Hey guys, I need some input. I've been dating this girl (LTR) on and off for the past 6 years. The last three years, we have not communicated at all. Well, we decided to give it one more shot. I'm about a month deep in the relationship so far, and I've got one issue, other than that, everything is all gravy. In the past year I quit drinking alchohol. It's something that I thought I would never be able to do. Well, she still drinks...and actually has persuaded me into drinking twice so far. I feel as though I am compromising my integrity by drinking and feel horrible about it. I can't be with a girl that drinks....I just can't. The temptation is too great....and I could easily slip back to my old habits. How do I tell her this in an elegant and classy way? This girl is wifey material, so I don't want to bounce out.....any insight you guys have on this would be most helpful.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Drinkers and Non-Drinkers
- Thread starter sosimpole
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"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
RecoveringAFC
Don Juan
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Just tell her strait out. If she really is wifey material she'll respect that and not bother you anymore. I don't drink either. No real reason why, just don't. It's never been an issue in any relationship I've been in.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Yeah, you're sacrificing your lifestyle for someone who doesn't respect your choices. Either be steadfast in your lifestyle choice and not waver or drop the girl because she is a bad influence.
squirrels
Master Don Juan
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If it's THAT important to you, yeah, break it off, but it sounds like you're just being weak-willed and blaming her.
I mean, is she a lush? Does she get obnoxiously drunk or stumbling-trashed? If so, I can understand where you're coming from. If not, then you need to get over it, because the majority of people DO drink in social situations and you're really limiting yourself if you can't go into an environment like that and resist the temptation.
But whatever works best for you.
I mean, is she a lush? Does she get obnoxiously drunk or stumbling-trashed? If so, I can understand where you're coming from. If not, then you need to get over it, because the majority of people DO drink in social situations and you're really limiting yourself if you can't go into an environment like that and resist the temptation.
But whatever works best for you.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Note:
Relationships are about compromise. There is no other way around that. However, there are two things you should NEVER compromise
1- Your Values/Moral
2- Your Self-Respect
Please note that not compromising your Masculinity is technically a by-product of #2.
Relationships are about compromise. There is no other way around that. However, there are two things you should NEVER compromise
1- Your Values/Moral
2- Your Self-Respect
Please note that not compromising your Masculinity is technically a by-product of #2.
You don't tell a woman what to do when it comes to her habits. I mean, she is not his daughter.amoka said:
All you can do is say that it "bothers" you that she drinks too much. Or something to that effect. She will get the point. In fact, you can say very early in a relationship that you would never marry a drunk.
They will get the hint. If they truly want to be with you...they will adjust that behavior.
Mr. Fancy Pants
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She is not "wifey material." Do you want a wife that supports you for trying to better your life or do you want a wife that brings you down to her level?
You are compromising your integrity. You should never be with a woman that forces you to do this.
There is no need to tell her in a classy way. Tell her you are looking for a woman that doesn't drink and she doesn't fit the bill. Then tell her goodbye.
You are compromising your integrity. You should never be with a woman that forces you to do this.
There is no need to tell her in a classy way. Tell her you are looking for a woman that doesn't drink and she doesn't fit the bill. Then tell her goodbye.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Communication is VERY important. After all, people don't read minds. And women would take advantage of men IF we allow it. Another thing, she is very young and she can actually be "shaped" if done correctly (especially if she is more into you that you are into her - but that's another topic).sosimpole said:
Personally, I tend to send "hints" by talking about "values". No preaching...but talking. Many times I use the News as a way to provide what I feel is wrong with society, etc. (e.g. Paul McCarthy from the Beatles losing 50% of his networth in the divorce and how AFC he was). But my situation is different, because I am not with a woman in her 20s.
Once again, it is NOT preaching, but more of adding a bit here and a bit there. And of course, NEVER overdoing it (you don't want to be considered a pesimist or whiner).
If she starts behaving a certain way...I simply talk to her. I don't and won't tell her what to do. I would simply say that certain things make me uncomfortable or that I don't like them. However, NEVER tell her what to do (unless it deals with your house, children, YOUR vehicle, YOUR finances). Simply tell her what you like or dislike and try to reach a compromise...but under the understanding that you cannot compromise your values nor your self-respect.
And also make her understand that you have some deal breakers. However, if you have a deal breaker and you share it with her, you better be SURE it is a REAL deal breaker (e.g. you would walk away NO SECOND CHANCES if she does it). Because if you share a deal breaker with her and she still does it and you end up giving her a second chance...she will NEVER respect you as a man.
And avoid ultimatums.