Fantasy, Mystery and Mastery

[Sega Genesis]

Taken from another thread.

People fall in love with the fantasy of the person before they come to love the real person. So a mysterious person creates or at least allows space for that to happen....

Totally agree!

Does anyone read the articles posted here? Below is one of the better ones and thought it might be worthy of discussion.


Why Mystery Attracts Women (And How to Use It Most Effectively)

Use boundaries, brevity, and purpose to become quietly irresistible to women.

by Allen Suave

Women don't chase brooding loners in leather jackets who vanish after midnight.

What they are drawn to is HEALTHY INTRIGUE.

The quiet sense that a man has depth, boundaries, and a life that doesn’t revolve around her attention.

You’ve probably seen it. That guy who doesn’t overshare his life story on date one. Who doesn’t text back instantly. Who seems unrushed. And you wonder: “What’s his secret?”

His secret is mystery, selective vulnerability, and quiet power.

You don't play games or become emotionally unavailable. You simply respect your own value enough to reveal yourself gradually, not desperately.

I used to do the opposite. On my second date with someone I liked, I’d dump my entire emotional history (childhood wounds, ex drama, career fears) like I was auditioning for her therapist. I thought honesty meant opening up.

What I didn’t realize is that oversharing does not create intimacy. It creates pressure. It forces her to carry your weight before trust is built. And it kills mystery, the very spark that fuels curiosity.

Real intrigue is earned... by living a life worth asking about.

Here’s how to cultivate it, authentically:

Hold Back 50%

Share openly, but leave room for discovery.

Talk about your passion for woodworking, but don’t explain every project. Mention you traveled solo through Portugal, but save the wild stories for later. Let her wonder, “What else is there?”

Mystery lives in the gaps.

Don’t Chase Her Attention

If she doesn’t reply right away, don’t double-text. If she cancels plans last minute, don’t grovel.

A grounded man operates from abundance: “My time is valuable too.”
This shows self-respect. And it makes her work to earn your energy.

Let Your Life Speak

Instead of telling her you’re interesting, show it.

Post less online. Live more offline. Train for that marathon. Start that side hustle. Dive into your craft.

When your life is rich and full, you don’t need to explain it. You simply invite her to glimpse it. And that’s irresistible.

Answer Questions, But Don’t Volunteer Everything

She asks, “What do you do?” Give a clear, confident answer. Then turn it back to her.

Don’t launch into a 10-minute monologue about your job unless she asks for more. Let curiosity build naturally.

Your brevity is an invitation for her to think more and dig deeper.

Be Emotionally Available, Not Emotionally Exposed

Vulnerability is powerful. But timing matters.

Share your values early. Save your deepest wounds for when trust is mutual.

A man who reveals himself wisely shows he’s both strong and human... not fragile and seeking rescue.

The Bottom Line

Women aren’t attracted to men they can fully figure out in 20 minutes.

They’re drawn to men who feel like a journey... and one worth taking slowly.

So stop trying to prove you’re worthy by giving everything away at once.

Start building a life so grounded, so quietly compelling, that she WANTS to uncover more.

That’s mystery and mastery rolled up into one irresistible package.

 

[BeExcellent]

Agree 1000%. Alluring women also understand this .

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

.

I agree with the article, in theory...yes.

If you're willing to play that game, sure.

But, if you're time is truly valuable (as the article mentions valuing your time)...then you shouldn't have those small, chitty-chatty conversations with women unless you see her reaction(s) to your sexual advances or conversations.

Women will engage in a 30 minute conversation with you, despite having no sexual interest in you.

As men, you should value your non-sexual energy towards women, just as much as they value their sexual energy towards men.

But that is high level game, being told to low level men.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Yes 100%.
This is why Brent Smith is my pickup guru.
His little maxims are so useful.

Esther Perel said it best imo on one of her TedX talks I watched (and made notes on) ;

“Desire Lives In Mystery”

Very true.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Brutal jestermaxxing.

This sort of game is partly to blame for the outrageous divorce rate.

 

[The Duke]

Towards the end of the date, if she says "you know everything about me, I know little about you" then you have done your job. She is hooked and wants more.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Brutal jestermaxxing.

