Field report: girl on long distance relationship calls while I'm out for dinner with a plate

[CaptainFenix]

Hey guys I need your input on how to proceed with this:

I have been dating a girl for 1 month, the sex is amazing and we have a great time when we hang out. But now she went to germany for 3 months to be with her family etc. I'm in Portugal, so we have been talking about visiting each other every month once per month during these 3 months and we keep regular contact on the phone etc, but nothing too clingy. She said that she would not behave like a single anymore, I answered:

"I would like to see how things develop between us... And it wouldnt make sense to me being with anyone else while im exploring a possibility of a future with you" which in effect put us in a long distance relationship.

Then yesterday, while I was out walking my dog I met a lovely canadian tourist, we chatted and she invited me for dinner, I accepted, as there would be no harm in just socializing.

While I'm at the dinner, my german girls calls me on the phone. I had 2 options, either excuse myself from the table and pickup the phone to speak with her outside the restaurant or not pick up. I decided to not pickup and the following texts ensued:


[20:26, 1/6/2022] JBS: Babe im having dinner with friends, can we talk another time?
[20:27, 1/6/2022] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: Yes sure. Enjoy
[07:51, 1/7/2022] JBS: Hey babe,are you alright? Did something happened last night?
[07:51, 1/7/2022] JBS: Are you leaving the alps?
[08:33, 1/7/2022] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: No everything is fine. Yes.
[08:50, 1/7/2022] JBS: Dont you need to quarantine in place?
[09:08, 1/7/2022] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: No
[09:41, 1/7/2022] JBS: So what is your plan? Goong back to germany and quranteening there? Should we call later today?
[09:49, 1/7/2022] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: Yes. No I needed you yesterday. I don’t want to talk to you. Give me a bit time.
[10:15, 1/7/2022] JBS: Well you said "enjoy"...
[10:16, 1/7/2022] JBS: when I asked if we could speak another time... why didn't say you needed me? I could have excused myself from the dinner and talk with you outside the restaurant...
[10:20, 1/7/2022] JBS: Sorry babe for any misunderstanding... but I started the new job this week which has been very intense, then I got invited to a dinner with some friends, and I didn't socialize in a while so I needed it. I dont think I did anything wrong... would you have prefered if I had picked up your call in the middle of the dinner? I wasnt able to give you proper attention, thats why I asked if we could speak another time... if you had said "no, i really need to speak with you now", I would have gone out of the restaurant to speak with you...

So what is your take on this guys? Did I do everything right? What is happening behind the scenes here? I would love some feedback
Thanks mates

 

[Genetic Error]

Need a lot of work lol

 

[2Rocky]

Don't hash it over too much. FWIW when I had an LDR there was a set time we would connect each night. If I had a dinner or something going on with my kids, I'd tell her...Can't talk tonight.

For now let her be mad...you gotta set a boundary and don't cave like your final text. If she doesn't get over it on her own, well that is a risk you take when you spin plates. she's gotta get instep with you not the other way round...

 

[jimwho]

Then yesterday, while I was out walking my dog I met a lovely canadian tourist, we chatted and she invited me for dinner, I accepted, as there would be no harm in just socializing.

I'M JEALOUS!
Turn your phone to "OFF" goes straight to voicemail. And leave it in the car.

 

[Don Dark Horse]

Don't explain yourself, like in that final text. It won't change wether she is mad at you or not. Also, don't double text. Can be hard sometimes, and I still make that error now and then.

I agree with 2rocky here:

FWIW when I had an LDR there was a set time we would connect each night. If I had a dinner or something going on with my kids, I'd tell her...Can't talk tonight.

I did a similar thing when I had a LDR. She must get used to not being able to reach you when you cannot speak. It is simply part of the program.

For now, don't text or respond to her. Put her on ice for a bit to cool off.

 

[CaptainFenix]

Thanks for all your input guys, some valuable stuff there.

Don't explain yourself, like in that final text. Also, don't double text.

For now, don't text or respond to her. Put her on ice for a bit to cool off.

For now let her be mad...you gotta set a boundary and don't cave like your final text. If she doesn't get over it on her own, well that is a risk you take when you spin plates. she's gotta get instep with you not the other way round...

Some gold nuggets right here. My last 2 texts were definitely caving and losing frame because I was feeling guilty (I ended up hooking up with the canadian girl after dinner), and I didnt want to lose my main girl... I shouldn't have sent those 2 texts, double texting is an attraction killer and makes you look needy, instead of strong, aloof and like you couldnt care less if you lose her, because there you're supposed to be in demand and have a queue of girls who wish they were with you (that should be the mindset at least, event if it's not always true, girls can sense that and are attracted to that frame, right?).

