Field Report - asked bank teller out.

[Luke Skywalker]

After I deposited the money, I asked her out for lunch, she was on the spot, and told me she only has 30 minute lunch breaks as an excuse. I then claimed that I asked her out to look at her reaction and joking with her and didn't really mean it. Don't know what to make on that. I was just practising, not really interested.

 

[619joe]

Um what do you mean?You asked her out on the spot while shes at work dude.Maybe she doesnt really want to socialize with a guy while at work?Maybe she likes to get prepped up more before going to lunch?Or maybe she just wants to eat in peace and just isnt attracted to you?

Why would you joke around and tell her you only did that to look at her reaction?Its like a little kid telling the other kid while failing to steal the other kids toy "Oh I didnt mean it,I just wanted to play with it a bit".You obviously MEANT to ask her out so no reason to be an AFC and admit to your loss.

You should have followed up with a # close or get her name atleast and told her if you guys could hang out when shes not working.

 

[ChrizZ]

After I deposited the money, I asked her out for lunch, she was on the spot, and told me she only has 30 minute lunch breaks as an excuse. I then claimed that I asked her out to look at her reaction and joking with her and didn't really mean it. Don't know what to make on that. I was just practising, not really interested.

Good job Luke!

Next time don't lie to yourself though.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

You should have followed up with a # close or get her name atleast and told her if you guys could hang out when shes not working.

What good will that do? If she was really interested, then she wouldn't have taken my gesture that literal and excuse herself out of it. I don't have a 'confidence level' to entertain women being interested in me, so if I ask someone out, that's really taking a big risky step that's out of character since it's assumed they are not interested, so I wont have to deal with anything if someone were to really call my bluff.

In a partial sence I'm not 100% sincere asking her out. Let's face it:
1) I'm anxious around women and wont know how to act if I were hanging out around her.
2) I'm so much into solitary activities and my Real-Estate business that I don't hang out with people or care to do so as it's easy to get my mind occupied on many things.
3) There is a bit of fun involved in putting someone you don't know on a spot like that to guage their reaction. It almost doesn't even seem that serious and is a flirtatious attempt.

Am I really lying to myself or that's an AFC move?

Or maybe it's AFC because it's coming from me. If we were going ****y-funny here, then depending on the tone on which I said that, I could have been putting the joke back on her. After all, I don't know her well enough or have seen her frequently enough, or even have a rapport with her to have provided a context for that, it was really a statement hurled out of nowhere.

This is a field report however, because, it's still an attempt to make a connection with someone.
I think a minute amount of game is involved, because I could be lying, but I could be telling the truth too, so she's not 100% sure either if I really meant that or if I was just evoking a response. From what I understand, flirting, teasing, or whatever is all about evoking a response on someone.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You have to build rapport first, Luke. A banking transaction is typically not enough time, or at least the odds are stacked against you. The other problem with hitting on women who are working like that is that they often feel that they have to be polite to you as part of their job. It's not impossible to game them, but at the same time, they are usually not the paths of least resistance.

I don't know about Canada, but real estate investors here in the US typically spend a lot of time in the county courthouse. If that is your element - it can be a great place to meet women. For a suit-wearing lawyer to pick up a girl in a courthouse, it's just too easy. It could be the same for you - run into a sweet young thing trying to do her own lien search or research a property, and she will be very happy to talk to you. Then you built a little rapport - then you go for the number. After you get it, you leave, wait a day or so, and then call her to meet again, with the premise being that you can talk more about real estate. If you want a date to go well with a woman, don't call it a "date." Don't use the phrase "take you out." Always make a woman wonder if you like her, because as soon as she knows for sure that you do, then you become boring.

 

[DismantleRepair]

Bible_Belt is right. You have to build rapport first. You say yourself that she was on the spot. She was probably on the spot because you put here there by suddenly asking if she was free.

For short encounters such as these, it may be better to build rapport over a couple of visits. Flirt a bit the first time, make yourself as memorable as possible. Come back half a week later and see if she remembers you, and see how she reacts to you. If the interest level is sufficient, then make a move.

Oh, and I wouldn't recommend asking her out if there's a queue behind you, it'll just make her tense because you're holding up the line.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Well at least it seems that it's somewhat common sence to build a rapport first, however, the problem with me is that I can not build any rapport because I don't even have a mental concept of building rapport with a total stranger and tend to be cut to the chase because the rapport concepts seems retarded with me unless it's natural.

