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Even when you are crystal clear on your plans, they still do not understand....

RickTheToad

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I thought it would be a good share with the community, so here I go. Met the GF about a year ago. We seemed to hit it off well. After we went from casual dating to "exclusive", her idea, I agreed a few months later, I always stated I'd never, ever get married again, she had no issues. I would like a family, just no contract with the State or deal with family law attorneys. Connecticut is one of the worst States to get divorced in. She brought it up again and I reiterated, I will NEVER, EVER get married. She then said, that will not work for her as she always dreamed of marriage. I then said, then we should think things through to see if this is worth continuing. She asked me to ask a lawyer for options, I have a few friends who are family law attorneys, so I did. I was told, should I agree, and I am not there right now, we can have a religious ceremony and a private marriage, she seemed fine with that.

She came over on Friday and something seemed on her mind. After 30 minutes or so, she told me. She spoke to her friends and she doesn't understand why marriage is out the window and she wants a marriage some day. I then said, wait a minute, I told you from the beginning that this was not an option, and you said no problem. You brought this up again a few months ago, and you then reaffirmed. She claimed she didn't understand, and then started crying. I said, listen, if this is what you want, I cannot give it to you, perhaps we should reexamine this relationship. She backed away, but continues on, but why? Simple, I do not need the State taking half or more of my stuff in case this doesn't work out. She said she'd sign a pre-nup, and I said they are worthless since several were recently overturned. She also confirmed her friends said (they are both in family law), that pre-nups can be overturned, and is at a judges discretion. I said, I am not going over this again. You have to weigh the pluses and minuses for a worthless piece of paper. She calmed down and dropped it until the next morning and said I hope we can come to something where we're both happy. I said, if marriage is what you need, I will not be able to give that to you.

So, it seems this will eventually end; most likely by me, not her, which is unfortunate. Even when you are crystal clear in your intentions, they still do not understand. She's a good person and I want her to be happy. However, I will not allow the State, Court or POS family law attorneys extract my hard earned money and assets.. I didn't lose anything in my last divorce and subsequent annulment, but the legal fees were insane. No pre-nup can protect against that. It was an unreal experience.
 

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Lynx nkaf

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*she has family law lawyer friends*....when she announces the upcoming pregnancy, can you get a prebirth paternity test? does that exist?


Try to keep having fun with her. Take fun date pictures. Plate her.

Just dumping her after she was honest about the divorce rape connections seems harsh. You still like her personally, just shocking when these partners start pressuring you with their marriage or baby rabies hey?
Like their personalities have been taken over by something you can't see.
I don't know if it was bcude or billtx or some other member but someone wrote that if it made me feel better to think my ex succeeded in impregnating someone the same day we started NC (Feb 12) then they'd be almost 4 months pregnant now. I think this and it holds me back from desperately trying to get him to submit to me(vasectomy)
Maybe you can just come to some decision mentally without breaking it off physically. Its a pandemic still so might be a spell before more females come into your frame, even halfway like this one.

When I write on SoS I write for myself, not just the other members.
 

RickTheToad

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*she has family law lawyer friends*....when she announces the upcoming pregnancy, can you get a prebirth paternity test? does that exist?


Try to keep having fun with her. Take fun date pictures. Plate her.

Just dumping her after she was honest about the divorce rape connections seems harsh. You still like her personally, just shocking when these partners start pressuring you with their marriage or baby rabies hey?
Like their personalities have been taken over by something you can't see.
I don't know if it was bcude or billtx or some other member but someone wrote that if it made me feel better to think my ex succeeded in impregnating someone the same day we started NC (Feb 12) then they'd be almost 4 months pregnant now. I think this and it holds me back from desperately trying to get him to submit to me(vasectomy)
Maybe you can just come to some decision mentally without breaking it off physically. Its a pandemic still so might be a spell before more females come into your frame, even halfway like this one.

When I write on SoS I write for myself, not just the other members.
Considering she's on nuvaring and I pull out, that would be pretty impressive to learn that she'd be pregnant. But no, you cannot get a prebirth pregnancy DNA test as the embryo doesn't even form until about 9 weeks.

I've not dumped her, but I cannot keep on having the same conversation. I am not changing my mind.
 

Lynx nkaf

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Yes Sir.

Good frame retention.
 

Lookatu

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She asked me to ask a lawyer for options, I have a few friends who are family law attorneys, so I did. I was told, should I agree, and I am not there right now, we can have a religious ceremony and a private marriage, she seemed fine with that.

She spoke to her friends and she doesn't understand why marriage is out the window and she wants a marriage some day. I then said, wait a minute, I told you from the beginning that this was not an option, and you said no problem. You brought this up again a few months ago, and you then reaffirmed.
I don't know man, it seemed like you were crystal clear and firm from the get go, yet you caved in by trying to compromise and said to her that religious ceremony and a private marriage was possible.

