"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Dong Fu's most successful halloween outfit

Dongfu

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One year I wore g-string undies on my head. I had the pvssy side foreward, so it kind of looked like a hat of some kind. Then I had a few G-strings hanging out of my pants.

As I cruised around at the block party on Maui, girls were taking off their g-strings and tucking them into my pants to add to my collection. Then they would give me a room # or a cell # and tell me to check them out later.

Unfortunately I was married at the time, so I never got to capitalize on the power of this costume. Anyway, try it if you like. You might feel a little silly, but girls are gonna dig it, and it will give them a great reason to approach you. Peacocking with a sexual twist.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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