Don’t know what to do

[niceguytoalphamale]

@flowtheory seriously ill let you learn the hard way. Feel free to private message me when the s**t hits the fan.

 

[sazc]

gy

Relax. My situation is not yours. She wants to communicate MORE as per her words this weekend. And if she ever asked for space I wouldn’t stick around.

And with love comes trust, and trust comes love, yea sure. We’re two months in. And it’s absolutely reasonable that she could be scared. That’s not that far out.

You guys haven't established trust yet. Real, true, deep trust takes time, takes mutual respect and takes consistency. 2 months isn't enough time and she has been anything but consistent with respect.

 

[flowtheory]

The guys want to have sex with her, and you can't be so naive to think she doesn't know that.

Your girlfriend is dating other people, but "making them wait" so to speak.

Seriously just any average guy would not be okay with that. It's not exactly manosphere secret sauce now is it?

It's like you're looking for some sort of cheat code when it's basic pride and self-respect.

That is a possibility, yes.

If it persists then as I’ve stated, I will strike and move on. 100%.
My self respect has not been compromised and I am not needing her in my life. I want her in it. I do believe we have potential and I recognize she is scared is some aspects to commit when she could get hurt, which she has stated.

One thing LA said in a different thread was this.. which is true. Expect women to have beta or orbiters for the first few months in exclusivity.

 

[flowtheory]

gy

You guys haven't established trust yet. Real, true, deep trust takes time, takes mutual respect and takes consistency. 2 months isn't enough time and she has been anything but consistent with respect.

Right. Trust does take time. And we don’t have it. She could also be doing this to see if I do truly care about her. It’s just an extreme way to go about it. And employing honesty with it alleviates guilt or self shame. It’s a lot no doubt. I don’t doubt her attraction towards me though

 

[sazc]

Neither one of you have put enough marbles in the others jar. As a matter of fact, she's doing what she can to shake her marbles put off your jar.

You can't change people. She needs to learn what it means to trust in her own

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?...7DA395D6DB64D2B20F3C7DA&FORM=VIRE&adlt=strict

 

[sazc]

Right. Trust does take time. And we don’t have it. She could also be doing this to see if I do truly care about her. It’s just an extreme way to go about it. And employing honesty with it alleviates guilt or self shame. It’s a lot no doubt. I don’t doubt her attraction towards me though

You deserve someone who comes to you whole, someone whom is brave, someone whom has worked thru their sh1t before they land at your feet.

 

[flowtheory]

Neither one of you have put enough marbles in the others jar. As a matter of fact, she's doing what she can to shake her marbles put off your jar.

You can't change people. She needs to learn what it means to trust in her own

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?...7DA395D6DB64D2B20F3C7DA&FORM=VIRE&adlt=strict

I will check that video out when I get home.

What do you mean by she’s doing what she can to shake her marbles out of my jar? As in she’s sabotaging because she doesn’t trust herself?

 

[flowtheory]

It's just my quick opinion, but it's your life. You're going to do your thing (whatever that is).

Sure, expect orbiters. Don't expect your girlfriend to be bloody dating them. That's absolutely crazy.

When she was saying this stuff to you, weren"t you in the least like "why are you telling me this sh1t?"

I was thinking... this doesn’t make sense and is stupid. Why meet up with either guy? Especially the second guy. There’s no point. At all. But I don’t want to tell you who you can hangout with. You’re hypocritical and you’d be irate if I was doing the same.

But I did appreciate her honesty about it all, and that made me think it really was just platonic. And she did tell me about the conversations they had after.

It’s definetly strange and I won’t forget it. It’s a heavy strike against her.

 

[sazc]

I will check that video out when I get home.

What do you mean by she’s doing what she can to shake her marbles out of my jar? As in she’s sabotaging because she doesn’t trust herself?

I think she's sabotaging herself/the relationship. She's not ready for real intimacy, she admitted that to you. Someone who is scared, but who wants a healthy relationship would be brave, they will choose the right thing. She's doing what she can to introduce fear and uncertainty in your head and she's manipulating you with the 'i want to be honest' game She's trying to push you away so you can leave her and confirm how sh1tty men truly are. Thing is, the harder you try to cling, the more she's going to push you away because you can't fix her, she has to decide to fix herself

 

[flowtheory]

I think she's sabotaging herself/the relationship. She's not ready for real intimacy, she admitted that to you. Someone who is scared, but who wants a healthy relationship would be brave, they will choose the right thing. She's doing what she can to introduce fear and uncertainty in your head and she's manipulating you with the 'i want to be honest' game She's trying to push you away so you can leave her and confirm how sh1tty men truly are. Thing is, the harder you try to cling, the more she's going to push you away because you can't fix her, she has to decide to fix herself

This seems very accurate.

