Hey guys, I need some input. I've been dating this girl (LTR) on and off for the past 6 years. The last three years, we have not communicated at all. Well, we decided to give it one more shot. I'm about a month deep in the relationship so far, and I've got one issue, other than that, everything is all gravy. In the past year I quit drinking alchohol. It's something that I thought I would never be able to do. Well, she still drinks...and actually has persuaded me into drinking twice so far. I feel as though I am compromising my integrity by drinking and feel horrible about it. I can't be with a girl that drinks....I just can't. The temptation is too great....and I could easily slip back to my old habits. How do I tell her this in an elegant and classy way? This girl is wifey material, so I don't want to bounce out.....any insight you guys have on this would be most helpful.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Drinkers and Non-Drinkers
- Thread starter sosimpole
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
RecoveringAFC
Don Juan
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Just tell her strait out. If she really is wifey material she'll respect that and not bother you anymore. I don't drink either. No real reason why, just don't. It's never been an issue in any relationship I've been in.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Yeah, you're sacrificing your lifestyle for someone who doesn't respect your choices. Either be steadfast in your lifestyle choice and not waver or drop the girl because she is a bad influence.
squirrels
Master Don Juan
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If it's THAT important to you, yeah, break it off, but it sounds like you're just being weak-willed and blaming her.
I mean, is she a lush? Does she get obnoxiously drunk or stumbling-trashed? If so, I can understand where you're coming from. If not, then you need to get over it, because the majority of people DO drink in social situations and you're really limiting yourself if you can't go into an environment like that and resist the temptation.
But whatever works best for you.
I mean, is she a lush? Does she get obnoxiously drunk or stumbling-trashed? If so, I can understand where you're coming from. If not, then you need to get over it, because the majority of people DO drink in social situations and you're really limiting yourself if you can't go into an environment like that and resist the temptation.
But whatever works best for you.
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Note:
Relationships are about compromise. There is no other way around that. However, there are two things you should NEVER compromise
1- Your Values/Moral
2- Your Self-Respect
Please note that not compromising your Masculinity is technically a by-product of #2.
Relationships are about compromise. There is no other way around that. However, there are two things you should NEVER compromise
1- Your Values/Moral
2- Your Self-Respect
Please note that not compromising your Masculinity is technically a by-product of #2.
You don't tell a woman what to do when it comes to her habits. I mean, she is not his daughter.amoka said:
All you can do is say that it "bothers" you that she drinks too much. Or something to that effect. She will get the point. In fact, you can say very early in a relationship that you would never marry a drunk.
They will get the hint. If they truly want to be with you...they will adjust that behavior.
Mr. Fancy Pants
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She is not "wifey material." Do you want a wife that supports you for trying to better your life or do you want a wife that brings you down to her level?
You are compromising your integrity. You should never be with a woman that forces you to do this.
There is no need to tell her in a classy way. Tell her you are looking for a woman that doesn't drink and she doesn't fit the bill. Then tell her goodbye.
You are compromising your integrity. You should never be with a woman that forces you to do this.
There is no need to tell her in a classy way. Tell her you are looking for a woman that doesn't drink and she doesn't fit the bill. Then tell her goodbye.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
Communication is VERY important. After all, people don't read minds. And women would take advantage of men IF we allow it. Another thing, she is very young and she can actually be "shaped" if done correctly (especially if she is more into you that you are into her - but that's another topic).sosimpole said:
Personally, I tend to send "hints" by talking about "values". No preaching...but talking. Many times I use the News as a way to provide what I feel is wrong with society, etc. (e.g. Paul McCarthy from the Beatles losing 50% of his networth in the divorce and how AFC he was). But my situation is different, because I am not with a woman in her 20s.
Once again, it is NOT preaching, but more of adding a bit here and a bit there. And of course, NEVER overdoing it (you don't want to be considered a pesimist or whiner).
If she starts behaving a certain way...I simply talk to her. I don't and won't tell her what to do. I would simply say that certain things make me uncomfortable or that I don't like them. However, NEVER tell her what to do (unless it deals with your house, children, YOUR vehicle, YOUR finances). Simply tell her what you like or dislike and try to reach a compromise...but under the understanding that you cannot compromise your values nor your self-respect.
And also make her understand that you have some deal breakers. However, if you have a deal breaker and you share it with her, you better be SURE it is a REAL deal breaker (e.g. you would walk away NO SECOND CHANCES if she does it). Because if you share a deal breaker with her and she still does it and you end up giving her a second chance...she will NEVER respect you as a man.
And avoid ultimatums.