This sort of game is partly to blame for the outrageous divorce rate.

Jestermaxxing.. lol
That’s a good one
How did you come to *that* conclusion re the divorce rates …?

 

[Sega Genesis]

.
I agree with the article, in theory...yes.

If you're willing to play that game, sure.

But, if you're time is truly valuable (as the article mentions valuing your time)...then you shouldn't have those small, chitty-chatty conversations with women unless you see her reaction(s) to your sexual advances or conversations.

Women will engage in a 30 minute conversation with you, despite having no sexual interest in you.

As men, you should value your non-sexual energy towards women, just as much as they value their sexual energy towards men.

But that is high level game, being told to low level men.

Yesterday I read a post from a long time reputable member here calling SS a "dating advice forum for men" versus a "seduction forum" as it used to be called. So given that I'm responding to @We_ArE_VeNOM under that premise.

Venom, I don't disagree with your opinion/approach (Mode One/no sex, no date), based on your posts it works quite well for you!

However my take was the article was geared more towards men (and women) seeking something more substantive beyond casual sexual encounters, hookups and ONS. .

Reason I say that is the article mentions spending time and getting to know a woman on actual "dates." The author discusses first dates, second dates and beyond.

Which if I understand you correctly, a man should never do before a woman has sex with you. Sex first - dating/relationship second. Which is totally fine absolutely NO judgment... different strokes.

Of course a woman (and man) should be conveying sexual interest! Absolutely. And there are ways of doing that subtly versus direct Mode One style.... again if one is looking to date (possibly leading to relationship).

It's exactly what the author was referring to when he discussed "mystery" and the unknown. Leaving room for the imagination. Letting tension build and allowing things (including sex) to happen organically.

For those who do prefer actual "dating" (like myself) sex is typically only one part of a broader connection versus the sole objective of every interaction. And takes time..

For some longer than others. For some shorter. In the meantime they're both demonstrating and expressing interest (including sexual) so as to 'not waste each other's time.'

I am not knocking direct Model One, it does save time, money, energy when both people are seeking casual sexual encounters/hookups.

But again I don't think the article was geared towards that or those people.

Just my take.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Esther Perel said it best imo on one of her TedX talks I watched (and made notes on) ;

“Desire Lives In Mystery”

Very true.

You listen to Esther Perel CJ? Who would've thought! lol

But yeah completely agree!

 

[Cheeky_James]

You listen to Esther Perel CJ? Who would've thought! lol

But yeah completely agree!

yeah she’s great. That TedX talk almost thought me more about “seduction “ that any PUA coach/guru.

Brent Smith is up there too tho.

I’m always talking to women , getting them to open up and taking in their pov SG
I like to cross reference ideas with the source.

I recall reviewing DavidDeAngelos “interviews with dating gurus “ audio series back in the day.
One of the Gurus was female - Leil Lowndes.
Out of all the ‘ Gurus’ she gave some of the best advice tbh. David D came off as clueless interviewing her. lol.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Yesterday I read a post from a long time reputable member here calling SS a "dating advice forum for men" versus a "seduction forum" as it used to be called. So given that I'm responding to @We_ArE_VeNOM under that premise.

Venom, I don't disagree with your opinion/approach (Mode One/no sex, no date), based on your posts it works quite well for you!

However my take was the article was geared more towards men (and women) seeking something more substantive beyond casual sexual encounters, hookups and ONS.

And that's fine, but we (as men), still have to navigate the dating world in the most effective ways possible, even if a long-term partner is what you seek.

The advice I've learned and I give, such as "Don't pay for dates" is unpopular, unconventional advice that goes against the grain...and is what most articles DONT advise or emphasize.

And a failure to do so is unjust.

Reason I say that is the article mentions spending time and getting to know a woman on actual "dates." The author discusses first dates, second dates and beyond.

Ok, so when should sex be discussed, over these course of first, second, or third dates?

And, guess what? Getting to know a woman sexually, is part of the get to know process.

Which if I understand you correctly, a man should never do before a woman has sex with you. Sex first - dating/relationship second. Which is totally fine absolutely NO judgment... different strokes.

