28 now. Turning 29 in November.
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Don't know what I want in life
- Thread starter Chamber36
- Start date
Update
My life is very much up-down-up-down right now.
I've been hitting the gym like crazy and I quit drinking and smoking about 10 days ago. I also quit smoking weed about 4 years ago, so that leaves me with 0 drugs.
Problem is, I don't have any real close friends anymore... A lot of acquaintances though. I'm still a bartender. I am simply very lonely though. I try to stay in a positive mindset. Decided today (let's not allow this decision to stay unfulfilled), that I should go to Thailand this christmas. I can then practice kickboxing there with the Thai guys for a good 2 weeks. That sounds like a fun plan and something to look forward to. In the mean time I can also practice my kickboxing here in Amsterdam until I get there. This country produces some of the best fighters in the world anyway, so it's a good place to practice, and I great activity to practice while I'm in monk mode.
Considering books - I don't really have the energy to read them. I suppose I should read a little about NLP, that should be the best for me. Or finishing the Tony Robbins. Or just finish any book that I started.
Last saturday I invited over a chick I banged the week before for the first time. We get along fine. It was Gay Pride in the city, so we just went there to take a look. I don't really enjoy those types of people in my vicinity though, so I kind of explained to her how I don't understand why homosexuality exists from an evolutionary standpoint. Of course she's a leftist chick (25yrs, studies philosophy at Uni), and probably considers me closedminded. Which I suppose I am. I have a lot of issues to be honest. I love my people, I love my race, I love my history. I want to be proud of it. But in the mean time, everyone else is a nihilist. If you're a leftist, we're living at the dawn of a new age. If you're more right-wing, or traditionalist, you're living to witness the dying breaths of an old one.
Anyways - I banged her after we got back. She made dinner. Then I tried to bang her again and she refused. Now the date ended on a sour note and I strongly doubt that I'll see her again. That's how things go I guess, it's a real shame. She had a sopping wet pvssy.
So I have 0 plates at the moment. Z-E-R-O. I used to enjoy a good prostitute every now and then, but still that doesn't quite excite me like it used to. Though I did meet one nice prostitute a few weeks ago, lol, over in a different city. And I was just so surprised at the apparently genuine interest she showed in me, my life, my situation. Life in Amsterdam has me so jaded and frustrated.
The internship I did between February and July has been officially completed. I received an e-mail from school that I can partake in the minor in school starting september. So I'm looking forward to doing the minor and then weight-training/kickboxing/MMA between september February next year, with a little intermezzo in Thailand if all goes well.
I'm thinking, that once I finish my engineering degree, I would be quite free, and I could potentially move to a place like Thailand and open a bar there. I could basically kickbox all week and then run the bar during the weekends. Or even run a little tiki-bar like Billy-Bob Thornton at the end of Bad Santa.
There's a lot of possibilities.
So this will be my update for today. Tomorrow I'm starting my gym schedule with legs (does this make sense lol?). Goal will be to simply become so jacked and healthy with a good cardiovascular system that I can simply bang multiple chicks at a time. Of course another important part of the issue is the mental game, which I'm lacking in quite heavily right now. But I have no idea how to really fix it. Like I said, I'm lonely and I have imposed upon myself the restriction that I cannot take any drugs or alcohol.
So what I really need is to acheive some goals and to make some gains and I suppose eventually some friends.
My friendship with my friend, a sociopathic homeless guy who is perpetually slaying pvssy, seems to be coming to an end. I was offering him a place to stay for the past few years, but I eventually made him move out because I wanted to make some rent money. Went to visit him today, he tried to MOG me by grabbing me by the neck (like you might do a younger nephew or brother I suppose), and I refused to accept that. He acted aggressively and I replied with "you must have been spending too much time on the street huh", and he got angry once more. This time I saw the plaque and grime had accumulated on his teeth, signs of actually living like a homeless person, and I just left. He borrowed my nephews PS4. So he will have to return that if there is ever going to be a reconciliation between us. Which I actually doubt at this point. After a reaction like that, I can't really trust him anymore.
So... I don't understand. There is a pattern in my life where I become friends with sociopathic dudes. Made friends with a Cuban dude who basically lost his mind one day, I almost got in a fight with him, he stole like some of my socks and left my place, never to be seen again. Also made friends with a Moroccan dude who I still to this day don't really trust. And I made friends with this mongrel of a homeless guy, who I thought would be my friend for years to come, but apparently not so.
Regular people I find somehow boring I suppose. I do feel bad that whenever I become friends and make appointments with regular goodhearted people, I miss the appointment.
I just like girls more than anything, but without any friends to have my back in between the bitches, I am left basically all alone and bored. Then I try to keep myself occupied with life-goals, so these future goals are basically all I have going for myself. If all goes well though, this contemplation, this thinking, this training, will lay the groundwork for me to start my own business one day.
