Fellow DJs. I messed up!

[Chocolate Milk]

I've known this girl from work for a about a month now. We went out about two weeks ago w/ a group from work. We all had some drinks, made out w/ her and ended up crashing at one of the co-worker's house. We made out, but couldn't get the pants off. We cuddled most of the night as I was passed out, but would wake up every now and then and see a smile on her face (where obviously she felt emotional about the way things were.) Next morning I find out from the co-worker that she told him to get me to come in the room w/ her. We've spoken about where the relationship is and I told her honestly I was dating a few others which she said she was relieved about because she didn't want to jump into anything serious (4 months ago she was in a one yr relationship.)


We've hung out since then holding hands, messing around, etc..but mostly in the company of others. So last night she comes over where we've finally got some alone time and had dinner w/ a movie. After dinner we were messing around and she hints a lot that she wants to finally let me hit it, but urges me away whenever I get to the pants. Last night she said she wasn't quite ready yet, and I asked her "don't you trust me" and her response "was not really." WTF??

So undj like I decided to take her outside on the patio and tell her how I felt, that the people I am dating now don't compare to her and that I probably won't be dating much anymore and will probably just be dating her unless I just have to go out w/ a new girl I met. I heard the silence of the crickets screeching and I think a frog go ribit. Her response was basically like "oh". So after a while we made out some more and she left tho I think she was originally planning on spending the night together like we did the first.

Now fellas, I need damage control. We never really talked on the phone, we are the type to need space in a relationship, and I'm thinking I really put some negative thought into her by confessing all this. She doesn't date often and once before I remember her mentioning that she doesn't want to date anyone else now not including me, that I was unexpected (but wouldn't that make a committed relationship?) Help me out guys, this is one I really have strong feeling for which I usually never do. I've always been c & f and am a bad boy type which is who she usually dates, but I really f*cked up peeps. Hit me back!

 

[mystic03]

I'm sorry to tell you that you made a mistake telling her how you feel. With that you gave her total control...........

 

[ASav]

Well I think you dropped too much on her and pressured her which scared her away or lowered her interest level, or both. She said she didn't want to get into anything serious. You turned it to the serious tip and now your in no-womans land. You may have pressured her too much for the pootang too. Play it cool, don't worry about getting in there, it'll happen, just don't focus so much on it.

Good luck brother carry on!

 

[dontmindme]

Man that sucks. That's why I've vowed never to reveal feelings to a girl. To get an "oh" answer back would just suck too much.

To be more helpful, you need to take the pressure off her. Let her know that you don't want to 'force' her into a relationship , but that 's just how you feel.

Then, just sit back and see what she does.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Dude, I feel ya on this.

You screwed up, and now you can't do anything to make it better. It's up to her.

You told her you date multiple people. (Bad Move)
She put her "Player Alert" shield up....

Then, this "Player" Tells a whole line about wanting only her; the others mean nothing...bla bla bla......

She's looking out for her own well being, as any classy lady would.

As far as her telling you that you were "Unexpected"....

That's ******** for "You had a chance to rock my world, if you played yer cards right. Tough luck, buddy"

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[Starman]

You screwed up, and now you can't do anything to make it better. It's up to her.

(AU contraire Mon fraire)

You told her you date multiple people. (Bad Move)
She put her "Player Alert" shield up....

(bad Move? if she likes the bad boy, challenge jerk types ..why is that a bad move?)

She's looking out for her own well being, as any classy lady would.
(who said she was classy? he just said she digs the bad boy type)

Listen Up Nestle Quick,

#1 DONT EVER confess feelings to a chick..instead SHOW them..let her be the first to say I like you..then you respond with "I know"

#2 She has got you by the balls..she knows you are now emotionally attached to her..and this isnt what she was looking for.

Time to Do the old 180' to undo the damage.

i.e. What Can YOU do to make her rethink/reassess that you are head over heals for her?

Like with all things..to reverse any damage .. your actions have to be inconsistent with your words.

So now it is up to you to put in some actions that are contradictory to "ohh you are the best girl ive met in my life! I really LIKE yoU! Lets be boyfriend girlfriend?"

My advice. Don't call, remain a challenge, get her jealous, start treating her as a friend..until she comes around.

 

[stormwriter]

Hey Chocolate....

Dude, you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube...


Haven't you seen "The Tao of Steve"???

If you haven't, go rent it. There's a scene in there that's almost exactly what you described, with her reaction and everything.

And remember, it's just a movie, so ignore the ending.

 

[Starman]

Storm,

you understimate the power of the human Psyche.