It seems to me that you have to say something retarded, out of character, to hopefully try to get her to laugh and not see you as a retarded clowny AFC, otherwise you are feining some sort of act that's not you by learning some abstract lines and script that would work on a bank teller -- otherwise it's just some lame half-a$$ effort that will just bounce right off and reak of "do you want to be my friend because I dont have a life and no attractive girl wants to go out with me, do you want to be the first?" - which really makes it hopeless.

 

[MacAvoy]

Luke let me the first to give you mad props for at least approaching and asking her out. You've got more balls than 75% of the people on this site including me. I remember last year there was this teller that kept smilin at me, I wanted to ask her out but made excuses like she knew I had a g/f, she knew exactly how much money I had blah blah blah.

You've overcome the first and hardest hurdle. Now what you need to do, is keep doin that a few more times till you get comfortable. Then you can start working on your self confidence and start implementing what the previous posters are talking about.

Remember one step at a time bro.

 

[JackPrescott]

What good will that do? If she was really interested, then she wouldn't have taken my gesture that literal and excuse herself out of it. I don't have a 'confidence level' to entertain women being interested in me, so if I ask someone out, that's really taking a big risky step that's out of character since it's assumed they are not interested, so I wont have to deal with anything if someone were to really call my bluff.

In a partial sence I'm not 100% sincere asking her out. Let's face it:
1) I'm anxious around women and wont know how to act if I were hanging out around her.
2) I'm so much into solitary activities and my Real-Estate business that I don't hang out with people or care to do so as it's easy to get my mind occupied on many things.
3) There is a bit of fun involved in putting someone you don't know on a spot like that to guage their reaction. It almost doesn't even seem that serious and is a flirtatious attempt.

Am I really lying to myself or that's an AFC move?

Or maybe it's AFC because it's coming from me. If we were going ****y-funny here, then depending on the tone on which I said that, I could have been putting the joke back on her. After all, I don't know her well enough or have seen her frequently enough, or even have a rapport with her to have provided a context for that, it was really a statement hurled out of nowhere.

This is a field report however, because, it's still an attempt to make a connection with someone.
I think a minute amount of game is involved, because I could be lying, but I could be telling the truth too, so she's not 100% sure either if I really meant that or if I was just evoking a response. From what I understand, flirting, teasing, or whatever is all about evoking a response on someone.

Now if this particular teller was overly friendly, and slightly flirtatious while she was doing the transaction, and you ask her out, thats one thing. But asking her out simply because you are attracted? Bonehead move.

Bottom line, if a woman wants to be with you, she will find excuses to do that. If she doesnt want to be with you "I only have 30 minutes for lunch"

 

[Bible_Belt]

Well at least it seems that it's somewhat common sence to build a rapport first, however, the problem with me is that I can not build any rapport because I don't even have a mental concept of building rapport with a total stranger and tend to be cut to the chase because the rapport concepts seems retarded with me unless it's natural.

It seems to me that you have to say something retarded, out of character, to hopefully try to get her to laugh and not see you as a retarded clowny AFC, otherwise you are feining some sort of act that's not you by learning some abstract lines and script that would work on a bank teller -- otherwise it's just some lame half-a$$ effort that will just bounce right off and reak of "do you want to be my friend because I dont have a life and no attractive girl wants to go out with me, do you want to be the first?" - which really makes it hopeless.

Luke, I used to knock on stranger's doors and sell them a $1500 vacuum cleaner (those are US dollars in the 1990's That price is over $2k today and they are still being sold to strangers). I worked with some professional rapport builders. Anything is possible.

 

[MacAvoy]

Luke, I used to knock on stranger's doors and sell them a $1500 vacuum cleaner (those are US dollars in the 1990's That price is over $2k today and they are still being sold to strangers). I worked with some professional rapport builders. Anything is possible.

Was it the rainbow? I sold them for a stint during University. They cleaned a frat house real well lol.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Now if this particular teller was overly friendly, and slightly flirtatious while she was doing the transaction, and you ask her out, thats one thing. But asking her out simply because you are attracted? Bonehead move.

