Feeling Sad, Depressed or Unworthy: Lotus' Keys to Happiness and Self Love!

Lotus Effect

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Hey guys, due to recent threads from dudes who are not very happy with theirselfs, I've decided to share my 2 cents on it!
This was an answer I've given a dude on his thread, and since it is, well, very complete, and it is what I actually did in order to become a happy man and what I trully believe, I'm sharing it the way I posted to the guy!
(Just like to add that this are the initial steps in order to become trully happy. As time passes, and you are actually happier, some other things might be done in order to keep fullfilling your success!)

kravmaga1 said:
I don't love myself. What now?
Man...

I've struggled with this for almost 23 years. Then depression kicked in. And I almost went to a clinic.

If I knew the answer was so simple I would have enjoyed my youth way better!

The answer, as I've said, is simple.

You just have to be happy!

There is no secret key to do so though. It may sound really hard for you to even grasp this now. But the same way you find ease in being sad/hating yourself, when you become happy, which will happen soon enough, you'll realise how easy it is for you to feel happy!

Anyway, in order to feel happy, and start loving yourself, there a few things you MUST do. If you don't do any of this, it will be hard for you to get there, but I'll give you step by step (I wish I had something like this back then)

1-Find something you love, and do it:
Wheter is a hobby, or a sport (or a chick) you have to go out there and learn a new thing that sparkles your eye. Or actvely purse something you already love, but are to scared to do, for example, playing in a band!
It has to be a real actvity. And it is better if it envolves other people. The more the merrier.
(Video gaming, online gaming, and jerking off do not count!)

2-Find your faith:
Yes, faith. Like in religion, or any sh*t like this. Modern society brought so many things to the table that everyone has become an atheist. Just because they can. Study some belief, whatever suits you. Take the one you believe makes more sense to you.
And believe that sh*t!

3-Have a moment of introspection:
I know. You are already introspect. You are already shy, and you barely talk to your mom. But what I mean is. Have 20 minutes of your to yourself. Sit in a bench on a park. On a chair on your porch. In your toilet seat. Wherever. And think... It can be meditation (Which is really good), it can be a prayer, you can thank the universe. Anything. Just cut yourself from the world and stand with you. Alone!

4-Read:
This one is harder than it seems. But reading great books will put you on the right track for sure. In order to help you, here is a list of excellent books to Read:
(They are not in any specif order)

The 7 habits of highly effective people - Stephen Covey
The Power of Habit - Charles Duhigg
Made to Stick - Dan & Chip Heath
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion - Robert Cialdini
The Book of Pook - You can find this one on the DJ Bible DL section
The Art of Seduction - Robert Greene
The 48 laws of Power - Robert Greene
Mastery - Robert Greene
Switch: How to change things when Change is Hard - Dan & Chip Heath
Flow: The Psychology of optimal experience - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Decisive: How to make better choices in life and Work - Dan & Chip Heath
Awaken the Giant Within - Anthony Robbins
Unlimited Power - Anthony Robbins
Thinking Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman
Magic Bullets 2nd Edition - Nick Savoy
The Prince - Niccolo Machiacvelli
The Power of Now - Eckhar Tolle
Pitch Anything - Oren Klaf
Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman

5-Cut bad habits. Replace with good ones:
Watch too much tv? Turn it off and go read a book. Besides of leaving you dumb, and killing good hours of your day, it washes your brain with a truckload ammoount of sh*t. Sh*t to make you even dumber, and sad.

Play too much video game? Cut that sh*t and hit the gym. Gaming will not get you anywhere. It will only seclude you even more. Hitting the gym may sound hard, because it is. But after a month or two, you get used to it, and you begin seeing results. A good tip is avoid doing cardio. (i.e. Running) it is boring, and it will kill your spirit. After you get used to training you add some cardio to get started.

