Every man I know who's gotten married has a sh**ty life

[FlexpertHamilton]

Out of my two different friend groups, there's only 2 guys who haven't gotten married, and surprise surprise, they're better off.

In the case of each of the married men, their life has completely gone down the ****ter. The circumstances are all unique, but the commonality is that man is breaking his back and bending over backwords to provide for the wife who repays it by castrating him, monopolizing his time, extracting all his resources, and/or poison dripping him.

I've seen this time and time again, not just with friends, but any other men that I know or hear about. I can't stand it anymore; the worst part is there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I truly do not understand why men keep doing this.

 

[quodlibet]

I'm sorry in your social circle, most aren't happy in marriage.

But in a poll of 2.5 million people over a 14 year period reported here by CNN...

https://edition.cnn.com/2024/02/09/health/marriage-happiness-wellness

...married people are significantly happier than unmarried ones.

So it seems it's just the people you know.

You can't do this dating and seduction crap forever. When you're a senior citizen and remain unmarried, you won't have women in your life and you're just waiting to die.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I'm sorry in your social circle, most aren't happy in marriage.

But in a poll of 2.5 million people over a 14 year period reported here by CNN...

https://edition.cnn.com/2024/02/09/health/marriage-happiness-wellness

...married people are significantly happier than unmarried ones.

So it seems it's just the people you know.

You can't do this dating and seduction crap forever. When you're a senior citizen and remain unmarried, you won't have women in your life and you're just waiting to die.

my married friends would say they're happy too. i believe most people in marriages are suffering the effect of stockholm syndrome and sunk cost fallacy so they gaslight themselves into thinking their marriage is a good thing. and i'm not projecting here, i want to believe people can have happy marriages, but i simply don't see it. i can infer it by the things the men say such as "oh the wifey made me get rid of my motorcycle". that's a wife that's controlling his life.

there's also the statistic that being married is associated with a longer/healthier life. i think both of these stats can be explained by the simple fact that happy and healthy people are more likely to be get married in the first place, not that marriage itself leads to health or happiness. it's the classic case of confusing correlation with causation.

You can't do this dating and seduction crap forever. When you're a senior citizen and remain unmarried, you won't have women in your life and you're just waiting to die.

why not? you do know that old folks in retirement/nursing homes are fcking like rabbits right? it's like in a college dorm.

i personally never get lonely and i thrive being alone. but in the extremely unlikely event that i find myself lonely and desiring companionship when i'm an old man, there's no reason to think i can't still meet women. they aren't going anywhere.

 

[jhonny9546]

one common thing among married ones:
For some reason they do allow their wives to talk bad about them.
That shows no respect.
I dont care about wheter that is considered normal, because women are emotional ones.
That is a huge turn off for a man bending his back to provide for his family.
That is why I wont commit, until I find one who doesnt do that ****

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

one common thing among married ones:
For some reason they do allow their wives to talk bad about them.
That shows no respect.
I dont care about wheter that is considered normal, because women are emotional ones.
That is a huge turn off for a man bending his back to provide for his family.
That is why I wont commit, until I find one who doesnt do that ****

you will very often see women shvt talking her man, but rarely if ever see him shvt talk her. it's disgusting. "happy wife happy life" is the entire MO of these men. they revere the wife and bend over backwards to make her happy but it's never enough for her.

 

[pipeman84]

The circumstances are all unique, but the commonality is that man is breaking his back and bending over backwords to provide for the wife who repays it by castrating him, monopolizing his time, extracting all his resources, and/or poison dripping him.

The other commonality is that they haven't married a virgin.
But let's be clear here, the guys aren't victims ... this is totally self inflicted. In other words, you have a grown ass man, usually +30yrs old who enters a relationship with a woman of similar age who has spent +10 of her best years in various situationships. He doesn't logically think that if those didn't last more than a couple years each, then there's practically no chance that a happy marriage (+30years) with that woman is possible.

 

[Gamisch]

I'm sorry in your social circle, most aren't happy in marriage.

But in a poll of 2.5 million people over a 14 year period reported here by CNN...

https://edition.cnn.com/2024/02/09/health/marriage-happiness-wellness

...married people are significantly happier than unmarried ones.

So it seems it's just the people you know.

You can't do this dating and seduction crap forever. When you're a senior citizen and remain unmarried, you won't have women in your life and you're just waiting to die.

The current narrative on sosauve is to CAVE in, so dont worry your in "questionable " company LOL.

You think you can just get a woman at lets say 35 and stay with her untill your death? Really?

Let me tell you something: the women that are 50 today were 35 when online dating took off. These women will be fit, somewhat good looking and they will get d1ck offers from men ranging from 20 to 70. .

The " dont wanna be a player no more ( Joe) narrative is from the 90's early 2000's.

And I haven't even talked about the actual dynamics that a relationship ( marriage inc cohabitation) bring. After a while two people most likely will be tired from each other, be seduced by many other people, the spark will die out ect. And the 65% of men who get and got no p00sy all throughout their prime, bit kow suddenly gotta go and play the end boss ( marriage IS the end boss)

It's a overly simplified view to say " but what if you get older and you need a woman to wipe your azz and change your daiper". NO woman is waiting to do that for you bro...its noting but scarcity..and scarcity will ALWAYS be a losing hand!

