Ex owes me money-how to proceed?

[Armourhead]

Hey

I loaned my ex of 3 years about 3500$ so she could pay her tuition/food/rent about a year ago. She knew she would have to pay me back and had borrowed smaller amounts of money earlier and paid those back. I know, I know, I'll never do that again.

We broke up last November, I got her to sign a formal loan agreement and had it signed and witnessed/notarized. She made the first payment in December.

She has messaged me at least a few times a week since the breakup asking to hangout and do stuff. Other than getting her to sign the loan papers we have hung out once for a few hours. Since then she has been messaging me more and more to get me to hangout with her. I've been giving her pretty much one word responses and saying I'm busy.

She sent me an ultimatum message about an hour ago. She's frustrated that I don't seem to want to hangout with her or that I give one word responses. She made it pretty clear she wants to still be friends and do **** we used to do in our relationship all the time.

I do not want to be friends with her, at least not while I still have feelings for her, maybe in a year or two after I've moved on. However she still owes me $3100 Legally she has to pay that back and I could take her to small claims court for it if she misses payments but I'd rather avoid that hassle altogether. She has very low income and is in school so I'm worried she may somehow get some sympathy in court and get out of the payments.

Should I feign friendship in order to continue collecting my payments or is having the legal paperwork signed good enough to ensure the cash keeps flowing?

 

[Desdinova]

Is she actually paying you? If not, then pursue legal action. You do not owe her attention to get your money.

Why is this rocket science?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Who dumped who? It sounds like she still wants to be with you.

Collecting on judgments against low-income people can be very difficult. I think you're right about that.

 

[sodbuster]

well, I guess you can never say you've paid for sex..... because I think you are about to....

 

[YawataNoKami]

Rule of thumb:
Never give a woman any money, even if she is your wife, because she will lead you into financial instability.


$3,500= a round trip to Thailand.

 

[dustmuffin]

If you will be having sex continue...just friends hell no....you may try the friendship flute if you really want your money. Just because you sue and get a judgement dosent mean you will get your money. I have sued and still didn't get paid. No money no pay.

 

[Armourhead]

Who dumped who? It sounds like she still wants to be with you.
Collecting on judgments against low-income people can be very difficult. I think you're right about that.

I broke up with her but it was a pre-emptive breakup as I knew it was coming sooner or later. She wants to be friends because she doesn't have any other than me and was probably pump n dumped at work.

Rule of thumb:
Never give a woman any money, even if she is your wife, because she will lead you into financial instability.
$3,500= a round trip to Thailand.

Agreed. Lesson learned.

Is she actually paying you? If not, then pursue legal action. You do not owe her attention to get your money.
Why is this rocket science?

Understood.

 

[dustmuffin]

Is she actually paying you? If not, then pursue legal action. You do not owe her attention to get your money.

Why is this rocket science?

Legal action doesn't work all of the time. If she is still paying him as a friend go that route because it is easier. It costs money to sue then you get a judgement. She still won't pay if she has no cash.

Depends on local laws but here it doesn't make a damn if you have a judement or not. Judge basically says pay the man. Garnish pay? No job? Quits gets another dosent report it to court? Many ways around paying if you want to be a deadbeat.

Stay here friend get paid and dump after.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Tuition for your life lesson here comes to a total of $3,500 minus December's payment. Consider this your receipt.

You need to get out of this tangled mess and live.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Should I feign friendship in order to continue collecting my payments or is having the legal paperwork signed good enough to ensure the cash keeps flowing?

Insufficient data.

How much is $3500 worth to you? How much would your time cost, per hour to hang with her to get it back.

How do you know she's not trying to hang with you to AVOID paying it back?

I'd grab your balls (well, I wouldn't grab YOUR balls lol) and have an honest sit down with her. Explain you're just not interested in being friends. And it really bothers you she can't pay you back. AND you're considering taking her to court. Let her know what's what.

OR you could sell your debt to a debt collector for a couple hundred bucks, tell her you're considering that as well.

THAT would only take about thirty minutes, tops, at a coffee shop.

 

[Armourhead]

Insufficient data.
How much is $3500 worth to you? How much would your time cost, per hour to hang with her to get it back.
How do you know she's not trying to hang with you to AVOID paying it back?
I'd grab your balls (well, I wouldn't grab YOUR balls lol) and have an honest sit down with her. Explain you're just not interested in being friends. And it really bothers you she can't pay you back. AND you're considering taking her to court. Let her know what's what.
OR you could sell your debt to a debt collector for a couple hundred bucks, tell her you're considering that as well.
THAT would only take about thirty minutes, tops, at a coffee shop.

Although I realize that AWALT, the frame that I've held consistently since the beginning of the relationship 3 years ago was that we each pay our fair share. She's always understood she has to pay her rent/food etc and I wouldn't buy her drinks or free dinners. You can never know for sure what someone's future behaviour will be but she's always expressed her desire to pay off what she owes me.

Thanks for the advice everyone. She's still been trying pretty frantically to get me to respond to her or hang out with her. I can't know for sure but she's pretty much either cleared her schedule to get any opportunity to hang out with me or has absolutely no life outside of work.
She sent me a message today saying she's going to take $2000 of her student loan and pay me that on the 13th then will continue to make the payments.

As per the agreement she has til April 1st to pay it all off, and anything left after that will accrue interest at a 45% per annum.

 

[glass half full]

Rule of thumb:
Never give a woman any money, even if she is your wife, because she will lead you into financial instability.


$3,500= a round trip to Thailand.

Exactly...