Every man I know who's gotten married has a sh**ty life

[Gamisch]

The same could be said about a married man posting on a site for single men. Why hang around here instead of sharing some marriage advice? The grass always looks greener on the other side, or it doesn’t, depending on who you ask.

This 100000% .

Its a seduction site and ofcourse it branches out to other parts of ale female dynamics. But if you're married and you vow for marriage, go ahead and contribute to R/ relationships and join the circle jerk

If anything, Sosuave is the last and on top of that a small place where the truth is allowed to be told.

The reason why we are " busy" with talking men out of marriage is because the OGs know that often they type of men who are overly eager to get married are the biggest betas..not saying a married man is beta ( because it supposed to be the opposite, a married man should be a true alpha) but most member's personal experiences are seeing the biggest beta simps suddenly rush into marriage, oftentimes without even being in a long term relationship with said woman.

 

[BeExcellent]

Listen. Quit being schmopey about your single guy friends who got married. The reality is this:

Your friend has had a substantial change in focus. Hanging with single buddies and skirt chasing is no longer interesting. That box is checked for him by his own choosing. He has sex on tap and a wife (read life partner relationship) that is expected to last years or decades. The marriage naturally assumes the highest priority of all interpersonal relationships and the single men are now less relatable to him. That means more important than his parents or siblings, more important than his friends or colleagues.

He has chosen to form a family, perhaps to have children. Single never married men do not understand being married. Men who are never parents do not understand fatherhood. Just the same as I will never understand having male anatomy. I have no frame of reference. Men don't grasp pregnancy similarly. It is not an experience a man will have in his personal repertiore.

I am married. I no longer cruise around with my male buddies. Its not appropriate. I do not talk to Glassguy like I did when he was single. He has a primary relationship with his wife. Its her role to be his close friend, not mine. While Glass has spoken with my husband, it is the relationship with my husband that is the priority, period.

My son has his most important relationship with his wife and their children in the same way. I am still his mother of course, but I am now "extended family".

That is normal and natural and how things are supposed to be. I am grateful that my son has found a wonderful woman to share his life with. His relationship with me now takes a back seat. That is how it should be.

Perhaps that gives some perspective. If a man puts his relationship with his wife above his relationship with his mother (as he should in my view), then single guy friends are a substantially lower priority than that.

Just accept it as part of life & accept the choices your now married friend has made; the priorities he has now set.

It ain't all about you.....and that is normal.

 

[plumber]

Listen. Quit being schmopey about your single guy friends who got married. The reality is this:

Your friend has had a substantial change in focus. Hanging with single buddies and skirt chasing is no longer interesting. That box is checked for him by his own choosing. He has sex on tap and a wife (read life partner relationship) that is expected to last years or decades. The marriage naturally assumes the highest priority of all interpersonal relationships and the single men are now less relatable to him. That means more important than his parents or siblings, more important than his friends or colleagues.

He has chosen to form a family, perhaps to have children. Single never married men do not understand being married. Men who are never parents do not understand fatherhood. Just the same as I will never understand having male anatomy. I have no frame of reference. Men don't grasp pregnancy similarly. It is not an experience a man will have in his personal repertiore.

I am married. I no longer cruise around with my male buddies. Its not appropriate. I do not talk to Glassguy like I did when he was single. He has a primary relationship with his wife. Its her role to be his close friend, not mine. While Glass has spoken with my husband, it is the relationship with my husband that is the priority, period.

My son has his most important relationship with his wife and their children in the same way. I am still his mother of course, but I am now "extended family".

That is normal and natural and how things are supposed to be. I am grateful that my son has found a wonderful woman to share his life with. His relationship with me now takes a back seat. That is how it should be.

Perhaps that gives some perspective. If a man puts his relationship with his wife above his relationship with his mother (as he should in my view), then single guy friends are a substantially lower priority than that.

Just accept it as part of life & accept the choices your now married friend has made; the priorities he has now set.

