Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Find your leauge and play in it.

ubercat

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@Epicwinguy sounds like you've made a lot of progress. Bloody well done champ. So I am curious because we posted on a lot of your early threads. So what advice was most helpful for you? Or it tmay be something you learnt yourself.
 

ShePays

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I've been to Atlanta, and it was easy as hell for me to pull down there because the city is over populated with gay and bisexual men. The women down there are practically starving for a straight man
Sounds like my experience in SF.
 

ShePays

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I came here originally to help out older members of my family who had strokes or just had other problems due to old age, and I stayed around. My issue with the women here is more their personalities then the stuff I said actually, I just didn't want to get too lengthy. Their personalities, and the fact that so many women out here love smoking weed. The dating dynamic here is just different as a whole, because everyone here has so many options

And don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, more so just pointing out differences I notice from being in different states. If I move down south, it'll be for the cheaper cost of living, and the peace and quiet, not for women
Have you cultivated a social circle out there, or just hitting the bars?
 

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Have you cultivated a social circle out there, or just hitting the bars?
No I haven't at all. I usually just hit a club or bar... I get tons of emails from meet up though inviting me to different social events, I set up an account and never used it. Some of the events sound fun too, I think I'm going to start trying that out
 

Epicwinguy

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@Epicwinguy sounds like you've made a lot of progress. Bloody well done champ. So I am curious because we posted on a lot of your early threads. So what advice was most helpful for you? Or it tmay be something you learnt yourself.
I still haven't gotten laid, so save your congratulations. But I figured this all out on my own. Asking for advice online will always result in frustration because online nobody really knows your specific situation. Right now I'm studying for a degree so I am more focused on that.
 

ShePays

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No I haven't at all. I usually just hit a club or bar... I get tons of emails from meet up though inviting me to different social events, I set up an account and never used it. Some of the events sound fun too, I think I'm going to start trying that out
Sounds like a great plan.
 

ubercat

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@Epicwinguy it ain't that much the poon. Don't get bitter and let that define you you are a lot more than that. I am a bit perplexed. You had guys post on your threads who have the combined experience of a 100 years with women.

If we don't know your specific situation I guess you always have the option of sharing some details. If the guys think it is beyond us here we will certainly tell you.

I remember sharing suggestions for actionable steps. Which of those steps did you take and what happened? Often making things work takes a little knack.

Congratulations on your committing to a degree. Your commitment and hard work will definitely develop you as a man. A lot of the suggestions we gave you were around a social life so I wouldn't see that and getting a degree as mutually exclusive.

Anyway every man walks their own path. We can only offer the hand. It's been offered.
 

BeExcellent

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Where is/are their father/s?
I find it odd that you’d ask this question. Clearly you don’t know much about my story, which is well and consistently documented on the forum (although not in detail in some time so newer members may not know...)

My ex husband is the only man I had children with. He is a big part of their lives and is a loving father. He was a lazy mooch of a husband in the end but he loves the children and is close to them. I do not want them picking up his life habits, as that would not be conducive to their success in life...but that’s another conversation. He and I are on amicable agreeable terms.

I must pay attention to who I decide to allow into my life for the simple reason that a man who spends significant time with me is going to have interactions with my children. His behavior may influence my children due to proximity. Therefore I filter men not only according to my own personal preferences but also I look at the way a man’s presence might influence my kids.

I don’t smoke pot. Never have. I don’t want my kids smoking pot. I turned down pot smoking men all my life, including the man I mentioned.

I’m smart enough to know that if I involve myself with a man who smokes tobacco or smokes pot then I am also involving myself with that bad habit which I want no part of and I do not want to expose my children to it.

Pot affects brain chemistry in young people and can permanently alter brain chemistry in a deleterious way. I’m in research and know the pharmacology well. I’ve educated my kids about the negative outcomes pot smoking can cause...because you rarely hear about it in the media.