A quick update, I ignored her, for a 2 days, then she sent me a message asking if I had time to call on the phone, I think I regained frame and I kept it light and casual, non of us mentioned me not picking up the phone or anything related to that night, she must have realized I wouldn't tolerate much of that type of inquisitive behavior and she would just look bad if she made a big deal about me having dinner with friends.

We spoke about other unrelated stuff, I inserted some ****y and funny remarks, put her on a good mood, made her laugh a bit, turned her on a bit, then I hung up on a high note, to let her with that feeling of wanting more...

So things seem to be back on track, she sent me today a whatsapp picture of her alone in the sofa at home saying

"want to have you next to me on the sofa…
I want you with me!"

Let's see how things go... she is still in germany for another 2 months, so I'm not sure if the LDR will survive.. but let's see, I will keep spinning plates, to keep the right mindset, so I don't lose my confidence or become too needy. Best way to avoid the oneitis syptoms, right fellows?

I'M JEALOUS!
Turn your phone to "OFF" goes straight to voicemail. And leave it in the car.

Yeah, good tip. Leaving my phone on off or airplane mode, would probably had been a smart move while I'm with another plate.. in that way I don't even need to justify why I didn't pick up my phone if any other ones call me... the next day if they ask, I just say I was having dinner with friends and my battery must have died... You can't really be blamed for not being there for a girl when she wants to talk on the phone, if you are not even reachable... I dont need to be available 24/7

Should I visit her in germany? Or maybe try to convince her to visit me? Or just leave it as is, and see her in 2 months?

 

[CaptainFenix]

She triggered your abandonment issues by being totally ok with you going out lol. You acted guilty, pushy, and neurotic in your texts.

Thanks for the eye opener, I did act guilty, pushy and neurotic didn't I? I needed to hear that, so I will avoid it in the future

 

[DonJuanjr]

I would assume she's getting her pusssy stretched out by someone over there in that three month timeframe.

 

[Bethatsocialguy]

How old are you both? She basically gave you a **** test and checked to see if you were going to accept her bull**** and you ended up apologising for no reason. It made you look weak and in the wrong when you were not.

 

[derby1]

Thanks for all your input guys, some valuable stuff there.

Patrice O Neal = "Always be prepared to lose a b*tch"

Im not suggesting you tell her to leave, but everyone of your messages told her not to leave

 

[CaptainFenix]

How old are you both? She basically gave you a **** test and checked to see if you were going to accept her bull**** and you ended up apologising for no reason. It made you look weak and in the wrong when you were not.

Im 35, she is 32. Im aware she was giving me a shyt test the next day by sending me those cold passive aggressive texts... but the situation is a bit more complex. She caught covid just 2 days prior and was all alone in Austria, she went there to work as a ski instructor for the winter season, on top of that she had broken up with the ex 3 months before me and her met. And I know he was being a beta and trying to get back with her, constantly texting her and calling her, to the point that she told him that she has met someone new (ME), and didnt want to speak with him anymore... so I knew that if she was feeling pretty lonely and if I didn't text her the next day, there would be a big chance that she would cave and start talking to the ex again... I didnt want that because he is in germany and she was going back there, so if I "wasn't there for her" during these lonely days, she could easily open up to the ex's approach attempts....

Patrice O Neal = "Always be prepared to lose a b*tch"

Im not suggesting you tell her to leave, but everyone of your messages told her not to leave

I know, and I manage to have that mindset with most, but with this one, I really wanna try and see if we can have a family together and that whole thing. She ticks all the boxes that I was looking for in a girl: hot, independent, smart, fun to hang out, amazing conversations, not a gold digger (doesnt get upset to splitting bills, or to pick up the bill occasionally), blond with blue eyes (I would love to have kids with someone like that because Im blond too etc). Im still very much in control and I would be fine if I lost her, and I think she senses this, but at the same time I want to convey that I am indeed trying for real with her.

After she left for her 3 months away, she started conveying similar intentions she sent these 2 messages in December right after leaving:


HER: I am looking forward to our first night together after our abstinence
HER: so well I don’t like to meet someone else. You are in mind and I feel happy with that thought.
And I hope that we can get to know each other a little bit more before we start having a family
ME: Does that mean what i think it means?
HER: Well it means that I don’t behave like a single anymore

And after this, we spoke on the phone and agreed to make STDs tests so we could stop using a condom when she got back, so anwering to @DonJuanjr

I would assume she's getting her pusssy stretched out by someone over there in that three month timeframe.