It ain't all about you.....and that is normal.

it sounds beautiful, like a dream. so many men did exactly what you tell. they deeply wanted what you tell. some more than life itself. most women do not have the ability to be loyal. there is a Ying and a yang about this. or a different way to tell it is its zero sum. when the man folds into the role of family first and total loyalty to the family unit that he is leader of he will separate from the others, its a natural way just as you tell. usually leads to woman becoming less attracted to him. that's the point.. she NO longer see and experience him as the same man she was attracted to. its not that she is bad... its that she is she (she is she). we don't want men to do that as its a death of a thousand needles. the issue is with all money levels, all status levels, all places. on paper is looks good, should be wonderful, should be us against the world. no one is bad... the issue is that the model does not work. it works until it doesn't. men blame women, women blame men. its a design problem... the design is for survival not happiness and joy.

 

[BeExcellent]

it sounds beautiful, like a dream. so many men did exactly what you tell. they deeply wanted what you tell. some more than life itself. most women do not have the ability to be loyal. there is a Ying and a yang about this. or a different way to tell it is its zero sum. when the man folds into the role of family first and total loyalty to the family unit that he is leader of he will separate from the others, its a natural way just as you tell. usually leads to woman becoming less attracted to him. that's the point.. she NO longer see and experience him as the same man she was attracted to. its not that she is bad... its that she is she (she is she). we don't want men to do that as its a death of a thousand needles. the issue is with all money levels, all status levels, all places. on paper is looks good, should be wonderful, should be us against the world. no one is bad... the issue is that the model does not work. it works until it doesn't. men blame women, women blame men. its a design problem... the design is for survival not happiness and joy.

You are too jaded my dear. Too jaded. This is how the marriages were in my family. Think of Cary Grant and Liz Taylor in the movie Giant. My family was filled with couples like that. My life and people around me were marriages like that. The women were able partners and respected their husbands. The husbands were REAL men who were worthy of respect, who made something of their lives. Women do not leave men like that. They build with them.

Too many men are running around acting like girls & then wonder why women aren't loyal. Concern yourself first with being a solid man, and the rest will fall into place.

 

[Slowhandluke]

Too many men are running around acting like girls & then wonder why women aren't loyal. Concern yourself first with being a solid man, and the rest will fall into place.

Most divorces are initiated by women -- i think 70%. Most of the time, it's NOT because of abuse or infidelity. It's because of "irreconcilable differences."

The average man is not acting like the average girl. The average girl is dating around and only choosing the "best guys" -- because, "you go queen, you deserve a king". Even though the guy (aka "king") she chooses has 10 other girls that he can easily sleep with. The average guy meanwhile is dating nobody.

SoooooOOooooo, the average woman say they would rather meet up with a bear in the woods than an average men.. because apparently the average man is dangerous. What is the average man to do?

The average man is fine. He is solid. He's not the best, he's just average. The average woman is delusional. Obviously, without the pressure of supporting a family, providing for a wife, etc. Why would an average man climb the corporate ladder? Or start a business, etc.? Average men don't need that much to survive. He lives his own life as he chooses. Simple and plain at his own pace. While this is happening, the average woman is losing her youth... slowly but surely... the number #1 thing that will charm and betwitch a man to committing to her. Mother nature gave that to her, and she is wasting it away... because the average woman thinks the "average man" sucks. oh, the irony of it all.

The tide is turning. I notice wives don't threaten divorces as much. Wives are seeing their divorced female friends taking a "beating in the dating" market. It's not pretty. Also, younger women are more worried about not being able to find someone. As an older man, I know several older women. They were picky when their were younger. They imho, didn't take marriage or dating seriously, and now some are alone. And even if they don't admit it, I think they regret it... and the younger women can see this. I think we are at the reflection point. Yes, there are many women who take their marriages for grant.. but that will slowly disappear.

 

[BaronOfHair]

The average man is not acting like the average girl

Yeah, entirely too many of us are attempting to remain in junior high psychologically

, and this is evident just from glancing over us

Awful truth: Exaggerated as the stereotypes about men that run rampant in our society are, they didn't simply arise out of thin air and like all other stereotype, they're based on a grain of truth

 

[plumber]

You are too jaded my dear. Too jaded. This is how the marriages were in my family. Think of Cary Grant and Liz Taylor in the movie Giant. My family was filled with couples like that. My life and people around me were marriages like that. The women were able partners and respected their husbands. The husbands were REAL men who were worthy of respect, who made something of their lives. Women do not leave men like that. They build with them.