Women never can think for themselves. Their original mindset is always be corrupted or altered by speaking to their friends. And that's when things go south a lot of the times...
 
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RickTheToad

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I don't know man, it seemed like you were crystal clear and firm from the get go, yet you caved in by trying to compromise and said to her that religious ceremony and a private marriage was possible.

Women never can think for themselves. Their original mindset is always be corrupted or altered by speaking to their friends. And that's when things go south a lot of the times...
Not sure how I caved. A private marriage is not recognized with the State, nor is a religious marriage w/o a marriage certificate. The point was to compromise to where my issues were secured and she can have a party and it be recognized under God. It's basically worthless and has zero standing in court. She'd also sign other documents stating what's hers is hers and what mine is mine. In addition, anything owned or purchased moving forward would be the sole property and responsibility to the original acquirer.
 

Alvafe

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Considering she's on nuvaring and I pull out, that would be pretty impressive to learn that she'd be pregnant. But no, you cannot get a prebirth pregnancy DNA test as the embryo doesn't even form until about 9 weeks.

I've not dumped her, but I cannot keep on having the same conversation. I am not changing my mind.
actually I read once it was possible, but bring huge risks on the child, since you would need to make a hole on her to get to the child.

but, serious guys knowing how woman are are you that surprised? woman never understand the this what it is since they don't do that, they will change based on her emotions, what she hate today is what she loves tomorrow, its all about how her feel, the changes now could be family asking her when she will marry or her friends marrying, want to know a dumb example? my mom wanted a eletric gate on her home, there was no need and my father didn't want, but she wanted and paid for it from her pocket, you know why? because all the neighbors had one, that was all she need to want one too, she don't even use that gate since she don't drive


also know one thing, if you life together for a certain number of years it WILL be considerated as marriage and everything will be considerated as a divorce if you break up, in some cases, she can even file for long term relationship and ask for money support, since it was know you was together for years. so don't matter how you don't want the state to meedle he will find a way to meedle, confirming this on your place would be advised
 

Barrister

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So it sounds like marriage is a deal-breaker for you more because of the financial side of things than children. You said you still would like a family. Unfortunately, if you have a child with her you will be involving the State anyway, married or not. I assume you know this.

If it is just the financial side of things you are worried about, why not do a prenuptial agreement now? You can be very well protected if it is drafted well (not that I know anything about Connecticut law though). And I wouldn't think the legal fees would be very high so long as the prenup was air tight. Although this would of course involve the dreaded family law attorneys. But, if it is more out of the principle of the matter and you just do not want to be married - I get it.
 

corrector

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So it sounds like marriage is a deal-breaker for you more because of the financial side of things than children. You said you still would like a family. Unfortunately, if you have a child with her you will be involving the State anyway, married or not. I assume you know this.

If it is just the financial side of things you are worried about, why not do a prenuptial agreement now? You can be very well protected if it is drafted well (not that I know anything about Connecticut law though). And I wouldn't think the legal fees would be very high so long as the prenup was air tight. Although this would of course involve the dreaded family law attorneys. But, if it is more out of the principle of the matter and you just do not want to be married - I get it.
A child is more of a tie than a marriage. I got married before and it meant NOTHING as far as the fall-out after it didn't work. No legal fees, and I got a court-fee waiver. There was a cinema nearby the court-house and I watched a few movies there after I visited the court before taking the subway back home. Other times, I visited Teavana and got some new teas. I have Family Law experience and know it's just some paper-work here and there.

Don't get why RickTheToad is making a big deal about divorce/annulment when its such a cake-walk. In fact, some of the court-clerks are attractive ladies themselves, and maybe you might meet someone there.
 
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Barrister

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A child is more of a tie than a marriage. I got married before and it meant NOTHING as far as the fall-out after it didn't work. No legal fees, and I got a court-fee waiver. There was a cinema nearby the court-house and I watched a few movies there after I visited the court before taking the subway back home. Other times, I visited Teavana and got some new teas. I have Family Law experience and know it's just some paper-work here and there.

Don't get why RickTheToad is making a big deal about divorce/annulment when its such a cake-walk. In fact, some of the court-clerks are attractive ladies themselves, and maybe you might meet someone there.
It can be ridiculously expensive to get divorced. Generally, the more assets you have the more you stand to lose. So I understand the financial trepidation Rick is experiencing (and I am also divorced). The problem with a prenup is usually getting the woman to agree to it up front. But this lady Rick is with sounds like she really wants to be with him. If she cares about him enough then she should sign without much of a fight. If she refuses to sign one? Well, then she just told Rick a lot about herself.
 

