Excuses women give when they flake...

[RangerMIke]

All women do this, and ALL men have had this done to them. You really can't take this stuff serious, got flaked tonight but the excuse I was given was one I had never heard....

"Hey, was knee deep in work and was so pissed at the other party (she's a lawyer) that I left and just went home and forgot about out meet-up... Some other time?"

My response... "I'm busy the rest of this week unless you want to come over to may place late."

We'll see what happens.

 

[grayclif]

The s.hit women say. I think your response was perfect and in the future I will be using it.

"I'm busy the rest of this week unless you want to come over to may place late."

This is the same as a non-response but with a caveat. Basically it means she's lost the opportunity to enjoy a nice time out with me but I'll still f.uck her. If she shows up do the following: wine, couch, snuggle, kiss, put her hand on d.ick. When she removes the p.enis gentlly tap her to the back of the head. Slobber slobberry lolzozoloozzz...

 

[Lozboss]

Mike's got game. True dat.

I believe even if you don't have an abundance of plates one must always conduct themselves as a man of abundance.

"The strongest negotiating position is having the ability to walk away" ~ Michael Yon

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Pfft. I've had this excuse. A matter of a couple of weeks later she was blatantly just disregarding texts and messages I sent. So I just stopped. As has been said time over, a woman who wants to be with you won't flake or be 'too busy'.

The more we deal with this, the more women like this we filter out, ignore back and refuse to chase, the more respect yourself and this translates in to your dealings with everyone, not just women. It's not about being a big head, it's simply ignoring behaviours that you don't tolerate. Personally, I don't even react. I simply ignore, like you would a spoilt child.

I don't often draw the correlation, but this is an instance where neo-feminism and chivalry are simply incompatible:

>A woman flakes at the last moment saying she 'forgot'(??) about your arrangement / she starts just openly ignoring texts nor return a call back.
(Personally, I'm not inclined to spend time with a woman who is dumb enough to actually forget what she's doing over the course of the following 24hrs).
>Still expects a man to chase (mainly for the sake of her ego these days, granted).

Pfft. I'll be a gentleman, to those women who can show be they deserve it by being graceful and at the very least polite in return.

Fck. Last date I went on, I was absolutely dumbfounded as the chick arrived 5 minutes early. This hasn't happened to me for YEARS. Unfortunately I can't see her again until after NY.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I don't often draw the correlation, but this is an instance where neo-feminism and chivalry are simply incompatible:

>A woman flakes at the last moment saying she 'forgot'(??) about your arrangement / she starts just openly ignoring texts nor return a call back.
(Personally, I'm not inclined to spend time with a woman who is dumb enough to actually forget what she's doing over the course of the following 24hrs).
>Still expects a man to chase (mainly for the sake of her ego these days, granted).

Pfft. I'll be a gentleman, to those women who can show be they deserve it by being graceful and at the very least polite in return.
.

Agreed

i dont understand how women on one hand will preach they want respect and on the other do something stupid which will directly contradict that statement

 

[Lozboss]

Agreed

i dont understand how women on one hand will preach they want respect and on the other do something stupid which will directly contradict that statement

You don't understand Hypocrites?

I get what you mean- I don't understand being a hypocrite but that's because I'm high value and therefore stand by my actions.

Sadly the majority of women nowadays are low value and hypocrites. Nothing surprises me with women, they seem to think that having a p*ssy entitles them to do what they want and not be held accountable. Sadly it is the actions of BETA males/ blue pills who pursue them that have fostered this behaviour.

Be content that these low quality women will never lead a fulfilled life.

 

[RangerMIke]

why would you date a female lawyer?

She's pretty hot... And she has nice long red hair, which is a my weakness of mine.

 

[Bingo-Player]

She's pretty hot... And she has nice long red hair, which is a my weakness of mine.

and mine

anyway i disagree pairs regardless of profession if a woman wants to meet / spend time with you she will do so or at the very least have the curtosy to let you know she isnt able to within a resonable time scale

"i forgot" is not an acceptable excuse in my book

 

[Yewki]

This doesn't really mean much, the real test is whether she reschedules and shows up.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Agreed with Bingo.

Though lawyers' time is highly regulated, regardless of profession, any person worth the time of day will give you the time of day in return. If someone is 'sooo busy' as to forget what's going on in their lives and/or not let the other person know one way or another, well may be they shouldn't be agreeing to dates, full stop. Smells like BS to me.

Seems to me that this ignorant type of sh!t-testing has been ramped up in the last year or so.