I dont think she is, and after reading your message I actually decided to bluntly put it out there and sent these messages:

"[08:39, 1/9/2022] JBS: Good morning babe, im heading to lisbon today.
You feeling better from the covid? Tomorrow you end your quarantine if negative, right? Are you booking the other tests too?
I wanted to check exactly what you meant by "i dont behave like a single anymore", we are both exclusive, right? Because its no use making the tests if youre going to be with other people... We are both doing abstinence until we see each other again, correct? Just putting it out there clearly, so we are on the same page

[08:49, 1/9/2022] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: Good Morning ,
yes I feel a bit better every day.
Yes tomorrow I am going to do a test and see what’s the result. If it’s negative I am going to do the tests.
Sure there is no sense in a one sided relationship and I do the test and I am not going to have sex with other people after. Of course that’s the sense behind it all right. That we are safe when we have sex without a condom.
The point for me was just because you where saying even when you are in a relationship you don’t know what the other person is doing. So I was confused about your words…

[08:52, 1/9/2022] JBS: Great that youre feeling better. And even greater that we are on the same page i didnt wanted to be the only one doing abstinence... Wouldnt be right, so great that we cleared that out .. lets wait for each other then, it wont be easy, because i already miss being with you... "

So, fellas, I would assume she wont be fkcing around until we meet again, and I would assume that her interest level is back up. Is it safe to assume that?

 

[Don Dark Horse]

So, fellas, I would assume she wont be fkcing around until we meet again, and I would assume that her interest level is back up. Is it safe to assume that?

Assume - making an "ass" out of "u" and "me"

 

[CaptainFenix]

Assume - making an "ass" out of "u" and "me"

I don't get it, you think she is making an ass out of me and that she will indeed be riding other c0cks while away? ...well I did hook up with the canadian girl before clearing up if we were exclusive or not... but now I wasnt going to hook up with any more girls, I would still socialize and practice game but I wasn't going to have Sechs... I thought that would be fair and respectful, you think I'm kidding myself to believe that she will avoid sechs too?

 

[Don Dark Horse]

I don't get it, you think she is making an ass out of me and that she will indeed be riding other c0cks while away? ...well I did hook up with the canadian girl before clearing up if we were exclusive or not... but now I wasnt going to hook up with any more girls, I would still socialize and practice game but I wasn't going to have Sechs... I thought that would be fair and respectful, you think I'm kidding myself to believe that she will avoid sechs too?

Yes.

Wear a condom. Rember this, when you allow for her birth control do the work, you step into her frame. She holds the power. You rely on her to make sure she takes her pill every day. Also you put yourself in danger of STDs, since you have no proof she isn't fokking other men. She only has her word. Heck, she could be raw dogging it with you and getting it with a condom from other men. Who knows.

But I also wonder what some of the masters have to say about it. I am looking at this through my own lens.

 

[derby1]

Im 35, she is 32. Im aware she was giving me a shyt test the next day by sending me those cold passive aggressive texts... but the situation is a bit more complex. She caught covid just 2 days prior and was all alone in Austria, she went there to work as a ski instructor for the winter season, on top of that she had broken up with the ex 3 months before me and her met. And I know he was being a beta and trying to get back with her, constantly texting her and calling her, to the point that she told him that she has met someone new (ME), and didnt want to speak with him anymore... so I knew that if she was feeling pretty lonely and if I didn't text her the next day, there would be a big chance that she would cave and start talking to the ex again... I didnt want that because he is in germany and she was going back there, so if I "wasn't there for her" during these lonely days, she could easily open up to the ex's approach attempts....



I know, and I manage to have that mindset with most, but with this one, I really wanna try and see if we can have a family together and that whole thing. She ticks all the boxes that I was looking for in a girl: hot, independent, smart, fun to hang out, amazing conversations, not a gold digger (doesnt get upset to splitting bills, or to pick up the bill occasionally), blond with blue eyes (I would love to have kids with someone like that because Im blond too etc). Im still very much in control and I would be fine if I lost her, and I think she senses this, but at the same time I want to convey that I am indeed trying for real with her.