RickTheToad

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So it sounds like marriage is a deal-breaker for you more because of the financial side of things than children. You said you still would like a family. Unfortunately, if you have a child with her you will be involving the State anyway, married or not. I assume you know this.

If it is just the financial side of things you are worried about, why not do a prenuptial agreement now? You can be very well protected if it is drafted well (not that I know anything about Connecticut law though). And I wouldn't think the legal fees would be very high so long as the prenup was air tight. Although this would of course involve the dreaded family law attorneys. But, if it is more out of the principle of the matter and you just do not want to be married - I get it.
In family law, from what I was told, as long as one is not married, they cannot take my assets. Yea, there is child support, but I do not think that would be an issue. The issue is alimony, and asset appreciation. Should we come to an agreement, she'd sign a cohabitation agreement as well. Keep in mind, this was also stated previously and she was upset about it this weekend too. I didn't shake and I will not change my mind. I can always get another female, I have no desire to give half my s hit to anyone.

If you dump her then you will be in the MGTOW camp.
Nah, I always have ladies that are interested in me. She gets very jealous about when the ladies flirt in front of me. However, she somewhat knows I won't jump or cheat on it due to the STD risks. As you may recall, I already had one experience with an STD; I am not looking for another (different b itch).

A child is more of a tie than a marriage. I got married before and it meant NOTHING as far as the fall-out after it didn't work. No legal fees, and I got a court-fee waiver. There was a cinema nearby the court-house and I watched a few movies there after I visited the court before taking the subway back home. Other times, I visited Teavana and got some new teas. I have Family Law experience and know it's just some paper-work here and there.

Don't get why RickTheToad is making a big deal about divorce/annulment when its such a cake-walk. In fact, some of the court-clerks are attractive ladies themselves, and maybe you might meet someone there.
A decade ago when I lived in NY and got married and divorced it was a nightmare and my lawyer's bill was like 18k for a marriage that lasted less than two years and a divorce that took two years to finalize. She didn't get s hit, but the legal fees where crazy. I was also stuck paying the b itches medical premiums (court mandated since she was on my plan) until we came to a resolution signed by a judge. F uck if I go through that s hit again.
 

RickTheToad

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It can be ridiculously expensive to get divorced. Generally, the more assets you have the more you stand to lose. So I understand the financial trepidation Rick is experiencing (and I am also divorced). The problem with a prenup is usually getting the woman to agree to it up front. But this lady Rick is with sounds like she really wants to be with him. If she cares about him enough then she should sign without much of a fight. If she refuses to sign one? Well, then she just told Rick a lot about herself.
She did agree to a pre-nup and she will waive everything. So I then come back, then why get married? What's the purpose for you? It's a worthless piece of paper for me. She wants to be a "wife" and she wants the title of being my wife. Too risky for me. She cannot say this wasn't told to her in the beginning, she just claims she didn't understand what no lawyers or State sanctioned license meant. She's not stupid. She runs a huge department at a finance company, makes $$$ speaks four languages, so I do buy she didn't understand.
 

RickTheToad

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actually I read once it was possible, but bring huge risks on the child, since you would need to make a hole on her to get to the child.

but, serious guys knowing how woman are are you that surprised? woman never understand the this what it is since they don't do that, they will change based on her emotions, what she hate today is what she loves tomorrow, its all about how her feel, the changes now could be family asking her when she will marry or her friends marrying, want to know a dumb example? my mom wanted a eletric gate on her home, there was no need and my father didn't want, but she wanted and paid for it from her pocket, you know why? because all the neighbors had one, that was all she need to want one too, she don't even use that gate since she don't drive


also know one thing, if you life together for a certain number of years it WILL be considerated as marriage and everything will be considerated as a divorce if you break up, in some cases, she can even file for long term relationship and ask for money support, since it was know you was together for years. so don't matter how you don't want the state to meedle he will find a way to meedle, confirming this on your place would be advised
It's not possible medically speaking yet. I am not an OBGYN, but I have basic medical knowledge about the stages of birth and delivered geez, well north of 200 + babies, some who had serious medical problems. Still borns are the worst, they even get to me.

As for your friend's wife, it's her money, she can do what she wants. It's ridiculous, but she earned it. There is not common law marriage in Connecticut, that's a Canada thing in North America. I think only 15 or so still recognize it.

