So Sara has packed all her stuff and has slept in my house from the last time (as a tenant anyway) and I’ll be helping move stuff to her aunts tomorrow with a friend.
Yes it was toxic, yes we never should have never started banging and yes she lied and stole (albeit out of anger/retaliation). But I feel lost looking at all her stuff boxed and bagged up.
6.5 months has flown by. I feel anxious, we’ve both been anxious and she hasnt slept all week. Why do I feel so fvcking sad! What am I going to do on my own again?
I start a new job on Monday with a 10% increase and they have a gym that’s always empty and I signed up. I’ll go on my lunch break 4/5 times a week and meal prep my whole weeks on Sunday like me n Sara used to. That’s the only positive thing I have, the ability to gym in the morning, lunch or after work next door in an empty gym, it’s like heaven I’m excited asf . I snapped last night and said “when you move out we are done” (real mature and stable of me) she called me today from work saying that made her anxious and did I mean it. Of course I didn’t mean it, I just feel hurt, don’t ask me why, maybe Stockholm syndrome because this women has given me so much headache, but also so much companionship and comfort.
I have a day off work and I keep pacing around, I feel lost, I talked myself out of doing cocaine as I’m determined to go a month, then even more without it, my coke days are done. I’m going to smash gym and work.
We always said we wouldn’t try a relationship until she was settled into her new place as it’s not really healthy banging a friend you’re paying rent to and see daily, but I feel like it’s done between us even though this is the prerequisite to us having something more than friendship. She said last night the sex has always been good (she’s a wh0re so I’ll take that as a big achievement).
Do you think the good sex and missing me will allow something to happen? She said I could stay over when she moves but since then we’ve had aggressive arguments hence her moving 6 weeks early. Deep breaths murk. I know I sound like a weak faggit rn but this is just how I feel. I don’t even wanna find more girls I just want to finally have peace and happiness with Sara, her acceptance is like a drug.
I was so used to living alone all these years that she came with a new energy, a real partner in crime, a womens touch on the decorating, I bought new stuff, cooked and watched Netflix together, drank and did drugs, now it’s all gone.
Yes it was toxic, yes we never should have never started banging and yes she lied and stole (albeit out of anger/retaliation). But I feel lost looking at all her stuff boxed and bagged up.
6.5 months has flown by. I feel anxious, we’ve both been anxious and she hasnt slept all week. Why do I feel so fvcking sad! What am I going to do on my own again?
I start a new job on Monday with a 10% increase and they have a gym that’s always empty and I signed up. I’ll go on my lunch break 4/5 times a week and meal prep my whole weeks on Sunday like me n Sara used to. That’s the only positive thing I have, the ability to gym in the morning, lunch or after work next door in an empty gym, it’s like heaven I’m excited asf . I snapped last night and said “when you move out we are done” (real mature and stable of me) she called me today from work saying that made her anxious and did I mean it. Of course I didn’t mean it, I just feel hurt, don’t ask me why, maybe Stockholm syndrome because this women has given me so much headache, but also so much companionship and comfort.
I have a day off work and I keep pacing around, I feel lost, I talked myself out of doing cocaine as I’m determined to go a month, then even more without it, my coke days are done. I’m going to smash gym and work.
We always said we wouldn’t try a relationship until she was settled into her new place as it’s not really healthy banging a friend you’re paying rent to and see daily, but I feel like it’s done between us even though this is the prerequisite to us having something more than friendship. She said last night the sex has always been good (she’s a wh0re so I’ll take that as a big achievement).
Do you think the good sex and missing me will allow something to happen? She said I could stay over when she moves but since then we’ve had aggressive arguments hence her moving 6 weeks early. Deep breaths murk. I know I sound like a weak faggit rn but this is just how I feel. I don’t even wanna find more girls I just want to finally have peace and happiness with Sara, her acceptance is like a drug.
I was so used to living alone all these years that she came with a new energy, a real partner in crime, a womens touch on the decorating, I bought new stuff, cooked and watched Netflix together, drank and did drugs, now it’s all gone.
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