Even after a few years of studying the way of the DJ...

[Ricky]

I have a couple common problems:

1) Calling a girl for the first time. I STILL GET NERVOUS AS ****! AND I FIND THE LONGER I THINK ABOUT IT THE WORSE IT GETS

2) I get intimidated by other guys (specifically the big stud types). You know guys who are taller and bigger than me and dressed up well. I get especially intimidated by guys that seem to pull hotter chicks than me or already have them hanging on them. I also get damned jealous.

I wrote about this in 2002 in a thread called "Do you get pissed when you see other dudes"

I really still struggle with seeing other guys doing well. It is the competitive nature. I hate that I compare myself to them.

I hate seeing these 6 ft 4, baseball studs because they always got the finest tail, while I'm scraping for the 7 and 8's that are left.

YEP I'M PRETTY MUCH HONEST. I can get some good looking girls, but I want my pick of the litter every day every way.

 

[Black Bahindian]

I feel you man. #1 still gets to me.

 

[Nosferatu]

Okay, dude, here's your solution:

Start lifting weights, if you're not already. Once you get a week or two of that under your belt, call her IMMEDIATELY AFTER A WORKOUT. You will feel much more confident as you are pumped up and oozing testosterone. Try this; It works great.

Regarding your other problem, comparing yourself with another is a confidence killer, no matter what the playing field. If you find yourself competing with studs wherever you are, then change your modus operandi...Find a place to hang out where girls are and where guys aren't. Museums, book stores, etc. are a great place to start.

Nosferatu

 

[squirrels]

Before I used to look at alpha males and womanizers and get jealous and find reasons to hate them. Now when I see a guy hook up with a girl that I was checking out, I just kind of smile and give him props.

But I hear you on the phone stuff. I hate calling a girl the first time on the phone. I hate calling ANYBODY the first time on the phone. But I guess I shouldn't. It's just awkward any time you're having a voice-only conversation with someone. Even at work, I hate when people call me. I prefer face-to-face or E-mail.

 

[NewMan]

#1 is a non issue to me.

Your on the phone - they can't see you, so it's no big deal...

What I used to do (when I was nervous) is walk through what I'm going to say before you call. Run through it a few times - have a plan of what your going to say - and have a plan of what your date will be.

Remember that she will probably be as nervous as you - and if she isn't ir probably means she's not interested.

Few other things...

1) Keep it light hearted.

2) don't be two serious

3) Don't be to eager to ask her out. Chat for a little while before you ask.

4) ask her how she is. Ask her how her day/week has been. Take interest in her.


Finally - there's something I always do when I talk to women. I keep notes. If there something she has told me - e.g. her favorite color is red - then I make note of it - so I know in any future conversations I have with her. You'd be surprised how much women love this and comment on how much of a good listener I am. It's especially good when dating multiple women.