Field Report:

[alpha_ash]

Bad boy. NG = nice guy. Makes it easier, and I'm lazy as ****.

Thank you sir!

 

[JohnChops]

damn she said you were "nice" ugh man i hate that fvcking compliment with a passion. Atleast you got some AW b1tch out of the way and one step closer to finding someone more intelligent and cool , always look up man.

 

[Fly By Night]

Lessons learned:

1. Keep booze in the house. Have beer and wine (one red and one white at least) on hand at all times. If there's a storm or the liquor store is closed, you're SOL.

2. Don't let her string you along with the "I'll give him a few kisses here and there" crap. It's just another form of friendzone.

3. Don't forget to lead.

4. No sad movies. Funny or action or romantic/sexual only. Scary is good too.

I highly doubt the fact that you had red wine instead of white was the reason you struck out. Although, it's a good idea to have liquor in reserve at all times.

If you can add in one more, I'd say to escalate. You could have been escalating kino while she was crying or whatever. You got friend zoned pretty hard my friend. I would have told you to go on one more date with her with the full intent of effing at the end but since she clearly pointed out your niceness, she will see right through your efforts.

Nexting would be the best option for your well being.

 

[sageproduct]

You could have been escalating kino while she was crying or whatever.

No, he said he was cuddling with her, trying to kiss her, etc. I agree with the rest of your post though.

 

[VladPatton]

I say good riddance. Who knows what kind of BPD this hoe bag is, and it's better you don't find out. I hate these bratty bıtches who want and want and give nothing but there precious limited time like it's enlightenment from Buddha. Zero quality here.

However you can have some fun for the sake of a field report where you plan this awesome date, let her dress up for it, get there, and 5 minutes into look at your phone and say "damn@ I gotta leave right now!" and you just leave her there. You go ghost after that and let her wonder WTF that was all about. Or drop her # on craigslist lol.

 

[Huffman]

True. I was very weak in the "leading" area. I was too laid back and accommodating.

Hey man, that's my problem as well! I'm usually pretty laid back and relaxed. Chicks dig it but sometimes it makes it hard to escalate (especially in night game I'm not aggressive enough).

I mean I can get my stuff together and "lead" hard, I've done it in the past. But it's just such a nuisance! Why do you have to be "leading" all the time, when it's not really necessary? When at work, or at outdoor activities, I naturally assume the leader role whenever I want to change something.

If this girl is inviting you over and cooking for you, it seemed perfect at the start. There would be no reason to "lead" it to a different direction. I mean, would you whip out some stupid negs in order to demonstrate your "leadership skills"?

Just out of interest: how could you have "led" in this situation? How could you have "laid down the law" when she was crying in bed? I guess you could have intervened early and refused the sad film. Probably could have brought over your own film just in case.

 

[Mike32ct]

Hey man, that's my problem as well! I'm usually pretty laid back and relaxed. Chicks dig it but sometimes it makes it hard to escalate (especially in night game I'm not aggressive enough).

I mean I can get my stuff together and "lead" hard, I've done it in the past. But it's just such a nuisance! Why do you have to be "leading" all the time, when it's not really necessary? When at work, or at outdoor activities, I naturally assume the leader role whenever I want to change something.

If this girl is inviting you over and cooking for you, it seemed perfect at the start. There would be no reason to "lead" it to a different direction. I mean, would you whip out some stupid negs in order to demonstrate your "leadership skills"?

Just out of interest: how could you have "led" in this situation? How could you have "laid down the law" when she was crying in bed? I guess you could have intervened early and refused the sad film. Probably could have brought over your own film just in case.

True. Lead was probably the wrong term. Maybe I could have been a bit more aggressive with the kino, but the crying thing wasn't something I was used to.

For the most part, I was being laid back because it was HER place, HER idea, HER movie, etc.

Anyway, lesson learned. Thanks guys.

Also, special thanks to Floyd for his deep insights into the mindsets of these crazy AWs.

 

[Mike32ct]

Yo Mike man I enjoy reading your FRs, so I thought I'd give you my insight into your scenario. I didn't read the rest of the replies, I only read your original post...so sorry if there is any duplication.

Thanks you. I really appreciate it. Field reports are fun to write. My latest one is in sageproduct's NYE thread, which you probably saw. Nothing special happened, but I posted anyway.

So, she seemed DTF when she invited you over. To me, it sounds like you wanted to turn a ho into a housewife. She invited you over to bang, and you went over trying to be all cute and boyfriendy. Girls lookin for d!ck don't want to cuddle and watch foreign movies.

Yes, I know exactly what you are saying. I'll discuss it more below...

I think your first mistake was giving away your intentions too early...the initial kiss attempt at the front door. She wanted a guy to come over, play the bad boy role of having other options and not being too easy..and then when drinking a glass or two of wine getting loose enough to let that same bad boy pump n dump.

An alternate scenario is that she simply wanted your attention and had her evening planned out well before you came over. Perhaps she was AWing and just wanted some free alcohol from you...(notice how when you didn't bring her exact type of alcohol the dynamic kind of shifted).