Besides, the chick in Tao of Steve didnt wanna be with him because he had sex with her in college and didnt remember her. It was special to her..and he didnt remember.

Stop using scenario's in movies to dictate your own life(or others)

I'll bet you If Chocolate does what I say. He will have her.

P.s. Who says you cant put toothpaste back in the tube? Just get one of those cake paste funnels and squeeze back in.

 

[stormwriter]

OK.

I would also prefer he follow your exact advice, Starman. If any way will work, THAT will.

Hey Chocolate: KEEP US UPDATED ON THE DEVELOPMENTS! I would love to hear how this turns out.

 

[princelydeeds]

You gotta turn it around man. Show her you are the true player. Make her feel like theres a chance you say that to all the ladies. If you work together, or know where she is have another chick meet you for lunch (or something) and make sure she sees you together make sure she sees the kino b/n the two of you. There is nothing like a pretty woman to make a woman more interested in you. Don't call her for a few days, if she mentions it then sya it like oh well Isaid it so what. Just be careful not to go all emotional with her ever again.

 

[Reto]

Tell her you went over board and that you still want to be friends. Then C & f and kino her until the interest rises again.

All seems to be lost now. It can't hurt...If it doesn't work, live and learn...

let us know. I hope you salvage it...

 

[Walden]

....I probably won't be dating much anymore and will probably just be dating her unless I just have to go out w/ a new girl I met...

Did you hear a <CLANG!> after you said that bit ?

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

(bad Move? if she likes the bad boy, challenge jerk types ..why is that a bad move?)

Umm.....any real bad boy wouldn't be telling her anything.

He'd already have her skirt around her waist; To hell with the small talk.

(who said she was classy? he just said she digs the bad boy type)

By classy, I mean't self respecting......not rich, or prissy.

Like with all things..to reverse any damage .. your actions have to be inconsistent with your words.

Very true.

My post would almost imply pulling a 180, because the "courtship" is ruined. He can do nothing more, as far as dating her is concerned.

I'll bet you If Chocolate does what I say. He will have her.

Not neccessarily.
In no way is it established that he "Had Her" in the first place.

He was "Unexpected".
There's a bit of IL there; but, whatever advantage he had has been destroyed by revealing his true feelings.

You gotta turn it around man. Show her you are the true player. Make her feel like theres a chance you say that to all the ladies. If you work together, or know where she is have another chick meet you for lunch (or something) and make sure she sees you together make sure she sees the kino b/n the two of you. There is nothing like a pretty woman to make a woman more interested in you. Don't call her for a few days, if she mentions it then sya it like oh well Isaid it so what. Just be careful not to go all emotional with her ever again.

This would completely contradict what he told her. He pretty much said that he wanted to get exclusive.

Why would he say that, then turn around and show her he's a player?
She'd be relieved. Nobody want's to get played.

As far as DJ's and Bad Boys go, we want to give the impression that there is a possibility that we are players....That heightens the challenge factor.

We never want to admit it to the woman, downright, do we?

No.

She will walk, if she has any respect for herself.

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[princelydeeds]

Originally posted by The Bad Ass Canadian

This would completely contradict what he told her. He pretty much said that he wanted to get exclusive.

Why would he say that, then turn around and show her he's a player?
She'd be relieved. Nobody want's to get played.

As far as DJ's and Bad Boys go, we want to give the impression that there is a possibility that we are players....That heightens the challenge factor.

We never want to admit it to the woman, downright, do we?

No.

She will walk, if she has any respect for herself.

The Bad Ass Canadian

My advice was based on salvaging what is probably already messed up. If I was truly interested in getting her attention, that would be my way of getting it. one thign we all know, I would hope, is that chicks like guys who send them mixed signals. If she sees him with another hottie I guarantee she will talk to him. IMHO You never tell a chick you're a player but you always want her to think that you just might be. You always want her to think there is a line at your door and that her replacement is a phone call away.

I keep several very attractive friends on my roster. These are women with whom I have nothign but friendship. Most are leftovers from my AFC days but they are very useful when I need to get someones attention. Having one of them show up where I know some chick will be + instant high IL. Sometimes I tell them what they are doing, sometimes I don't. We are friends at this point so its natural for us to spend time together anyway.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Originally posted by princelydeeds
My advice was based on salvaging what is probably already messed up. If I was truly interested in getting her attention, that would be my way of getting it. one thign we all know, I would hope, is that chicks like guys who send them mixed signals. If she sees him with another hottie I guarantee she will talk to him. IMHO You never tell a chick you're a player but you always want her to think that you just might be. You always want her to think there is a line at your door and that her replacement is a phone call away.

