Every man I know who's gotten married has a sh**ty life

[Bigpapa]

Given this, how did you distinguish between avoidant and anxious woman?

Also, that secure attachment, is something a nice guy without backbone have?

What will happen with a avoidant (man) and anxious (woman) ltr?

anxious means that you are clingy, while avoidant means that you are afraid of getting hurt so you keep people at a distance

secure attachment, basically being somewhere in the middle of the anxious :/ avoidant spectrum , is the only way to have a functional relationship

Anxious + anxious = can work long term, but full of drama
Secure + anxious = can work
Secure + secure = can work
Avoidant + anxious = rarely works long term, because the anxious will stop chasing ( unless is a masochists
Avoidant + avoidant = does not work
Secure + avoidant = can work short term, but the secure will cut the loss quite soon

long term, avoidantas have to move towards secure, otherwise they will end up alone

 

[Bigpapa]

There is alot too this. My wife is an avoidant attachment and i liked the freedom and relatively drama free nature of it until 2020 when it went bad

The problem with avoidants is that you can never really feel safe and you will always have your guard up

and after a while you will start getting frustrated little by little and you end up a walking ticking bomb

because they will also poke you to see if you are attached or not

 

[remarkable]

@plumber @remarkable If you have a daughter, you can hope well for her that she gets a man like you described, the problem though, is that in reality she will choose either a man who behaves like you, her father, and how your wife interacted with you, or she will end up with a criminal who will capture her emotions. No other ways

I agree with the first part of your statement, daughters often gravitate towards how their mothers acted and treated other men. So, as much as I talk about how you father a little girl is important, the entire home and the marriage between parents are key in the outcomes of children.

 

[jhonny9546]

Marriage can only be successful in a few combinations 1) Secure with an Anxious OR 2) Secure with secure. I suspect the 2nd option is a bit boring though. My preference is option 1. The man must always be Secure attachment for the marriage to work.

Interesting.

So if you have a fearful/anxious-avoidant attachment in a woman, that means she would be fine with a secure attachment man.. but dude.. how the hell that relationship will look like?
It seems to me that this man will have to eat tons of sh1t from her.. that's a hassle.

Given this, what if a man is on the fearful/anxious-avoidant attachment spectrum?
How his relationship and romatic life will look like?

@bmp2cpm You're the magician on this theme