After she left for her 3 months away, she started conveying similar intentions she sent these 2 messages in December right after leaving:


HER: I am looking forward to our first night together after our abstinence
HER: so well I don’t like to meet someone else. You are in mind and I feel happy with that thought.
And I hope that we can get to know each other a little bit more before we start having a family
ME: Does that mean what i think it means?
HER: Well it means that I don’t behave like a single anymore

And after this, we spoke on the phone and agreed to make STDs tests so we could stop using a condom when she got back, so anwering to @DonJuanjr

I dont think she is, and after reading your message I actually decided to bluntly put it out there and sent these messages:

"[08:39, 1/9/2022] JBS: Good morning babe, im heading to lisbon today.
You feeling better from the covid? Tomorrow you end your quarantine if negative, right? Are you booking the other tests too?
I wanted to check exactly what you meant by "i dont behave like a single anymore", we are both exclusive, right? Because its no use making the tests if youre going to be with other people... We are both doing abstinence until we see each other again, correct? Just putting it out there clearly, so we are on the same page

[08:49, 1/9/2022] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: Good Morning ,
yes I feel a bit better every day.
Yes tomorrow I am going to do a test and see what’s the result. If it’s negative I am going to do the tests.
Sure there is no sense in a one sided relationship and I do the test and I am not going to have sex with other people after. Of course that’s the sense behind it all right. That we are safe when we have sex without a condom.
The point for me was just because you where saying even when you are in a relationship you don’t know what the other person is doing. So I was confused about your words…

[08:52, 1/9/2022] JBS: Great that youre feeling better. And even greater that we are on the same page i didnt wanted to be the only one doing abstinence... Wouldnt be right, so great that we cleared that out .. lets wait for each other then, it wont be easy, because i already miss being with you... "

So, fellas, I would assume she wont be fkcing around until we meet again, and I would assume that her interest level is back up. Is it safe to assume that?

you seem an intelligent guy but you are making the fundumental mistake of catching the "madonna ***** complex"

you are adjusting your operations for the girl you think is "the one" this is counter intuitive, you should keep the same behaviour as if she is your annoying little sister

lastly " her tongue is her sword and she never lets it rust"

she is selling you the good girl card, there is no such thing as a good girl. she is basically doing her own PR stunt on you, and you are lapping it up. her value is going up in your mind every word she says.

Im not suggesting she is not a good partner, but best believe she is exploring other c*ck,

you should act indifference to this, and quit all the pillow talk about STD tests/ and the future.

you should also lower your comms, for a woman who is not giving you sex. she must feel your limited time, or she will appreciate nothing at all

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The second you started explaining yourself you lost.

 

[Thor’s hammer]

I don't get it, you think she is making an ass out of me and that she will indeed be riding other c0cks while away? ...well I did hook up with the canadian girl before clearing up if we were exclusive or not... but now I wasnt going to hook up with any more girls, I would still socialize and practice game but I wasn't going to have Sechs... I thought that would be fair and respectful, you think I'm kidding myself to believe that she will avoid sechs too?

It was her who brought up being exclusive? I see no reason to doubt her. You might be a bit too insecure here. If she has other men, then fine, she was not who she presented herself to be. It is up to you if want to meet other women while she is away. You might feel guilty afterwards if she turns out to be loyal and good companion. However, a word of warning must be given to you: most women don’t want men who they are really interested in to view them as sluts. That is the reason they might tell that they have not been with a man for x months or something similar.

If you decide not to use condom then yes, there is a chance that she won’t take her pill and gets pregnant. However, most women do not get pregnant on purpose unless they really want to have a child with the man.

In general with women, collect data: observe her behavior with other men. Listen if the things she tells you are logical and if a story about something changes. Watch closely her facial and bodily expressions. These are the things which reveal if she is being honest with you.


What comes to your texting, it is better to give her space when she is mad. It might take few days for her to cool down but in the end it is better option than to become desperate and apologize for not answering a phone. You are not responsible to be available 24/7 for her. Like someone already said, have a time when you call and let her know if you can’t stay on phone early.

 

[Bethatsocialguy]

I think this situation is much more simple than you think.

1. The fact you met another girl and went to dinner with her shows you still want to play the field a bit which is completely fine. In fact, I encourage my clients to do that if you are not in a serious relationship. As soon as this current girl went long distance, the dynamics changed and therefore you had to adjust.

2. You had an "argument" with your girl. It was an unnecessary conversation that didn´t need to be had.

3. You guys texted each other about it which is not the best way to communicate. It increase risk of not understanding each others point of view.

4. Accepting her argument as she had no leg to stand on was a mistake. Not having that confrontation because it is the easier think to do is a mistake. If your girl can´t respect you, then you can´t be attracted to you. Avoiding confrontation and not having firm boundaries is a sure way to get the girl to lose respect for you. Most guys let girls get away with a lot. Standing your ground separates you from the others and gives you an edge.