Too much porn? Block all the sites! Fapping to much will leave with sexual anciety, which may cause you premature ejacullation, and with impotency. Instead, go out there and start saying hello to random people. Your doorman, the guy on the bakery, the cashier on the market, the bouncer on the club, the hot chik with the dog. This will put you on a more talkative mood and getting a 'hi' back will put a small smile on your face.

Anyway, you got the idea. And you now what are the bad habits. You can have an ocasionnal big mac. You just don't have to eat it every single f*cking day!

6-Listen to upbeat/happy music:
This may sound lame. And I know how much you like slipknot. But you are sad, and you know it, and listen to music that only say bad things, that can dramatically bring you down, will not help!


This are all things you can do by yourself. And remember, only you can bring you up. People may even be complacent sometimes. Eventually it gets boring and they always leave, because they have their own problems.
But there is something that you must do with someone else, and that is step number...



7-LOVE:
I know. Lots of guys in here believe women are evil b*tches, with the sole purpose of screwing your life, taking your money, and then cheating you afterwards...
Well, they are! Anyway, people are still able to fell this emotion. Even if it lasts for 3 months, when you love you will know it. And no. I'm not talking about sick love, one itis, platonic friend love. I'm talking about mutual love, that you give and receive. Only when you feel this with someone, you will grasp what true happiness is.

As I've said, she may leave you, dump you, cheat on you later. Or you can get bored and dump her first. Both cases will leave you destroyed, and most likely more depressed than you are now. But this pain fades with time, and after that, you will have experienced the most raw form of happiness! And after feeling that kind of happiness, you eventually realise that the happiness was inside of you all along, you just have to turn the switch to 'On'

---------------------------------------------------------

All of this is said from experience. I once was a dude like you, asking myself 'How the f*ck people are happy' or 'Why can't I be happy'.
Anyway, people are not that happy! It is only a façade. But, as everything, there are people who are genuinelly happy, and you can easily recognize them, and there a people that are happy but are clueless to everything I've said above. It does not matter. We are more problematic males, and we need the step by step. So there you have it!

I'm pretty much a very happy dude now! And I most def love myself. Way too much I guess! haha

I hope this helps mate!

Peace :up:
 

skinnyguy

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If I had the time, I would work out 4 hours a day. Being in shape is when I'm the happiest, and when I'm in shape I have women coming up to me. The past few years have not been very good for me - just dealing with a lot of issues, but now that those issues are getting resolved, I'm focused on going from skinnyguy to muscularguy ;)

Yes, being in love is amazing. I was in love when I was 20 and do not regret any of it.

Great list of reads! I just got back from the club so I'm pretty buzzed now lol but once I sober up I will start reading!
 

Grewd

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In a very general sense this is approximately what I did, and continue doing.

The idea of being egoless has kept me chasing for months, and it really is the solution. Listen to the body, forget about being someone or something and just focus on doing the right thing. Look at who you already are and work on that, it gets better in time, but not by itself. Meditation helps propagate this process, as it helps to sort yourself out more rationally.
 

Skyline

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As much as I would like to back this post up I just can't.

People do the things you stated above everyday and some are still sad and hate thsmelves. Happiness is not a place or something you "work" up to like a goal. True all of those things will make you more "confident" and make you feel better about yourself but the real tyrant is still inn your head. That "confidence", or tyrant, will become purely egotistical because deep down you're still not happy. Happiness is a mindset just like sadness. You need to improve yourself with a true positive mindset or you'll be set back. You can't have/do one and not the other.

All you have to do is replace every "I can't" "I'm too weak/not strong enough" "I'm not good enough" with "I can do it no problem" "I'm strong enough don't sweat it" "I'm so good it hurts." Basically any term or thought that implies you can't do something or not good enough just replace it with something positive. Even if things look bad for you just smile/grin and say that "I will never go down easy" and keep trying. Don't let anyone ever tell you you can't do something because that's a lie.

