"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Eyes

L

LOLPLZ

Don Juan
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Is it a good idea to use vaseline on your eyes 2x a day. Apparently my friend told me he did it for a while and his eyes were pearl white.

Reason i'm asking this is because i tend to stay up late and study so my eyes end up being red.

So in conclusion, vaseline twice a day = white eyes

Si?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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B

BacardiGuy

Senior Don Juan
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The ****??? Vaseline in/on your EYES??? :crackup:

Are you sure he didn't say VISINE, like the eye drops?
 
D

donjuanjovi

Senior Don Juan
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I would try eye drops! Like "clear eyes" or "visine". You'd have to be retarded to put vasoline in your eyes!
 
I

insidious

Master Don Juan
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OMG this post deserve to make the Sosuave Hall Of Fame...


Under what category, I can 't really say, but I think we can guess where this is going! :nervous:
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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22 Rules for Massive Success With Women
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