Furthermore my son’s lacrosse coach was terminated for testing (+) on a drug test. His school did the right thing in my view. No way I’ll date someone who smokes tobacco, pot, or who has a drug habit. No way I am exposing my kids to that kind of behavior vis a vis my personal relationship.

Maybe you think that’s stodgy. I think it exhibits character, good parenting, correct priorities and solid values.

My kids love their dad but see how he has failed to progress in life. They don’t aspire to be like him. I say nothing. My children all observe it themselves objectively. My 11 year old confided to me recently that she is tired of dad’s constant mess, and of feeling like she has to clean up after him constantly. She wants to live full time with me to escape his disorganization and chaos. She likes order and cleanliness. It’s not her job to parent him & clean up after him...he is supposed to be a responsible adult after all...

But I digress.

So that is why the habits and lifestyle of the man I date is important. It’s not just about me.
 

stormrider

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Focus on what you can give rather than what you can take. Introduce her to a league of extraordinary gentlemen.
 

ShePays

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I find it odd that you’d ask this question. Clearly you don’t know much about my story, which is well and consistently documented on the forum (although not in detail in some time so newer members may not know...)
What's odd about it? I can't read every post...but I do apologize for causing you to repeat yourself.

My ex husband is the only man I had children with. He is a big part of their lives and is a loving father.
Good, good, and good.

He was a lazy mooch of a husband in the end
How so? Did he expect you to pay all the bills, and constantly ask you for money for food, clothes, dry cleaning, gasoline, auto repairs, traffic tickets, legal fees and fines for stupid things you repeatedly warned him against doing, etc, all while complaining about and neglecting basic parenting and simple household chores which even single people are expected to do? If so, welcome to marriage from a man's perspective.

but he loves the children and is close to them.
Excellent!

I do not want them picking up his life habits, as that would not be conducive to their success in life...but that’s another conversation.
Do YOU have any habits you'd prefer not to pass to your children?

He and I are on amicable agreeable terms.
Beautiful! So, he's a loving, involved father, and you and he get along. So, which of you filed for divorce, and why?

I must pay attention to who I decide to allow into my life for the simple reason that a man who spends significant time with me is going to have interactions with my children. His behavior may influence my children due to proximity. Therefore I filter men not only according to my own personal preferences but also I look at the way a man’s presence might influence my kids.
And well you should. However, attempting to over-segregate the men you date from your family takes YOUR time and attention away from your kids, while mommy tries to get her groove on....not to mention the time commuting between their parents' separate households, the parental communication gap created between divorced parents, and so on. You can't have dinner together as a family, because you can't have the men with whom you're having dinner around your children; so, no more family dinners. YOU are actually less involved in your kids' lives BECAUSE their father is no longer a part of the family household. And, (forgive me for stereotyping) you are playing tug-o-war with your children's emotions and futures, not purely out of interest of what's best for them, but out of a power struggle to be the more influential parent.

I don’t smoke pot. Never have. I don’t want my kids smoking pot. I turned down pot smoking men all my life, including the man I mentioned.
That's great. Pot sucks. But, when you mentioned the reasons not to uproot and relocate your kids, you didn't mention their father, and that such a move would, presumably, have an adverse impact on his involvement in their lives.

I’m smart enough to know that if I involve myself with a man who smokes tobacco or smokes pot then I am also involving myself with that bad habit which I want no part of and I do not want to expose my children to it.

Pot affects brain chemistry in young people and can permanently alter brain chemistry in a deleterious way. I’m in research and know the pharmacology well. I’ve educated my kids about the negative outcomes pot smoking can cause...because you rarely hear about it in the media.
It's great that you don't want your kids to smoke pot. What parent does? But, what bad habit/s of YOURS, who undoubtedly considers herself the ONE indispensable part of her children's lives, would you prefer your children not adopt?

