Feedback Needed: Woman says she dose not like to talk about feelings. Wuz that about?

[Steelie Dan]

Hey all agian,

I posted a few questions over the past few weeks, but to bring you all up to speed. Asked HB8 girl out. Date #1, dinner, drinks, hard time figuring our IL. She gives me hug, and says that she will call me about going out to a restuarant we talked about over dinner. I wait two days, and bam, get an email last Monday asking me to join her on Friday. Date #2, we go to dinner, I then get us a cab and go to a Beer & Wine tasting event, back to her pad, heavy makeout. I call her the next day and say, "Hey I'm going to chill out with a pizza and a few movies, you are welcome to come by if you want. She does later in the evening. Heavy kissing again, get her into the bed. And keep working past a few objections, we get naked. I go down on her, she goes down on me, but she dose not spend the night, which I'm fine with. She then invites me to go to the beach with her the next day. I say yes. We walk on the beach, find a nice place to lay down, and exchange some kisses and Kino.

So I think things are good, but she tells me that the night before was an accident. I say, "There are no accidents..." And that was that. She also says that she is surprised that I/we got this far because she knows that I'm very in touch with my feelings, which intimidates her, and she does not like to talk about her feelings. She has not been in a relationship for over 6 years. What is she trying to tell me?

I really like her, but I don't want to be the one to start asking the question "Where are we going with this?" or say things like "I really like hanging with you, I would love to see where this goes." I mean I like her, and I would be interested in seeing if we would be viable in a LTR. But I also know that I can walk away at anytime and go "NEXT!" Which feels good.

Anyone been in the same situaution? Any feedback? I really felt the control flow go back to her yesterday. I was feeling so much more in control before. When we where driving back I just clammed up and was waiting for her to says things, which she did every 15 minutes. Then quiet again. I was not going to go down that "feelings" road with her. Maybe she was testing me.

Feedback...PLEASE!

Thanks,

SD

 

[WaterTiger]

Hmmmm....My guess is that the relationship form 6 years ago ripped her apart emotionally. Anything that goes back to the "feelings" thing brings up pain & bad memories. I'd suggest you slow down and ease her back into the idea of a relationship. Be careful with the "challenge game" though. If she senses a game she might bolt and shut you down. I think this is a case of once bitten, twice shy. Good luck!

 

[DJ_Dork]

Her last relationship was 6 years ago.. alright dude.. just remember girls always LIE about the last time they had one and how many dudes they banged.

Alright, already I can tell this chick is going to be a head trip. Play it cool and like what the other guy says.. if you play a game of any kind she will start playing them and be very cruel about it too.

 

[Steelie Dan]

Hey all,

Thanks for the excellent feedback. I agree with you all about not challenging her. I'll keep trying to get a few more dates and see where this goes. I think I'll try to get her out Friday night and just keep doing what I was doing that got me this far. If I like what I FEEL, do you think I should ask her about how she FEELS about dating me. I have read the advice that it is better to let the woman tell you she is interested in seeing if this could be a LTR. I really want to test the waters here and see if she is entertaining any possibility of LTR, or I'm a Mr. Right Now, or she is about to Next me, which believe me, won't hurt me a bit.

Thanks again.

SD

 

[WaterTiger]

I wouldn't ask her about how she FEELS. Just ask her if she wants to go out again. If she gives you a line of BS then you know it's not going any further. If she keeps going out on dates then she obviously enjoys your company.

I think she's going to be skiddish about "Feelings" and "commitment" and "relationship". I'd certianly want to know all the dark and dirty details about that last relationship. If she's still nursing an unrequited love or possibly past abuse then you have a whole nother can of worms.

Guard your heart Steelie! Peace and best of luck.

 

[snakeeyes]

Yeah Ive been in a similiar situation before with my last girl. Two of her last boyfriends cheated on her. The first guy who she was with for three years cheated on her and got another girl pregnant. That really traumatized her. She never had her full trust in me and her feelings were very inconsistent. One week she can be really into me and the next she would shy away and not wanna talk to me. She was definitely bi-polar. She gets depress easily. yeah this girl was a head trip. Find out more about the girl ur goin out with, but dont ask about her feelings or reveal your feelings. If she has a lot of baggage dont deal with her crap cuz its not your responsibility. Its only gonna drag u down. Remember she hasnt been in a relationship for 6 years for a reason. Just ask her out on another date and find more about her past. If she declines the date, dont even waste your time. this girl probably needs a therapist not a boyfriend.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Man of steel,

She felt guilty for acting like a slut and wanted to see how you would react. There are no 'accidents' when you 'purposely' do something! Huh? Makes sense.

