Ethics, please help!!!

[slipstreamer83]

Hey guys,

I have not seen any discussion about this before, so that´s why I open a new thread. Here we go:

A friend of mine had a relationship with a girl. My friend, the girl and me study at the same school, and I am friends with both. They already ended their relationship, but they still feel something for the other person.

However, I am getting the impression that this girl is subtly hitting on me. Since she sees that the prior relationship hasn´t got a future, she maybe wants to move on. Now, I am not very sure about the interest level of this girl for me, but I want to find it out.

On the other hand, my friend (the guy, who is a close friend) has to hame her always when we speak. He definitely likes this girl, even though he says that he doesn´t mind.

Now, my problem is that I want to find out what are my chances with this girl, but I don´t want to screw it up with my friend. My idea was to tell the girl to go for a very light date both alone to see where we stand. But as I speak with her setting up the date, my friend could be on my head.

To make things worse, everyone knows everyone in the place where I study. So rumours are faster than light

So I don´t know, have you ever seen yourself in this situation? What can you say about it? I don´t necessarily need advice on "do this" or "do that", but to see your perspective on the situation.

Thanks!!!

 

[Dirtheart]

Two friendships are at risk here. What you need to do is ask how valuable they are to you, because you have to be prepared to lose both.

But that's your risk. You also need to bear in mind that any move on this girl is going to hurt your male friend and possibly affect him in a bad way, and possibly for a long time - i.e. trust issues, bitterness, low self-esteem and so on. It's hard losing someone you care about, but it's gutwrenching to lose her to someone you consider a friend.

I'm not judging what's right or wrong, but as a stranger, I'm speaking from a detached and objective perspective.

 

[chili kat]

Always get your buddy's blessings first. I'm saying this as a man who has given those go ahead nods myself.

 

[slipstreamer83]

Yeah, you are right. My male friend has low self-esteem issues. That´s why she dumped him. I don´t know yet whether she wants me or not, but I think she has already perceived that I´m much more confident than my male friend.

Plus, I´m very much focused on my studies. They get so much time, and I don´t want to screw it up with the exams in June. I feel more confident, but I´m not chasing girls at the moment (I get a phone number here and there sometimes, but nothing on a regular basis).

If the girl wants me, she has to be aware of the situation. It is very delicate, and I need to be very subtle with her. To tell the truth, I want her to show red flags. If she shows interest level, then I´ll have to work on her. I couldn´t lose the opportunity.

Duh.

 

[KiInCollege]

What Chilli said. The rule is that you have to have your friend's permission, but the rule also says he can't say no to you. Just get that formality outta the way.

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by chili kat
Always get your buddy's blessings first. I'm saying this as a man who has given those go ahead nods myself.

WTF does he need? A written paper singed by a notary? He has his blessings from his buddy already.

This is a sensitive issue, but on the other hand, a scandalous reputation is usually beneficial. Everybody notices you, everybody knows you, everybody heard that you broke off a girl and make her fall for you.

"bad reputation" is much better for getting chicks than being not noticed. Trust me.

Just go for the girl. Ask her out and try to lay her.

 

[chili kat]

Yeah... Try getting chicks when you have no friends. Good luck.

 

[playa]

Just hit it and stop whining

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by chili kat
Yeah... Try getting chicks when you have no friends. Good luck.

Why do you need friends to get chicks?

 

[chili kat]

Originally posted by Ice Cold
Why do you need friends to get chicks?

What kind of chick really digs a guy that doesn't have any friends?