Either way, you can't with them all. Seems like you're detached from this woman and it didn't really matter the outcome, which is good. But it's a good learning experience: even when women seem DTF they can flip the script in a matter of seconds...we do live in a fem-centric world after all. Keep up the sarge though bro.

I was confused about whether to play the boyfriend-ly role or the short term F bad boy role.

Things that point to boyfriendly role being more appropriate:

1. It was like date 4.
2. Over the past few dates, she's asked a lot of LTR type questions about my job, house, life, etc.
3. It wasn't just the movie that had her crying. She was talking in depth about her family and sick father and other stuff like that.
4. She had candles lit which added to a romantic setting.
5. She was fascinated that her cat really liked me. (Some chicks use their animal to screen guys. It sounds silly, but they really watch how Fido or Fluffy reacts to a possible LTR guy. I don't think they care what the animal thinks about ONS guys, as long as the dog doesn't want to maul them lol.)
6. Telling me I was everything she would look for, except the bad boy thing.

Things that point to DTF short term role:

1. The text message "We'll have fun together in the snow"
2. Movie date at her place.
3. Mentioning that she has a "wild past."

Ultimately, yes, I overplayed my boyfriend provider card too much. I should have been a bit more aggressive, but it was good learning.

 

[floydb25]

Never be fooled by #2. Hoes do this all the time. This just confuses the **** out of you. Its basically just a "get to know eachother and seem semi-decent so I dont seem like a complete *****" kind of deal. Hoes delude themselves, and try to get others into believing they're not hoes all time. ALL THE TIME. It always starts off semi-decent and normal. Dont fall for this, and enter relationship mode - thinking she's all quality nice guy marriage fun time.

Short-term hoes also dont know the difference between love and infatuation; sex and relationships. So, they'll be talking about all this marriage-type ****, you're the best thing ever, the only thing on their mind, blah blah. But when you dont give them the **** or excite them right away - all of that **** goes out the window. You're nothing to them.

But inbetween all the bull**** they say / you perceive - they're really just dumb, shallow skanks looking for **** and excitement. Or exciting ****.

If you got past the "acceptance" stage - and there's really only one way to do this, since they're hoes - you'd find out what was really up. They'd be all about the ****, excitement, drama, etc. They're not into all of that lovey dovey LTR ****. They're just really STUPID, and think **** is love. Thats why they're always talking too much, making demands, whining and crying about this and that... Always screeching and ****.

Even if you kept pestering her, or she gave you more chances because you were "hot", or whatever. She'd still be all about the ****, saying you're not exciting enough, she needs more ****, can never get enough ****. **** in the car, **** in the kitchen, **** in the shower, **** in her nose. **** here, **** there, **** everywhere.

Damn hoes.

 

[sageproduct]

Well Mike, it seems like regardless of what you "play", you're typically seen as the boyfriend type because that's more in tune with your personality. I've found that even with girls that I thought I was acting really alpha/dominant with, they STILL told me things like "you seem really nice" and stuff.

Also I forgot to comment on the kiss upon greeting thing - I'm not really familiar with that, is it a common gesture in your area? I know many Latin Americans do it, but was there a particular reason you tried to kiss her right away?

 

[Mike32ct]

Well Mike, it seems like regardless of what you "play", you're typically seen as the boyfriend type because that's more in tune with your personality. I've found that even with girls that I thought I was acting really alpha/dominant with, they STILL told me things like "you seem really nice" and stuff.
It is defintely my personality and look to be more the bf type. I'll never look like or be a bad boy. The most I can do (and probably should do) is be a bit more aggressive and still play the cards I have. A bf type can still score here and there. It's just not optimal.

Also I forgot to comment on the kiss upon greeting thing - I'm not really familiar with that, is it a common gesture in your area? I know many Latin Americans do it, but was there a particular reason you tried to kiss her right away?

Great question. No, it's not a common gesture in my area. I did it to show confidence. On a first date, I recommend that a guy does a greeting hug at a minimum. Or if her interest level is high maybe a quick cheek kiss as a greeting. Then doing a real kiss later is easier. Plus it was like date 4, so a greeting kiss is no big deal.

 

[SgtSplacker]

This is the worst thing about dating right here. If I spent time with a woman that means I am interested...

100%

No confusion.

If she's willing... IT's ON!

But women have more than one reason to spend time with guys:

validation

free stuff (food, drink, gifts, rides, whatever)

company (some girls don't really keep female friends, most dudes have male friends)

This is why it's important to be a little aggressive and basically force her to reject you.

 

[Huffman]

But women have more than one reason to spend time with guys:

validation

free stuff (food, drink, gifts, rides, whatever)

company (some girls don't really keep female friends, most dudes have male friends)

True that. One female friend of mine (who is intentionally just a friend) actually told me straight out "girls are always *****y and talking behind each other's back... most guys are much nicer". Huh, I guess that's one way to look at it.

 

[Mike32ct]

True that. One female friend of mine (who is intentionally just a friend) actually told me straight out "girls are always *****y and talking behind each other's back... most guys are much nicer". Huh, I guess that's one way to look at it.

I've heard this from several girls. Even in the workplace, I've heard women say they would rather work for or with men for the same reason.