Too many men are running around acting like girls & then wonder why women aren't loyal. Concern yourself first with being a solid man, and the rest will fall into place.

that's a tad condescending.. but not over the top. stick to the topic and not the person.... heheh. the first tactic of a woman is to try to color the person that they disagree with in a negative light.

describe your version of a solid man. i am guessing you will describe a 10 or 5% type guy. likely as according to you that's what you deserve (it can be true, you might be a top 5% woman). i have met a number of women, most of them if not all believe they are different than others. many of them have failed marriages that are the mans fault according to them. after a while i don't believe as most of the men also have failed marriages that are the women's fault. the numbers do not work...

you mention Cary Grant, married 5 times.... (his screen characters are very cool). the point is the fantasy is nice, the real live not so much. just another version of disney...

i have known plenty of very solid men, lets say 50% types, and also all the way up to 1% types. even close friends with a few bottom types. you would be surprised at the value from friends in all places.... i have only known 2 men in all my days that are like the story book. 2, out of thousands and I am not one those.

one angle to think that sometimes occurs is a child see her family as they wish to be seen. only when they are older do they understand what it was. even then many false truths go to the death bed and never tarnish the fantasy.

 

[CornbreadFed]

This 100000% .

Its a seduction site and ofcourse it branches out to other parts of ale female dynamics. But if you're married and you vow for marriage, go ahead and contribute to R/ relationships and join the circle jerk

If anything, Sosuave is the last and on top of that a small place where the truth is allowed to be told.

The reason why we are " busy" with talking men out of marriage is because the OGs know that often they type of men who are overly eager to get married are the biggest betas..not saying a married man is beta ( because it supposed to be the opposite, a married man should be a true alpha) but most member's personal experiences are seeing the biggest beta simps suddenly rush into marriage, oftentimes without even being in a long term relationship with said woman.

LTR/marriage advice is more valuable to men than sarging and field reports. I hate to sound like an *******, but sex/pumping and dumping low-quality women to increase a laycount isn't that hard to do. I could have room-temperature IQ and still find a way to fvck 100-plus women. The hardest part about dating is maintaining the relationship and dating high-quality women you actually want, not some bimbo that stuck around long enough to convince you to give her a chance.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I am not married but it is said that marriage is the Red Pill on hard mode. One of the main themes in that community is to stop blaming your wife and take responsibility of your own behaviour, boundaries, confidence, health, and communication. It also takes a while to change the dynamic since, if the husband spent years being passive, conflict-avoidant, and living through covert contracts, it's unrealistic to expect his wife to instantly adjust when he changes, if she ever does that.

The main scenarios where marriages start to decay and unhealthy habits begin to develop are usually these:

• Scenario 1: The frequency and quality of sex decline because one or both partners have lost attraction toward each other, even if the relationship is still generally functional.
• Scenario 2: A man who was once alpha and attractive male gradually starts walking on eggshells, becomes overly accommodating, loses his wife's respect, and falls into beta supplication.
• Scenario 3: The marriage deteriorates to the point where attraction and respect are largely gone, resentment has built up, emotional or physical cheating has occurred or is on the horizon, and divorce becomes a serious consideration.
• Scenario 4: Men who lived their lives as timid loser betas, met their wives as timid loser betas, got married as timid loser betas, and remained in unhappy marriages where they feel disrespected, constantly criticized, and stuck in mostly sexless dynamics.

Either way, if your friends are all experiencing the same negative outcomes, it is worth looking at the patterns that led them there rather than assuming marriage itself is the cause.

This 100000% .

Its a seduction site and ofcourse it branches out to other parts of ale female dynamics. But if you're married and you vow for marriage, go ahead and contribute to R/ relationships and join the circle jerk

If anything, Sosuave is the last and on top of that a small place where the truth is allowed to be told.

The reason why we are " busy" with talking men out of marriage is because the OGs know that often they type of men who are overly eager to get married are the biggest betas..not saying a married man is beta ( because it supposed to be the opposite, a married man should be a true alpha) but most member's personal experiences are seeing the biggest beta simps suddenly rush into marriage, oftentimes without even being in a long term relationship with said woman.

This is just dumb gatekeeping. You can learn from married men, single men, divorced men, men with children, men in relationships, etc.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

These topics are always the best.

