Exclusivity with plate - Cut or Persevere?

[MT93]

What's going on DJ's

Been seeing this chick for a few months now on and off, in the midst of spinning other plates.

Now, I've done quite a bit of reading other threads etc, I know it is highly frowned upon for the male to request the 'relationship chat' so I'm totally avoiding that approach, the purpose of my thread today was to see how to play it if I'm stuck in lala land with regards to where this is heading....

Id consider this girl a strong 8, seeing each other for around 6-8 months, its not all been sunshine and rainbows, we've had breaks in between etc, her not being ready etc etc, the usual bull*hit

This time around, things are much more positive, she is instigating pretty much majority of the effort, dates, plans, conversation etc etc, id say maybe 80/20.

We are going to London for her birthday next week, and I've been invited over to her parents house for Christmas etc, see each other around 3/4 times a week and sex maybe 2-3 times depending, we have been away on holiday to Europe, this is all well and good, but from my point of view its very confusing as to where we are at.

She has been showing a lot of affection recently and been much more RS material this time around, previously I weren't sure on whether her value was high enough to be considered a LTR, but we are having fun and she's showing me good traits, that i would want to see in my potential girl...

Now here's the issue, when we started seeing each other again, she approached the situation strong as I was very reluctant to get involved again, and explained how she "wants me to be her man, this is what she wants and that only a fool would let me go"

She sometimes refers to me as her man, on quite a few occasions, and has said we pretty much are together, all of her friends know the deal etc etc and she makes quite a big deal of bringing me up to them and talking about how things are going etc

BUT

We haven't discussed actually being in a proper relationship, I am for damn sure not bringing it up, but, I have opportunities with other plates and I'm conscious of not putting all my eggs in one basket.

By not putting a 'Label' on this I am quite skeptical, I am in no rush, however, I feel that by the situation being as relaxed as it is, she is in no major position of investment, and can walk away from me at any time with no explanation if needed, without looking like the bad guy... if that makes sense?

This doesn't scare me, but I would much rather invest my efforts into somebody who isn't willing to do that.....I understand I could just be worrying for no reason and she has no intention of doing this, but I'm sure if that was the case, she would have brought up the topic of a relationship by now?

I'm not used to being in this situation hence the confusion, usually I have never had to wait any longer than a few months for a woman to bring up this topic....

How to proceed with keeping my nuts in check?.....

Cheeers!!

 

[AttackFormation]

There's 563 words in your post but none of them add up to telling us the most important and basic question, do you or do you not want to be in a LTR with this woman?

 

[MT93]

There's 563 words in your post but none of them add up to telling us the most important and basic question, do you or do you not want to be in a LTR with this woman?

Yeah, i do

The basic currently is we pretty much are, we act and move like we are in a relationship, however, we haven't had the talk or put the 'label' on it...

So now what?

I know she has to be the one to initiate, as then it will prove her IL and m not handing over any control, i know that.

But say it never comes? And shes free to walk at the drop of a hat?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Don´t overthink it. You already having sex. Just pretend your made it official already.

 

[MT93]

Don´t overthink it. You already having sex. Just pretend your made it official already.

Noted...
I will continue as was/is...

at the same time spin plates, just hope it doesn't backfire in my face.

 

[R.U.G.]

Let her bring it up. You bring it up makes you look submissive and weak,

 

[AttackFormation]

Yeah, i do

The basic currently is we pretty much are, we act and move like we are in a relationship, however, we haven't had the talk or put the 'label' on it...

So now what?

I know she has to be the one to initiate, as then it will prove her IL and m not handing over any control, i know that.

But say it never comes? And shes free to walk at the drop of a hat?

I personally don't buy that the woman has to initiate it. Women like being claimed, and they like men who take control. If I wanted to be in a relationship with a girl, I would make it concise and powerful. I would say, not ask. I'd find a good moment to push her up against something, make her aroused, then look her in the eyes and with a solid posture and tone of voice with my hands on her say, "you're my girl now Name". (What do you think of that, @AJ84 ?). You guys try to tell me she would find that "submissive and weak". After that the usual applies: don't go into beta mode by turning her off with gratitude, praise, self-abasement. Keep acting like a romantic novel lead would who she is happy to have.

The "don't initiate relationship talk" to me is a rookie primer to keep guys from turning the girl off with self-abasing behavior, because not only is asking weaker than saying in this case, the way guys ask like kneeling down with a begging tone of voice makes it even worse. So the newbie field manual to prevent that is "let her bring it up". But you want what you want... so go take it. Imagine James Bond reading this forum and then feeling intimidated from making a girl his, waiting and hoping for her to do it, because some guys told him taking what you want is submissive and weak... that's not how it would go down, is it? It's not the goals you have, but the way you go about achieving them. That's what game is.

 

[Roober]

I've noticed that women that dont date around much seem to just assume the relationship is in place. Their lives dont revolve around dating and sexing tons of people, therefore, why would they think you are dating around?

