Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single

She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.

You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.

The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.

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Enlightenment

wetheliving

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Enlightenment

I guess we’re all here on this site to learn something about life and how to live it in a successful way, all of course in a quest to make ourselves happier.

What I’ve found at as you get a bit older and you learn to better analyse a situation and you learn to react more rational instead of emotional to situations, you will get to a point where you become almost too rational and I guess it raises the bar when it comes to experiencing great joy and great sadness or anger.

For Example:

Girls dumps you :
old emotional reaction: depressed and disappointed
new rational reaction: plenty more fish in the sea, it’s her loss
in short: it doesn’t effect you anymore

job interview rejection:
old emotional reaction: depressed and disappointed
new rational reaction: I’m smart, I can get another job in no time
in short: it doesn’t effect you anymore

favourite soccer team loses:
old emotional reaction: depressed and disappointed
new rational reaction: it’s ok, there’s another game next week or next month
in short: it doesn’t effect you anymore

but also:

You like a girl:
old emotional reaction: butterflies in your stomach in no time
new rational reaction: she’s nice, but there are other girls, she’s not perfect
in short: it doesn’t effect you anymore


Now I guess this is what you call wisdom. You’re now able to react to situations by analysing what’s going on by using your new found wisdom. I guess that’s part of being wise, I mean the stereotypical old wise man is hardly the most spectacular and impulsive person, but the downside is that it’s tough to completely let go and just let yourself be controlled by your emotions,.

They always say that love is the most intense when you’re sixteen or seventeen years old, I guess they say that because that’s when you lack wisdom and the ability to put things in perspective and you just react so intensely and emotional to things.

Now I wouldn’t want to go back to my days of pre-enlightenment, but it would be nice to not be so analytical all the time. Has anyone else experienced this, or does anyone have any solutions?
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Cbaoth

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Like the nick, you a Rand fan?
 

Jariel

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Good post and spot on. Once people cross that boundary and allow things that don't matter to pass, they learn to value life a lot more.
 

quest

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Originally posted by wetheliving
For Example:

Girls dumps you :
old emotional reaction: depressed and disappointed
new rational reaction: plenty more fish in the sea, it’s her loss
in short: it doesn’t effect you anymore

job interview rejection:
old emotional reaction: depressed and disappointed
new rational reaction: I’m smart, I can get another job in no time
in short: it doesn’t effect you anymore

favourite soccer team loses:
old emotional reaction: depressed and disappointed
new rational reaction: it’s ok, there’s another game next week or next month
in short: it doesn’t effect you anymore

but also:

You like a girl:
old emotional reaction: butterflies in your stomach in no time
new rational reaction: she’s nice, but there are other girls, she’s not perfect
in short: it doesn’t effect you anymore
great first post.
how long have u been lurking? u sound like a seasoned veteran.
unfortunantly, not all people reach the new state that you talk of.
i am not sure if i would have ever reached that state without first finding this site.

yes, it has changed me that much.
 

TJSmitty

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The wiser you become, the less attached you are to everything, due to attachment being the source of all grief. Moving on is a much easier process.

I still have many attachments. Not yet am I wise. Not yet.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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wetheliving

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Yeah I like Ayn Rand.

Yeah I've been around for a while, impoving myself along the way.

Thanks for the reply's, but I also think reaching this stage is not all good, it kind of numbs you emotionally and that makes you very difficult to connect with for other people, since they usually react so differently to situations.

That can be a downside.

I wouldn't like to go back to my old state though.
 
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