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Finally broke up with bpd gf, her reaction got me down. Just need to vent.

Fela Kuti

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So I finally broke up with her (diagnosed "quiet" BPD) last night after being treated like a stranger for a month (probably I was split black for reasons she didn't know or didn't want to tell me. a new guy is also a possibility). So in a way she broke up with me first, emotionally, and I was just making it official. I was hoping for a sorry look, or at least a hint of sadness. Instead she acted all cold and tough, and after I finished my say she just smiled bitterly and said almost condescendingly along the lines of "see? I told you this would be difficult (relationship with her). all these times I thought you'd get it (referring to her BPD). but it's OK."

I know this is my ego speaking but that reaction kinda got me down. I wasn't expecting her to cry or anything but at least a tiny bit of sympathy or empathy for my sacrifices and patience all these times. Doesn't have to be in words either, her eyes showing that would have been enough. And feeling unappreciated was definitely my biggest disappointment during the relationship. But I should know better than expecting those kinda things from a borderline, no?
 
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Infern0

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So I finally broke up with her (diagnosed "quiet" BPD) last night after being treated like a stranger for a month (probably I was split black for reasons she didn't know or didn't want to tell me. a new guy is also a possibility). So in a way she broke up with me first, emotionally, and I was just making it official. I was hoping for a sorry look, or at least a hint of sadness. Instead she acted all cold and tough, and after I finished my say she just smiled bitterly and said almost condescendingly along the lines of "see? I told you this would be difficult (relationship with her). all these times I thought you'd get it (referring to her BPD). but it's OK."

I know this is my ego speaking but that reaction kinda got me down. I wasn't expecting her to cry or anything but at least a tiny bit of sympathy or empathy for my sacrifices and patience all these times. Doesn't have to be in words either, her eyes showing that would have been enough. And feeling unappreciated was definitely my biggest disappointment during the relationship. But I should know better than expecting those kinda things from a borderline, no?
When my ex bpd who i messed around with for 2 years got dumped by my replacement, she got in her car and drove DIRECTLY to my house, we were in a relationship that night. She took a selfie of herself sucking my **** and sent it to her ex who was by that stage already frantically trying to get her back. I had a lot of disain for this dude because he'd been a ****y jerk when he'd got with her so for a minute i enjoyed her torturing him, but pretty soon i was like "enough is enough"

I had more compassion for this dude i didn't know, who i thought i hated than the girl who'd been his girlfriend 6 hours ago

I'm just giving you a heads up of what might happen. BPD's can turn their feelings off, completley off, it's what they all do in a breakup.

Best is to go no contact, because there's a strong chance she will try and come back in at some stage, either that or if she's particularly sadistic you might get some calls off her while she's getting double teamed by a couple of drug addicts or something like that.

Block, Delete, move forward and don't look back
 
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Baggio86

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Sounds like she might have been pushing you to end it for her.

I smell a Chad in the background...
 

Fela Kuti

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Sounds like she might have been pushing you to end it for her.

I smell a Chad in the background...
I actually confronted her about this. "Can I take it as a hint that you want me to break up with you?" She denied it, of course.
 
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Baggio86

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I actually confronted her about this. "Can I take it as a hint that you want me to break up with you?" She denied it, of course.
Of course she will say that, she will never tell you the truth about it.

I have an ex who I 'think' was bpd, always craving attention, total facebook attention-w***e, lots of guy 'friends', false allegations all the typical bpd stuff, but I don't think she is diagnosed.

Anyway she was cold towards the end, before she decided to go on a mission to try and ruin me lol. I found out afterwards she was banging pretty much every guy she knew... these chicks need constant attention and validation, and if she is not trying to get attention from you, you can bet your arse she is getting it from someone else.
 

Infern0

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I actually confronted her about this. "Can I take it as a hint that you want me to break up with you?" She denied it, of course.
Yeah, no closure, typical.

Its so if she needs to hit you up in the future she can say "well you broke up with me, i didn't want to"
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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That's your problem, you expected it. The only time you will EVER get sympathy from ANYONE is when you truly don't expect it. In fact, don't expect anything from anyone in general. This can be a cruel world sometimes, so never show any vulnerabilities to those who can or will abuse you (which is basically anyone).

Remember, you as a man are alone in this world.

Harden up your heart, and be able to turn it into steel when need be.
 

quizling

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Why are you surprised that BPD acted like a BPD? This was the only possible ending to your relationship.

You knew what she was, and if you read anything on here you should have known how it will end. You also know what you have to do now...
 

Fela Kuti

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Boy is that needy lol. Forget her, block her. She's a flaming loon.
I know but I said it on the night we breakup so it didn't matter, I was gonna dump her anyway lol.

Why are you surprised that BPD acted like a BPD? This was the only possible ending to your relationship.

