Enough is enough, time for a change journal.

[JaegerPilot217]

Which is why I'm jealous of girls when they are young

 

[thunder_god]

Week 2 day 3: I met up with my instructor to see my final exam. She mentioned, she has been thinking about me, and asking me how I have been. I guess the other co-coordinator spilled the beans on me breaking down in her office 2 weeks ago, when I couldn't control my emotions because I was so angry and felt robbed on my practical exam after putting in so much work.

I hit up a bar/restaurant on my way home. First time I've ever been to a bar/restaurant like that by myself. Place was pretty much empty when I went in during the late afternoon. I wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone especially girls. I just wanted a beer and a bite to eat. It was raining really hard today when I was walking home. It just made it even more depressing as I slowly walked home .

I think I'm not going to appeal the school's decision, because I would need to complete all the three components I failed before the middle of the semester is over, and I can't fail a single component again otherwise I'm kicked out permanently. I guess I'll just use the time away from school to heal and improve myself. I'll have to admit, it is extremely hard to pick yourself back up like this after experiencing **** like this, at least for me anyways.

I haven't even shaven in like a week. I've been stuffing my face for the past 2 weeks. I really need to start taking better care of my body again but I still feel so down. When is this feeling suppose to go away?

I'm really tempted to pay $200 to have a telephone session with corey wayne, but the $200 is pretty steep, especially considering that I'm not currently working. A part of me wants to ask him for advice on how to get my oneitis back, but another part of me keeps on saying forget about her, go out and date 10 other girls. If only it was so easy to get 10 attractive girls just like that to go on dates with. I probably wouldn't have been in this situation to begin with. I'll let it marinate in my brain for 1 more day before I decide whether or not I'm going to sign up for a phone sessions.

I'm about 60% done reading corey wayne's book. I think I might work on one section of my pof profile later today.

 

[thunder_god]

Week 2 day 4: I'm feeling a lot better today, I guess it must be because I am excited about planning my trip to NYC. It at least gives me some purpose. First time doing a solo trip, but I think I really need the time away from my home to get my head back on straight. I have to admit I am pretty nervous and worried about getting my head cut off or something travelling alone to NYC.

I'm also going to go to my athletic center tomorrow and sign up for ballroom dancing. It will be a good opportunity to meet new females. I'm trying to come up with places and ideas on where to meet females in a more relaxed environment, which I tend to do a lot better in. Also have my friends birthday party tomorrow, afterwards hitting up the party at the museum. I'm kind of excited but I think I will try to go into each event being outcome independent and not expecting anything other than to have fun. Well see how it goes tomorrow.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Week 2 day 4: I'm feeling a lot better today, I guess it must be because I am excited about planning my trip to NYC. It at least gives me some purpose. First time doing a solo trip, but I think I really need the time away from my home to get my head back on straight. I have to admit I am pretty nervous and worried about getting my head cut off or something travelling alone to NYC.

I'm also going to go to my athletic center tomorrow and sign up for ballroom dancing. It will be a good opportunity to meet new females. I'm trying to come up with places and ideas on where to meet females in a more relaxed environment, which I tend to do a lot better in. Also have my friends birthday party tomorrow, afterwards hitting up the party at the museum. I'm kind of excited but I think I will try to go into each event being outcome independent and not expecting anything other than to have fun. Well see how it goes tomorrow.

Traveling is great, it gives you a lot to talk about

 

[thunder_god]

Week 2 day 5: Today went well, which was surprising. I went out to my buddy's birthday. A lot of people showed up and it felt kind of awkward. I'm not really the party type of person so it felt weird. We then went to the party at the museum. It felt like a giant nightclub with slightly less noise so you could talk. Everyone from the party starts dancing on the dance floor and I didn't want to be the odd person out so I forced myself to move around but it was ridiculous. I felt completely out of my comfort zone and element. Eventually I started to relax more. One of the girls in my class is kind of dancing in front of me and kind of taughting me to dance in the middle, so I just said **** it and just jumped in the middle of the group and started to jump and moving around and raising my hand up. There was quite a large number of good looking girls at the museum, but there were also a lot of girls with their bf's there too or with groups of guys. I wasn't quite ready yet to start approaching. I got introduced to one butt ugly girl, I didn't bother talking to her too much. One of my classmates also brought her sister along too, who was pretty good looking. I should have tried to talk to her, but I wasn't used to the environment. Next time I'm going to force myself to start talking to these girls. I suppose its a start.

