Ex getting abortion tomorrow

[3countriesPlan]

My ex is getting an abortion tomorrow. I will try to be there with her and afterwards.. she was a total ***** after the break up but I feel I should at least stand by her side for this moment. Does anyone have experience with this? What should I expect and how can I best "help" and make her feel better?

At the same time I have a date tonight with another chick and I kinda feel guilty about having made plans to club tomorrow evening. Its probably AFC of me.. just need some reassurance.. uncharted waters. ..

 

[KontrollerX]

Don't worry about her feelings or needs.

She's a non issue.

Have fun with the new chick you are dating bro and remember whenever guilt creeps up just remind yourself that if the roles were reversed and you were in need she wouldn't give two sh!ts about lending you a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on.

 

[steve38]

If you are even remotely sentimental, you should probably go for counseling. I will admit I feel things much more than the next guy, but I let my ex getting an abortion screw up my whole life. That was 17 years ago and I am still trying to dig out of the hole I put myself in. Probably a different situation than you are in now, since it was a LTR and we were planning to get married. But these things have a much greater effect on guys than most realize. Good luck to you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

this thread makes me cry

 

[KarmaSutra]

Is this a mutual decision based on rational conversation between the both of you or is she doing this because you can make a baby but not take care of one?

We need more background in order to give you a better answer. Ask yourself what it is you want in your heart because it sounds to me as if she's not 100% on this decision. You clubbing it up is complete AFC mentality and will forever deny you any amount of growth.

 

[3countriesPlan]

Is this a mutual decision based on rational conversation between the both of you or is she doing this because you can make a baby but not take care of one?

We need more background in order to give you a better answer. Ask yourself what it is you want in your heart because it sounds to me as if she's not 100% on this decision. You clubbing it up is complete AFC mentality and will forever deny you any amount of growth.

I had a chat with her last night. I told her that even though we had a good relationship before and could find a way to have a good one again if she were to have the baby. I told her I would "grow up" and do whatever was needed to take care of her and the baby, she knows I came from a broken family and how much emphasis I put on a complete family unit.

She is so pissed at herself for getting pregnant-- says this is a huge sin she has to explain when she dies. Also said she will never tell anyone. Says that she also will associate me with this horrible event but doesn't blame me. She blames herself for putting herself in this situation. Anyways I listened then told her if she didn't want that mark that she could have the baby.. and I could take care it and be gone from her life.. she snaps back I can't fathom how hard it is to take care of a baby. I spent a year at a early childhood education center, I know how HORRIBLE they can be sometimes.. but its a sacrifice.. I know that and I felt I needed to let her know.. anyways she still wants the abortion.. says she needs me to take her to the clinic and be with her and take her home.. then she needs alone time.

My AFC side said we could get married.. I made my mistakes and am trying to grow from them. I know where I was wrong.. she didn't accept that idea. So here I am trying to help this girl out.. obviously remember this is my side of the story.. she has her own thoughts which I will add later when I think of them. Even thought she has been extremely unpleasant to be around lately, I know that if I were in this situation I would be to. I saw some pics of aborted babies.. man that is SICK.

 

[3countriesPlan]

If you are even remotely sentimental, you should probably go for counseling. I will admit I feel things much more than the next guy, but I let my ex getting an abortion screw up my whole life. That was 17 years ago and I am still trying to dig out of the hole I put myself in. Probably a different situation than you are in now, since it was a LTR and we were planning to get married. But these things have a much greater effect on guys than most realize. Good luck to you.

I don't know yet if I will have that sort of problem.. but I do picture a little baby in her belly ( 3 countriesplan JR. ) who would have been born on 11/10/2008 (estimate). Its horrible to think that he/she will be dead in less than 24 hours.

I won't go nuts over that.. but I will always think of 3countriesplan JR. as my first kid? Fvck...

 

[Bible_Belt]

Anyways I listened then told her if she didn't want that mark that she could have the baby.. and I could take care it and be gone from her life..

I respect that very much.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I had a chat with her last night. I told her that even though we had a good relationship before and could find a way to have a good one again if she were to have the baby. I told her I would "grow up" and do whatever was needed to take care of her and the baby, she knows I came from a broken family and how much emphasis I put on a complete family unit.

Even though your past is broken you have the maturity to grow from loss and turn it into a positive. This is a MAN speaking. Let's continue . . .

She is so pissed at herself for getting pregnant-- says this is a huge sin she has to explain when she dies. Also said she will never tell anyone. Says that she also will associate me with this horrible event but doesn't blame me. She blames herself for putting herself in this situation. Anyways I listened then told her if she didn't want that mark that she could have the baby.. and I could take care it and be gone from her life.. she snaps back I can't fathom how hard it is to take care of a baby. I spent a year at a early childhood education center, I know how HORRIBLE they can be sometimes.. but its a sacrifice.. I know that and I felt I needed to let her know.. anyways she still wants the abortion.. says she needs me to take her to the clinic and be with her and take her home.. then she needs alone time.

You both made the decision to lie down unprotected and become preggo. Seems as if she feels a victim and wants to punish herself and you with her guilt. Realize Brother, this is NOT your fault. She has to make and live with a decision for her body. Though you and I may strongly contest her decision, legality aside, it is her decision. You can take her to court but with her doing it tomorrow you may be out of time. Moving on . . .

My AFC side said we could get married.. I made my mistakes and am trying to grow from them. I know where I was wrong.. she didn't accept that idea. So here I am trying to help this girl out.. obviously remember this is my side of the story.. she has her own thoughts which I will add later when I think of them. Even thought she has been extremely unpleasant to be around lately, I know that if I were in this situation I would be to. I saw some pics of aborted babies.. man that is SICK.

If you feel strongly enough about her kjeeping it then you should follow that until you can no longer find it a reasonable end. Good luck to you brother.

 

[steve38]

Sorry to be such a downer about it all. I was at the bar tonight and this girl walked up and started chatting with me. As luck would have it, she was a dead ringer for the girlfriend I went through all that with back in the day. At least I am DJ enough to still pull young girls that look that good...haha. But of course it made me sad and I ended up leaving the bar and going home. Why don't you postpone it for a few days and talk it over? Not sure of the whole situation, but I see a chance of you two working it out. Yeah, I still remember the birthday too. Good luck to you. I really mean that.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Anyways I listened then told her if she didn't want that mark that she could have the baby.. and I could take care it and be gone from her life..

I respect that very much.

AGREED. Very much agreed. This is how MEN behave.

 

[3countriesPlan]

Steve38:
Well I've tried to make her feel better about everything. It was SO SO hard for me to bring up marriage and all that stuff about how I would be a good provider and father for the baby if it were born whether she wanted it in her life or not. She just said this whole incident basically ruins the chances of us having a good natural friendship/relationship in the future since she will associate me with the abortion. I'm not going to analyze her motives, I have already lost her obviously. I just feel like helping her because she is as of now the mother of the baby.

Whatever she says.. I'm not going to fight back and pull and "moves" out of the bag. I just told her about me and my plan for the future. I tried everything. After my date tonight I'm going to spend the night at her house, so I can be there for her whenever she has enough courage to go to the clinic. Hopefully something will change, but I doubt it. As long as she is carrying my baby I will help her.

I'm considering clubbing tomorrow night.. obviously to get smashed and destress myself, find some ladies... but to also know my ex is at home probably feeling alot worse than me.. seems almost like I'd be wrong to go have fun that one night..

 

[steve38]

3countries....its obvious she doesn't want to do it and is hoping you will talk her out of it. Detach yourself for a minute and look at what she is doing now. She is right about this ruining everything. But think about it. She wants to have this baby, but she doesn't think you will be there for her. DO NOT get this done tomorrow. Take a week and try to get some rational talk out of her. Suck it up and do the right thing. At least if you give it your best shot, you won't have any regrets down the line.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I'm considering clubbing tomorrow night.. obviously to get smashed and destress myself, find some ladies... but to also know my ex is at home probably feeling alot worse than me.. seems almost like I'd be wrong to go have fun that one night..

If you go out to "destress" you'll miss the life lesson in this experience. It's not going to be like playing a game of checkers but will linger in your decisions for the rest of your life and impact those decisions greatly.

I'm not telling you to cuddle or hold this girls' hand. Quite the contrary, she has made her decision and she must live with it. Say your peace and be done with it. Do all you can possibly do and you'll regret nothing.

 

[3countriesPlan]

She has said there is NO choice but to do it. She is distressed about it but has made it clear there is no other option. I will continue to talk to her tonight and give the situation my best shot. Whatever happens I will make sure to give an update. Thanks for all your help guys.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Make sure you post a field report from the abortion clinic.. maybe you can score a few #'s.

 

[3countriesPlan]

ya ok anyways she got the abortion this morning.. I was in the waiting room staring at the clock while she got her abortion.. 10:30... tick tock tick tock..making it worse were that there was a ferris wheel toy on the front counter which stopped spinning while she going through the procedure and the fvcking clinic was playing some old 70s song ..."shala la la" , and then some other sad songs after that...thats when I teared up.

After the abortion I find out the fetus was 7 weeks and had a heart beat.. fvck...walked her back to her house.. she threw up twice on the street...wouldnt talk afterwards..so I decided to make other plans and let her have her time to be by herself. Get a call from the girl I went out with last night. She wants another date.. I say ok, so I left her house to get ready for the date and also clean up my apartment.. later on I went back to my exes house since I left my wallet at her place.. then went on the date.. get back to my exes house at 1230am to pick up my cellphone charger.. she goes we should not be in contact anymore... take the rest of your stuff or I will throw it out. you can have your freedom I shouldn't hold you back anymore....totally cutting me out of her life..

I was like huh? (had just taken care of her for a week straight)
turns out she went through my wallet when I was gone and found a ticket stub from my movie date last night... ...and also knew I went out on another date tonight with the same girl somehow

then she started talking about our past, our relationship, and how I needed to have my freedom-- (Obviously since I post about her I like her alot) so I told her she was the one I wanted, outlined my long terms plans in life.. reiterated how much I loved her.. etc we were talking for an hour then I left to go back home...

All in all , good date, ****ty day.. totally unexpected ending
I dont see why she was so pissed about me dating other girls...

 

[frivolousz21]

you need to cut all contact with her and move on and forget about her.

 

[iqqi]

I think it was pretty insensitive that you went on a date the day your girl aborted your baby.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Did you HAVE to go on a date?

Or she didn't want you to stay with her and that's why you went out?

Personally I couldn't see myself doing that but if you needed to take you're mind off of the whole tragedy of the day then...*shrugs*