You knew what she was, and if you read anything on here you should have known how it will end. You also know what you have to do now...
I know, I was in the fog, as they say. And she was on treatment so I thought it might work out.

That's your problem, you expected it. The only time you will EVER get sympathy from ANYONE is when you truly don't expect it. In fact, don't expect anything from anyone in general. This can be a cruel world sometimes, so never show any vulnerabilities to those who can or will abuse you (which is basically anyone).

Remember, you as a man are alone in this world.

Harden up your heart, and be able to turn it into steel when need be.
True, my ego wanted to be fed.
 
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Mauser96

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Erase her from your memory. Go absolute no contact, and as Brad said, thank your lucky starts you are out.
 

fuko2007

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Hey man be glad you are out. It's been over a year for me since I ditched the *****. I'm still dealing with it. Go read some of my old posts and , pairplusroyalflush gave me some good insight so listen to him.

But on another note you will never get the "closure" that a normal person would get from a BPD . So hang that up. I don't know how long y'all have been together but she will come back again. You have to ignore her! She is dead to you.

If you don't and go back to her you will get good sex and good treatment for a little while but it will come right back to this quicker every time you do it. Take it from me , I did it 4 or 5 times.

Next, get rid of anything she have you. Put it up somewhere or throw it away. And most definitely get rid of anything that gives her a reason to contact you. If you need any help you can pm me. I had to see a shrink for a few months to get back right again and he was the one said she is BPD .

But one more thing that always helped me when I was where you are. She is not going to change. You are not the first guy she has done this to and you won't be the last. You might think whoever she is with right now is getting it good and that might be true for the moment but they will meet the same ****ty end. At least you are smart enough to get out.
 

Fela Kuti

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I don't know how long y'all have been together but she will come back again. You have to ignore her! She is dead to you.
everyone says that like it's guaranteed to happen. is it? because she basically lived fine without me for a month, like I didn't exist. and I won't be surprised if she has a new bf anytime soon.
 

Infern0

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everyone says that like it's guaranteed to happen. is it? because she basically lived fine without me for a month, like I didn't exist. and I won't be surprised if she has a new bf anytime soon.
it's not 100% it will happen but it's very, very likely.

After i broke up with mine and she split me black she was saying she was going to marry my replacement, then she started pretending i didn't exist and I had about 3 months of no contact, toward the end of that 3 months i was starting to get over things and starting to move on, and i almost fell off my chair when i looked at my phone and i had 7 missed calls from her in the space of about 5 minutes and a text saying "i thought you loved me, why do you hate me so much, i don't understand"

Needless to say that lead to a further 12 months of "fun" because i still hadn't learned my lesson and i let her back in my life.

So yeah, it will come, might not be tomorrow, might not be next month, in fact it'll probably happen just as you begin to belive it never will.
 
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Asmodeus

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BPD is a terrible mental illness, and there is no cure for insanity. BPD women are emotional parasites. A parasite will never love you. A parasite will only feed off the emotions you give, feed off your time, feed off of your investment into them.
I understand the mind of a parasite.
 

Killakittie

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it's not 100% it will happen but it's very, very likely.

After i broke up with mine and she split me black she was saying she was going to marry my replacement, then she started pretending i didn't exist and I had about 3 months of no contact, toward the end of that 3 months i was starting to get over things and starting to move on, and i almost fell off my chair when i looked at my phone and i had 7 missed calls from her in the space of about 5 minutes and a text saying "i thought you loved me, why do you hate me so much, i don't understand"

Needless to say that lead to a further 12 months of "fun" because i still hadn't learned my lesson and i let her back in my life.

So yeah, it will come, might not be tomorrow, might not be next month, in fact it'll probably happen just as you begin to belive it never will.
I'm struggling with this myself atm. Its a *****.
 

Fela Kuti

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I feel that BPD's are being harshly stigmatized on this forum and basically everywhere though. People need to remember that many of the things they do come from the subconscious as coping mechanisms. It's not like they're out to purposefully hurt you. They're just sick human beings that need help and compassion, although probably it's not us who can provide them.
 

fastlife

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I feel that BPD's are being harshly stigmatized on this forum and basically everywhere though. People need to remember that many of the things they do come from the subconscious as coping mechanisms. It's not like they're out to purposefully hurt you. They're just sick human beings that need help and compassion, although probably it's not us who can provide them.
I feel that codependents are harshly stigmatized on this forum and basically everywhere though. People need to remember that many of the things they do come from the subconscious as coping mechanisms. It's not like they're out to purposely **** themselves over. They're just sick human beings who don't recognize their own value and feel that if they can just help someone else and self-efface enough they'll be able to earn someone else's love.

There were two people in this relationship that need help. Pick one ;)
 
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