so I don;t want to feel like she's leaving me in the gutter while she's moving on and forgetting about me.

 

[twentee]

aww, po' baby! do you understand that about half of the world has to watch their kids DIE, of starvation, disease, wars, etc, and your punk ass is worried about being "lonely and depressed". get the fvck OVER yourself, dude.

 

[floydb25]

Sounds like you're just trying to fill a void. Doesn't really work if you're not into it.

IME, jumping from girl to girl during this phase (or in general) is a big mistake. Just causes more problems, drama, rejection, chaos, confusion, heart-break, and baggage. It's always best to have a clear mind going into these things. Of course, everyone will tell you to spin plates, and thus, keep your focus on women - when you don't even like them at the moment.

I find it's better to avoid whatever is causing the problem, and focus on you. Don't feed into the problem. You won't find a cure - it just takes time.

****, I avoided women for 4 years, got rid of the old social circle, moved far away, started fresh, and focused on myself... Things are a lot better now that every problem is gone. Getting back into socializing, mingling with women (a little), etc. Sometimes a break and refocus is necessary. Otherwise you won't learn anything, and keep repeating the same **** patterns. I used to date girl after girl, hung out with the fakest *******s imaginable, just go go go. Yea, didn't work for ****, and just made things worse.

Those be my opinions.

 

[evan12]

yeah getting with new women is the best way to forget old women , just dont try to prove to you self you are loyal and still love that girl

 

[Fly By Night]

You should definitely find a hobby that involves other people. Mine is ballroom dancing. I meet both guys and girls and I hang out with them occasionally. Some guys there are even going to take me out to the bars when I turn 21. The thing is that you have to be truly interested in those people and not just using them as a tool to forget about your ex. If this is your mindset, your oneitis will never go away since you are constantly trying to "fix" it. Oneitis is not something you fix, it's something you let go.

I had hardcore oneitis in high school which ruined my social life for those years because I thought that I would never find that "princess". Now that I'm in college and I made some good friends and met a variety of new women, I realized that:

Oneitis is the lack of self-confidence in finding better women. You become desperate for one girl.

yeah getting with new women is the best way to forget old women , just dont try to prove to you self you are loyal and still love that girl

It really doesn't have to be this way. I never really forgot about my oneitis, the difference is that I know I'll be good without her; I'm not desperate for her.

 

[LongLostFriend]

I have no male friends atm

This is the area you need to work on.

 

[R.C]

It's normal to feel like that. Keep doing what you do , it gets better.

 

[Neon Owl]

Thing is I'm afraid of getting rusty with my newly aquired skills with women if I take a break from them. It's only in the past 10 months or so I've really turned myself around from being a shy pretender to actually being able to talk and flirt with women without consciously thinking about the whole process.
I'd hate to regress back into what I used to be so that's probably a big part of why I feel the need to keep them in my life at this time.

I might have to plan a little camping trip soon for a couple days to get some perspective on all this. Haven't been in about 2 years and it was something I used to love and was a big part of what made me happy. Just being out in nature on my own for a while really helps me deal with anything that's stressing me out. Now the weather is nice I've got no excuse.

It's not like I feel like I need to constantly think about what to say with these women, I end up saying what comes into my mind naturally but there's nothing pulling me towards them if that makes sense? On my first date with my ex there was a huge attraction on both sides and flirting was so enjoyable and natural. I actively wanted to touch and kiss her but with these other girls I can quite easily just sit there in my own space waiting for them to initiate kino etc.

 

[evan12]

I'm not desperate for her

you said it , most men think they will never see some one like their ex and that what make them feel bad , us soon as a guy get or release he can get same or better woman he no longer feel sorry for the ex .