Feeling comfortable in your own skin?

[Heretolearn]

Body language etc?

How can we improve this?

 

[#41]

I too struggle with this. I was told by a female co-worker that I come off as "unapproachable" with my body language and mannerisms.

I'm quite tall (over 6'8"), so things I do really stand out. I'm always trying to figure out what is / is not good body language to display, but I've not been very successful thus far.

I've read the basic stuff -- "closed" posture (arms crossed, leaning back) vs. "open" posture (arms at side), but I still think I give off the wrong vibe when I'm out and about.

 

[STR8UP]

Your attitude has as much to do with it as anything.

I'm trying to get my mojo back into full swing, but it will never happen when I am bogged down with stress from business, barring some sort of miracle.

Really, walking into a situation with a smile on your face will do more for you than just about anything.

 

[Heretolearn]

well said

 

[mrRuckus]

Don't cross your arms. Don't cross your legs. Don't hold your arms behind your back.

And definitely don't put that crinkle between your eyes at the top of your nose. People do that all the time and it makes them look closed off and like they don't want to be approached/bothered. I especially see men doing this as if they're acting hard or something. You're better off using an "open" face with your forehead relaxed. You don't necessarily need to look goofy smiling nonstop but don't close your face off to the world.

 

[insidious]

Don't cross your arms. Don't cross your legs. Don't hold your arms behind your back.

And definitely don't put that crinkle between your eyes at the top of your nose. People do that all the time and it makes them look closed off and like they don't want to be approached/bothered. I especially see men doing this as if they're acting hard or something. You're better off using an "open" face with your forehead relaxed. You don't necessarily need to look goofy smiling nonstop but don't close your face off to the world.

Exactly.

One problem is, we generally don't really know how we look...unless you have someone sitting there, filming you without your knowledge, it's really hard to have a good concept of how you comport yourself in public.

You know what my biggest piece of advice is? If possible, take public transportation to work or school at least a couple of days a week for at least 6 months. I had to do that a while back due to certain "issues"...let me tell you, that shyt works wonders for your body language. You see different guys and you can pick and choose which traits you find most appealing and you use them. By the same token, you see which traits you find most unappealing and you avoid those.

I think I learned most of all not to rush. Don't run around like a frightened rat. Pace yourself. The world moves at your pace, you don't move at the world's pace.

 

[slaog]

I've been concentrating on my BL for the past few months and I've made great progress. When I walk now I make sure I'm feeling relaxed and have a relaxed experssion on my face. I notice alot more people talk to me too because of the change of BL and attitude.

You know what my biggest piece of advice is? If possible, take public transportation to work or school at least a couple of days a week for at least 6 months. I had to do that a while back due to certain "issues"...let me tell you, that shyt works wonders for your body language. You see different guys and you can pick and choose which traits you find most appealing and you use them. By the same token, you see which traits you find most unappealing and you avoid those.

Thats good advice! Not only on public transport but watch people in general. Observe how introverted and extroverted people move. When you see a person walking towards you with head down, eyes avoiding you, hands in pockets etc then you now this is an introverted person.

 

[FM 3321]

Start living the life you really want or at least start truly working towards it.

 

[Fallen]

What exactly is that crinkle above your nose between your eyes you are talking about?
I am told often that i look angry and pi$$ed off, when in fact i am not. Don't exactly know how to change that for good.
Because when i try to have regular, normal, friendly expression on my face sometimes it feels somehow forced and results in looking even more stressed.

 

[Vulpine]

What exactly is that crinkle above your nose between your eyes you are talking about?
I am told often that i look angry and pi$$ed off, when in fact i am not. Don't exactly know how to change that for good.
Because when i try to have regular, normal, friendly expression on my face sometimes it feels somehow forced and results in looking even more stressed.

It's a scowl wrinkle.

I've gotten that same accusation a few times. Some guys just have a pronounced brow, others have eyebrows that are full or uniquely shaped.

Since I don't shave my unibrow (tweeze), I decided to try a little experiment. I gradually took a little out from the bottom of my eyebrows to get a little more "arch". It worked. "Wow, Vulpine, you look happy! What's going on?!!"

Think ( -.- ) versus ( ^.^ ), though not that extreme.

Look at these two...
:nono:

Check the mirror. If your eyebrows have a natural upturn or downturn, you can decide if some adjustment would work for you. It's a simple little tweak that can make quite a bit of difference.

Do some experiments of your own. I made a point of asking a friend what she thought of guys I'd point out based on only their eyebrows/brow lines: "What do you think of them?" "Them?" "How about them?"

Guys with heavy brows got "aggresive" or "mean"; guys with cleaner, arched brows got "fun" or "happy" sort of responses.

 

[Fallen]

Thanks for the input, Vulpine. I can see your point. However, the funny thing is that i my eyebrows are barely visible since i have light skin and blond hair. So my eyebrows are kind of invisible from a distance.

I guess i have to keep my eyes more open and don't squeeze them shut at times ( i am a little sensitive to sunlight when i don't wear sunglasses ) which i guess makes me look somehow angry or annoyed.

 

[Vulpine]

Hmm. I see. Well a "squint" certainly can be perceived as irritation. The outer corners of your eyes relax when you are happy or comfortable, they constrict when discomforted or otherwise irritated.

I keep several pairs of good, polarized sunglasses readily available for two reasons:

1.) As with teeth, you only get one set. So, take care of them. Excess sun and UV will "wear out" your eyes sooner than if you were in the habit of wearing sun glasses.

2.) The more you squint, the more your skin and muscles will retain that "memory". So, as you age, you will develop wrinkles and a "perma-squint". Doubt this? Just take a look at the eyes of old sailors, farmers, or anyone else who has worked outside for a large portion of their lives. Crows feet galore!

Hell, I have three pairs of sunglasses in my car! Oops... four if you count the prescription ones (glass polarized Ray-Bans, btw). Some things are worth investing in, "myself" should be number one on anyone's list.

 

[Fallen]

I agree. Since my "squinting" seems to be a learned and memorized habit the only solution i can think of, would be to stay aware of that issue and "keep my eyes open" all the time or wear shades.

Come to think of it, i might need an overall check on my looks and some quirks i might not be aware of.

Lol, before this thread happened, i felt comfortable in my own skin ( to a certain extent ). Now it's gone :trouble:

So thank you very much!

Maybe i look like a complete idiot and no one ever told me :wave: