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Dr.Suave

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There is this group of Friends Ive had since high School. They are married.

About 3 years ago they had thier first kid. I'm not married or have kids.

I'm happy for them but our gatherings are not the same anymore. 99% of the time they bring the kid along. 99% of their conversation is about the kid. I can't relate to anything about them anymore.

I'm not sure what's My point. I Guess it's normal. I Guess I'm courious if anyone else been in a similar situation before.

Thanks in advance
 

Modern Man Advice

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100%. Life unfolds and we all take different paths.

I can relate as my closest friends (which I can count with one hand) are in relationships and all doing their own thing. Relating is hard when we all are walking different paths but that is life. That doesn't mean you still care and connect with them from time to time but it will not be the same as before. Nor it should.


Modern Man Advice
 

SW15

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If you don't follow a similar path to your friends, eventually you will be estranged from many of them.....

@Dr.Suave -- your experience is common. I had a thread about this last week.

 

Murk

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I'm Godfather to 3 kids, so when my friends bring them around I enjoy it. I've enjoyed growing my relationship with these kids that are happy to see me and spend time with me, and I'm not even their dad!

Regarding the boys, they still come to my house to chill and blow off some steam. However we are all busy, I work 16 hours a day most days, and I've quit drinking, and drugs so my friends know to stay away from me at the weekend (I'm working anyway) and don't invite me to parties.

There's an inner strength to being alone, I've been alone my whole life, I find peace and strength in it. Even more so that my business is taking off, and soon, I'll turn my focus on securing a 9/10 unicorn to settle down with.

I maintain convo in group chats, check in regularly and have calls with friends bi-weekly so I stay in the loop. There's no good from being a total hermit, we need interaction.
 

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lost_blackbird

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I was best man for three different men at a total of four weddings, (one guy had two ceremonies,
one overseas and one here) one of the three was best man at my wedding. Dont speak to or have
any contact with any of them now. The most recent of those weddings was 2019.
 

Bingo-Player

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I'm happy for them but our gatherings are not the same anymore. 99% of the time they bring the kid along. 99% of their conversation is about the kid. I can't relate to anything about them anymore.
Young children take a lot of time, energy and resources if you combine this with the standard 40-50 hour working week 70% of the population is stuck in you begin to realise theres not a lot of time to deviate to anything else

Its work , kid , partner ( sometimes even the partner gets neglected) and it will be like that for at least 16 years

About 10 years ago i worked in an admin office with a lot of middle aged people 40-50 year olds

The subject of conversation for 8 hours a day was either kids or family

They were like robots repeating themselves day after day
 

Machine10033

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It happens... was best man in 2 of my high school friends weddings... early 2000’s.... we rarely talk now. Once they got married the dynamic changed... their single friend became a threat for the wife and before you know it your out.
 

jaymbrs

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I've kind of gone through this and I'm at the accepting/moving on stage. It just is what it is. Once married with children, people and their priorities completely change. They stop doing the things you used to enjoy together so they can't (and in some cases don't want to) relate to that anymore. 90% of the topics they can, and probably enjoy talking about is about their kids and their married life. The things I do is no longer something they care to hear about like my travels, meeting randoms, partying, buying motorcycles, etc. They can't relate to any of it. And vice versa, I don't care to hear about their family vacation, etc. I've kept in touch with a couple of good friends by talking sports but that seems to be the extent of our friendship now. Bottom line is, no one is at fault here. You just need to accept that they're going down a different path. Maybe once I settle down and have kids that friendship can be rekindled. But for now, it is what it is.
It happens... was best man in 2 of my high school friends weddings... early 2000’s.... we rarely talk now. Once they got married the dynamic changed... their single friend became a threat for the wife and before you know it your out.
I'm going through this right now. I'm the bad influence all of a sudden.
 

Machine10033

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I'm going through this right now. I'm the bad influence all of a sudden.
And honestly shame on your friend for not putting his wife in her place. That’s when I said screw it... I can’t respect these guys if they let her dictate what he does.
 

jaymbrs

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And honestly shame on your friend for not putting his wife in her place. That’s when I said screw it... I can’t respect these guys if they let her dictate what he does.
He did and she threatened to kick him out and put him on child support for being a "bad father". I'm over it. I told him staying with her was a horrible decision. Then he goes and knocks her up. SMDH.
 

xplt

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I feel the exact same right now.

Everyone around me got married and having one kid after another. You don't see your buddies anymore, they hang out with other families or just don't have time anymore.
Nothings going on in their lifes, except raising the kids. Mutual interests fade and all they want to do when they're free is getting wasted in a pub/bar and then they have nothing to tell, except discussing parenting with the other dads at the table.

I had a hard time accepting this first.

I'm going through this right now. I'm the bad influence all of a sudden.
That's how I feel when we meet up and the women are present. Like the little devil on my buddies shoulders
 

lost_blackbird

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It's no coincidence that with each one of the grooms I've lost touch
with, it was actually their wife that I didn't see eye to eye with. I get
that you have to stand by your wife to a certain extent, it would seem
that extends to when she's being an utter cvnt to a friend you deemed
dear enough to ask to be your best man. Fvcking faggots, I'm better off
without them.
 
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Kotaix

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There is this group of Friends Ive had since high School. They are married.

About 3 years ago they had thier first kid. I'm not married or have kids.

I'm happy for them but our gatherings are not the same anymore. 99% of the time they bring the kid along. 99% of their conversation is about the kid. I can't relate to anything about them anymore.

I'm not sure what's My point. I Guess it's normal. I Guess I'm courious if anyone else been in a similar situation before.

Thanks in advance
It depends. I have really close friends from highschool that have kids and they're not insufferable, and my friend will usually attend meetings alone instead of with the kids. Sometimes the kids come along, but they're usually keeping to themselves.

But it's normal (and healthy) for parents to focus on their kids. I'd be suspicious of the parenting skill of parents who don't.

And then you have those people whose social media is nothing but kid pics, which I find pretty gross.
 

Dr.Suave

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And then you have those people whose social media is nothing but kid pics, which I find pretty gross.
This!!!!! Not only facebook, They keep bombing our whatsapp group with kid pics and videos.
 

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BackInTheGame78

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It happens. Life has a way of changing your focus over the years.

I have a friend I grew up with and consider my best friend and more like a brother that I probably have only seen about 5 or 6 times over the last 3 years.

We both have kids, lots of things going on, he runs a business as well as works full-time, coaches baseball, etc...

But when we get together it's like I just talked to him yesterday and we pick up where we left off from.

And during one of the worst times of my life I went over and we talked for hours and he gave me his thoughts on things and then followed up with me for months every week or so via calls and texts on top of our normal banted every few days on random stuff.

Lifelong friends doesn't mean you hang out 3 times a week and do stuff constantly together. It means that you stay in touch as best you can when life changes things and if there ever comes a time in your life when you really need that person they are there without question and will do just about anything to have your back.
 

Solomon

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It happens... was best man in 2 of my high school friends weddings... early 2000’s.... we rarely talk now. Once they got married the dynamic changed... their single friend became a threat for the wife and before you know it your out.
On my side, it was the opposite their wives didn't wanna hang out with me, can't blame them I remember 11 years ago I brought two girls to my buddies for thanksgiving. His girlfriend had the "WTF look" lol
 
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