A bunch of people (including women), that have never been a married MAN and most likely have not even been in a relationship over a seroius timeframe (5years+), giving advice on how to be a better married man/father.

 

[BeExcellent]

that's a tad condescending.. but not over the top. stick to the topic and not the person.... heheh. the first tactic of a woman is to try to color the person that they disagree with in a negative light.

describe your version of a solid man. i am guessing you will describe a 10 or 5% type guy. likely as according to you that's what you deserve (it can be true, you might be a top 5% woman). i have met a number of women, most of them if not all believe they are different than others. many of them have failed marriages that are the mans fault according to them. after a while i don't believe as most of the men also have failed marriages that are the women's fault. the numbers do not work...

you mention Cary Grant, married 5 times.... (his screen characters are very cool). the point is the fantasy is nice, the real live not so much. just another version of disney...

i have known plenty of very solid men, lets say 50% types, and also all the way up to 1% types. even close friends with a few bottom types. you would be surprised at the value from friends in all places.... i have only known 2 men in all my days that are like the story book. 2, out of thousands and I am not one those.

one angle to think that sometimes occurs is a child see her family as they wish to be seen. only when they are older do they understand what it was. even then many false truths go to the death bed and never tarnish the fantasy.

It is not at all condescending. I gave a sensible rationale as to why OP's friendships with his friends who have gotten married have faded (because of a fundamental priority shift secondary to the marriage, a normal thing)....I further gave my 24 year old son as an example because he has a great marriage and the type marriage exemplified through most of my family....related that it is normal for all other relationships to recede secondary to the marriage.....and you tell me that's a nice dream. A fantasy.

Um, no. It is not a fantasy. It is exactly as described, but because you do not believe in this possibility you chalk it up to being a "dream". It is very real. You are jaded, and I did not attack you. I know many happily married couples. The vast majority of marrieds I know are happy, some young and newly married, some married more than 50 years (and yet fun to be around as couples)....

You, and many others here distrust marriage. That's fine. But like OP, who doesn't see the value in it, there's a jaded jealousy around here about it.

Go read posts from great contributors to this site on the topic. Read @Colossus, @Atom Smasher for starters. Both those men were very active here, were moderators, created great content. Both got married and have faded as they prioritized the marriage.

I myself am married (and happy). So is @bmp2cpm and others contributing to this thread.

I married a man who is exceptional. Although I have described the details elsewhere they don't really matter, I am also exceptional. Water seeks its own level. No surprise there.

The issue I see persisting here among some posters is an attitude of distrust and contempt for women....for marriage. If a man has that attitude, he reeks of it. It is in his vibe and his energy. And it is unattractive. So I am not shocked at all that men who have that energy do not do well dating, and cannot see any value in marriage.

It is a self fulfilling phenomenon.

Be exceptional. Strive for something. Do not give me excuses why mediocrity is just fine, unless you are willing in your average-ness to settle for an average woman who is willing to settle for you.

Lots of happily married "average" men & women running around. But they are people who took honest stock of themselves in the market, are fine with that, and moved forward without jaded energy.

OP complained about his friendships fading because the friend got married. All I said really, is that's normal and here's why.

Its not off topic nor is it an attack toward you.....you just seem to find it hard to except that there are men out there who do not suffer from a negative outlook toward women & who are doing just fine, thank you.

 

[Slowhandluke]

These topics are always the best.

A bunch of people (including women), that have never been a married MAN and most likely have not even been in a relationship over a seroius timeframe (5years+), giving advice on how to be a better married man/father.

I've been in a relationship for over 5 years. I've been married and I am a father. To be honest, I've never been categorized as a player. Most of my ex's are still friends of mine. I'm pretty old, so I can see the patterns . To be honest, a lot of people would characterize me as a chad in my younger days. Even today, a lot of people consider me a good catch; and if I wanted to, i could probably remarry right now.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Listen. Quit being schmopey about your single guy friends who got married. The reality is this:

Your friend has had a substantial change in focus. Hanging with single buddies and skirt chasing is no longer interesting. That box is checked for him by his own choosing. He has sex on tap and a wife (read life partner relationship) that is expected to last years or decades. The marriage naturally assumes the highest priority of all interpersonal relationships and the single men are now less relatable to him. That means more important than his parents or siblings, more important than his friends or colleagues.