List:
  • Alabama
  • Colorado
  • District of Columbia
  • Georgia (if created prior to 1997)
  • Idaho (if created before 1996)
  • Iowa
  • Kansas
  • Montana
  • New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
  • Ohio (if created prior to 10/1991)
  • Oklahoma
  • Pennsylvania (if created before 9/2003)
  • Rhode Island
  • South Carolina
  • Texas
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corrector

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Nah, I always have ladies that are interested in me. She gets very jealous about when the ladies flirt in front of me. However, she somewhat knows I won't jump or cheat on it due to the STD risks. As you may recall, I already had one experience with an STD; I am not looking for another (different b itch).
It does not matter if you have ladies that are interested in you. I didn't say you were incel/escortcel. You are MGTOW if you don't trust a woman enough who wants to marry you to marry her and are breaking things apart on that basis. You sound very cautious about catching an STD. You don't trust women, and you certainly don't trust her. That is all MTGOW.

RichTheToad said:
A decade ago when I lived in NY and got married and divorced it was a nightmare and my lawyer's bill was like 18k for a marriage that lasted less than two years and a divorce that took two years to finalize. She didn't get s hit, but the legal fees where crazy. I was also stuck paying the b itches medical premiums (court mandated since she was on my plan) until we came to a resolution signed by a judge. F uck if I go through that s hit again.
Okay, well you don't sound like a happy camper. I paid for the transit fare (to and from the court-house) and postal stamps.

So, I can see we both have different experiences with a divorce process. If you had a similar experience to me then it's likely you would see this differently. But since you still got burned, then that's like a MTGOW statistic. You just admitted you got burned indirectly by a woman.

I don't get what reservations you have against MTGOW since your whole story sounds like textbook MTGOW. Why are you in such denial?
 
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RickTheToad

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It does not matter if you have ladies that are interested in you. I didn't say you were incel/escortcel. You are MGTOW if you don't trust a woman enough who wants to marry you to marry her and are breaking things apart on that basis. You sound very cautious about catching an STD. You don't trust women, and you certainly don't trust her. That is all MTGOW.



Okay, well you don't sound like a happy camper. I paid for the transit fare (to and from the court-house) and postal stamps.

So, I can see we both have different experiences with a divorce process. If you had a similar experience to me then it's likely you would see this differently. But since you still got burned, then that's like a MTGOW statistic. You just admitted you got burned indirectly by a woman.

I don't get what reservations you have against MTGOW since your whole story sounds like textbook MTGOW. Why are you in such denial?
I have nothing against females, I have the utmost respect for them. My issues are with family court and family law attorneys. Anything the gov't and attorneys do, they f uck things up.
 

corrector

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I have nothing against females, I have the utmost respect for them. My issues are with family court and family law attorneys. Anything the gov't and attorneys do, they f uck things up.
It doesn't matter what your issues or intent is, your actions are MGTOW whether you like it or not. Your rationale of using the system to defend your position is not different than how a MGTOW would say either. You are also bringing up STDs. So you sound like you are going to either be MGTOW, or MGTOW-monk-mode(volcel) the way you are sounding.

This is why I don't get your denial for MGTOW, or are even insinuating that they don't like or respect women. The typical MGTOW profile is someone who got burned by women before through a divorce process and doesn't want to get married to potentially be burned again and wants to just date women, but limit their exposure.

It doesn't sound like you are being fair with her because you should have known that she wants to marry you and was just pleasing you at the moment to keep your relationship with her functional. You should have read that between the lines and broke-up with her so it sounds like you were soft or were leading her on. Lets not be in denial about that.
 

Barrister

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I have nothing against females, I have the utmost respect for them. My issues are with family court and family law attorneys. Anything the gov't and attorneys do, they f uck things up.
Well I think we attorneys are still viewed in a more positive light than Congress. So at least we have that! Ha
 

RickTheToad

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It doesn't matter what your issues or intent is, your actions are MGTOW whether you like it or not. Your rationale of using the system to defend your position is not different than how a MGTOW would say either. You are also bringing up STDs. So you sound like you are going to either be MGTOW, or MGTOW-monk-mode(volcel) the way you are sounding.

This is why I don't get your denial for MGTOW, or are even insinuating that they don't like or respect women. The typical MGTOW profile is someone who got burned by women before through a divorce process and doesn't want to get married to potentially be burned again and wants to just date women, but limit their exposure.

It doesn't sound like you are being fair with her because you should have known that she wants to marry you and was just pleasing you at the moment to keep your relationship with her functional. You should have read that between the lines and broke-up with her so it sounds like you were soft or were leading her on. Lets not be in denial about that.
Again, I do not see that at all. I feel that I was very fair when I was first asked, I stated that I'd never marry but open to family and children to whomever I choose. I also said I have no issues with a private marriage or religious marriage, just not a State license. I was firm on this since the beginning. So, I do not see how you feel I am being unfair to her. You know, one can have children and a family without a marriage license.

As for STDs, well, I see them all the time and I no longer sleep around, so I guess I matured a bit. You would not believe how many people we have coming in, even now, for STD tests and positive results. So, COVID-19 didn't stop people from hooking up.
 
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