Furthermore my son’s lacrosse coach was terminated for testing (+) on a drug test. His school did the right thing in my view. No way I’ll date someone who smokes tobacco, pot, or who has a drug habit. No way I am exposing my kids to that kind of behavior vis a vis my personal relationship.
Was he smoking pot around the kids? Was he a bad coach? Did it affect his performance? Did he speak positively about drug use to the boys? Personally, I had a couple of school officials fired, for advocating for marijuana legalization to the students, but I couldn't have cared less what they did in their own homes, if they'd kept their mouths shut in front of my kids.

Maybe you think that’s stodgy. I think it exhibits character, good parenting, correct priorities and solid values.
I'm pretty sure you'd think I'm "stodgy."

My kids love their dad but see how he has failed to progress in life. They don’t aspire to be like him. I say nothing. My children all observe it themselves objectively. My 11 year old confided to me recently that she is tired of dad’s constant mess, and of feeling like she has to clean up after him constantly. She wants to live full time with me to escape his disorganization and chaos. She likes order and cleanliness. It’s not her job to parent him & clean up after him...he is supposed to be a responsible adult after all...
I'm sure you believe you communicate no negative sentiments about your ex to your children, but that's impossibly absurd. The fact that he is your ex, itself, communicates immeasurable negative feelings. Besides, divorced parents are always reassuring their children that the children aren't to blame. That doesn't leave a whole lot of alternative bad guys. And, the fact that your daughter is comfortable (encouraged?) to express negative sentiments about her father, to you, and that you don't disagree (minimally...giving you the benefit of the doubt) says something. Do you think your children never have negative feelings about you? To whom do they express those feelings?

But I digress.

So that is why the habits and lifestyle of the man I date is important. It’s not just about me.
If the men with whom you have sex is all about your children, why aren't you still married to their father?
 
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What's odd about it? I can't read every post...but I do apologize for causing you to repeat yourself.



Good, good, and good.



How so? Did he expect you to pay all the bills, and constantly ask you for money for food, clothes, dry cleaning, gasoline, auto repairs, traffic tickets, legal fees and fines for stupid things you repeatedly warned him against doing, etc, all while complaining about and neglecting basic parenting and simple household chores which even single people are expected to do? If so, welcome to marriage from a man's perspective.



Excellent!



Do YOU have any habits you'd prefer not to pass to your children?



Beautiful! So, he's a loving, involved father, and you and he get along. So, which of you filed for divorce, and why?



And well you should. However, attempting to over-segregate the men you date from your family takes YOUR time and attention away from your kids, while mommy tries to get her groove on....not to mention the time commuting between their parents' separate households, the parental communication gap created between divorced parents, and so on. You can't have dinner together as a family, because you can't have the men with whom you're having dinner around your children; so, no more family dinners. YOU are actually less involved in your kids' lives BECAUSE their father is no longer a part of the family household. And, (forgive me for stereotyping) you are playing tug-o-war with your children's emotions and futures, not purely out of interest of what's best for them, but out of a power struggle to be the more influential parent.



That's great. Pot sucks. But, when you mentioned the reasons not to uproot and relocate your kids, you didn't mention their father, and that such a move would, presumably, have an adverse impact on his involvement in their lives.



It's great that you don't want your kids to smoke pot. What parent does? But, what bad habit/s of YOURS, who undoubtedly considers herself the ONE indispensable part of her children's lives, would you prefer your children not adopt?



Was he smoking pot around the kids? Was he a bad coach? Did it affect his performance? Did he speak positively about drug use to the boys? Personally, I had a couple of school officials fired, for advocating for marijuana legalization to the students, but I couldn't have cared less what they did in their own homes, if they'd kept their mouths shut in front of my kids.



I'm pretty sure you'd think I'm "stodgy."



