"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Ever intentionally friendzone yourself?

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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As in a girl will say/do something to test you, and you respond by friend zoning yourself on purpose? An example would be a girl a was talking to, I wasn't really crazy about her, she's like a 6, and we'll go talk about various things. One time she told me how her siblings were teasing her about how much she was texting me and she told them how she doesn't 'like me'. I say "awww, but I thought we were just friends" and her face gets all red and she starts stammering something lol. I guess it's more so me friendzoning her rather than me friendzoning myself I guess, but she seemed to almost have an increased interest in me after that. Like reversing the roles or something. You guys ever done the same thing or anything similar?
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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bigneil

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With my last girlfriend, the moment I knew it was over in my gut, I said LJBF. Within a week she told me she was in love with someone else (who she met after I said LJBF). I have to wonder if she was returning the favor, or whether I accurately predicted things. In any event, I walked away. I was her lover only. Never her friend. 2199/2200th's of the time we were together (99.95%) was as lovers.
 

El Payaso

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As in a girl will say/do something to test you, and you respond by friend zoning yourself on purpose? An example would be a girl a was talking to, I wasn't really crazy about her, she's like a 6, and we'll go talk about various things. One time she told me how her siblings were teasing her about how much she was texting me and she told them how she doesn't 'like me'. I say "awww, but I thought we were just friends" and her face gets all red and she starts stammering something lol. I guess it's more so me friendzoning her rather than me friendzoning myself I guess, but she seemed to almost have an increased interest in me after that. Like reversing the roles or something. You guys ever done the same thing or anything similar?
She finds it a blow to her ego that you're not interested in her so her interest in you has piqued.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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With my last girlfriend, the moment I knew it was over in my gut, I said LJBF. Within a week she told me she was in love with someone else (who she met after I said LJBF). I have to wonder if she was returning the favor, or whether I accurately predicted things. In any event, I walked away. I was her lover only. Never her friend. 2199/2200th's of the time we were together (99.95%) was as lovers.
So in your case it almost seemed to have done the opposite, but simply because you two may have already been lovers before?
 

bigneil

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So in your case it almost seemed to have done the opposite, but simply because you two may have already been lovers before?
She was having an affair with me and had just initiated a divorce with her husband (who she lived with since age 14). At age 21, having just reconnected with her dad who booted her at 14 and her friends from high school (which booted her at 14), she couldn't tell everyone she had been dating a 46 year old man for nearly a year, so I had to let her go. I don't think it backfired as much as was spot-on. She later wrote "Thank you for being so understanding. I'm so happy you've been a part of my life and I want to make it up to you in any way I can". After what she had already done, that was quite an offer. I told her to call me in a year and tell me she misses me and she went back to gushing. I'll either A) Never see her again (I'm ok with that) or B) Have the best makeup sex ever with a more mature woman who knows I will give her total freedom, and who is no longer married.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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