Of course a woman (and man) should be conveying sexual interest! Absolutely. And there are ways of doing that subtly versus direct Mode One style.... again if one is looking to date (possibly leading to relationship).

It's exactly what the author was referring to when he discussed "mystery" and the unknown. Leaving room for the imagination. Letting tension build and allowing things (including sex) to happen organically.

For those who do prefer actual "dating" (like myself) sex is typically only one part of a broader connection versus the sole objective of every interaction. And takes time..

For some longer than others. For some shorter. In the meantime they're both demonstrating and expressing interest (including sexual) so as to 'not waste each other's time.'

I am not knocking direct Model One, it does save time, money, energy when both people are seeking casual sexual encounters/hookups.

But again I don't think the article was geared towards that or those people.

Just my take.

I agree with you.

My only thing is; I just don't like the idea of men (traditionally) paying for 3 or 4 dates, only to find out one way or another that he isn't compatible with the woman in the end.

So, he's wasted (and invested) time and money.

Meanwhile, she's wasted neither.

There is something wrong with that picture, and it just simply isn't being talked about enough on here, or in society.

 

[Sega Genesis]

My only thing is; I just don't like the idea of men (traditionally) paying for 3 or 4 dates, only to find out one way or another that he isn't compatible with the woman in the end.

So, he's wasted (and invested) time and money.

Meanwhile, she's wasted neither.

That's not true Venom . If after say 2-3 dates (for me it's typically one date) she discovers they're not compatible and there's no sexual tension /chemistry, then one could say she has also wasted time.

As far as money, there's no rule saying a man must spend a lot of money (or any money) if he's concerned about that. There are plenty of ways to date and determine vibe/sexual energy and tension without spending a ton of money.

Low key dates with a focus on paying attention to a woman's actions and determining if there's mutual sexual chemistry/tension, which again can be done subtly.

How she looks at him, moving closer, mirroring him, light keno etc. Such things are almost done unconsciously IME when the chemistry and sexual tension are present and happening.

Let the tension and anticipation build! Let her wonder and fill in the blanks. Leave her wanting more of you. Mystery increases desire!

Course this is assuming a man is seeking more than a hook up/ONS/casual sex.

If that IS all he's after, by all means Mode One is great! Saves them both time and energy.

Anyway this isn't a diss against Mode One or you or any man requiring a woman to have sex with you before asking her out on a date. We all have our own standards and boundaries.

Again I just don't think the article was geared toward that.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

That's not true Venom . If after say 2-3 dates (for me it's typically one date) she discovers they're not compatible and there's no sexual tension /chemistry, then one could say she has also wasted time.

As far as money, there's no rule saying a man must spend a lot of money (or any money) if he's concerned about that. There are plenty of ways to date and determine vibe/sexual energy and tension without spending a ton of money

I said "traditionally".

And traditionally, the man will pay for the date(s)...so let's not kids ourselves.

Not only that, but he may actually lose brownie points with the woman, if he suggests or even hints that they go dutch or the woman pays.

And since the average man doesn't have an abundance mindset and is just happy to be on a date with a woman, he'll gladly pay or seek to impress her by paying for the date...with a "Put your card away, I got this" mentality.

Under the pretense of the man paying for the date (which will happen more often than not), it will not be wasted time for the woman...because after all, she was treated with free dinners and/or drinks.

And since when is free dinner and/or drinks a waste of time?

Low key dates with a focus on paying attention to a woman's actions and determining if there's mutual sexual chemistry/tension, which again can be done subtly.

How she looks at him, moving closer, mirroring him, light keno etc. Such things are almost done unconsciously IME when the chemistry and sexual tension are present and happening.

Most of the time, that^ stuff doesn't happen until after the dinner/drinks portion of the date is over...after he is already financially invested.

And most men are scary and don't attempt to build sexual tension on dates...but instead play it safe and follow the woman's lead (big mistake).

Let the tension and anticipation build! Let her wonder and fill in the blanks. Leave her wanting more of you. Mystery increases desire!

Course this is assuming a man is seeking more than a hook up/ONS/casual sex.

If that IS all he's after, by all means Mode One is great! Saves them both time and energy.

Anyway this isn't a diss against Mode One or you or any man requiring a woman to have sex with you before asking her out on a date. We all have our own standards and boundaries.