I'm sure you believe you communicate no negative sentiments about your ex to your children, but that's impossibly absurd. The fact that he is your ex, itself, communicates immeasurable negative feelings. Besides, divorced parents are always reassuring their children that the children aren't to blame. That doesn't leave a whole lot of alternative bad guys. And, the fact that your daughter is comfortable (encouraged) to express negative sentiments about her father, to you, and that you don't disagree (minimally...giving you the benefit of the doubt) says something. Do you think your children never have negative feelings about you? To whom do they express those feelings?


If the men with whom you have sex is all about your children, why aren't you still married to their father?
Reading her post reminded me of my mom growing up. Any time I did something wrong, she'd say stuff like " you know your dad did that" "your dad smoked weed", "your dad acted like that"
... and in the back of my head I would always think to myself, well you're the one that sucked his d1ck, and let him *** in you. If you didn't want any of his traits rubbing off on me, why did you make a baby with him. Do you know how DNA works

When I got older I realized she had many flaws her self, they were just different from the ones he had
 

YourGreatestFear

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This post is not saying you can’t get hot girls. You totally can. You just have to earn them like anything else as life. Don’t let this post fuel your resentment. If you know you want a specific type of girl, and you don’t want her to play games you have to get to a certain level yourself. So focus on gym, career and grooming and your league can and will increase.

Handsome millionaires don’t get flaked on.
There is indeed a "social status" league, but there is no such thing as "looks league". A college student girl from a poor family can be more physically attractive than a fitness model. And guess what? She, most likely, will **** other guys from her college, guys without status, money or sometimes looks. She will probably **** the guys with the highest status in her college, this status would be gotten by being the loudest, most talkative and confident guy with lots of friends. Anyone who was in uni/college was a witness to it or even experienced it firsthand. If you are 25+ years old guy and come for younger girls then your social league is by default above theirs in most cases. The thing is - the patterns of sexual selection in humans are something that evolved tens thousands of years ago and is not up to times with the modern world. Girls don't consider Elon Musk attractive, in fact, he is a failure with women even though his objective status in the real-world is few leagues above that of average cute girls. Girls are attracted to dominance, confidence, higher-status behavior status and, to a lesser extent, to looks (mostly to face and muscles). They also can consciously choose wealthier guys when searching for the husband. And the whole point of the "game" is how to act like a high-value guy to get girls "above your league" and, in fact, it works. At least the inner game does, I don't really believe in the outer game anymore as it comes from the lower-value frame, but it still better than just accepting that you should go for girls of your own physical attractiveness, which is obviously bull**** and countless people (me included) already proved it by their experience.

And yes, if a handsome millionaire acts like a pu*sy - he will get flaked. And yes, if a handsome millionaire cold approach girls on the street he wouldn't **** vast majority of them. And yes, if he just approaches women and tells them "hello, baby, I'm a millionaire, lets f*ck" he would be considered creepo, not an attractive man, lol.

p.s. WTF, why does the forum about seduction censoring the natural word for sexual intercourse? It isn't a place for 10 years old kids.
 
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BeExcellent

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@ShePays I will respond once I arrive at destination. Headed out on a business trip as per usual.

Much of my story is in the How to Spot a Unicorn thread from several years ago. So feel free to pull that up with the search functions.

Suffice to say I *get* what marriage is like from the typical man’s perspective as described in your post above. Yes I was the sole breadwinner and my ex was that entitled & irresponsible, and I thought it was a bad example on my part to model that for my kids (Being with a mooch & slob).

As far as my bad habits? I’ve had to bust it to support everyone (my ex and my kids). I don’t complain about it and thankfully I’ve been able to provide well for them...but my business requires travel and being away a great deal. But...I provide well for the kids & ex as a result. So I wish I could have been around more over time. That isn’t how life went. My children are very well adjusted & know this.

Read the other thread. I’ll address your questions later this evening.
 

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LARaiders85

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Do YOU have any habits you'd prefer not to pass to your children?
Great Narcississm test question lol. No need to ask though, she said she was.