Every morning when you wake up go to the mirror and look at yourself. Smile. Look yourself in the eyes and think how much of a stud you are, even if you don't think it. Maybe fix your hair if you have bed hair, brush your teeth, put on some cologne/axe. After that keep smiling. I personally grin but its whatever suits you. Relax your eyes and shoulders. Put your chest out with a straight back. Hands by your side and legs shoulder length. You're in no hurry because life will always wait for the best so don't walk so fast.

This is you tomorrow. Go to the mirror today and think to yourself that you are a loser and hate yourself. Today and the yesterday was the old you. Tomorrow you will become a new man. Even if you think you have little or nothing, you have something. There's only one of you. And that person deserves the world. Negativity is beneath you because you own every room you walk into. Why? Because you're in it.

Happiness is a mindset.
 

Lotus Effect

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Well Frayzer, let us all agree in disagree!

As I've said, people only seem happy, when in fact they are lifeless zombies walking around. Purposeless.

And NO, again, I disagree, people do not do this and still hate theirselfs. People who hate themselfs don't do this at all. You can naively believe that lots of people does what is stated above and are sitll miserable, but I guarantee you that is impossible.

Some might do some of this, and even though I'm not saying this is the full guide to complete happiness, if people did ALL above, they would be way happier than they are.

Happiness is a mindset indeed. I agree with you in this statement, but again, positive thinking will not get you anywhere. You may say to yourself how awesome you are everyday. But if you don't have anything to back that awesomeness up, you will now it is a lie, which will depress you even more. This is a case where 'fake it 'till you make it' does not apply.

You have to get out of the thinking and believing world, and put your hands on the dirt. On the world of action. If you actually do stuff to get out of this, instead of believing you will be happy with positive thinking, than you will get out of this depression state, leading you to happiness.

Happiness is not a milestone. It is not an objective. A goal. No. Happiness is the journey that involves improving yourself, and believing that you can also achieve greatness! You will not go through all this list, and when you finally check the last item you will be a happy person. No. You will be getting happier by the day. Until one day, you'll look back and will not believe you were actually Sad/Depressed/Suicidal once! This is where true happiness lies. In the journey!

Again, I'm telling you all of this from experience. I once was a guy who tried to suicide. I just could not be happy, and I believed that there was no way out of it! I know I'm just a dude over the internet, but I'm not trying to sell a thing, I'm just trying to help fellow dudes who are in this position where I once was!

This sh*t is proved. I did it! It is not easy! But being backed up by Great reading, which really motivates you and literally gives you tools to get yourself up. Backed by a deep connection with yourself through faith and prayer/meditation. Backed by a healthly body, striving to improve. And backed by the joyfull feeling of love, and knowing that this kind of feeling exists in you...

Will, for sure, make you a happier person!

Not trying to be an ass, but maybe mate, you are still too young to know what real sadness is. Happiness as well. And Love for sure!

Have a nice one! Cheers! :up:
 

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gravityeyelids

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it may have something to do with the winter months (for those that live in the north). I've been pretty bummed for a while now because it's FREEZING. i just want to see the sun
 

Skyline

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Lotus you misread the last two sentences in my first paragraph.

I don't feel like nit picking the stuff I disagree with in that reply, mainly because its simply a more elaborate version of my two sentences, but I will say this again. You can't improve yourself with a bad mindset or you'll be set back. It all starts with your mind first THEN your actions. If you do actions first, there is a high chance that your ego will be inflated. You need to challenge and take care of your mind first. You can't use a gun without bullets and you can't use bullets without a gun.

A mans ego is one of his worst enemies if not the worst.
 

thatfeel

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Why aren't video games and online gaming things you can legitimately enjoy?
 

Yewki

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thatfeel said:
Why aren't video games and online gaming things you can legitimately enjoy?
I think the OP was implying you should avoid pursuing asocial activities, even if it makes you happy. I think he generally has a point but I agree with you, this type of discretion is a bit overbearing and pretentious. Video games are not necessarily asocial either.
 
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