Again I just don't think the article was geared toward that.

I get it, it isn't a diss to Mode One.

My point is, regardless of what a man is looking for, there is a right/wrong way to navigate through the dating world.

It is as simple as realizing that you don't pay for a woman's dinner/drinks, until you get to know her.

The article ain't saying that.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I said "traditionally".

And traditionally, the man will pay for the date(s)...so let's not kids ourselves.

Not only that, but he may actually lose brownie points with the woman, if he suggests or even hints that they go dutch or the woman pays.

And since the average man doesn't have an abundance mindset and is just happy to be on a date with a woman, he'll gladly pay or seek to impress her by paying for the date...with a "Put your card away, I got this" mentality.

Under the pretense of the man paying for the date (which will happen more often than not), it will not be wasted time for the woman...because after all, she was treated with free dinners and/or drinks.

And since when is free dinner and/or drinks a waste of time?



Most of the time, that^ stuff doesn't happen until after the dinner/drinks portion of the date is over...after he is already financially invested.

And most men are scary and don't attempt to build sexual tension on dates...but instead play it safe and follow the woman's lead (big mistake).



I get it, it isn't a diss to Mode One.

My point is, regardless of what a man is looking for, there is a right/wrong way to navigate through the dating world.

It is as simple as realizing that you don't pay for a woman's dinner/drinks, until you get to know her.

The article ain't saying that.

No free attention for Sega, Venom.

 

[Sega Genesis]

And traditionally, the man will pay for the date(s)...so let's not kids ourselves.

Not only that, but he may actually lose brownie points with the woman, if he suggests or even hints that they go dutch or the woman pays.

^^Where did I say anything about a man suggesting the woman (his date) pay for the date? I said nothing of the kind; I agree traditionally men pay and that's not about to change anytime soon.

What I said was it's not necessary to splurge a lot of money (or any) on early dates.

Don't be taking women on expensive elaborate dates early on until and unless mutual sexual chemistry has been established and/or you're actually having sex!

If she refuses to go out with you because of it?. Fabulous! You just saved time and energy on a woman who was more interested in the elaborate dinner than in you!

That's what should be taught to men imo versus teaching them to withhold taking women on dates until she has sex with you.

That's right up there with women withholding sex until you "prove your worth" and/or are in an exclusive relationship with you spending money on her.

Both are manipulative strategies that can often backfire assuming again you're interested in developing a connection with substance and depth. And not just a hook up or BJ in the parking lot of Walmart. Lol

 

[Sega Genesis]

It's as simple as realizing that you don't pay for a woman's dinner/drinks, until you get to know her.

^^We're on the same page Venom.

Except to say I think drinks are fine (1 or 2) or a bottle of wine between the two of you at a trendy club with good music and a great vibe... as that creates the right relaxing ambiance for sexual chemistry to develop and shine.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Both are manipulative strategies that can often backfire assuming again you're interested in developing a connection with substance and depth. And not just a hook up or BJ in the parking lot of Walmart. Lol

well..I’d be quite happy with the hookup / BJ in the parking lot firstly…THEN take her for a lovely meal w drinks. After the top notch fellatio session.

I mean, re the date . The date is just the face to face meetup , for each party to “check out the marchandise” IRL. ( for online dating anyways)

Physical chemistry is established on both sides in about 1-3 seconds ..right SG?

It’s a ‘Yes/maybe/definitely Not ‘very quick for women too re this physical chemistry.

It’s either ‘Maybe + screen for reg flags for relationship stuffs)

Or

‘ YES - > he’s fvcking HOT!!!-> try and keep her composure and let him lead her to whatever he wants to do’

pretty much. In about 1-3 seconds.
Or shorter, maybe moreso in the blink of an eye,

that’d be .. sub 1 seconds.

…0.45 of a second perhaps.

lol.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I mean, re the date . The date is just the face to face meetup , for each party to “check out the marchandise” IRL. ( for online dating anyways)

Physical chemistry is established on both sides in about 1-3 seconds ..right SG?

I might find a man physically hot in about 1-3 seconds CJ. Physical/sexual chemistry takes a bit longer (for me anyway) and encompasses more than just his physical appearance.

