English second language = no success with american women ?

[latino158]

Ok here is the thing, English is my second language, and I also suffer from social anxiety, sometimes I blush when people ask me questions and I don't know the answer (mainly in english) .. now you may say that my english is decent, and yeah my writing skills are not bad, but I lack speaking fluency .. the problem occurs when I get nervous or anxious, because I suffer from social anxiety, this anxiety makes my speaking skills a lot worse, my english being decent, becomes bad, and sometimes I don't pronounce words correctly .. the reason why i say that it has to do with anxiety, is because when i'm relaxed i'm capable of speaking correctly and with decent fluency, but when someone ask me a question, especially a woman, is like my mind goes blank and my english skills get awful, how can someone with this problem become better with women or even approach women, when you know that your social anxiety, will make your english worse ... somehow my social anxiety has made me a lot self conscious of my english skills, to the point that i rarely speak in english, i prefer to write and read, in fact, i have gotten good grades on writing compositions

I'm always worrying if people will think my english is bad, or maybe they will dissapointed to find out that i have an accent and english is my second language, especially girls, i mean how can one be witty or hold a good conversation, when your english skills are not good enough, and when your anxiety makes them even worse than they already are .. this is one of the reasons why i prefer the latinas, because they usually speak spanish, and even though i suffer from social anxiety and i'm not really talkative guy at all, it is so muchhhh easier for me to hold a conversation in my own language, but i also like the white girls, and im so self conscious about approaching them, im worried that they might think my english is not good, or they will be dissapointed to find out that im not a native speaker, and not even give me a chance

Im not even a bad looking guy, i been told im good looking and i get looks from women sometimes, including white women, but i don't approach them, because of this problem, i have no problem with looking at them and even smiling at them, the typical flirting game, i have no problem with eye contact either, my problem is speaking, like i said some girls find me attractice but i dont approach them because im afraid they might be dissapointed to find out that despite being good looking, i'm shy and on top that english is not my native language

 

[cola]

Be the sexy macho latino guy .. Use what you got to your advantage. Whisper spanish in her ear. Chicks dig accents. The social anxiety I dont understand so I won't comment on. I guess it stems from wondering what people are thinking about you but you
Should focus more on what you think of them.
oops I commented on it good luck bro

 

[Yo'Mama]

I'm sure your speaking ability is much better than you think it is.

I wouldn't have guessed that you weren't a native speaker from your post. I know that, as you say, speaking and writing are different things but you clearly have great grammar and vocab so you shouldn't have too much of a problem.

It sounds like it's more of an anxiety issue than a language issue.

I'm out in Asia and suck at the local language here (even though I have tried hard to learn). If I could speak at your level I'd be more than happy and wouldn't worry about gaming in a second language.

Don't worry, most of us native speakers find it hard to be witty around girls so you're not alone!

 

[latino158]

I'm sure your speaking ability is much better than you think it is.

I wouldn't have guessed that you weren't a native speaker from your post. I know that, as you say, speaking and writing are different things but you clearly have great grammar and vocab so you shouldn't have too much of a problem.

It sounds like it's more of an anxiety issue than a language issue.

I'm out in Asia and suck at the local language here (even though I have tried hard to learn). If I could speak at your level I'd be more than happy and wouldn't worry about gaming in a second language.

Don't worry, most of us native speakers find it hard to be witty around girls so you're not alone!

yeah is a problem of anxiety, i'm sure if i didnt have social anxiety, i would be able to do much better with american women, although i still would be at a disadvantage because even if your second language is good, you will be competing with natives, and is so much easier to be funny and have a good conversation in your own language

 

[f283000]

1. Take salsa lessons: Find a salsa studio in your town and learn salsa if you don't already. Latin guys that know salsa can walk away with a new woman every night at the clubs if they wanted. No woman is paying attention to how they talk they care about how good they dance.
2. Join toast masters: Toast masters is really cheap and there are clubs in every area. This will help you improve your speaking and your confidence. You shouldn't wait to do this go join now!

 

[wait_out]

Been there done that. Non-verbal communication is the first thing you'll be judged on as you trample the english language, so make sure you resolve the anxiety issues pronto. Some other dirty tricks:

1) Find a few fun short jokes (and a few dirty ones for later) and memorize them to the point where you can finish it even if you choke up. This works better the less you know the language.
2) Invite girls to speak your language. Reverse who's home turf it is... they will be anxious too.
3) Keep your sentences short and relevant -- you win points on courage now, not eloquence. You don't have to be a windbag to be charming.
4) Don't be afraid to take the center of attention and show you're an assertive person. But relinquish it quickly because if you'll end up driving everyone crazy.
5) Forced public speaking is your friend. The sun will still come up in the morning even if you muff a presentation. That's good to know.

I'm not saying it's not easier in your own language -- but there's a flipside where people will respect the fact you're doing something hard. Try not to forget that.

 

[BigJimbo]

The day I here an East European immigrant wanting American women is the day I will jump from the nearest bridge. I swear that LOT Airlines' route from Chicago to Warsaw specializes in Polish guys going back to get wives.