Ex - that I dumped - has a new boyfriend, I mighta waited toooo long....

[Andromax]

I'm having a problem, I havent started ACTING like and AFC yet, but I sure have been having moments when I feel like it. I gave a littlehistory in a previous post the other day

It's kind of a bummer, she told me that (the convo veered this direction) she did not have any romantic feelings for me anymore, yet she had them for a period after we had broken up. (its been about 4-5 months since we broke up) She really seems to have a romantic interest level in me, however, based on her body language and actions. She told me that she had disconnected from me, too. Which could explain that.

She is very eager to rekindle out friendship, yet she was a little reserved with the contact affection (hugging, etc) today. I believe that it could be a concious descision because she lapsed a couple of times, and we cuddled on the couch before she left my house after dropping me off. (but I dont want to mistake her behaviors of geniune FRIENDSHIP ONLY engagements as a level of romantic interest if it is not. As it stands now, I have come to believe her behavior as contradictive to her statement that she didnt have any romantic feelings left for me. (possibly biased) The reason she would lie is possible because she is in a relationship at the moment and would like to remain in it. (contrary to my secret diabolical desires )

So, hoping that this person she is dating, is not well schooled in the art of Duan Juan-ism, I may be able to get her back. We shall see. Though I really hope that I am not causing myself an extreme amount of undue stress, which is most likely the case.

She told me that she would really love to spend time with me, but she doesnt know how her current boyfriend would feel about it, and being the great girl that she is, wants to respect his feelings.

She suggested that myself and him meet, to maybe make it so that he wouldn't be so jealous (yeah right) and I readily agreed (still playing the just want to be friends card).

Anyways, I know I am going to be causing myself a lot of heart ache, but worst case scenario is that I actually do rekindle a good friendship with her (which would be awesome in it's own right).

Basically what I am asking for, is some advice, philosophy and maybe (if you agree with what I am attempting to do) a little motivational/inspiring story of your own, or something.

Andromax

 

[Trance]

Damn dude, i read this and the other post.

All your elaborate talking is basically bull****ting yourself. You live her, you breath her.

QUIT talking to her, dont be her friend, and for CHRIST SAKE, dont go meet the ****ING guy she's dating, make yourself a favour, and spare that AFC humilliation.

NEXT HER. Why the hell you wanna get back with this girl?? You dont want her, you are just jealous of her having someone else, you know this perfectly. CUT ALL CONTACT with her, no more phone, messenger, or going out.


NEXT!

 

[Andromax]

Hahaha, you are probably right, Trance.
I can tell I will not get much sympathy here.

Perhaps I need to remise this girl. But I cannot believe that I have become so infatuated with her again. I mean my previous LTR ex's get new boyfriends and I am extactic. And this one does, and I become, as you put, jealous.

I believe there is a glimmer of hope at the end of this tunnel, yet I do venture forth not fearing the consequences of failure, as it will still yield a friendship. And as far as just NEXTING her, why would I do that? That would be quiting a little early, would it not?

I do still hope for some guidance in the matter though, rather than "NEXT" a girl that I guinuinly have a shot with. I feel that I will have much regret the next few years if I do not put forth a decent effort, and isnt this what this mindset is all about? to attempt to eliminate the feelings of regret in regards to what might have been?


In the mean time, I will continue dating other girls, of course.

I truely cannot explain why I want her back so badly. Love can be a damned confusing thing. But I am having feelings that I haven't had in a long time, so that is good, atleast.

And to let clarify a few things, I have not "expressed my feelings of undying love to her" at all. ALL OF MY AFC B!TCHNESS IS HEREIN CONTAINED IN THIS WRITING.

I'll be the first to admit that I am a damn good actor, and that I follow the DJ rules and am vigilant in encounters, but I really rely on these forums for reassurance at times.

Love is a beyotch...
Andromax~

 

[sexual_intellectual]

Originally posted by Andromax
Perhaps I need to remise this girl. But I cannot believe that I have become so infatuated with her again. I mean my previous LTR ex's get new boyfriends and I am extactic. And this one does, and I become, as you put, jealous.

