Explain why 'no contact' works.

[giorgio]

how long before you DO answer her call/text???

 

[Blue Phoenix]

To combat it, we have our solid inner game, and our spinning plates, our options and our hobbies. So that we dont get insecure and the anxiety and neediness does not sweep over us.

Yeah, not being in love is crucial. Another term is the so called "Controlling the Frame", whose frame are you living in? In hers or in yours? When she gets "testy", "moody" you have to find a way not to be sucked in. If you do, she owns the frame.

When a girl starts acting strange, distant, moody do what the opposite of what she thinks you´re gonna do. Don´t call, don´t ask what´s wrong, don´t try to please her, don´t give her flowers, don´t argue with her, don´t get sucked in.

I´ve failed so many times in these situations that nowadays, if a girl starts acting like this, I go on with my life even though deep inside I feel uncomfortable. Don´t let them see you sweat! You don´t know if they are testing you or losing their attraction to you, but it doesn´t matter, you hold the frame!!

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Not letting her influence you negatively. Of course we need some awareness to know what we could´ve done wrong in order not to repeat it. Yet we must remain firm.

If you let her control the frame you´re in for a disaster.

 

[Rhino22]

I became friends with this girl on facebook and we would randomly hit the "Like" button on each other's pages for various updates. Well, when I put my new # up she randomly texts me saying, "Hey it's *******. Get a hold of me if you ever go out so I can meet your as*." That was like a few weeks ago. Well, I texted her shortly after that and then we talked on the phone. Tried to make plans but things got in the way. I kind of forgot about her and then I texted her again last week and we talked again for like 20 minutes. I said we should hang out and she said when. I said whenever your free and she said yeah that is a problem (she has a kid).

So how long to wait to text her again? I think there really is a connection there we're just kinda letting things slowly build up.

 

[drak_ool]

Rhino, you should start a new thread for your issue instead of hijacking this one.

2 red flags though that jump at me: 1. she has a kid (obvious...)
2. she throws a s.hit test at you ("when can we meet?") and you blow it right away by showing too much availability. I mean you can meet her "whenever", really? you have so little to do in your life, you have so few commitments that you can put anything on hold to make time for a woman you barely know? That is pretty much the message your answer conveys to her.

You should probably take a look at the DJ bible, it will have answers to many of your questions...

 

[AlmostThere!]

I do see one red flag in your attitude towards this chick. You seem a little too worried about making this girl "commit", even though you admit she does not seem ready to do so at this time. It would be a big mistake here to try to force her into a relationship. Simply the fact that you are considering it, but she is not, already gives her more power over you. If things evolve towards a relationship later on, it's fine. But if you want to make a gf of this chick and she just wants to have some fun with you on the side, no strings attached, you are in for a rude awakening...

Yeah, you're right. That's my weakness. I would like to have a relationship and be with one girl, but I rush the process.

I think the best way to handle this girl is not let her indecisiveness affect me. I'll keep contacting her but not in a needy way. When we hook up, we hook up. If we don't, we don't. But if the time comes when she starts having real feelings for me, and I'm still feeling her that way, then we'll be in a relationship.

 

[pikachu69]

Does No Contact still work even if she's moved on to a new guy who she's interested in?

I doubt any No Contact will work if she's moved on even if she had interest in you before. IS no contact coupled with her not meeting anyone new/suitable critical for No Contact to work?