And this is also why I’m not getting so bent out of shape about what some flags may be. Because I can sense the realness within her and what she actually wants.

My goal is not to change her. It’s moreso to create a safer space of understanding which I’ve been doing. I have given boundaries, but maybe not super heard lines ones, which makes me vulnerable. And I will work on. I believe I shall keep doing what I’m doing so she can see that not all men (like her father) are swine.

I believe in relationships her fathers doing will be a central conflict. And I would be willing with her to help her get through some negative paradigms which have been formed because of that. I do know my value and won’t be pushed around because of her sh!t though. But I believe her being the way she is will also help me in some ways. So it’s mutually beneficial.

Because at the end of the day I firmly firmly believe her and I want the same. But we’re both scared in different ways.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@flowtheory this thread is getting pointless the experienced DJs have told you the truth on what's happening or is bound to happen. Why do you not listen?? I'm baffled.. truly.. we are trying to make you dodge a bullet. She's meeting up with other guys while yous are dating can you not see what we are saying? Bro it's not f****ng normal!! Take of those rose tinted glasses, stop making excuses, she is manipulative and a liar, she is going to drum more lies into your head. Your going to end up like a lobster, (a good body but a head full of sh!t)

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@LARaiders85 this one is all yours.. I can't make him see.

 

[Roober]

In a good relationship, this conversation does not even exist. This is not because of secretly hiding it either. This conversation does not exist because a woman a) would rather be with her man and b) accepts that there is a possibility he may do the same. Does she want to risk her man spending one on one time with another woman? If she truly values him, she doesnt want other women even talking to him, let alone on a coffee date.

You are like the sweater she got for Christmas. The problem is that she is still going to the mall looking for that perfect sweater. She will wear what she has, but deep down she is not really satisfied.

If a woman I was dating even brought up this conversation, I would say "sure, go ahead. Have fun." And our relationship would cease to exist. Well, in my mind it would, while I began planning my exit.

Telling you about it merely plays into her guilt and the whole concept of cognitive dissonance. "Well, flow thinks it's okay, and the guy is just a friend." In actuality, she is no longer window shopping, she is at the register with the new sweater wondering if it costs too much.

 

[flowtheory]

In a good relationship, this conversation does not even exist. This is not because of secretly hiding it either. This conversation does not exist because a woman a) would rather be with her man and b) accepts that there is a possibility he may do the same. Does she want to risk her man spending one on one time with another woman? If she truly values him, she doesnt want other women even talking to him, let alone on a coffee date.

You are like the sweater she got for Christmas. The problem is that she is still going to the mall looking for that perfect sweater. She will wear what she has, but deep down she is not really satisfied.

If a woman I was dating even brought up this conversation, I would say "sure, go ahead. Have fun." And our relationship would cease to exist. Well, in my mind it would, while I began planning my exit.

Telling you about it merely plays into her guilt and the whole concept of cognitive dissonance. "Well, flow thinks it's okay, and the guy is just a friend." In actuality, she is no longer window shopping, she is at the register with the new sweater wondering if it costs too much.

Yea. Maybe you’re right.

 

[flowtheory]

@flowtheory this thread is getting pointless the experienced DJs have told you the truth on what's happening or is bound to happen. Why do you not listen?? I'm baffled.. truly.. we are trying to make you dodge a bullet. She's meeting up with other guys while yous are dating can you not see what we are saying? Bro it's not f****ng normal!! Take of those rose tinted glasses, stop making excuses, she is manipulative and a liar, she is going to drum more lies into your head. Your going to end up like a lobster, (a good body but a head full of sh!t)

I am listening. Clearly. But I’m not about to preemptively pull the plug on a mostly good thing.

I recognize there are flags, yes. But I also see she cares about how I feel and other positive aspects — willingness to have long discussions and find clarity. Someone with low or medium interest wouldn’t invest the amount she is and has. They wouldn’t slowly become more open in many aspects astome has gone along.

Her and I have gotten very intense very quick in many levels and also at an interesting time in her life.
She is an attractive woman, who has a career. Woth her level of straightforwardness and honesty, If she wasn’t interested or was on her way out she would have done that about a month and a half ago.
Women with a lot of options and get attention don’t waste their time with someone they are medium interest on. The facts don’t add up.