She deserves respect for coming here to learn how to help her son so I give her a ton of credit for that.
 

corrector

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And yes, if a handsome millionaire acts like a pu*sy - he will get flaked. And yes, if a handsome millionaire cold approach girls on the street he wouldn't **** vast majority of them. And yes, if he just approaches women and tells them "hello, baby, I'm a millionaire, lets f*ck" he would be considered creepo, not an attractive man, lol.
...what about if he says he is broke, unemployed and lives with parents. He would have the same results as the millionaire.
 

oc16

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People are doing you a disservice by telling you that you can get girls of a high status if you yourself are low status. I’m here to inform you that there is a such thing as leagues, and it’s quite possible if she is playing games with you, you ain’t in hers.

Do you honestly think a fitness model is going to date you when you have a beer belly, haven’t seen a gym since high school and work at a shoe store? The answer is f*ck no.
There is nothing wrong with finding your speed and sticking with it. You can say the hell with self improvement, continue to eat donuts for breakfast everyday and just date chubby girls who like donuts for breakfast too, and that’s perfectly ok.


If you want high level women, you have to be a high level man. You have to be fit, you have to have a good career, she has to perceive you as on her level and when you she doesn’t perceive you as on her level this is when you get games, flakes, long text response times, wishy washy behavior. I promise if she sees you as her equal or even better superior to her, all the games stop.

The final paragraph is about a new term I’m coining “sympathy closes”. Sympathy closes are when girls are impressed with your boldness and, or are too nice to tell you get the f*ck away from me, you vessel of mediocrity. So they give you their number, may respond to a few texts here or there and maybe even allow you to schedule a date that she never had intentions of going on. I think a lot of the threads we see here with issues in regards to flakiness, hot & cold behavior are results from getting sympathy closes. If she is aeons above the level of the girls you usually date, there is a very good chance it was a sympathy close. Once you get that idea it’s best to end communications and move on.

What this post is not:
This post is not saying you can’t get hot girls. You totally can. You just have to earn them like anything else as life. Don’t let this post fuel your resentment. If you know you want a specific type of girl, and you don’t want her to play games you have to get to a certain level yourself. So focus on gym, career and grooming and your leauge can and will increase.

Handsome millionaires don’t get flaked on.
I do agree with alot of what you say, but how do you explain all the fairly hot (7-7.5's--not strikingly hot, but def attractive) women in LTR's with guys who are noticeably less attractive than them. Three are women I know personally. These men are all average at best looking and don't have stellar careers.
 

cola

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I do agree with alot of what you say, but how do you explain all the fairly hot (7-7.5's--not strikingly hot, but def attractive) women in LTR's with guys who are noticeably less attractive than them. Three are women I know personally. These men are all average at best looking and don't have stellar careers.
Could be a bunch of things.
A.) he was nice looking and got out of shape/fat
B.) he has assets that you don’t know about
C.) she is using him and he is a cuck
D.) she likes to dominate so she dates down
F.) she’s been cheated on by studs and he is
“safe”

G.) she gave him some p*ssy cause she was horny and he was the closest guy around and he had a big ol country swingin’ d*ck, now she’s hooked.

could be a lot of things but what you described is not the norm.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Well, maybe I should rephrase here. I meant to say that people end up dating and being in relationships with those that they are relatively on par with.

However, I agree with you in that in the not so distant past both men and women were fairly limited in regards to the choices they had in regards to potential partners. It was quite often the norm to marry your high school sweetheart, and if it didn't happen at that point maybe you'd meet that person in college. In today's world there are just so many opportunities out there that are in fact better, I'm not purely referring to relationships but things like career, places to live, travelling, etc.
I don't necessarily agree its "better."

Monogamy is cucked. Its still ideal for children and family. There's a ton of content by molyneux. Its better for optionsoptions and opportunity elsewhere but degenerate. Its a wasteland today.

There's high body count + 1alpha widow scenario and its game over. Promiscuity guarantee divorce and inability to pair bond.

How's pickup going?
 
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