5. " I shouldn't have sent those 2 texts, double texting is an attraction killer and makes you look needy, " - Correct. You said. If you feel guilty after smashing another girl, the worst thing you can do is text your main girl because you are going to make a mistake. Give it time and wait. You dont have to reply to anyone straight away and in fact, I would argue that not replying quickly and going off the radar for a short time can get the girls to chase and therefore keep attraction alive

6. " She caught covid just 2 days prior and was all alone in Austria, she went there to work as a ski instructor for the winter season " - very unfortunate but she made the decision to go there and do that so you dont have any obligation to constantly be by your phone.

7. If the ex is trying to get with her and she has that door open for him to contact her, I would question if she is fully over this person. If she really didnt want to get back together with him and move on (maybe focus on the future with you) she would block him from her life and not reply at all. If you are too alpha with her, she may revert back to her ex because it is "easy" so make sure you arent too aggressive with your approach but stay in the leader position.

8. If you dont know if she is smashing other guys, it is a little worrying because usually you can tell if the girl is into you enough not to disrespect you like that.

I hope that helps in some way. It is a little difficult to see other people´s messages as well as your replies! I am also new to this platform and offering free advice at the moment but I do help guys for a living!

 

[CaptainFenix]

Wow im blown away by many of your guys golden input. Some solid stuff here. Anyway ive been away for a few days to another city for work and the following texts ensued with my long distance girl:

[1/9, 17:04] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: Do we want to call later?

[1/9, 17:27] JBS: I would love to but I haven't arrived yet, and when I arrive i will have to go get my motorbike snd i still need to record an audio for a radio station which deadline is tomorrow... And then i will be at my friends place for dinner and catching up... So i wouldnt have much time to talk today hun, i could maybe do a quick talk if there is something urgent you want to share with me, if not another day i would have more time to give you

[1/9, 18:06] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: Okay no worries - if you are busy I understand.
I wish you much power for your radio recording and a good evening with your friends.

[1/10, 08:15] JBS: Good morning babe i managed to send the radio audio yesterday now im going to have a very busy day in lisbon today, but lets aim to talk at the end of the day? Let me know if youre negative later

[1/10, 12:10] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: Hey good morning ,
wow that’s very good. Have a good day!
Yes we can maybe talk later. I will not do the test today I still feel pain and I want it to be negative, so I wait for one more day.

[1/11, 11:33] JBS: So... Are you negative?

[1/11, 14:56] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: Is it all about if I am negative or how I feel?
Sorry this shows at least no empty at all.
[1/11, 14:57] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: Empathy!

[1/11, 15:32] JBS: yesterday we were supposed to talk on the phone... But ended up not talking, i guessed you werent in the mood. And now i decided to quickly touch base and ask about the test results because u were doing them today. if you were negative it was implied that you were better...
Anyway i think you are exaggerating in your reaction, of course i care about you and how you are feeling... im working now and and can call you later when im on the bus to lagos

[1/11, 15:48] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: If my feelings are hurt because of the way you behave I am not exaggerating. I am telling you that you hurt me. And if you can’t deal with emotions I am not the one who will stop being emotional that you can continue your plan without disturbance.
I was waiting for you to call me because I am not the one who was too busy.
Sorry but I will not accept the way you behave and speak to me. This is not an arguing game this is about personal growth which includes to questioning the own behaviour in order to change rather than choosing the easy way to calming down the ego by shifting the guilt away from oneself.

[1/11, 15:53] JBS: Lets talk later
[1/11, 18:08] JBS: Im in the bus now, call me

I tried calling her before sending that last message, she didnt pick up. She is clearly acting like she is mad for something i did, even though i did t do anything (i think)... It might just be that the distance is killing her interest level.. or what do you guys think? How would you guys approach this from here? No contact until she caves or next?

 

[derby1]

I tried calling her before sending that last message, she didnt pick up. She is clearly acting like she is mad for something i did, even though i did t do anything (i think)... It might just be that the distance is killing her interest level.. or what do you guys think? How would you guys approach this from here? No contact until she caves or next?

1)you are a little cold in your replies, almost come across as monotone.......perhaps something to work on?(dont apologise for it)

2) she would quite frankly do my head in, shes as needy as hell and speaking to you like you are in a LTR/engagement. She is giving off the kind of vibe a woman gives, when she dumps you but is disgusted if you try and move on.

She is expecting way to much for someone who has left your life.