So Gamisch, what else do you offer as a counterpoint, I hear you wonder....get your money up. Be an old man with money, as it will be the great equaliser that will keep your options flexible. You find one who is down, you stay. You wanna "pay for play" you can do that too. But dont ever think a man in this day and age can "just" get married whenever he feels like it and actually experience the happy okidodi life yall think it will be.

 

[Gamisch]

Out of my two different friend groups, there's only 2 guys who haven't gotten married, and surprise surprise, they're better off.

In the case of each of the married men, their life has completely gone down the ****ter. The circumstances are all unique, but the commonality is that man is breaking his back and bending over backwords to provide for the wife who repays it by castrating him, monopolizing his time, extracting all his resources, and/or poison dripping him.

I've seen this time and time again, not just with friends, but any other men that I know or hear about. I can't stand it anymore; the worst part is there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I truly do not understand why men keep doing this.

You saw that comment ....the Disney fairytale is HARDWIRED in the western world.

And imo its basically just a knee-jerk reaction to the ill dating dynamics. Most men I know that got married did it out of scarcity, thinking it would tie a woman down and somehow magically make her act right ...LOL. meanwhile these dudes are like fire fighters, constantly putting down small and big fires in their household just to keep the image up... these dudes also always struggled with women and imo ( if you dont develop and study game ect) the struggle will find you whether its via a woman who disrespects you on a daily or new women who reject you. Such a man won't ever escape the struggle.

Ill repeat again: marriage should be the ULTIMATE reward for a woman who showed nothing but good behaviour throughout many years.
- good girlfriend
- easy and cooperative to live with
- views you as a king , a God.
- a great mother
- overall an intelligent and pleasant person


After like 5 years of this amazing behaviour you MIGHT reward her with a ring, and that ring is something you do more for her than for yourself. No man worth his salt should be eager to get married because his mind is taken hostage by the Disney fairytale.

 

[Manure Spherian]

The circumstances are all unique, but the commonality is that man is breaking his back and bending over backwords to provide for the wife who repays it by castrating him, monopolizing his time, extracting all his resources, and/or poison dripping him.

Did they tell you this or you observed it?

Did any die from poison?

All you said goes on in bf-gf relationships too.

 

[Gamisch]

Did they tell you this or you observed it?

Did any die from poison?

All you said goes on in bf-gf relationships too.

Their downfall / poison is the " death of a thousand cuts".

And especially because the same goes on in a regular relationship, 90% or more of men have zero reason to get married other than desperation, the ego or a combination of the both.

Marriage will legally tie you to a woman ( most men will barley know that woman) and put at least half of your assests at risk. Why on earth would a man do that???

 

[BeExcellent]

Marriage is not easy. But in a good marriage it is meaningful and worth it.

If you are not in the marriage you don't know the inner workings of the relationship. Then there is your own bias, OP. You see marriage in a negative light. Ok. So your views confirm your own bias and are not enlightened to the inner workings of your friends.

Most of the married couples I know are in happy unions. Seriously.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@FlexpertHamilton "the worst part is there is absolutely nothing I can do about it"

You could always stop ruminating on what these folks are or aren't doing, focus on your own existence instead

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Marriage is not easy. But in a good marriage it is meaningful and worth it.

If you are not in the marriage you don't know the inner workings of the relationship. Then there is your own bias, OP. You see marriage in a negative light. Ok. So your views confirm your own bias and are not enlightened to the inner workings of your friends.

Most of the married couples I know are in happy unions. Seriously.

of course there are happy marriages, but these ain't it. it's not hard to infer what's going on behind closed doors based on the stories i hear. sometimes its blatantly obvious. bad marriages are overwhelmingly the norm, and good ones are the exceptions.

@FlexpertHamilton "the worst part is there is absolutely nothing I can do about it"

You could always stop ruminating on what these folks are or aren't doing, focus on your own existence instead

when it involves close friends that's when it bothers me, because you often end up losing them over it. it doesn't have to be this way. i don't really think much about it, but when their wife monopolizes their time so much you can't even see them anymore, i have a problem.

 

[Solomon]

Out of my two different friend groups, there's only 2 guys who haven't gotten married, and surprise surprise, they're better off.

In the case of each of the married men, their life has completely gone down the ****ter. The circumstances are all unique, but the commonality is that man is breaking his back and bending over backwords to provide for the wife who repays it by castrating him, monopolizing his time, extracting all his resources, and/or poison dripping him.

I've seen this time and time again, not just with friends, but any other men that I know or hear about. I can't stand it anymore; the worst part is there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I truly do not understand why men keep doing this.

Most of my friends who got in crappy marriages they didn't last long, One of my buddies had a "COVID marriage" he literally knocked the girl up right before quarantine (June 2019) and they married in early 2021 and by 2022 were divorced

My buddy just couldn't deal with the disrespect and rightfully so. The ones who are thriving I've noticed have been togther since college

 

[BaronOfHair]

when it involves close friends that's when it bothers me, because...

