Heretolearn
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2005
- Messages
- 575
- Reaction score
- 7
Body language etc?
How can we improve this?
How can we improve this?
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Feeling comfortable in your own skin?
- Thread starter Heretolearn
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
#41
Senior Don Juan
I too struggle with this. I was told by a female co-worker that I come off as "unapproachable" with my body language and mannerisms.
I'm quite tall (over 6'8"), so things I do really stand out. I'm always trying to figure out what is / is not good body language to display, but I've not been very successful thus far.
I've read the basic stuff -- "closed" posture (arms crossed, leaning back) vs. "open" posture (arms at side), but I still think I give off the wrong vibe when I'm out and about.
I'm quite tall (over 6'8"), so things I do really stand out. I'm always trying to figure out what is / is not good body language to display, but I've not been very successful thus far.
I've read the basic stuff -- "closed" posture (arms crossed, leaning back) vs. "open" posture (arms at side), but I still think I give off the wrong vibe when I'm out and about.
Your attitude has as much to do with it as anything.
I'm trying to get my mojo back into full swing, but it will never happen when I am bogged down with stress from business, barring some sort of miracle.
Really, walking into a situation with a smile on your face will do more for you than just about anything.
I'm trying to get my mojo back into full swing, but it will never happen when I am bogged down with stress from business, barring some sort of miracle.
Really, walking into a situation with a smile on your face will do more for you than just about anything.
Heretolearn
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2005
- Messages
- 575
- Reaction score
- 7
well said
Don't cross your arms. Don't cross your legs. Don't hold your arms behind your back.
And definitely don't put that crinkle between your eyes at the top of your nose. People do that all the time and it makes them look closed off and like they don't want to be approached/bothered. I especially see men doing this as if they're acting hard or something. You're better off using an "open" face with your forehead relaxed. You don't necessarily need to look goofy smiling nonstop but don't close your face off to the world.
And definitely don't put that crinkle between your eyes at the top of your nose. People do that all the time and it makes them look closed off and like they don't want to be approached/bothered. I especially see men doing this as if they're acting hard or something. You're better off using an "open" face with your forehead relaxed. You don't necessarily need to look goofy smiling nonstop but don't close your face off to the world.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Exactly.mrRuckus said:
One problem is, we generally don't really know how we look...unless you have someone sitting there, filming you without your knowledge, it's really hard to have a good concept of how you comport yourself in public.
You know what my biggest piece of advice is? If possible, take public transportation to work or school at least a couple of days a week for at least 6 months. I had to do that a while back due to certain "issues"...let me tell you, that shyt works wonders for your body language. You see different guys and you can pick and choose which traits you find most appealing and you use them. By the same token, you see which traits you find most unappealing and you avoid those.
I think I learned most of all not to rush. Don't run around like a frightened rat. Pace yourself. The world moves at your pace, you don't move at the world's pace.
I've been concentrating on my BL for the past few months and I've made great progress. When I walk now I make sure I'm feeling relaxed and have a relaxed experssion on my face. I notice alot more people talk to me too because of the change of BL and attitude.
Thats good advice! Not only on public transport but watch people in general. Observe how introverted and extroverted people move. When you see a person walking towards you with head down, eyes avoiding you, hands in pockets etc then you now this is an introverted person.
insidious said:
Thats good advice! Not only on public transport but watch people in general. Observe how introverted and extroverted people move. When you see a person walking towards you with head down, eyes avoiding you, hands in pockets etc then you now this is an introverted person.
What exactly is that crinkle above your nose between your eyes you are talking about?
I am told often that i look angry and pi$$ed off, when in fact i am not. Don't exactly know how to change that for good.
Because when i try to have regular, normal, friendly expression on my face sometimes it feels somehow forced and results in looking even more stressed.
I am told often that i look angry and pi$$ed off, when in fact i am not. Don't exactly know how to change that for good.