This is insane advice for a board that's dedicated to scoring hot babes. The seduction industry would go bankrupt overnight if that was the case and this whole place would be a waste of time if what you are saying is correct -- because it's like saying, women have all the choice and there is nothing that anyone can do about it rather than settle for anyone who chooses you, and if you are lucky, you may be attracted to them too, if not then that's too bad, because you are left with the rotten choice of being involuntary celibate or being with someone you don't want.

 

[JackPrescott]

This is insane advice for a board that's dedicated to scoring hot babes. The seduction industry would go bankrupt overnight if that was the case and this whole place would be a waste of time if what you are saying is correct -- because it's like saying, women have all the choice and there is nothing that anyone can do about it rather than settle for anyone who chooses you, and if you are lucky, you may be attracted to them too, if not then that's too bad, because you are left with the rotten choice of being involuntary celibate or being with someone you don't want.

Or, you could come across as Lounge Lizard Larry. Wear some gold chains, some Brut cologne, and slick your hair back with hair oil. Wear a dress shirt, unbuttoned to the navel, and tight pants. Call every attractive woman "babe" and ask for her phone number before getting her name.

With this bank teller. Women dont work like that. IF she was overly friendly, lots of eye contact, making comments about your clothing, smiling, joking, small talk, ect. Then either

A. She is bored at work, and just sociable.
B. Interested

If you want to spend your life "cold approaching" thats up to you, it's one principle that I never shall use, I think it's moronic. A woman will send signals, one just has to know how to read them.

 

[MotownMack]

Am I really lying to myself or that's an AFC move?

Like others said, bravo to you for at least going for it. What I find really odd though, is that you find it easier to put the "cart before the horse". Most guys are ok with rapport phase in a situation like this, since it's someone you are going to be talking with anyway. The average guy, however, would find the actual asking for the date part to be much harder.

You had no problem just asking for the date, which took a lot of guts. If you can do this, I don't think you're as socially awkward as you think you are, and you're in better shape in terms of progress than you are aware.

I have mixed feelings on the bank thing. In some ways, it's a perfect way to build rapport... someone you see often, and have multiple (even if brief) contacts with (which will solidify her thinking that she "knows" you better than she actually does). Many of the tellers I see are very friendly with their customers and obviously know them from repeat business, so this is a workable situation, IMO.

The only changes I would honestly make-

1) Get to know her a little more through small talk over a few visits. Easier said than done, cause you don't know which teller you're going to get. But even after one or two exchanges with her, there would be nothing wrong with you smiling or saying hi the next time you're there, even if she isn't waiting on you. Her rebuff of you may have been out of panic or awkwardness than disinterest.

2) When the proper time came to ask her out, I would have not suggested the lunch thing, but that's just me. Too structured, too little time if things go well, and potentially awkward for her, since her co-workers will probably know you're going with her when you walk out the door together.

3) This is the one I feel most strongly about-and to me, was AFC. Stand your ground- you retreated when she didn't give you the response you were looking for, and said you were "joking". You aren't fooling us, yourself, and you certainly are not fooling her. She knows you weren't kidding, and it shows a lack of confidence to immediately "duck and run." Which I find odd, because you showed so much confidence in asking her out in the first place.

For all you know, maybe she would have went home that night and thought "Ya know, I never really paid attention to him before, but he is kinda cute, I just panicked. Hopefully I get the chance to talk to him again." But when you tack that "just kidding" thing on the end, it was probably a turn off and leaves a question mark over your intentions.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[thedeparted]

There is a principle of not bailing out until the plane is really going down in flames. A rejection is not an engine fire. It's just a request for you to come back around with a better offer. Like any negotiation. A good business guy knows that *everything* is negotiable.

Now, she did not say she was married or had a BF, right? So, since this is your bank, you can keep seeing this teller without being a stalker. You have more opportunities. I say stay in the game and see what happens. She is gonna give you some more play for being ballsy and direct to start with.

So next time you see her, just do the C&F without asking her out. Joke about this fabulous meal that you ate last week. You can find out this way what she likes to eat herself. Don't ask her out. Just play with it a bit. Build up your value this way.

Overall, I believe women like a guy who does not give up too easily. It makes them feel confident that he is really interested, not just jiggling door handles, so to speaks. And also, that he is not a little boy who gets his heart broke too easy. So I like to give them three tries myself.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

If you want to spend your life "cold approaching" thats up to you, it's one principle that I never shall use, I think it's moronic. A woman will send signals, one just has to know how to read them.