He has chosen to form a family, perhaps to have children. Single never married men do not understand being married. Men who are never parents do not understand fatherhood. Just the same as I will never understand having male anatomy. I have no frame of reference. Men don't grasp pregnancy similarly. It is not an experience a man will have in his personal repertiore.

I am married. I no longer cruise around with my male buddies. Its not appropriate. I do not talk to Glassguy like I did when he was single. He has a primary relationship with his wife. Its her role to be his close friend, not mine. While Glass has spoken with my husband, it is the relationship with my husband that is the priority, period.

My son has his most important relationship with his wife and their children in the same way. I am still his mother of course, but I am now "extended family".

That is normal and natural and how things are supposed to be. I am grateful that my son has found a wonderful woman to share his life with. His relationship with me now takes a back seat. That is how it should be.

Perhaps that gives some perspective. If a man puts his relationship with his wife above his relationship with his mother (as he should in my view), then single guy friends are a substantially lower priority than that.

Just accept it as part of life & accept the choices your now married friend has made; the priorities he has now set.

It ain't all about you.....and that is normal.

The only "becauses" which exist are the byproducts of our interpretatios of external events. In this case, you've chosen to view your married friends not spending as much time with you as "losing them", and ignored the more obvious explanation:

Once folks marry, the bulk of their attention inevitably goes towards the family they've begun to create. And unions we personally consider "shi-ty" may be perfectly acceptable to those who are actually in them. Ex.

Recently as The 90s and early 2000s millions of men were "on the down low", up to and including being married to women they'd sired children by, despite the fact that they weren't especially hetero. Miserable as that might seem to those of us who are 100% straight, to these men, such masquerades was preferable to incurring social stigma, being ostracized by their extended families, excommunicated from their houses of worship, etc etc

Ya'll, you are not understanding what I'm getting at. Out of respect for my friends and their privacy, I am not disclosing details. However, Im willing to provide a brief anecdote that serves as the epitome of the type of shvt I am talking about. This story is about a family friend, someone my Uncle knew his whole life. The man in question is old guy who's tough as nails, a man's man type, he was a marine in Vietnam and has been an iron worker for most of his life. Every time him and my Uncle spent time together, his wife demand he come home after only a couple hours. Him and my Uncle were once were working on a project to go build a shed or something, and while they were at a Home Depot getting supplies, she calls him and tells him to immediately come home and take care of the kids. He drops everything they were doing and comes home, and this was a regular occurance. Worse, there was a period in his life where he had to drive 3+ hours every day to get to the construction site he was working at, and his wife wouldn't allow him to stay there overnight. She'd make then drive all the way back home every single night to make dinner for their kids then rinse and repeat the next day. I don't believe she even worked. He spent his entire life with her like this. How does she repay him? By having an affair for the entire marriage and divorce r*aping him.

This is the kind of shvt I'm talking about. I see it everywhere time and time again. Can you really accuse me being cynical and generalizing when this is the sort of thing I've time and time again? Let's not pretend this is uncommon, i'm sure most of you know stories about marriages like this. These types of stories are a dime a dozen. For every good marriage, there's 10 other as bad if not worse than the ones I just described. My point is, why risk so much? What does the man even get out of it? It's high risk, low reward. I'm not saying men should never marry, and I am not 100% closed off to the idea, but it's a decision most men do not evaluate and calculate, they just do it because they are pressured into it and feel like it's their only choice.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@FlexpertHamilton "My point is, why risk so much?"

Same reason so many otherwise talented and intelligent men either join or build crime cartels of their own, despite being higly aware of the manner in which such ventures almost always end

The thrill which accompanies the danger is highly alluring

Note: I agree with you, that many marriages are lousy and many men are henpecked. Unless we ourselves are in such a marriage though, one must question the wisdom of spending more than 2 minutes per month ruminating on our neighbors's domestic lives

 

[Gamisch]

I am not married but it is said that marriage is the Red Pill on hard mode. One of the main themes in that community is to stop blaming your wife and take responsibility of your own behaviour, boundaries, confidence, health, and communication. It also takes a while to change the dynamic since, if the husband spent years being passive, conflict-avoidant, and living through covert contracts, it's unrealistic to expect his wife to instantly adjust when he changes, if she ever does that.