Because when i try to have regular, normal, friendly expression on my face sometimes it feels somehow forced and results in looking even more stressed.
Vulpine
Master Don Juan
It's a scowl wrinkle.Fallen said:
I've gotten that same accusation a few times. Some guys just have a pronounced brow, others have eyebrows that are full or uniquely shaped.
Since I don't shave my unibrow (tweeze), I decided to try a little experiment. I gradually took a little out from the bottom of my eyebrows to get a little more "arch". It worked. "Wow, Vulpine, you look happy! What's going on?!!"
Think ( -.- ) versus ( ^.^ ), though not that extreme.
Look at these two...
:nono:
Check the mirror. If your eyebrows have a natural upturn or downturn, you can decide if some adjustment would work for you. It's a simple little tweak that can make quite a bit of difference.
Do some experiments of your own. I made a point of asking a friend what she thought of guys I'd point out based on only their eyebrows/brow lines: "What do you think of them?" "Them?" "How about them?"
Guys with heavy brows got "aggresive" or "mean"; guys with cleaner, arched brows got "fun" or "happy" sort of responses.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Thanks for the input, Vulpine. I can see your point. However, the funny thing is that i my eyebrows are barely visible since i have light skin and blond hair. So my eyebrows are kind of invisible from a distance.
I guess i have to keep my eyes more open and don't squeeze them shut at times ( i am a little sensitive to sunlight when i don't wear sunglasses ) which i guess makes me look somehow angry or annoyed.
I guess i have to keep my eyes more open and don't squeeze them shut at times ( i am a little sensitive to sunlight when i don't wear sunglasses ) which i guess makes me look somehow angry or annoyed.
Vulpine
Master Don Juan
Hmm. I see. Well a "squint" certainly can be perceived as irritation. The outer corners of your eyes relax when you are happy or comfortable, they constrict when discomforted or otherwise irritated.
I keep several pairs of good, polarized sunglasses readily available for two reasons:
1.) As with teeth, you only get one set. So, take care of them. Excess sun and UV will "wear out" your eyes sooner than if you were in the habit of wearing sun glasses.
2.) The more you squint, the more your skin and muscles will retain that "memory". So, as you age, you will develop wrinkles and a "perma-squint". Doubt this? Just take a look at the eyes of old sailors, farmers, or anyone else who has worked outside for a large portion of their lives. Crows feet galore!
Hell, I have three pairs of sunglasses in my car! Oops... four if you count the prescription ones (glass polarized Ray-Bans, btw). Some things are worth investing in, "myself" should be number one on anyone's list.
I keep several pairs of good, polarized sunglasses readily available for two reasons:
1.) As with teeth, you only get one set. So, take care of them. Excess sun and UV will "wear out" your eyes sooner than if you were in the habit of wearing sun glasses.
2.) The more you squint, the more your skin and muscles will retain that "memory". So, as you age, you will develop wrinkles and a "perma-squint". Doubt this? Just take a look at the eyes of old sailors, farmers, or anyone else who has worked outside for a large portion of their lives. Crows feet galore!
Hell, I have three pairs of sunglasses in my car! Oops... four if you count the prescription ones (glass polarized Ray-Bans, btw). Some things are worth investing in, "myself" should be number one on anyone's list.
I agree. Since my "squinting" seems to be a learned and memorized habit the only solution i can think of, would be to stay aware of that issue and "keep my eyes open" all the time or wear shades.
Come to think of it, i might need an overall check on my looks and some quirks i might not be aware of.
Lol, before this thread happened, i felt comfortable in my own skin ( to a certain extent ). Now it's gone :trouble:
So thank you very much!
Maybe i look like a complete idiot and no one ever told me :wave:
Come to think of it, i might need an overall check on my looks and some quirks i might not be aware of.
Lol, before this thread happened, i felt comfortable in my own skin ( to a certain extent ). Now it's gone :trouble:
So thank you very much!
Maybe i look like a complete idiot and no one ever told me :wave: