Ex advice

[MedDude]

So the ex and I have have been broken up for a few months. We talk a little on messenger and catch up. It was nice, we had been finds before for a long time so it was cool to know friendship is still there. So she heard a friend of hers and I had been hanging out. Not long after this she sends me a flirty text along with a flirty picture. She isthen veryreceptive tohanging outagain andvery accommodatingabout scheduling atime to meet. We then hang out again and she is nice but obviously keeping things distant and friends zoneish.

I'm confused by her behavior. I still have feelings for her and am wondering if it would be a good idea to tell her how I feel and that I would like to give it another try.

Any advice?

 

[Desdinova]

I'm confused by her behavior. I still have feelings for her and am wondering if it would be a good idea to tell her how I feel and that I would like to give it another try.

Any advice?

If you want to quit being confused by her behavior, cut all contact with her.

 

[samspade]

If you want to quit being confused by her behavior, cut all contact with her.

Yup. This is part of DJ 101.

Behavior is predictable. She hears you're hanging with another female and wants to know if she still has you on her hook.

If you tell her your feelings, 90% chance she backs off and leaves you feeling like a fool.

 

[MedDude]

What's the point in seeing if she still has her hooks in? Does that mean she's still interested?

 

[Ruleit]

So the ex and I have have been broken up for a few months.

I'm assuming that this is the same EX that dumped you
- the one that was going to pursue her career after summer?
- the one that slowly had been putting up a wall between you two before dumping you?
- the one that dangled the carrot of a "maybe" future reconciliation?

I'm guessing that she distanced herself from you and started looking for reasons to fight during this time. One of the key reasons for chicks doing this is when another guy has caught their eye and they want to pursue him instead of you. So... they start looking for 10,001 bull$hit reasons to get rid of you. Then they do.

So she heard a friend of hers and I had been hanging out. Not long after this she sends me a flirty text along with a flirty picture.

Yeah, because things with the new guy or her most recent bout of "singlehood" hasn't been working out for her. Her friend is now a threat to her plan B (i.e. getting back together with you)

She is then very receptive to hanging out again and very accommodating about scheduling a time to meet.

You fall for her ruse...

We then hang out again and she is nice but obviously keeping things distant and friends zoneish.

And she has you back on the hook again, effectively eliminating the budding relationship between her friend and you.

I'm confused by her behavior.

I've explained all above. i.e. She doesn't want you, but she doesn't want her friend to have you either.

I still have feelings for her and am wondering if it would be a good idea to tell her how I feel and that I would like to give it another try.

Don't be stupid. Kill your feelings for her. NO it is NOT a good idea to tell her how you feel. She already knows how you feel by your actions. She's just keeping you on her attention ho string and playing you for a fool.

Any advice?

1. Keep things "friendly" with her if possible and mentally "NEXT" her.
2. Stop pursuing her. Stop trying to meet up with her. Be evasive.
3. Shut the F up talking about any of your "feelings" to her or anyone else.
4. Pursue her friend heavily.
5. Pursue other girls
6. Keep your activities quiet and enjoy your life

Isn't she leaving to "pursue her career" at the end of summer?
Where is that going to leave you?

She's told you already by her actions what you mean to her... nothing.

I'm not trying to be harsh here. All the above is the truth the way I see it.

She's an EX.... Think of the letter X and draw that through your relationship. Don't let her fvck with your head any further.

 

[MedDude]

This is a different ex than the one you are talking about. I would imagine the rules you're laing or would be the same though.

 

[Ruleit]

I don't call them "rules" but personal values of how I lived my life when I was single.
I took an ex back once when I was single, wasted 5 months of my life that I will never get back. Every one of my buddies that ever took a chick back (that dumped them) also lived to regret it.

The "rules" if you want to call them that are simple:

- If she dumps you, she's done. If you take her back again, it's a matter of time before she does the "rinse and repeat" on your a$$
- If you dump her, be honest with yourself about the "why"... before you try again.

In both cases the chances of it working out are very slim.

Edited for clarity

 

[Tictac]

Sometimes the risk is worth it, especially if you were the dumper.

It's mostly a lost cause.

And a sh**ton of work for an uncertain outcome.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I like Ruleit's advice, OP. Don't believe for a second that she suddenly finds you attractive again. She's using you for an ego boost and to allow her rationalisation hamster time to kick back and tell her everything's ok, that she made the right decision because you're taking it so well.
If she genuinely does regret dumping you and is angling towards reconciliation, you make her jump through 1000 hoops to prove herself worthy.

 

[MedDude]

So I take a dive and tell her I want to get back together. I'm told in return she would like that too, just not right now because she had to much going on and can't deal with it mentally.

Translation?

 

[jimmy18]

Would she "wait" for Channing Tatum?

 

[Ruleit]

So I take a dive and tell her I want to get back together. I'm told in return she would like that too, just not right now because she had to much going on and can't deal with it mentally.

Translation?

Like I told you earlier:

"There's another guy or two I'm interested in. I'm going to see where that goes. If it doesn't work out I'm going to need you to comfort me until an even better option becomes available.

In the meantime you better stay single and available as my fallback option. I don't want you hooking up with my friend while I'm pursuing my options."

 

[MedDude]

So, it appears I'm a novice at this but I want to learn. What would be a good way to handle this situation?

 

[Malcontent]

So, it appears I'm a novice at this but I want to learn. What would be a good way to handle this situation?

See post #2 (Cut contact)

 

[speed dawg]

See post #2 (Cut contact)

And read the DJ Bible.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Med Dude,
You would go back only to quickly find out why you Guys broke up in the first place!

 

[jc_80]

in my opinion, the reason people breakup is a huge factor in whether it could work again. if both people understand the reason and are committed to not making the same mistakes and there is love and attraction there, then things can work and be better a second time because you both learned to appreciate each other more.

generally this is just unlikely because one person can't admit their own mistakes or is just unable to change. and many times there is something blocking one person from having faith because too much bad has happened.

I don't know why you two broke up and what has been said about it between the two of you. it's very likely that she's just jealous that you could be moving on to something better and she's not. the only way to know is to try. you just gotta play it cool and go at her pace. keeping your options open will help you not get frustrated and looking too eager.

it's a real crap situation to be in and the odds are sucke stacked against you. so you have to be honest with yourself and know if she's really not worth it anyway. if she's just a low quality woman then don't bother, really.

 

[jc_80]

most importantly, do not tell her your feelings. you'll look pathetic, trust me. this is where men screw up.

 

[Longshot]

Re-read what Scaramouche wrote- seriously; that is why it's better to move on 99.999999% of the time. I've been there like many, I'm sure.