It's also his voice, how he speaks, smells, dresses, carries himself, interacts (with me and others) .... his overall essence and how I feel in his presence. Emotionally and yes physically (tingles).

If all that clicks for both of us (genuine chemistry being a mutual experience) then yeah I'll be hooking up with him!

I don't need him to spend a lot of money, in fact I actually dislike elaborate dinners at high end restaurants.

I do like trendy spots with great music and vibe though. Share some apps, talk, share, get to know.

I don't think I'm unlike many women, and am often shocked by what I read here sometimes tbh.

Women agreeing to give a guy she just met at a dept store a BJ in the parking lot. Or even a gal meeting a guy online and agreeing to go directly to his that same night and screwing.

I had a friend who used to do this, she may still do! I can't tell you how many times she came to me crying after some guy she met online or wherever pumped and dumped her.

No standards at all, it was truly sad to witness.

 

[Cheeky_James]

I might find a man physically hot in about 1-3 seconds CJ.

well I am glad I’m spot on with that bit !
(Extensive research done on dis )

Physical/sexual chemistry takes a bit longer (for me anyway) and encompasses more than just his physical appearance.

It's also his voice, how he speaks, smells, dresses, carries himself, interacts (with me and others) .... his overall essence and how I feel in his presence. Emotionally and yes physically (tingles).

If all that clicks for both of us (genuine chemistry being a mutual experience) then yeah I'll be hooking up with him!

Yes indeed.
So if I can translate this -
If (a) he looks cute:hot,

and then if he
(b)
+has a sexy voice and expresses his emotions with it (that you can relate to)
+he smells good and sexy ,
+has sexy body language
+has sexy energy /vibe and makes you feel appreciated and also sexy

= then yes, you will likely be hooking up and having a mutual sexytimes experience.

Thank you for this.
So in synopsis , guys need to work on

(a) looking cute/sexy as possible

(b) acting as sexy as possible and putting out a sexy vibe - so she can relate, relax, feel sexy, and have sex.

which is my ‘Game’ with women , in a nutshell!
In layman’s terms, haha.
‘look sexy, act sexy.’


Pretty simple process really. Some guys really complicate the sh1t out of it tho.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

^^Where did I say anything about a man suggesting the woman (his date) pay for the date?

I'm speaking, in general.

The fact that the man would lose points if he made the suggestion, is a testament to the entitlement the woman has, to not paying.

"How dare he suggest I pay!!" .

That kind of shiit^...that kind of reaction.

I said nothing of the kind; I agree traditionally men pay and that's not about to change anytime soon.

Because, men have traditionally put women on pedestals, and men have traditionally been weak and having scarcity mindsets.

What I said was it's not necessary to splurge a lot of money (or any) on early dates.

Don't be taking women on expensive elaborate dates early on until and unless mutual sexual chemistry has been established and/or you're actually having sex!

But that's not what is (and has) been pushed to society now, is it?

If she refuses to go out with you because of it?. Fabulous! You just saved time and energy on a woman who was more interested in the elaborate dinner than in you!

That's what should be taught to men imo versus teaching them to withhold taking women on dates until she has sex with you.

A man shouldn't withhold taking women out on dates.

But he should withhold taking them out on PAY dates...women that he doesn't know, or who haven't earned access to his wallet.

That's my only beef.

Women do the same thing with their V....no access to their V until they "get to know you".

Well, as men, no access to our..

1. Non-sexual attention.
2. Money.

Until we get to know you.

See how that should work?

Those two things should be valued by men, and earned by women.

And on that first no-pay date, the man should be monitoring and gauging (testing) her reactions to his building of sexual tension..and if the chemistry is there, and it is genuine, then that determines whether he should proceed further with her, and let things blossom from there.

That's right up there with women withholding sex until you "prove your worth" and/or are in an exclusive relationship with you spending money on her.

I agree, it is literally the same concept.

Both are manipulative strategies that can often backfire assuming again you're interested in developing a connection with substance and depth.

Unfortunately, looking for substance and depth will give most men all the more reason to simp out.

And not just a hook up or BJ in the parking lot of Walmart. Lol