The main scenarios where marriages start to decay and unhealthy habits begin to develop are usually these:

• Scenario 1: The frequency and quality of sex decline because one or both partners have lost attraction toward each other, even if the relationship is still generally functional.
• Scenario 2: A man who was once alpha and attractive male gradually starts walking on eggshells, becomes overly accommodating, loses his wife's respect, and falls into beta supplication.
• Scenario 3: The marriage deteriorates to the point where attraction and respect are largely gone, resentment has built up, emotional or physical cheating has occurred or is on the horizon, and divorce becomes a serious consideration.
• Scenario 4: Men who lived their lives as timid loser betas, met their wives as timid loser betas, got married as timid loser betas, and remained in unhappy marriages where they feel disrespected, constantly criticized, and stuck in mostly sexless dynamics.

Either way, if your friends are all experiencing the same negative outcomes, it is worth looking at the patterns that led them there rather than assuming marriage itself is the cause.



This is just dumb gatekeeping. You can learn from married men, single men, divorced men, men with children, men in relationships, etc.

I geuss you completely missed the context of the response.

Where did I ever said you can't learn from married men? Read it again..I said ( what you almost copied) that a married man better be alpha and the head honcho if he wants his marriage to be successful. What OP alludes to and I 100% agree is that oftentimes men get married for wrong reasons, hoping it will make a woman behave better while the opposite happens; they get severely disrespected.

Besides that I also say that a man should be extremely reluctant to get married and put at least half his assests at risk for a woman he barley knows. Aka don't rush into a marriage "just because ".

 

[CornbreadFed]

Now you could say i am cherry picking, but I only ever hear stories like this from everyone I know in my life. I've literally never seen a happy and succesful marriage in my entire life. Can you really accuse me being cynical and generalizing when this is the sort of thing I've seen in marriages my whole life? Let's not pretend this is uncommon. These types of stories are a dime a dozen.

Respectfully, you only know his side of the story because you don't know what was actually happening in that marriage. You could be completely right about the wife. The wife may have been the problem, but none of us has enough information to say that with certainty.

As for the parenting point, I have a hard time giving much weight to a childless person's opinion on juggling the demands of raising kids. It's difficult to fully appreciate those responsibilities without having lived them. When your children need you, there are times when you really do have to drop everything and take care of them. That's simply part of being a parent.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I geuss you completely missed the context of the response.

Where did I ever said you can't learn from married men? Read it again..I said ( what you almost copied) that a married man better be alpha and the head honcho if he wants his marriage to be successful. What OP alludes to and I 100% agree is that oftentimes men get married for wrong reasons, hoping it will make a woman behave better while the opposite happens; they get severely disrespected.

Besides that I also say that a man should be extremely reluctant to get married and put at least half his assests at risk for a woman he barley knows. Aka don't rush into a marriage "just because ".

I wasn't talking about your point on rushing into marriage. I was referring to the part where you said, "if you're married and you vow for marriage, go ahead and contribute to r/relationships and join the circle jerk." Before you clarified, it sounded like married men, or those who defend marriage, weren't welcome here and should take their discussion elsewhere.

 

[plumber]

It is not at all condescending. I gave a sensible rationale as to why OP's friendships with his friends who have gotten married have faded (because of a fundamental priority shift secondary to the marriage, a normal thing)....I further gave my 24 year old son as an example because he has a great marriage and the type marriage exemplified through most of my family....related that it is normal for all other relationships to recede secondary to the marriage.....and you tell me that's a nice dream. A fantasy.

Um, no. It is not a fantasy. It is exactly as described, but because you do not believe in this possibility you chalk it up to being a "dream". It is very real. You are jaded, and I did not attack you. I know many happily married couples. The vast majority of marrieds I know are happy, some young and newly married, some married more than 50 years (and yet fun to be around as couples)....

You, and many others here distrust marriage. That's fine. But like OP, who doesn't see the value in it, there's a jaded jealousy around here about it.