Well it seems to be a fundamental principle here that if you start cold approaching, or even just saying 'hi' to attractive random strangers, then you start changing your vibe and you become more fluid in interactions (i.e. not seeing each interaction as a big make it or break it deal, being more socially out there rather than inside your head, etc....), and then within that state, you may notice more signals, or women may actually intitiate with you.

In order to give off that social happy vibe, which in turn will likely lead in more signals and interests, then I think you have to make a sort of 'karmic (or Golden rule concept - do unto others what you want done to yourself) investment' by doing these cold approaches and eating a few things in the process.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It's hunting versus trapping, Luke. Both methods are valid. I am more of a trapper myself.

 

[MotownMack]

not just jiggling door handles, so to speak

LMAO... never heard that one before. I like it, I am going to incorporate that one into my lingo.

Well it seems to be a fundamental principle here that if you start cold approaching, or even just saying 'hi' to attractive random strangers, then you start changing your vibe and you become more fluid in interactions (i.e. not seeing each interaction as a big make it or break it deal, being more socially out there rather than inside your head, etc....), and then within that state, you may notice more signals, or women may actually intitiate with you.

I completely agree with you, Luke. Many people who have approach anxiety, if they look closely, will probably realize it isn't just with women (though it's likely at it's worst here). I say flirt and strike up conversations with everyone.. Tellers, cashiers, passers-by, people next to me on exercise machines at the gym. And mind you, I have to talk a lot of a living and do real life cold cold-calling to businesses, so it's not like this stuff is exactly new to me. But since I have been making more of an effort lately, I have already noticed myself getting better at it.


The office space for my business is owned by a 78 year old lady, and I have been flirting and joking around with her since day one. She loves me. Because I get so busy and caught up sometimes, the rent is sometimes a week or two late (she never charges me the late fee, always says not to worry about it when she calls to remind me she didnt get the check yet), and a few times, she came in and the place was literally trashed from an office party. She never said a word.
Maybe I will try kino on her and see if I can get the place rent free

 

[Luke Skywalker]

haven't heard from you in a while... you gotten laid yet?

No, but I bought a fleshlight instead. However, I keep getting limp most of the time when using it since I'm used to my hands, so it takes time getting used to. Not sure how I'd do with a real woman.

 

[JackPrescott]

Well it seems to be a fundamental principle here that if you start cold approaching, or even just saying 'hi' to attractive random strangers, then you start changing your vibe and you become more fluid in interactions (i.e. not seeing each interaction as a big make it or break it deal, being more socially out there rather than inside your head, etc....), and then within that state, you may notice more signals, or women may actually intitiate with you.

In order to give off that social happy vibe, which in turn will likely lead in more signals and interests, then I think you have to make a sort of 'karmic (or Golden rule concept - do unto others what you want done to yourself) investment' by doing these cold approaches and eating a few things in the process.

In the animal Kingdom, my Animal Spirit-Guide, the Puff Adder does not bother to hunt his prey. He is lazy. He loves to lie all day on hot rocks and relax. He snoozes and when it gets too hot, he retreats into a hole, or under some rocks, or into a hollow tree trunk, until it cools down a bit. He is so cool, that he doesnt need to hunt, the food comes to him. He lies deathly still, but ready to strike at any given moment. A small rodent does not even notice him, so still and well camoflauged is he. Until it gets too close. The strike of the Puff Adder is so powerful, that sometimes it kills the animal without a drop of venom used, but the venom is among the deadliest in all of Africa, and Arabia. He feeds and goes back on the rock to sunbathe.

That is my dating style in a handbasket. I go about my day. I awaken, read the USA Today, drink Java, watch CNN, hit the gym, cardio, free weights, stadium stairs, tanning, ect. Go to work, sometimes go out for a drink and a smoke, sometimes come home to watch a movie. I do not "Cold Approach"....They have to come to me. Do I miss out on oppurtunities? Sure. BUT when one comes along, being a flaky biittch, or a typical woman, I simply wait, until she is vunerable. My aloofness and cool "devil may care" attitude usually drives em mad. By the time I am finished, they are naked, on a bed, begging me to "Put it inside me" and they kiss me passionatley as I thrust away, and their cell phone rings at 3am the AFC trying to win her love.

This is what happens when you wait for them to come to you. Listen.....and learn.