Normally I would have just rejected these invitations from people and would instead sit at home on my computer watching movies or something. I'm forcing myself to go out more often and become more social. I guess I need to take baby steps, but I'm still not happy with my progress so far. Oh ya I also signed up for ballroom dancing so that it would put me in the company of a lot of women and also to help increase my confidence touching and dancing with women. I felt completely uncomfortable dancing in the beginning, and even though I started to relax more near the end, I still wasn't anywhere near as comfortable as all the other guys there. I have a BBQ with my classmates tomorrow, and there will be over half of my class there, so more opportunities to practice and get numbers. We'll see how it goes.

That's all for tonight.

 

[thunder_god]

Week 2 day 6: The bbq was meh. My oneitis didn't show up, and the other cute chick didn't really mingle with anyone. I did however find out 3 girls from my class are also going to NYC the same days as me, so I suggested we meet up there. So it looks like I'll be chilling with 3 girls on my trip to NYC. Never hung out with 3 girls like this before.

One of the girls posted pics of me, along with several of my classmates from last nights party and after party at the museum up on facebook. I guess it will sort of demonstrate to my oneitis that I have moved on and am enjoying my life, even though this is not 100% true. Gotta fake it till you make it.

 

[thunder_god]

Just ordered my tickets for greyhound online for NYC. Man was it a pain in the ass dealing with greyhound but now that its all done, I'm excited! We'll see how things turn out with the 3 girls when I come to NYC.

 

[beatjunkie]

Good luck thunder! NYC is always a great place to take your mind off things. Have a good time and I'm sure you will feel better thereafter!

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Hawaii is a great place too

 

[thunder_god]

Good luck thunder! NYC is always a great place to take your mind off things. Have a good time and I'm sure you will feel better thereafter!

Thanks, I'm really looking forward to it. I'm really trying to break out of my shell and get out there without having anyone chain me down like in the past. I'm deliberately choosing to stay at a hostel so that I am forced to mingle and meet people. My approaching skills still suck ass but at least I am now putting myself out there. It'll force me to practice and talk to people especially girls, if I put myself in environments where I know there are women out there. I figure eventually I will meet someone who I'm interested in and is interested in me, and/or my skills with women will improve tremendously. I'm just taking baby steps, one day at a time.

 

[thunder_god]

Hawaii is a great place too

I would love to go there one day, but I'm broke at the moment, but its definitely on my bucket list. I feel like fate wants me to go to NYC at the moment. The dates I picked to go and return, were the exact dates that 3 girls in my class chose to go, also a fellow DJ here who I have been corresponding with for several months lives there as well, so things just seem to be connected to NYC for me right now. Plus its not too far away home for me which makes travelling alone for the first time not too scary.

 

[thunder_god]

Week 3 day 1: Well today was a bust. I signed up for some martial arts classes and was eager to go learn something new and meet some new people, even perhaps a girl if there are any girls taking that class. Class got cancelled. Guess I will have to wait till Wednesday. I was already half way to the class when I heard it was cancelled so I just said **** it, I'm going to go workout in the gym. I haven't worked out in the school's gym for like 6 months now. I spotted a cute receptionist at the fitness centre ask and was about to chat her up when I got ****blocked. I again tried to approach her when I was leaving the gym, but again, got ****blocked by another gym member.