So it makes me truly believe she is mostly scared. Scared of intimacy and the vulnerability that brings. Now take her past and add in a new relationship which most are already doubtful of and you have a recipe for difficulty.
It’s not as simple as some here are making it out to be. And I’m doing my best to not be delusional. I ask many opinions from very respectable and rational minded people in my life to remain level headed about these things. So I’m not totally naive in my dealings with her or other women.

People are complicated as hell. And sometimes we fold people too early. It takes others awhile to open up and drop their masks due to baggage and fears. So like I said earlier; benefit of the doubt is important sometimes. And who really knows what is going on in her head? What looks like one thing, could be completely different.
And just because it’s easy sailing in some relationships at the start proves nothing in the game of love. There’s many who have had a ‘loving’ relationship for ten years and then one day it’s all gone because it was never really there.

It’s not always so SoSuave simple as it’s pereived to be. Dating is ridiculously complicated these days.

 

[Chi Town]

1. You're gf is not that into you.
2. She is cheating on you, if she hasn't yet she will.(re read number 1)
3. You're gullible and naive and overly agreeable which is going to be you're downfall.
4. You're gf knows how easy it is to manipulate you so she tells you what you want to hear and it works.
5. She wears the pants in the relationship.
6. She's only dating you until something better comes along.
7.you came to this site as a nice guy beta male.
8. You're still a nice guy beta male
9. You're gf doesn't respect you

Flow, you are too soft and understanding, too agreeable and that is why you are going to have this type of sh!t happen to you till the day you are no longer breathing.

No books, online advice, pua vids, YouTube dating coaches ECT will change you're personality or who you truly are, guys like me, spaz, guru and ranger don't have these problems and if we did the women would instantly be dismissed, if the sex is good then she can get fvcked and treated like my personal sex toy but only until I find a better coochie to indulge in.

I'm not giving you advice, you don't need it and you won't use it anyway.

Brother to another, do what feels right to ya and I honestly wish you the best of luck, don't take my post the wrong way, if I didn't care I wouldn't have responded in the first place, just needed to give ya some tough love bro.....good luck

 

[lamath]

1. You're gf is not that into you.
2. She is cheating on you, if she hasn't yet she will.(re read number 1)
3. You're gullible and naive and overly agreeable which is going to be you're downfall.
4. You're gf knows how easy it is to manipulate you so she tells you what you want to hear and it works.
5. She wears the pants in the relationship.
6. She's only dating you until something better comes along.
7.you came to this site as a nice guy beta male.
8. You're still a nice guy beta male
9. You're gf doesn't respect you

Flow, you are too soft and understanding, too agreeable and that is why you are going to have this type of sh!t happen to you till the day you are no longer breathing.

No books, online advice, pua vids, YouTube dating coaches ECT will change you're personality or who you truly are, guys like me, spaz, guru and ranger don't have these problems and if we did the women would instantly be dismissed, if the sex is good then she can get fvcked and treated like my personal sex toy but only until I find a better coochie to indulge in.

I'm not giving you advice, you don't need it and you won't use it anyway.

Brother to another, do what feels right to ya and I honestly wish you the best of luck, don't take my post the wrong way, if I didn't care I wouldn't have responded in the first place, just needed to give ya some tough love bro.....good luck

Great post

 

[flowtheory]

1. You're gf is not that into you.
2. She is cheating on you, if she hasn't yet she will.(re read number 1)
3. You're gullible and naive and overly agreeable which is going to be you're downfall.
4. You're gf knows how easy it is to manipulate you so she tells you what you want to hear and it works.
5. She wears the pants in the relationship.
6. She's only dating you until something better comes along.
7.you came to this site as a nice guy beta male.
8. You're still a nice guy beta male
9. You're gf doesn't respect you

Flow, you are too soft and understanding, too agreeable and that is why you are going to have this type of sh!t happen to you till the day you are no longer breathing.

No books, online advice, pua vids, YouTube dating coaches ECT will change you're personality or who you truly are, guys like me, spaz, guru and ranger don't have these problems and if we did the women would instantly be dismissed, if the sex is good then she can get fvcked and treated like my personal sex toy but only until I find a better coochie to indulge in.

I'm not giving you advice, you don't need it and you won't use it anyway.

Brother to another, do what feels right to ya and I honestly wish you the best of luck, don't take my post the wrong way, if I didn't care I wouldn't have responded in the first place, just needed to give ya some tough love bro.....good luck

Jesus

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@lamath @Chi Town great post indeed