It's just not normal for them. I do think the conversation should be had, but I am willing to bet there is a good majority of people that isnt so focused on external validation from multiple partners. Because this motive isnt even in their playbook, they assume a relationship when you spend a lot of time with someone , meet friends and family, etc. That you are pretty much a couple...

However, if you are dating a lot of people, the question may come to mind... are they dating other people too? Am I screwing everyone they are screwing? The hamster wheel spins and the topic is broached.

 

[R.U.G.]

I personally don't buy that the woman has to initiate it. Women like being claimed, and they like men who take control. If I wanted to be in a relationship with a girl, I would make it concise and powerful. I would say, not ask. I'd find a good moment to push her up against something, make her aroused, then look her in the eyes and with a solid posture and tone of voice with my hands on her say, "you're my girl now Name". (What do you think of that, @AJ84 ?). You guys try to tell me she would find that "submissive and weak". After that the usual applies: don't go into beta mode by turning her off with gratitude, praise, self-abasement. Keep acting like a romantic novel lead would who she is happy to have.

The "don't initiate relationship talk" to me is a rookie primer to keep guys from turning the girl off with self-abasing behavior, because not only is asking weaker than saying in this case, the way guys ask like kneeling down with a begging tone of voice makes it even worse. So the newbie field manual to prevent that is "let her bring it up". But you want what you want... so go take it. Imagine James Bond reading this forum and then feeling intimidated from making a girl his, waiting and hoping for her to do it, because some guys told him taking what you want is submissive and weak... that's not how it would go down, is it? It's not the goals you have, but the way you go about achieving them. That's what game is.

It is weak, but to each their own. The advice here is worth what the OP paid for it. Women chase men, men shouldn't chase women. Clear and simple.

 

[Red Legg]

Let her bring it up. You bring it up makes you look submissive and weak,

I like to lead in matters of this level of importance I don't care if it makes me look weak or not if she does not like it then move the fvck on...whatever you do LEAD.

 

[AttackFormation]

It is weak, but to each their own. The advice here is worth what the OP paid for it. Women chase men, men shouldn't chase women. Clear and simple.

You frame your reality the way you want... to each their own.

 

[R.U.G.]

As always, it needs to be done on a person by person basis. A person should always customize the advice they receive here to his or her own situation. But, it is can be looked upon as weak. Always best to have the woman chasing you, not you chasing the woman (source: AMS/Corey Wayne/Alan Roger Currie)

 

[Red Legg]

As always, it needs to be done on a person by person basis. A person should always customize the advice they receive here to his or her own situation. But, it is can be looked upon as weak. Always best to have the woman chasing you, not you chasing the woman (source: AMS/Corey Wayne/Alan Roger Currie)

Now I will say this if you ask first you get to watch her reaction and with it her level of interest.I have asked before and have been turned down and then I backed off only to have them ask at a later date (it's not a big deal either way if her interest is high enough)

 

[AttackFormation]

As always, it needs to be done on a person by person basis. A person should always customize the advice they receive here to his or her own situation. But, it is can be looked upon as weak. Always best to have the woman chasing you, not you chasing the woman (source: AMS/Corey Wayne/Alan Roger Currie)

I don't think wanting to be with a woman because you like her and telling her she's yours with her taking it or leaving it and you moving on is "chasing" or "weak". I do think avoiding doing what you've said you want to do and hoping someone else does it for you instead because you're scared of looking weak is "weak".

 

[R.U.G.]

I don't think wanting to be with a woman because you like her and telling her she's yours with her taking it or leaving it and you moving on is "chasing" or "weak". I do think avoiding doing what you've said you want to do and hoping someone else does it for you because you're scared of looking weak is "weak".

Being with a woman and asking for a relationship are two different things. I always say I like our current situation and let's see how it goes. Always keeps them in check. But hey, if your way works for you, it's all good. Every person is different.

Now I will say this if you ask first you get to watch her reaction and with it her level of interest.I have asked before and have been turned down and then I backed off only to have them ask at a later date (it's not a big deal either way if her interest is high enough)

Risky, but if it works for you, again, all good.

 

[AJ84]

I personally don't buy that the woman has to initiate it. Women like being claimed, and they like men who take control. If I wanted to be in a relationship with a girl, I would make it concise and powerful. I would say, not ask. I'd find a good moment to push her up against something, make her aroused, then look her in the eyes and with a solid posture and tone of voice with my hands on her say, "you're my girl now Name". (What do you think of that, @AJ84 ?). You guys try to tell me she would find that "submissive and weak". After that the usual applies: don't go into beta mode by turning her off with gratitude, praise, self-abasement. Keep acting like a romantic novel lead would who she is happy to have.