Go read posts from great contributors to this site on the topic. Read @Colossus, @Atom Smasher for starters. Both those men were very active here, were moderators, created great content. Both got married and have faded as they prioritized the marriage.

I myself am married (and happy). So is @bmp2cpm and others contributing to this thread.

I married a man who is exceptional. Although I have described the details elsewhere they don't really matter, I am also exceptional. Water seeks its own level. No surprise there.

The issue I see persisting here among some posters is an attitude of distrust and contempt for women....for marriage. If a man has that attitude, he reeks of it. It is in his vibe and his energy. And it is unattractive. So I am not shocked at all that men who have that energy do not do well dating, and cannot see any value in marriage.

It is a self fulfilling phenomenon.

Be exceptional. Strive for something. Do not give me excuses why mediocrity is just fine, unless you are willing in your average-ness to settle for an average woman who is willing to settle for you.

Lots of happily married "average" men & women running around. But they are people who took honest stock of themselves in the market, are fine with that, and moved forward without jaded energy.

OP complained about his friendships fading because the friend got married. All I said really, is that's normal and here's why.

Its not off topic nor is it an attack toward you.....you just seem to find it hard to except that there are men out there who do not suffer from a negative outlook toward women & who are doing just fine, thank you.

another example of doubling down and attempting to redefine reality.


In a debate, labeling your opponent as "jaded" is a calculated rhetorical strategy designed to undermine their credibility without necessarily disproving their facts. [1]
Here is why a debater would use this term against an opponent:

To Framing Their Realism as Bias

• Discounts valid criticism: It reframes their factual, critical arguments as mere bitterness or personal unhappiness.
• Shifts the burden: It forces them to defend their emotional state rather than their position.

To Position Yourself as the Solution

• Creates a contrast: It allows you to look optimistic, forward-thinking, and energetic by comparison.
• Appeals to hope: Audiences naturally prefer inspiring solutions over bleak, unyielding pessimism.

To Undermine Their Vision

• Implies intellectual stagnation: It suggests the opponent is stuck in the past and cannot see new possibilities.
• Signals burnout: It hints that the opponent lacks the energy or willpower required to drive future progress.

 

[Solomon]

LTR/marriage advice is more valuable to men than sarging and field reports. I hate to sound like an *******, but sex/pumping and dumping low-quality women to increase a laycount isn't that hard to do. I could have room-temperature IQ and still find a way to fvck 100-plus women. The hardest part about dating is maintaining the relationship and dating high-quality women you actually want, not some bimbo that stuck around long enough to convince you to give her a chance.

I don't disagree with you, and I think this forum should have a relationship/marriage section for some of us (I've been here since 24). Pumping and dumping or having FWB' is a redundant topic. I'm more interested at this stage in my life when it comes to women retention, relationship advice, dynamics or even hearing from married men how to navigate a long term monongamous relationsip etc.

The issue I have with married men such as yourself is giving dating advice when you now have the experience to give GREATER advice.

 

[Gamisch]

I wasn't talking about your point on rushing into marriage. I was referring to the part where you said, "if you're married and you vow for marriage, go ahead and contribute to r/relationships and join the circle jerk." Before you clarified, it sounded like married men, or those who defend marriage, weren't welcome here and should take their discussion elsewhere.

Let me say it like this; marriage as every relationship can be a beautiful thing.

BUT, we also gotta be real( ilistic) and talk about the dangers. And yes, to only highlight the superficial nice sides of marriage is disingenuous. One of the many problems that men have is we love to shout it from the rooftops when things are going well, but we dissappear with our tail between our legs when shyte hits the ven . ..

on r/ relationships you're NOT allowed to say for example " i'd be carefully rushing into a marriage because IF a bigger and better and badder version of you swoops away your woman( hypergamy) you're fecked emotionally and financially ". You will simply get banned.

Marriage should be the FINAL stage of a healthy, flourishing relationship. As with anything, people are unable to say " yeah im doing xyz, because I'm lucky / taking a huge gamble and yet I understand that its not as easy or black and white As it seems".

The topic is that OP stated that he seen homies slowly getting chewed up and spit out by women who disrespect them, and it should be a warning to every man who reads this. I can testify I've seen the same thing; the WRONG type of men trying to rushing into marriage.

Again, to ignore the dangers is simply dumb.