 

[thunder_god]

Just signed up for both salsa and bachata classes. My evenings are gonna be packed. Got monday and wednesday wing chun classes, tuesday salsa and bachata, thurs ballroom dancing. I'm also trying to go to as many social events as I can even if I don't like it. I'm also learning french online through duolingo. I also want to learn italian but I don't want to study so many languages all at once. Gonna get back to lifting weights again on a regular basis. I just also signed up for a volleyball game tomorrow with the people in my program and also seeing spiderman 2 with some people in my program assuming they don't bail on me. I also want to go purchase a guitar and digital piano but I'm broke right now and can't afford to pay for lessons.

I want to turn myself into a extremely confident, socially adept, busy, well versed guy who is excellent with getting girls. Just gotta keep pushing nonstop until I become the person I want to be. I have to admit though, it sucks seeing couples everywhere I go . It makes me feel so sad inside like something is wrong with me. I see so many couples where I see the guy with the girl and I'm like wtf I know I'm heaps better then that guy yet he's the one with the girl in his arms while mines are empty. This pain just keeps on pushing me to get out of comfort zone. I need to use this anger and pain to force myself to start doing things I never done before, putting myself in environments I'm not used to. I am seriously pissed off and angry at myself right. I'm angry as to why I can't go up and approach a girl and make her into my girlfriend like all you guys on this forum. I choke and become uncomfortable when trying to do cold approaches. I'm angry as to why I can't get a girlfriend meanwhile most people my age seem to have had multiple relationships while I haven't even been in my first one yet. How the hell did I become this poor excuse for a human being? I know my education, career aspirations,fitness and physique is good and is definitely better then the average person, but when it comes to women I'm just pathetic. It makes me so frustrated. I am sick of this ****.

My parents are still trying to use emotional blackmail and to guilt me into bailing on my solo trip to NYC but I'm not giving in. I want to learn how to be independent and stop living under a rock. I need some freedom and to grow and improve myself in every facet.

 

[thunder_god]

Week 3 day 2: My school buddies bailed on me for movie night today, but I did join them for a game of volleyball. I also got ****blocked again trying to talk to one of the receptionists at the fitness centre front desk.

I've been trying to make eye contact with women when I'm walking around now but they either don't make eye contact, or I get a WTF are you looking at look, which makes me look away. I need to get more confident and have a stare down with them so they are the ones to first look away.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

as for your last post, I also hate how ranting, complaining, is seen as whining to people in general, hate how whining, ranting, complaining is frown upon in men more than women, just because we are doing that does not mean we are literally balling our eyes out with tears, water, sometimes we just have to vent, women don't have to take responsibility for anything, a woman just has to have a "vagina" in order to be called a woman, men are always constantly annoyingly told to Man Up, Be a Man and Grow a Pair, basically life is like a Marine DI to us guys, makes me feel like literally hitting or punching a Marine DI's lights out metaphorically speaking.

 

[thunder_god]

Week 3 day 3: So I showed up for my first wing chun class, there was like 2 people in the class wtf. There is apparently a girl, but she didn't come. I don't think I'm gonna stick with the lessons, the instructor was a little crazy, punching his students and me as well. Within 5 min of the class, this guy already had his fingers in my throat and punching me with excessive force. I've studied muay thai before and I though they used abit too much force when demonstrating techniques but this guy went way overboard. It might explain why there's only 2 people in his class. My legs and lower back was killing me during class. I don't think this style of martial arts is suited for big tall guys like me.

Went to sign up for archery lessons today and spotted a asian HB6 working at the main desk upstairs. She tells me that there's no more spots left, then has a mental freeze and can't come up with the words. I say "popular" and she is like "ya thats what I wanted to say". I then ask to be signed up for tai chi classes instead. I pretty much stopped talking at that. I need to try to continue the conversation or at least tease the girl more.