The only "becauses" which exist are the byproducts of our interpretatios of external events. In this case, you've chosen to view your married friends not spending as much time with you as "losing them", and ignored the more obvious explanation:

Once folks marry, the bulk of their attention inevitably goes towards the family they've begun to create. And unions we personally consider "shi-ty" may be perfectly acceptable to those who are actually in them. Ex.

Recently as The 90s and early 2000s millions of men were "on the down low", up to and including being married to women they'd sired children by, despite the fact that they weren't especially hetero. Miserable as that might seem to those of us who are 100% straight, to these men, such masquerades was preferable to incurring social stigma, being ostracized by their extended families, excommunicated from their houses of worship, etc etc

 

[bmp2cpm]

I’m 9 years into my second marriage. I am very happy.

First marriage was awful though - at that time I came to this site to learn what I was doing wrong.

Forever wifey is a flight attendant, so I have the house to myself half the month. I spent Saturday playing Xbox, eating pizza (that she ordered for me), and hanging out with my best friend, our dog. A very ruff life indeed!

No children together as we met late in life.

While we pseodo-fight like most married couples ( eg do it this way not that), we make each other laugh every day.

My friend circle is just my SIL and BIL, they are good people.

I have made many posts on this site for those who might want a similar life - pretty much everything you need to know to acquire and keep a good woman.

I will say there is an elephant in the room - attachment styles.

Avoidant attachment style means it is almost impossible for that person to have a successful long term relationship. A high percentage of those in a dating pool are avoidants because they can’t keep a mate.

The anxious attachment ladies seem to get pulled into long term relationships early in life compared to men the same age.

Likely, a high percentage of people on this site have Avoidant attachment style. Nothing wrong with that - just means marriage is not in the cards for you and you will likely date other avoidants your whole life.

Sosuave, eg Pook and others teach men to mimic a combo of Secure and Avoidant Attachment styles in order to attract and retain quality woman. That is why every thing you read here works - the advice is mimicking attachment styles.

Marriage can only be successful in a few combinations 1) Secure with an Anxious OR 2) Secure with secure. I suspect the 2nd option is a bit boring though. My preference is option 1. The man must always be Secure attachment for the marriage to work.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Why are single men so obsessed with married men then? If you don’t want to get married then cool, but why do guys have to bring up shvt constantly. This is personal because I just lost a best friend from college because he completely turned once I got married. It was always a constant contest with him and I just got fricking sick of it.

 

[plumber]

I’m 9 years into my second marriage. I am very happy.

First marriage was awful though - at that time I came to this site to learn what I was doing wrong.

Forever wifey is a flight attendant, so I have the house to myself half the month. I spent Saturday playing Xbox, eating pizza (that she ordered for me), and hanging out with my best friend, our dog. A very ruff life indeed!

No children together as we met late in life.

While we pseodo-fight like most married couples ( eg do it this way not that), we make each other laugh every day.

My friend circle is just my SIL and BIL, they are good people.

I have made many posts on this site for those who might want a similar life - pretty much everything you need to know to acquire and keep a good woman.

I will say there is an elephant in the room - attachment styles.

Avoidant attachment style means it is almost impossible for that person to have a successful long term relationship. A high percentage of those in a dating pool are avoidants because they can’t keep a mate.

The anxious attachment ladies seem to get pulled into long term relationships early in life compared to men the same age.

Likely, a high percentage of people on this site have Avoidant attachment style. Nothing wrong with that - just means marriage is not in the cards for you and you will likely date other avoidants your whole life.

Sosuave, eg Pook and others teach men to mimic a combo of Secure and Avoidant Attachment styles in order to attract and retain quality woman. That is why every thing you read here works - the advice is mimicking attachment styles.

Marriage can only be successful in a few combinations 1) Secure with an Anxious OR 2) Secure with secure. I suspect the 2nd option is a bit boring though. My preference is option 1. The man must always be Secure attachment for the marriage to work.

part of your working formula is 50% together time. not kidding, that's one of the markers that makes it work... absolutely no accusations.... but statistically that allows each other to be free half the time. its like an open relationship. i have seen it function for men that travel for work.. in your case she travels for work. it fits. If ever she doesn't travel any longer find another reason to be separate 50% of the time.

 

[plumber]

one of the key things it so only pay attention to what she does, do not pay attention to what she thinks. many men get caught trying to please her, and listen to what she thinks. don't.... this sounds very cold/COLD. you can and should be kind, but without any care of what she thinks. her approval and opinions are hers and she can keep them. if your together to much, you will start to want to please her, especially if she is 90% of the feedback you get in life. even if your not that busy, LIMIT your time with her.

 

[Solomon]

Why are single men so obsessed with married men then? If you don’t want to get married then cool, but why do guys have to bring up shvt constantly. This is personal because I just lost a best friend from college because he completely turned once I got married. It was always a constant contest with him and I just got fricking sick of it.

The same could be said about a married man posting on a site for single men. Why hang around here instead of sharing some marriage advice? The grass always looks greener on the other side, or it doesn’t, depending on who you ask.