Now all I need to do is graduate with the Civil Engineering degree. I can do it within 1 year from now. So cheers to that.
My life is very much up-down-up-down right now.
I've been hitting the gym like crazy and I quit drinking and smoking about 10 days ago. I also quit smoking weed about 4 years ago, so that leaves me with 0 drugs.
Problem is, I don't have any real close friends anymore... A lot of acquaintances though. I'm still a bartender. I am simply very lonely though. I try to stay in a positive mindset. Decided today (let's not allow this decision to stay unfulfilled), that I should go to Thailand this christmas. I can then practice kickboxing there with the Thai guys for a good 2 weeks. That sounds like a fun plan and something to look forward to. In the mean time I can also practice my kickboxing here in Amsterdam until I get there. This country produces some of the best fighters in the world anyway, so it's a good place to practice, and I great activity to practice while I'm in monk mode.
Considering books - I don't really have the energy to read them. I suppose I should read a little about NLP, that should be the best for me. Or finishing the Tony Robbins. Or just finish any book that I started.
Last saturday I invited over a chick I banged the week before for the first time. We get along fine. It was Gay Pride in the city, so we just went there to take a look. I don't really enjoy those types of people in my vicinity though, so I kind of explained to her how I don't understand why homosexuality exists from an evolutionary standpoint. Of course she's a leftist chick (25yrs, studies philosophy at Uni), and probably considers me closedminded. Which I suppose I am. I have a lot of issues to be honest. I love my people, I love my race, I love my history. I want to be proud of it. But in the mean time, everyone else is a nihilist. If you're a leftist, we're living at the dawn of a new age. If you're more right-wing, or traditionalist, you're living to witness the dying breaths of an old one.
Anyways - I banged her after we got back. She made dinner. Then I tried to bang her again and she refused. Now the date ended on a sour note and I strongly doubt that I'll see her again. That's how things go I guess, it's a real shame. She had a sopping wet pvssy.
So I have 0 plates at the moment. Z-E-R-O. I used to enjoy a good prostitute every now and then, but still that doesn't quite excite me like it used to. Though I did meet one nice prostitute a few weeks ago, lol, over in a different city. And I was just so surprised at the apparently genuine interest she showed in me, my life, my situation. Life in Amsterdam has me so jaded and frustrated.
The internship I did between February and July has been officially completed. I received an e-mail from school that I can partake in the minor in school starting september. So I'm looking forward to doing the minor and then weight-training/kickboxing/MMA between september February next year, with a little intermezzo in Thailand if all goes well.
I'm thinking, that once I finish my engineering degree, I would be quite free, and I could potentially move to a place like Thailand and open a bar there. I could basically kickbox all week and then run the bar during the weekends. Or even run a little tiki-bar like Billy-Bob Thornton at the end of Bad Santa.
There's a lot of possibilities.
So this will be my update for today. Tomorrow I'm starting my gym schedule with legs (does this make sense lol?). Goal will be to simply become so jacked and healthy with a good cardiovascular system that I can simply bang multiple chicks at a time. Of course another important part of the issue is the mental game, which I'm lacking in quite heavily right now. But I have no idea how to really fix it. Like I said, I'm lonely and I have imposed upon myself the restriction that I cannot take any drugs or alcohol.
So what I really need is to acheive some goals and to make some gains and I suppose eventually some friends.
My friendship with my friend, a sociopathic homeless guy who is perpetually slaying pvssy, seems to be coming to an end. I was offering him a place to stay for the past few years, but I eventually made him move out because I wanted to make some rent money. Went to visit him today, he tried to MOG me by grabbing me by the neck (like you might do a younger nephew or brother I suppose), and I refused to accept that. He acted aggressively and I replied with "you must have been spending too much time on the street huh", and he got angry once more. This time I saw the plaque and grime had accumulated on his teeth, signs of actually living like a homeless person, and I just left. He borrowed my nephews PS4. So he will have to return that if there is ever going to be a reconciliation between us. Which I actually doubt at this point. After a reaction like that, I can't really trust him anymore.
So... I don't understand. There is a pattern in my life where I become friends with sociopathic dudes. Made friends with a Cuban dude who basically lost his mind one day, I almost got in a fight with him, he stole like some of my socks and left my place, never to be seen again. Also made friends with a Moroccan dude who I still to this day don't really trust. And I made friends with this mongrel of a homeless guy, who I thought would be my friend for years to come, but apparently not so.
Regular people I find somehow boring I suppose. I do feel bad that whenever I become friends and make appointments with regular goodhearted people, I miss the appointment.
I just like girls more than anything, but without any friends to have my back in between the bitches, I am left basically all alone and bored. Then I try to keep myself occupied with life-goals, so these future goals are basically all I have going for myself. If all goes well though, this contemplation, this thinking, this training, will lay the groundwork for me to start my own business one day.
Now all I need to do is graduate with the Civil Engineering degree. I can do it within 1 year from now. So cheers to that.