The true test is the counter-offer. It's simple logic:

-If they were genuinely interested, but they GENUINELY got waylaid, they should make a counter-offer to rearrange.
-If they don't offer a rearrangement, they're not that fussed and are just making excuses.

I'd send a courteous response along the lines of 'Another time may be', give a week for them to make a counter-offer (after the flake). It doesn't take someone that long to get back to you, unless of course they're not bothered.

 

[Yewki]

The true test is the counter-offer. It's simple logic:

-If they were genuinely interested, but they GENUINELY got waylaid, they should make a counter-offer to rearrange.
-If they don't offer a rearrangement, they're not that fussed and are just making excuses.

I'd send a courteous response along the lines of 'Another time may be', give a week for them to make a counter-offer (after the flake). It doesn't take someone that long to get back to you, unless of course they're not bothered.

If she was genuinely interested she may still expect the OP to set up the date again. Refusing to schedule until she counters is just an unnecessary game that lowers the chances of getting a date. Her flake seemed plausible/sincere, so just give her another chance.

 

[Lozboss]

If she was genuinely interested she may still expect the OP to set up the date again. Refusing to schedule until she counters is just an unnecessary game that lowers the chances of getting a date. Her flake seemed plausible/sincere, so just give her another chance.

Total Nonsense. Don't listen to this.

If you flake- you rearrange. If you pursue a flake you devalue yourself.

 

[Yewki]

Total Nonsense. Don't listen to this.

If you flake- you rearrange. If you pursue a flake you devalue yourself.

Too black and white.

Always going NC and waiting for a counter is silly. In this example, the girl's excuse was plausible, she seemed sincere, and her counter was in the form of asking "Some other time?" She's basically asking the OP to reschedule. So you can play a game, go NC and wait for a counter because there's some rule by some guy on the internet that said so... OR go with your gut and use common sense.

 

[grayclif]

"i forgot" is not an acceptable excuse in my book

It's not. I really look forward to my dates maybe because each experience gets better and better for me at least.

why would you date a female lawyer?

I'm currently dating a lawyer and she is constantly speaking out of both sides of her mouth. "I think I like you" and "you're such a d.ick", or ill invite her to lunch to and she'll get there tell me she just ate. It happens so often that I've almost stopped listening to her. I date her cause she's 30 and she's hot.

 

[NSX-R]

Well played op . Women lawyers are smart people and talking is their profession.

I think you showed your cards very well , you made obvious that she's not too important for you ( that you have also other things to do ) and you also gave her a small second chance to prove herself if it's worth it or not.

I'm sure you know how to move on afterwards.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

If she was genuinely interested she may still expect the OP to set up the date again. Refusing to schedule until she counters is just an unnecessary game that lowers the chances of getting a date. Her flake seemed plausible/sincere, so just give her another chance.

That is rationalising a hypothetical situation that's going on in someone else's head. Why assume you know what a chick is thinking, when her words and actions have thus far dictated that she's just not that interested. Yeah, she may be hot, but there's loads of hot birds around, I'm not gonna waste time chasing some bird who can take five minutes, no, THIRTY seconds on her commute home to let you know she's bailing; some bird that 'forgot about me'.

Some people see it as petty; but others just hold differing standards.

Not saying no contact. But I wouldn't counter offer like OP did. I say, 'OK. Let me know when you're less busy, it would be great to see you'. Then disappear.

It's called a GAME for a reason; like poker you keep your cards close to your chest to create mystery. Because mystery, suspense and random acts are what get women off. You think this lawyer chick doesn't have a dozen men on her fone who she can visit for a booty call already....?

This place has let the fundamentals slide, seriously.

ALWAYS ask, what would James Bond do? You think he's gonna bother about some bird who 'forgot' about him?

 

[Yewki]

That is rationalising a hypothetical situation that's going on in someone else's head. Why assume you know what a chick is thinking, when her words and actions have thus far dictated that she's just not that interested. Yeah, she may be hot, but there's loads of hot birds around, I'm not gonna waste time chasing some bird who can take five minutes, no, THIRTY seconds on her commute home to let you know she's bailing; some bird that 'forgot about me'.

On the flip side, you're rationalizing a hypothetical as well.

There's two general possibilites going on here,

1) Her excuse is more or less legit and she is interested in rescheduling
2) Her excuse is more or less BS and she does not want to reschedule

Let's assume #2 and refuse to contact her again to reschedule, as you would do TheMonkeyKing. If you're right, you'll not hear from her and eventually realize you were right and she wasn't interest. You saved a tiny bit of pride by never ever reaching out to reschedule (I guess?), at the cost of playing a waiting game and being unsure for a longer period of time. But if you're wrong, you've significantly lowered your chances of meeting up. You had her attention and did not strike again while the iron was hot. She was at a time interested, but you decided to play a waiting game and now who knows.

