Failed escalation, need advice

[Kerpal]

Last night I went out to eat and then back to my place to “watch a movie” with a girl I have been out with once before. Lots of kino during the movie, and near the end of the movie I kissed her and she kissed back. We made out for a while, she straddled me and I pulled her dress up, etc. At this point she said something like “I feel like a slut, this is only my 2nd time seeing you, I don’t even know you that well”.

I ignored her and continued, eventually rolled her onto her back and kissed down her breasts, stomach, etc. She was breathing heavy and seemed to be enjoying it, but when I got near her ***** she kind of freaked out, sat up and pulled her dress down and was like “I need to leave, this is too fast” and got up to leave. She started putting her shoes on and asked me to walk her to the door. We kissed at the door and she said “I’ll see you later” and left.

I kind of felt like this one was in the bag because she seems pretty into me, calling me, sending me text messages, we were lying in my bed, kino, kissing, etc. Was it just her “anti slut defense” kicking in? How should I deal with this girl now?

 

[DJx420]

That looks to be her LMR. By the looks it at you could have handledit a little better. When she said we should slow down I feel like a slut, you shoulda said okay, and went about your night...Watch TV, make some food w/e. At that point shes going to come back onto YOU and by then your good to go.

 

[Kerpal]

What does LMR stand for?

 

[brian123]

Yea, it sounds like her anti slut mechanism, or maybe she has a bf (just a possibility)

I'd hold off for a while if you like this girl, make her want YOU.

 

[Kerpal]

I don't think she has a boyfriend. At least, she said she didn't. Could be lying I guess.

I'm not going to contact her or anything, her move, I'll see what she does.

 

[brian123]

I don't think she has a boyfriend. At least, she said she didn't. Could be lying I guess.

I'm not going to contact her or anything, her move, I'll see what she does.

If you like her, and are willing to wait, I think it would be smart to give her some space, but not to go without contacting her.


What I meant is to hold off physically from her.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

She kind of freaked out, sat up and pulled her dress down and was like “I need to leave, this is too fast” and got up to leave. She started putting her shoes on and asked me to walk her to the door. We kissed at the door and she said “I’ll see you later” and left.

I kind of felt like this one was in the bag because she seems pretty into me, calling me, sending me text messages, we were lying in my bed, kino, kissing, etc. Was it just her “anti slut defense” kicking in? How should I deal with this girl now?

Sure, this has happened to me. You can't win them all. Some girls just aren't down with hooking up so quickly (or will not with you). Don't sweat it. The 3 girls that I can remember doing this to me never allowed me to bang after this , after they pulled that sh!t on me. I thought it was something that could be turned around. So, what I would do it call/text/chat with them for another week and have them come over or I'd go to their place and the same thing would happen.

Man, they'll call you, tell you everything you want to hear and pimp you for conversation. Don't be tricked by this - their actions speak louder than words. They're giving you just enough to keep you strung along until they find a guy they truly want.

People have different motivations for what they do. You want to get laid - now. She may want a surrogate boyfriend, until she finds the right one. You both have an agenda. Find out hers and go from there.

This is my experience. Others may vary.

 

[Sandow]

Timing is eveything, and you probably rushed into it. Every girl is different, and thats something you gotta read. Some girls will sleep with you on the first date, some by the 7th date. When she told you she felt like a slut, you should of held back. By continuing to go further only reinforced her "anti-slut mechanism." You should of held back and then go back in when the TIMING was right.

Just remember, it's very common for girls to NOT sleep with you on the first or second date. It just takes time. For most girls, it takes some trust and rapport before they open their legs for you. Now if you're really good, through some manipulation and heavy kino, you can fvck them right away (but thats a WHOLE diff topic for a diff time). Oh yea and you're right she does like you, thats why she wanted you to stop.

 

[ghostrider943]

her logical resistance (i dont know you, etc) meant that you needed more comfort/rapport.

In other words you screwed up by ignoring her resistance. The least you could have done was say you're right and stop escalating. There you will have to build comfort.

Hard to say what will happen next, is this your first time with this girl? If she doesnt answer your messages and stuff, she is having buyer's remorse, so move on

 

[ghostrider943]

oh and dont worry about her having a bf. girls will have sex even if they have a bf. At least you got this far dude. Most people on this forum talk big, but cant tag tail for ****.

 

[Kerpal]

If you like her, and are willing to wait, I think it would be smart to give her some space, but not to go without contacting her.


What I meant is to hold off physically from her.

Alright, well she texted me today saying she had some friends over and inviting me over but I don't want to meet her friends yet so I texted back that I already had plans.

I don't really know what to do now, is she going to be too uncomfortable to be around me alone? Should I ask her to do something and not try to kiss her or anything and wait for her to escalate physically?

 

[TizZle]

Tell her you want to hang out again. I wouldn't escalate to more than kissing until you have built more of a connection. If she wants to bring friends along it MIGHT be a lost cause but there are still ways around her friends... Just sounds like she needs more of a connection to go further physically.

Do you know if she's a Virgin? lol...

 

[Sneaky_Beta]

you should be the one doing that...

you should be the one ending the kisses first and telling her that its too fast. reverse the game on them a bit, you'll get her crazy when doing that kind of stuff.

like work up to that ***** and then pull back and tell her, this is too fast. it'll help a lot.

 

[Kerpal]

Update -

She called me today and asked if I wanted to go out to eat with her and I said yes. She picked me up and we went out to eat and talked a little and then she took me back to my place.

I asked if she wanted to come in and she said she did, so we were lying in my bed watching TV again and I kissed her again but she didn't really kiss me back or get into it at all. I asked her what was going on and that I needed some feedback (probably a bad move but I've never been in this situation) and then she LJBF'd me. I told her that I have testosterone and can't just be friends with anyone that I'm attracted to, and she said that she respects that and left shortly after. I guess it's over with this one.

Sucks but oh well, can't win them all I guess. I went out with a really cute Asian girl earlier in the evening and we agreed to do something on Monday, and I have plans with another girl on Wednesday. So I'm not going to mope around about this one.

 

[wolf116]

Haha, what happened to putting your social life on hold for a few years?

Where did this all come from?
What's with the confidence all of a sudden?
Must have been that granny hitting on you lol.

 

[Kerpal]

Haha, what happened to putting your social life on hold for a few years?

Where did this all come from?
What's with the confidence all of a sudden?
Must have been that granny hitting on you lol.

lol.. well I'm still using the internet as a crutch. I'm not at the point yet where I can approach women out in the "real world".

 

[wolf116]

Pffft, the real world is over rated. Whatever works man.

 

[Kerpal]

Haha... I don't know about that. I can't wait till I'm good enough to do actual cold approaches. But to answer your question, it's a long story but basically I met some people who showed me that I'm not as screwed up as I thought I was.

 

[wolf116]

That's great man, I can't do cold approaches yet either, but that doesn't mean you can't have women in your life.

Must have been some good people that you met lol.

 

[Kerpal]

Yeah, actually the granny thing happened after I met them. I guess it all just builds on itself.

Do you guys think I should contact this girl and tell her that I'm OK with just being friends? I'm 99% sure she's not going to "break down" and tell me she's changed her mind. I've never had a girl as a friend before, the idea seems a bit strange to me.