So you were over your previous LTRs, but you're not over this ex yet. Do you honestly believe that your feelings for her are qualitatively different for her? (HINT: They're not!!) You got over the others, you'll get over her - it might take a longer, but you'll be a stronger man for it.

Originally posted by Andromax
I believe there is a glimmer of hope at the end of this tunnel, yet I do venture forth not fearing the consequences of failure, as it will still yield a friendship. And as far as just NEXTING her, why would I do that? That would be quiting a little early, would it not?

The basic line I take with ex's is we split up because there were issues in the relationship that one or both of us weren't prepared to make the effort to work through. In both cases so far, the girl has been the one to not be willing to accomodate me. So the only way I'm ever gonna take either ex back is if:

1) I'm still seriously attracted to them
2) They recognise what they did that screwed the relationship up, and come back to me, genuinely sorry and seriously committed to making things right.

I'm a forgiving person, please don't call this (or more to the point let a pleading ex call this) holding a grudge or whatever. Its just my way out of a negative cycle.

What are your criteria for letting a woman who hurt you back into your life? My feelings after reading your post are that they are too low. Its like to get back with her, all you require is mutual attraction.

My opinion: This isn't about you being a quitter. This is about you not knowing when to quit despite it being in your interests to do so.

 

[Trance]

Its not too soon to next her no.

About being friends to her, only do that AFTER you have a girl yourself, or else you'll just look as a chump, and she'll think you're not over her.

In any case, you gotta date other girl fast, even if you wanted to be with your ex again this would be what you'd have to do. But probably you'll see you dont really need/want her, and you're better with a new girl.

 

[djbr]

I was at a similar situation months ago.

Don't wait, NEXT HER, FAST. Put your mind on OTHER things. Otherwise you'll be stuck in her and her ****in' BF for EVER.

There's A LOT of women out there and A LOT of kick ass advice around HERE! Go get all of it. Don't get stuck on this girl, she'll make you MISERABLE. I mean, I was at a same situation months ago...

I dumped her because she SHAPED my life, controlling everything. I was not allowed to have NO FEMALE FRIENDS (yeah, I mean FRIENDS, I'm not the type that cheat on anyone) !! Later, the AFC inside me started to scream and I urged her back. BUT she was with another boyfriend (LTR!!), one month later!!! I was going to a bottom of a shaft, really. But I realized exactly what I'm telling you.

So dude, make a HUGE favor to you: GET OUT OF THIS TRAP! I mean, like FAST. If you need some start at DJing, try Anti-Dump's Machine (it's in the bible). It's all simple. Try anything, really. Just get out this right now.

And ahhh, don't try to get her back. It will not work. Bad feelings last longer than good ones, sadly.

cheers...

 

[Desdinova]

Any contact you have with her, even a friendship will cause any feelings you previously had for her to come back. You'll be wasting your time, energy, and emotions on a woman who isn't romantically involved with you.

There's a reason that the two of you are broken up. What makes you think that the previous issues or problems won't come up again? If you want to spend months or years being miserable because she's never going to be romantically involved with you again, that's your choice.

Time heals wounds, makes memories fade, and kills the feelings you once had for someone. The sooner you cut her out of your life, the quicker you'll be able to move on.

 

[Andromax]

Jesus, I know it guys.

I know that I need to get over her. I know that the only reason I want her back is because she found a new boyfriend.


I guess I will cut communications with her, in my best interest. But what if she calls and wants to hang out? She does that some times, not a mind fvck, just friendliness. She brings me food to work, on occasion too. Is it worth it having her come over, going out, etc if she was the one who wanted to do it?

Okay - heres what I've realized...

A) I want the girl I dumped back, because I probably never got over her in the first place, and now she has a BF.

B) These are bad feelings and I need to get them out of my freakin head.

C) I can only pursue a friendship with her if I am genuinley "not available" (in which case I will realize that I am not so stuck on her)

D) I need to complete the DJ Bootcamp. Week 1, Day 1, going to go shopping all day and spend these holiday gift cards, 50 Hellos, will let you all know what happens!





Am I missing anything?

I appreciate your advice, guys, and thanks for the connection, Djbr.

Andromax