DEEZEDBRAH
Master Don Juan
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- Dec 24, 2017
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Finish school but put yourself out there. Be curious. Try diff things. Finish degree IF you are in STEM nothing cultural Marxist or rubbish you could learn at your public library. Anything science, medicine, engineering, technology etc.
U
user43770
Guest
There is no purpose in life, bro. Shysters will tell you that there is, but they're trying to sell you something.
The never-ending chase for happiness is an absurdity of modernism. It's a hole that you'll get lost in.
You need money to live. Civil engineering is one of the few ways to make it honestly. Take pride in building things.
Work only as much as you need to get by, and use the rest of your time to find beauty in the world.
The never-ending chase for happiness is an absurdity of modernism. It's a hole that you'll get lost in.
You need money to live. Civil engineering is one of the few ways to make it honestly. Take pride in building things.
Work only as much as you need to get by, and use the rest of your time to find beauty in the world.
So there are many problems plaguing me.
I've got some property in the caribbean. On a beautiful island where the sun always shines. The house itself is falling apart, but the land it's on might be worth 1,000,000. I've got one more year to finish my Civil Engineering degree for which I basically have negative motivation. I feel like I'd rather not even finish it at this point in time because ever since my internship I was thoroughly turned off of the civil engineering life.
What I'm interested in is more psychology, science and biology, not the construction of buildings and bridges. I just want to get the degree for reasons discussed earlier in the thread. For the sake of having a degree.
I am trying to think of this in a practical way, but every time I come up with a solution I only temporarily feel better.
It's always been my goal, my ambition, since I was 11 years old, to come to Holland, get a good degree and then go back to that house in the caribbean and work there and raise my children there. The inheritance my father left is being spent at a retarded pace and it looks as though the house in the caribbean will have to be sold.
I have nobody to turn to for guidance. My brother and my mom don't do anything, like I already said, except sit at home and smoke and spend money.
While this is all going on I am trying to figure out how I can keep the place, whether I can study another degree after I finish this one, etc. I have no idea where I'm going to be in 5 years. I just know that I'm studying for a degree right now to do a job I don't like living in a country that I really don't want to live in.
PS: Let me also mention that the boredom and angst I was pointing to in my last post has led me to get in a fight in the bar 2 weeks ago and end up the hospital. I've been operated, bones in my face restructured. Titanium plate inserted. 4 screws on side of my nose.
I've got some property in the caribbean. On a beautiful island where the sun always shines. The house itself is falling apart, but the land it's on might be worth 1,000,000. I've got one more year to finish my Civil Engineering degree for which I basically have negative motivation. I feel like I'd rather not even finish it at this point in time because ever since my internship I was thoroughly turned off of the civil engineering life.
What I'm interested in is more psychology, science and biology, not the construction of buildings and bridges. I just want to get the degree for reasons discussed earlier in the thread. For the sake of having a degree.
I am trying to think of this in a practical way, but every time I come up with a solution I only temporarily feel better.
It's always been my goal, my ambition, since I was 11 years old, to come to Holland, get a good degree and then go back to that house in the caribbean and work there and raise my children there. The inheritance my father left is being spent at a retarded pace and it looks as though the house in the caribbean will have to be sold.
I have nobody to turn to for guidance. My brother and my mom don't do anything, like I already said, except sit at home and smoke and spend money.
While this is all going on I am trying to figure out how I can keep the place, whether I can study another degree after I finish this one, etc. I have no idea where I'm going to be in 5 years. I just know that I'm studying for a degree right now to do a job I don't like living in a country that I really don't want to live in.
PS: Let me also mention that the boredom and angst I was pointing to in my last post has led me to get in a fight in the bar 2 weeks ago and end up the hospital. I've been operated, bones in my face restructured. Titanium plate inserted. 4 screws on side of my nose.
Last edited:
Mike32ct
Master Don Juan
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An engineering degree is a great background for almost anything you want to pursue. It teaches you how to think, analyze, plan, solve problems, be very thorough/detail oriented, and stay organized. Defintely finish the CE degree. No downside there.
DEEZEDBRAH
Master Don Juan
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Decide what you want or the feminine will
evan12
Master Don Juan
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I know many internships with me in your situation, most of them have something in common, they are somehow lonely .
Change study field has little to do with happiness, I think your lack of friends/girls is what is make you depressed.
Do not drop your study this is investment for future.
Change study field has little to do with happiness, I think your lack of friends/girls is what is make you depressed.
Do not drop your study this is investment for future.
DEEZEDBRAH
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 24, 2017
- Messages
- 6,105
- Reaction score
- 4,853
- Age
- 33
Don't ever base life decisions or career piece based upon females. Its not worth it. No ***** Is. Its a compromise to one's being. It won't end well.
wifehunter
Master Don Juan
Our education system is just another way for the government to milk you. You'd be better off, taking time off, to discover your passions.