Fear of rejection.....or......acceptance?

[drumr2]

A lot of what the DJ Bible mentions as far as asking girls out and such is based on a fear of rejection. However, personally, I have never been afraid of rejection. In fact, I expect it most of the time.

The fear that I trully posses is that of acceptance. "What if she says; Yes"? "Then what?" That's what keeps me from asking girls out. THe fact that I don't know what to do other than the usual dinner and a movie, and I know that's only gonna work for the first 1 or 2 dates. After that.....then what? I know there are guys out there who are more exciting than I, and more fun to be around. I don't like clubs, dancing, or even bars so that's never an option.

So...how does one address the fear of acceptance?

 

[jakethasnake]

Very interesting - I never thought of it that way. I hope to read some good replies.

 

[So pimp its scary]

You are thinking WAYYYY to far ahead.

Think about this : You aren't afraid if this girl says no. But, because you are afraid you might run out of date ideas for you and this girl!!! That is rediculous, because after the 2-3 dates, its the girls turn to think of a date in return.

Next time, instead of thinking, try and concentrate on the present moment, at your breathing, the feelings pulsing in your body, then when you can approach alittle easier... if you do it right, you won`t find yourself stumbling for words either.

I could go on.

 

[Grey Fox]

Ah the fear of acceptance. I remember this one after my first real success with a girl. The questions were, "Well what now?" The question seemed to open a door into a huge empty stadium, plenty of places to go, but which way I wanted to go I didn't know.
The beauty of this is that, if you're doing well with a girl, you can tone it down a bit and chill. Now I don't mean you should be laying it on thick, but when you go to pick up some women you are pulling moves out of your DJ toolbox. But once one is interested, you don't have to work as hard as you did when you tried picking them up. This is not a license to turn into a slob on her, but you shouldn't have to worry about constantly pleasing her. Which is part of the game, up front you show off all your great qualities and how much fun you are. Then you slow it down and take it some but not all of it away. She thinks about the time she is not spending with you and wants you even more. Think of it like a drug dealer at first selling his drugs for fear to build up a client base. The addicts enjoy the drugs and come back for more, but the dealer says that he has to start charging and the drugs come at a price. The addict doesn't have the drug like he used to and starts jonesing for it real bad, then he runs out to do whatever he can to have it. This is how you give your attention at first it comes easy, but after she has a taste she has to work a little to get your attention and affection. This is what being a mystery and a challenge is about.
The beauty of this as things start to swing your way it will get easier and you have to do less and less, because the attraction is built up in her mind so much, and once you start having sex she is really tied to you. Do a few sweet things from time to time and she'll have that doe eyed look every time you come walking in her door.
So don't be afraid of acceptance, in fact thats the best thing because the uphill part of the journey is getting her number and getting the dates, the downhill part is when she starts to like you and wants to keep seeing you. Like for the downhill, so seek for the ride down hill, all the way down...into her pants.

-Grey Fox

 

[gav]

read pook's reply in extravaganza's post
http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/001052.html


Pook:

"On the DJ chat, I saw this problem come up numerous times. It wasn't that the guy was scared of rejection. He was scared of success!

"Pook! What do you mean? Why be scared of success?"

Because if she said yes, he didn't know WHERE TO GO. What should they do? He had no idea.

This is why, before you can start to date women, you must be able to DATE YOURSELF! That's right, DATE YOURSELF. Try going out to these places by yourself or with your friends first. This will:

-Make you more comfortable

You already know the place, are comfortable with it, and know what to expect. This is important since when you are with a girl and new to it all, it is enough for the shy guy to be out with the girl let alone in a new and strange place. This will make your job a lot easier.

-Makes you prepared.

You can speak of the places or so where you want to go with confidence and ease. You know the route and the best way to drive there. You KNOW what the costs will be, what the environment will be, so you know how much money to take and what to wear.

For the shy guys wishing they were girls, this is why you should be thankful you are the guy. You get to know BEFOREHAND where you want to go so you have all the time in the world to be prepared.

-Makes you have fun.

With you being comfortable and prepared, already your time will be more enjoyable. Since you have all those shy guy worries put away like what to wear, the cost, what the environment is, and so on, you get to focus ON HER and have fun with her."


i felt the same way as u. i was scared of success so i said no to a girl who i really liked who asked me out repeatedly.

gav

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

If you are scared of success, then you have a mental problem directly tied to your lack of cofidence and self-esteem!!

Your problem is that you think you have to be her entertainer and her social promoter, or her tour guide! This is not the man's job!!!! Your own manly presence and company should keep her for the most part! If you have other worthy things going on in your llife, this willl give you the esteem and confidence to know that a 'good' woman would see these positive qualities and desire to stay!

A woman wants to be with you just as much, if not more, than you want to be with her!! Is she worried about entertaining you? Absolutely not! So why in the heck are you worried about being a socialite and not worried about being a man?

Men don't try to imprees women - that is not our duty. Your duty is to seek female company and determine if you two are compatible with one another - courting/dating is to find out the answer~

 

[Frankie Poullain]

Think of it like a drug dealer

This is good, really simple, but completely correct. Its not so much we (as men) have to be constantly impressing women but merely drawing them in, say like a fisherman draws a fish.

I have to agree with PRLover here, its not our job or anyone elses job for that matter to be the entertainer. No, we do the approaching arrange the date/meeting and after that we build on this and go with the flow. Hey, you might not even want a second date. See how the date goes and build on it. And yeah, the simpler the first date is, the easier it will be to gage where to go next.

But I do get where you are coming from, you want to throw her your best moves, in which case, do it.