Once again I got ****blocked by dudes in the fitness centre reception area. I don't think I'm gonna bother trying to hit on the girls working the front desk anymore. I found out one of the cute girls in my class plays tennis and badminton through another girl. I sent her a facebook message asking her if she's interested in playing sometime since I don't have her number. I don't think she's gonna agree or even reply back, but who knows. I've done my part. If she agrees, I'm gonna ask for her number, and then try to build rapport and flirt, and tease with her when we go play.

I'm also going to a handball game tomorrow with my classmates. I'm trying to befriend as many of my classmates as possible to increase my social event and then later ask them to introduce me to their friends or use them as social proof. Overall not the greatest day, but what can you do. I'm becoming quite frustrated at my inability to even get a date. Why has it become so frigging hard to get a date? This is making it really hard to move on from my oneitis. I know if I can score that cute girl who I asked out to play tennis, I will forget about my oneitis, but that girl never really seemed interested in me. I don't really have any other options at the moment neither. I'm going to another friend's birthday party on friday, but I looked at the guest list, and its pure fob's. Not really my cup of tea, but I suppose I can just use the girls as practice. The party better not be a sausage fest or I'm taking off.

Lastly I have been trying to sit beside decent looking women while waiting by the bench for my bus to arrive, however I always chicken out of trying to strike a conversation with them. Frig!!!

 

[thunder_god]

I finally finished reading corey wayne's how to be a 3% man book for the second time. Now to start reading how to make girls chase.

 

[thunder_god]

Week 3 day 4: Today I was eating at the food court in the mall, when I saw one of the most stunning and beautiful girls in my life. Its been ages since I have seen a girl who has taken my breath away like that. She was easily a HB9, maybe 10 if I saw her body. She was tall, slim, dark brunette, big eyes, straight, small nose, and medium size lips. She was with her friend another chick. I really wanted to approach her because its not everyday you catch someone that takes your breath away like that, but I chickened out again .

I later played european handball with 5 of my classmates with 3 of them being girls. It was a pretty fun game, hopefully I can befriend every single one of these girls and use them as social proof. As I was going home today, I was hungry and went inside a burrito store to buy a burrito. I spotted a HB7 working the counter by she looked quite young. I was thinking maybe still HS. I order my food from her as I sat down eating my food. I spotted some chips there were selling that was suppose to be really hot. I was thinking about using that as an opening to try and tease her, but then when I was almost finished eating my burrito, another dude comes in, and he is apparantly an employee and he is chatting her up. I was like ****, I should have tried to use the opener earlier. I also had a chat with an upper year grad student in my program who is trying to look for one more person to join the dragon boat team. I am really tempted to join, because first its not everyday you get to do a dragon boat race. Second, its a good opportunity to network and meet more potential girls, and lastly I know one HB 6.5-7 is also on the team who I partnered up for practicing one of my practical exams about a month back. I haven't really had the chance to chat her up, and now that I need to repeat my year over again, I won't really get an opportunity to talk to her again. I do however have her number, but I tried that whole texting ****, and my text game is pretty weak. I'm a much better conversationalist in person. I cracked her out that time we were practising together so I know I can potentially game her in person and then try to ask her out but it needs to be done in person. My only concern is it costs way too frigging much and the time commitment. I'm not currently working and I'm still trying to figure out my situation right now, and don't want to continue spending money nor committing to too many things.

I also have one of my friend's birthday party tomorrow that I am attending. Not really looking forward to it, because when I skimmed through the guest lists, most of the guests were fobs, or dudes, but I will try to keep an open mind.

On the plus side, I have managed so far to go out every single day of the week this week, which is pretty much the first time I have done something like this. My parents are of course pissed, but I gotta do what I need to do in order to grow as a person and also to improve my skills and odds with women.

All in all, not the greatest day.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Is Corey Wayne's book an e-book? Did you read it on your tablet, phone or computer?

 

[thunder_god]

Is Corey Wayne's book an e-book? Did you read it on your tablet, phone or computer?

Its in paperback and ebook format. You can buy it off of amazon or read it on the guys's website understandingrelationships.com.