"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Don't think every girl HAS to like you
- Thread starter Mercury21
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
idiot_boyfriend
Senior Don Juan
Always learn from your failures to better improve your game and life!
jiza101
Master Don Juan
X2
This post helped me, i always wanted every chick i met to want me. Its going to be hard chaning that mind set ive had for so long, but im sure i will be able to do it.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
izza
Master Don Juan
Thank you for this post, it was f*cking exactly what I needed to hear today.
I had no idea the success rate was so low - 1/3? That is such a relief, honestly!
I definitely do this all the time - I want everybody to like me, I want to be moldable to everyone, rather than molding my surroundings to my liking. What a sickening way to live life - it honestly makes me feel ill to live like this.
This post really hit home, thank you again.
--Izza
I got decent looks, and an ego that demands every girl to want me. Even if i have no plans on hooking up with her, i want her to desire me.
And most of the time in my mind i believe they do. I am probably crazy and very narcisstic, but this is usually the case.
Here is something from my own notes. I wrote this after my best friend yet again stated that "Oxide thinks every girl likes him"
I can not possibly understand why so often I am viewed as the one who is not comprehending the whole sexuality thing. I am openly accused of misjudging situations even by the best of friends. It is truly shocking to me since in my mind I am positively correct, but over and over again I am subjected to heavy criticism of trying to boost my ego by thinking a woman likes me. I am not saying that I am some kind of Don Juan, but when a girl asks to see my junk as a dare, or if she says “I would so get naked right now if we went in a hot tub” to me that screams “I AM INTERESTED”. I am simply exhausted of bearing the constant criticism placed on me by my best friend. Am I the deluded one because I think the signs are there? If a woman flirts with me, is it not a sign that she is interested? Why the **** am I still being questioned, mocked, joked about when it comes to this. Would it be better if I in my heart believed that NO woman finds me attractive? How in the world would that make my life better? So here is my answer to all the accusations tossed my way – “**** OFF”. Yeah, you heard me. If I think a girl is giving me signs, then she is. If she flat out rejects me then I guess I wrong, but until then, be quiet.
I do not need this pathetic pessimism in my life. If I want to live in the clouds, let me do so. – Dec 10
Agree or disagree?
izza
Master Don Juan
There is a difference between conceit and confidence. The latter is desirable the former is an imperfection. Personally, I don't care what you do, and I know that I am extremely conceited and lack humility in many aspects of my life. I have no right to judge you.
Conceit is when you feel that everyone desires you, whether or not it is the case. It is an imperfection, since there is an underlying need to feel that everyone desires you that distorts your reality into believing that everyone truly does. This can (but does not necessarily) prevent you from taking risks that might show you the reality of the situation, and can prevent you from improving yourself. The symptoms of conceit are every success being exaggerated and flaunted as proof of your desirability, at least to yourself. Extreme anger arises when reality conflicts with conceit. The belief that everyone wants you, although it may be useful for seduction, could be improved by developing true confidence, which is also useful for seduction but ultimately more realistic.
Confidence, on the other hand, is knowing that if the other person knew you, they would desire you. This is not quite the same belief as thinking that everyone already does. The latter is unrealistic - a distorted view of reality. But a confident person knows that not every person sees what is beautiful in him. There is no need to be desired by all, since a confident man knows he is desirable to those of his sort, and does not rely on the desire of others to stroke his ego. It is like the difference between a well-made house and one that is poorly constructed. For everybody on earth, rejection creates pain. A confident man can weather the storms of rejection because he has built a strong house, whereas the conceited man has a less strongly built structure of beliefs to protect him. When a man who believes everyone desires him is rejected, his imaginary reality is rejected as well. This is why his house is weaker, more easily blown by the winds or subject to leaks.
But seriously bro, life is about having fun. Which way do you enjoy life more? If you enjoy life better convinced that every girl in the world wants you, I say live that way. Screw being realistic. This belief will be your charm, your magnetism, I assure you. People who are "realistic" are the ones who never dream anyway. Quite frankly, it sounds like your good friend is jealous of your belief in your own desirability.
It is natural by the way to want everyone to want and desire you. That is a natural function of our hearts who always desire more love and wants to feel desirable, especially by people who are themselves desirable.
Personally, I feel that I can charm most people - there are some that I can't, and some that I can't anymore. That is part of life, but I don't always like it! I can charm most of the intelligent ones, and that might have to do. It's an amazing feeling when you realize that somebody absolutely hates your guts, and you couldn't care less. It's wonderfully empowering... you are free and they are still chained to their overpowering feelings. It's marvelous. I used to get my panties in a bunch (figure of speech) every time somebody didn't like me, because it just confirmed in my mind that I am an undesirable freak. The more I realize that I am desirable, the more true confidence I have, and the less I care. Now when women hate me, I ask them for kisses LOL. They get so mad, it's really too much fun. It's so funny having chicks mad at me that I'm afraid I get a little carried away insulting them! I asked this one girl that despises me for a kiss one time, she looked like she wanted to clock me. She was so mad she couldn't even look at me. I was laughing my a$$ off.
You know how these chicks are. They take themselves sooo seriously. "Like oh my god, like and then he was like 'Your hair looks funny.' So typical of Jimmy!" Chicks talk about this sh!t for hours, these princesses aren't used to guys who don't give a fig about all their drama. All right, best of luck bro.
P.S. If chicks approached me saying all those crazy things they said to you, my ego would be cloud-level for a couple weeks too.
I am not unrealistic, when i see girls in the street i don't point and say "You want me, you want me, so do you.." That is just insanity. What i DO feel, however, is that given a little time with me, a girl WILL get attracted to at least some degree. She might have a boyfriend, she might not be my type, but somewhere in her head she will consider a possibility of hooking up.
Ok, let me be very clear here - there are PLENTY of girls that i fvck up my chances with. Tons! However, i do feel that this is because things just didnt go well or i fvcked up, not really because she wasnt attracted in the first place.
I am thinking of my past experiences and honestly Izz (i like that more
) if you heard and seen all the signs i've gotten before your ego would be flying high as well. The problem is this - most of the girls who send me signs are not up to par with my standards. I dont want most of them. I want the top 5% So, once again. The assumption that a girl is interested for me is her giving me an IOI. Not just because i wish it was so. After that it's fair game, and if i stirke out, i strike out.
The girl who said the things above was at my house for the first time. She also had a boyfriend of 6 months. Did i mention all girls are wh0res?
I really want to tighten my game to be able and close these 9-10's and not have them flake on dates. Sometimes i give up a little easy. Fvcking ego.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
MightyMate
Master Don Juan
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Bhekizwe
Don Juan
white cloud 8
Senior Don Juan
Wrong mentality
just as i've said before, no matter how good looking you are, no matter how charming you are; You can't force a girl to like you. Attraction is a natural occurrence, if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't well then move on and find those girls who are.Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
Great post. Good to see it bumped.
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
Mercury21
Don Juan
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.