I keep several very attractive friends on my roster. These are women with whom I have nothign but friendship. Most are leftovers from my AFC days but they are very useful when I need to get someones attention. Having one of them show up where I know some chick will be + instant high IL. Sometimes I tell them what they are doing, sometimes I don't. We are friends at this point so its natural for us to spend time together anyway.

Yeah, that's good stuff.

That's what I'm getting at.

The problem is, he spoiled the illusion. So he can't use the mystery, "girls lined up at the door" and challenge to salvage anything, with her. He showed her the attached side. The side that wants only her......not a whole lot of challenge in that, IMO.

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[princelydeeds]

The only challenge left is was he lying or wasn't he? If you can get that on her mind you never know what he can get from her. If she sees him with some really hot chicks she will come back around I guarantee.

 

[ChevyLover]

My first instinct would be to tell her it was just in the heat of the moment and I wanted to get in her pants, which was wrong but I didn't mean what I said about her being the only girl and stuff. Then I'd tell her that I wanted to start over.

But then I started thinking about my instinct, and it probably wouldn't be that smart. Revealing to her that I was just trying to get into her pants by saying that... on the other hand maybe it would be smart - she most likely knows already that that is why you said that stuff, cuz you date multiple girls and you were just trying to fvck her. She never fell for it. Or if you really do think she is the only girl for you, then just trying to fvck her would cover up your true feelings, with a logical explanation for her.

All she wants right now it seems is a fvck buddy anyways. Don't try to be anything more than what she wants right now.

I'd probably forget my instincts, although I usually like to go with my instincts cuz second guessing yourself usually fvcks **** up, but instead I would just forget it ever happened. Just act like it never happened. Sooner or later she will forget about it if you don't remind her about it or make it any worse. Don't call her or hang out with her 1 on 1 for a while, just flurt with her at work for a while, build your rapport back.

Thats what I'd do anyways, wait till shlt cools down and she has forgotten about it, then continue trying to get in her pants after a couple of weeks or more. You should be able to tell when she's forgotten about it when she stops acting wierd around you and is acting the same as before it happened.

CL

 

[Quick]

One of the few times that people have totally different takes on the situation and what to do next.

The problem I have with princelydeeds' plan is that we don't know where her hesitancy is. She might be hesitant because she's feeling too pressured or she might be hesitant because she likes him a lot but doesn't feel like he can be faithful.

So undj like I decided to take her outside on the patio and tell her how I felt, that the people I am dating now don't compare to her and that I probably won't be dating much anymore and will probably just be dating her unless I just have to go out w/ a new girl

That has got to be one of the worst lines ever. This should be in the hall of fame. Guaranteed to fvck things up no matter what the girl is thinking. First you spell your feelings out and remove the challenge, after she already told you she didn't mind hanging out with you though you're seeing other girls. Then, to make things worse, you tell her that you can commit to her, UNLESS some hottie comes along that you can't pass up on. You come across as the ultimate player, and untrustworthy. You spin her some lines about commitment because you want to have sex but tell her you can't be totally committed.


Any quick fix that you try to apply won't work. It'll just sound like more game, and she doesn't trust you as it is. And remember, she hasn't responded to what you said yet. If you show up with another girl after telling her how much you liked her, that will be a bad thing. You liked her so much that you can't even wait before you have another girl.

Do what Starman said. Stop pursuing her. If you go out again soon, don't try to get into her pants. You can get sexual, but make sure you stop before she does. Don't be cold to her or anything, still be the same person, just slow down significantly. This is a good time to practice the art of shutting the hell up and letting her tell you where her mind is at. Anything that you try to say or do to fix what you think is wrong will just dig a bigger hole. What you said is begging for a response from her, and if you have some patience, you'll get one.

 

[icehot]

I've been in this situation before and what I did the next time i talked to her was to play it off like "....you didn't think i was serious did ya? I was just playing..."

then get all ****y funny..."I can't get serious now...besides, I got more honies than a Jay-Z video..."

worked like a charm


-iceH

 

[Starman]

It depends how old the girl is and how mature she is .. any average brained chick will know whatever you say is going to be to save Face..You have left a verbal impression in her mind...talking in reverse isnt going to help you squat!

your only hope is to let your aloof behavior (not calling, backing away, accidently calling her another name) is inconsistent with your words..then she will begin to doubt if you were even serious..and you will hopefully be back to square one