Ok let's go with assumption #1 and reschedule now or in a few days (whatever is appropriate). If you're right, you have a pretty high chance of meeting up now. If you're wrong and she declines/flakes, oh no I guess you lost a sliver of pride by eventually trying to reschedule (?? I don't really get this) but on the flip side you now know where you stand and can move on quicker.

Tell me what I'm missing because the right move seems pretty obvious to me.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Alright, never let it be said I sit here and tell people what to do; only in extreme cases. Yo're all big boys and have your own adventures to enjoy.

However, I will conclude (my own points) here. Let's imagine we are both in the situation of the OP. At this stage (immediately after the flake):

1) Your tack is to counter-offer. Fine, I see a vague, though unreasoned logic in that there is a small chance that she 'may' in fact be interested, her excuse 'may' have been legit and she 'may' turn up second time round, you 'might' get laid, and you 'might' live happily ever after. Or any combination thereof.

However, I will back-pedal slightly here and say that you are not even rationalising, because that would imply some logical thought of reasoning. What you are in fact doing is hypothesising, or even living in blind hope. Currently, you have no evidence other than a casual 'Some other time?' to suggest she's worth wasting any more time waiting for, for whatever you want. Because that is what you are currently doing: waiting, and hoping, and that's what you will continue doing until she does it a second time, having wasted another evening of your time, waiting and hoping. Your SECOND offer tells her that as well. If all she gets out of that is an ego boost, she's still got more than you; you who is now at a detriment, because she wasted two evenings of your life that you kept aside.

2) My own tack is not to ignore and go NC, (as you see, some more cutthroat members see this as highly disrespectful; and I am inclined to agree, but am less conservative than they). I might even go as far as to send a word of condolence for her work stresses. But I will not be waiting around and I will be forcing her hand one way or another, by putting the ball in her court - 'Let me know when you're less busy'. I will be doing this for the following reasons; not hopes, not 'mights' or 'what ifs', or my own emotive projection-transference hypotheses, but for these REASONS that she has shown me:

a) The flake. In short, she's wasted my time and shows no remorse.
b) Half of her excuse may be 'legit', but the other half is rude - she 'forgot'. That being, she holds me an my time in such low regard already that she 'forgot'. Words my friend, listen to and read the words. A woman will tell you half the truth, in order to avoid 'hurting your feelings'. To her message, I read, 'I can't be @rsed and I don't even give a sh!t that I wasted your time'.
c) No (conclusive) counter offer; rather a cursory 'shall we, shalln't we bother?' kind of half @rsed counter.
d) She's a lawyer. This won't be the last time it happens.

Ask yourself this; how much is your time worth? Think like a lawyer or a business man, if a client flaked, saying they 'forgot'... meh, doesn't fill me with inspiration about the intentions of this person/company. For some people, it really is that back and white. One strike and out.

 

[grayclif]

I really try to avoid these type of situations as well but they don't happen too often. If they say I'll get back to you later I always say I'm really interested in you and I'd like to nail down a date/location. Then I'll go on to say if it's a NO then that's fine too but I need to know either way. They usually come up with something. When they dont come up with something they usually go silent for a while then they try to reengage me on some topic other than the date. I completely ignore.

I must say that spinning plates helps with all this. You gotta have 3 or 4 girls in rotation to be this relaxed. The ladies can sense it too. They can feel if you are a man in demand and since you are they want it too. Your attitude changes, you are not in the least bit needy and when you make a joke, no matter how risqué, you can do it with confidence. Chicks luv that so much.

 

[Huffman]

Flakes, and our treatment of them, come from the idea that we build attraction very slowly - sometimes too slowly.

If you want to give a Flake a 2nd chance, you're saying "yeah, she's not 100% attracted, but once we go on that 2nd date she will love me!" I hope that's true, but mostly it's not.

A poster above me was surprised when a woman showed up early. WTF is this? It means he's used to getting flaked and disrespected non-stop! All his girls are Maybes!
I think it's smart to shift your focus so the first impression is rather extreme... and then you're gonna have more YES girls, more NO girls, less maybes. Which means that you can just safely throw away flakes.

Why are we even discussing flakes in such detail - because we have too many of them, and not enough YES girls waiting for us.

With girls flaking so much, you can't build attraction slowly unless you see her at work or school or such.