The "don't initiate relationship talk" to me is a rookie primer to keep guys from turning the girl off with self-abasing behavior, because not only is asking weaker than saying in this case, the way guys ask like kneeling down with a begging tone of voice makes it even worse. So the newbie field manual to prevent that is "let her bring it up". But you want what you want... so go take it. Imagine James Bond reading this forum and then feeling intimidated from making a girl his, waiting and hoping for her to do it, because some guys told him taking what you want is submissive and weak... that's not how it would go down, is it? It's not the goals you have, but the way you go about achieving them. That's what game is.

I like that. If he’s already making her feel good then go for it just like you described.

Nothing weak at all about that and it shows mega confidence.

The whole initiate or not initiate, like RUG said, is on a case by case basis. Seems this girl is interested enough for the OP to take the initiative.

 

[AttackFormation]

asking for a relationship

None of what I said involved asking. In fact I made a point of saying not to ask but to say.

I always say I like our current situation and let's see how it goes. Always keeps them in check. But hey, if your way works for you, it's all good. Every person is different..

Ok, but he said he wants to be with her and is in his words "worried she'll move on". If he "liked his current situation and wanted to see how it goes", he wouldn't have made this thread.

Now if he was "chasing" a girl who doesn't want him it would be a different case. But on the case by case basis you mention, that's not what we've got here. I don't think taking action to get what you want makes a man "weak and submissive".

 

[AJ84]

What's going on DJ's

Been seeing this chick for a few months now on and off, in the midst of spinning other plates.

Now, I've done quite a bit of reading other threads etc, I know it is highly frowned upon for the male to request the 'relationship chat' so I'm totally avoiding that approach, the purpose of my thread today was to see how to play it if I'm stuck in lala land with regards to where this is heading....

Id consider this girl a strong 8, seeing each other for around 6-8 months, its not all been sunshine and rainbows, we've had breaks in between etc, her not being ready etc etc, the usual bull*hit

This time around, things are much more positive, she is instigating pretty much majority of the effort, dates, plans, conversation etc etc, id say maybe 80/20.

We are going to London for her birthday next week, and I've been invited over to her parents house for Christmas etc, see each other around 3/4 times a week and sex maybe 2-3 times depending, we have been away on holiday to Europe, this is all well and good, but from my point of view its very confusing as to where we are at.

She has been showing a lot of affection recently and been much more RS material this time around, previously I weren't sure on whether her value was high enough to be considered a LTR, but we are having fun and she's showing me good traits, that i would want to see in my potential girl...

Now here's the issue, when we started seeing each other again, she approached the situation strong as I was very reluctant to get involved again, and explained how she "wants me to be her man, this is what she wants and that only a fool would let me go"

She sometimes refers to me as her man, on quite a few occasions, and has said we pretty much are together, all of her friends know the deal etc etc and she makes quite a big deal of bringing me up to them and talking about how things are going etc

BUT

We haven't discussed actually being in a proper relationship, I am for damn sure not bringing it up, but, I have opportunities with other plates and I'm conscious of not putting all my eggs in one basket.

By not putting a 'Label' on this I am quite skeptical, I am in no rush, however, I feel that by the situation being as relaxed as it is, she is in no major position of investment, and can walk away from me at any time with no explanation if needed, without looking like the bad guy... if that makes sense?

This doesn't scare me, but I would much rather invest my efforts into somebody who isn't willing to do that.....I understand I could just be worrying for no reason and she has no intention of doing this, but I'm sure if that was the case, she would have brought up the topic of a relationship by now?

I'm not used to being in this situation hence the confusion, usually I have never had to wait any longer than a few months for a woman to bring up this topic....

How to proceed with keeping my nuts in check?.....

Cheeers!!

There is no way to ensure that she or any woman would not walk away in the future. You can’t even ensure that for yourself.
It’s a gamble, that’s why it’s scary at times to take that leap. Some people face that risk and move forward, some don’t. Neither is better than the other, depending on what it is you really want from a woman. If you want an exclusive relationship then you take the risk of having an exclusive relationship. If you don’t want an exclusive relationship then you don’t take that risk and you and her continue on dating while you and her keep your options open with other people.

But you can’t have both. That’s the rub.

 

[MrJack]

Yeah, i do

The basic currently is we pretty much are, we act and move like we are in a relationship, however, we haven't had the talk or put the 'label' on it...

So now what?

I know she has to be the one to initiate, as then it will prove her IL and m not handing over any control, i know that.

But say it never comes? And shes free to walk at the drop of a hat?

Just keep doing the same thing because once she eventually does bring it up and you start dating her exclusively, it’ll be harder to fvck or keep in contact with your other plates.

Enjoy the freedom while you can, grass is always greener

 

[R.U.G.]

None of what I said involved asking. In fact I made a point of saying not to ask but to say.



Ok, but he said he wants to be with her and is in his words "worried she'll move on". If he "liked his current situation and wanted to see how it goes", he wouldn't have made this thread.

Now if he was "chasing" a girl who doesn't want him it would be a different case. But on the case by case basis you mention, that's not what we've got here. I don't think taking action to get what you want makes a man "weak and submissive".

Stating in general, not for this specific situation only.