Don't ever talk about feelings with a girl unless she brings it up first - then lie!!

Don't ask any questions - period!!!!! Or should I have said exclamation point. Waaay tooooo early to talk about a 'LTR'. Don't 'talk about' your relationship, 'act out' your relationship!

Pretend things are the same as before she even mentioned the word 'accident', and keep the same dj attitude and don't start wavering and psycho-analyzing everything!

Have fun and don't treat her with kid gloves now, she's not an innocent virgin nor of that mindset - don't let her manipulate you!

You didn't have to 'clam up' in the car, you should have continued to be your cheery talkative self - now she is thinking that you were hurt.

 

[Steelie Dan]

Thanks all! What great feedback. Thank you. I kinda feel that the clam up was not the best tact, but heck, I'm human. Can't be Mr. DJ 100% of the time, I'm very new to this. Another lesson in life in the pursuit of p***y. This is what it is all about. Taking chances, and learning from one's mistakes. Ain't life grand!!!!!

Plus I also have HB6 that I have been working on. So if I get NEXTed by this one, I still have an option.

So I'll just ask her out again, and keep doing what I did to get her into my bed and if she wants to talk about feelings and LTR's, I'll leave that up to her. Other than that, I'll keep my periscope up for other chicks and keep practicing WMS and DJ bible.

Thanks again for the feedback.

SD

 

[LostbutFound]

Hey man, I know what you're going through...I fell for this girl that is still a little messed up from a relationship that happened 2 years ago...

Her father left the family and she got into drugs and drinking, and this kid came along and put her life back on track...she was so into him and thankful he did it that she was ready to marry the kid anytime, unfortunately the kid ended up cheating on her and she was devistated...since then shes gone through 4 guys and dumped everyone of them, then one she got into again played her out...so she got messed up again..

It sucks that past boyfriends can really f*ck up our chances with a great girl, but thats how life goes....My reasoning is that if you and this girl are meant to be, then somewhere along the line, she will let go of all the past and focus on you...though thats a very hard thing to do after getting screwed over by a first love, kind of hard to trust anyone then..

I say ease back from her and dont pressure her, let her make the decision because shes the one that has the problems...Keep talking to that other girl, in case this one decides she cant go through with it....

Above all, dont take it personally...Take it that she has some unresolved issues that unfortunately are keeping her from moving on to bigger and better things....HER LOSS

 

[Steelie Dan]

I think I lost this one. Tried to get her out this weekend. Even gave her a few options saying I was busy Thursday and Saturday, I could do Friday or Sunday. She came back with a "Sounds like we both have hectic schedules this week, perhaps next week." I think I'm getting Nexted here. Oh well. NEXT.

I'll chill wait until next week to call her and see if she wants to hook again. No biggie here. Plenty of fisn in the sea. Me thinks it is time to find another fishing hole. Her loss!

SD

 

[LostbutFound]

Thats a good attitude to have...dont get walked on like that..

The only thing I want to add is this...when you call her next week, call once, and thats it...everything else, leave it on her, you'll get your answer even better.... After that, if she doesnt respond or blows you off again, dump her

 

[Steelie Dan]

Update for anyone that cares...

She calls me last night, and leaves message about possibly getting to gether next week. I did not call or email her that day. She gives me a few options for days. Man this DJ stuff works. Not too long ago I would have already called her and emailled her a bunch trying to fish for "Don't you like me?" "What are you doing that you can't go out with me?" Blah, Blah, Blah. I got an email this morning from her saying sorry that we did not connect via the phone last night. I'm not emailing her back until later today. The more I don't seem to be needy, the more she calls me or emails me. I personally think she might be testing me to see if I'm needy. I use to be a needy AFC, but no more. To me this Dj stuff is like my favorite pastime flyfishing. You she a nice fish that is eating bugs on the water. You be patient, and work your cast slowly towards the fish. Hopefully you can hook it. Sometimes you hook it and then the fish comes off your hook, or you decide to cut the line. And sometimes you get the fish in hand to admire its beauty. And at that point you might decide to release the fish, or keep it. It you release it, then you go looking for more rising fish and get on with the next cast! Heck, when I go fishing, I don't stop after hooking one fish. Heck, I took me two hours just to drive there! LOL

SD