Don’t know what to do

[flowtheory]

So it’s only new people? LMAO
So old fuks are ok. Just not new potential fuks.

Trust me when I tell you this. There isn’t a man with any time of relationship experience that hasn’t experienced this. This is a standard operating default. It’s automatic.

When men question it the whole world shames the fuk out of him. She tells all her girlfriends, exes, EVERYONE.

It’s feels like being driven from the tribe to die in the wilderness for your audacity to even bring it up.

Shame on you...you non-conforming Male. Here, let me rub that pvssy in your face because you ain’t getting any more, you mongrel. LMAO

NOT laughing at you brother. Just the total absurdity of any of it. There are dozens if not uncountable little things like this that men don’t even realize are being used against them due to the imperative.

It’s true.

I don’t believe anything is lost in what her and I have or there’s mass disrespect. It’s just her doing what is natural, I guess. And it would be my job now to communicate that it’s not at all tolerable if we expect to have any future.

One thing is that she is just threatened that me and my ex are friends and see each other often. So this intensifies whatever is her natural imperative.

And the older guys she’s met up with, she has denied them already so she says it would only ever be friends even if her and I weren’t together.

 

[flowtheory]

You responded in a passive way. You didn't take away exclusivity.
Your words mean nothing. Your actions say everything.
Your ACTIONS say everything is just fine.

Because I won’t threaten the relationship if it’s a tactic. If I take away exclusivity it’s forever gone. Even for her she’s agreed she won’t take any steps back. I agree.
I simply told her how I felt her going out one on one with those types of guys who she’s been on dates with. “I feel naesous and anxious that this is happening and it’s not what I want in a relationship”. I expressed how I felt. That’s all I can do. No blame. No drama.
If she chooses to keep meeting up with older people then I would strike and I would do so with all intentions of folding up shop. I never threaten a relationship unless I have full intention of pulling the plug. I give fair warning and let their receptiveness or lack of dictate.

I would maybe walk out of the apartment mid discussion if she did something I didn’t approve of though.

 

[flowtheory]

Maybe you didn't or don't take away exclusivity because you know/believe she would likely easily be with other men, rather than stay loyal to you, without exclusivity.

I don’t think she would easily be with other men at all. She’s not easy or anything like that. She’s very choosy and has been single for very enxtebded periods of time. She’s been on dates, yes, but friendzones just about every guy. Extremely picky. Only ever done oral with one guy and only been in two relationships. Lost virginity at 20.

 

[flowtheory]

A woman who is truly into you would stay loyal to you, and work hard to regain your respect, your time and attention, and ultimately to regain exclusivity.

Yes. Maybe walking if it worsens is a good tactic. But like I said, not yet to strike if I do. Issues are being worked through and boundaries are being tested in both directions.

I would say currently she does work to gain my time and makes it known she wants to see me every weekend and more than once a week. She has been loyal. And she is building trust trough honesty. She isn’t the most empathetic though, yes.

 

[flowtheory]

Wait did I miss this or forget...are you two actually living together????

Sorry, we don’t live together. Should have been more clear. I meant walk out of her apartment. Or ask her to leave mine

 

[flowtheory]

Maybe you didn't or don't take away exclusivity because you know/believe she would likely easily be with other men, rather than stay loyal to you, without exclusivity.

And I’m not scared to take away exclusivity. Because I have a cornucopia if fans who I could EASILY get with in an evening. I would be scared of taking away exclusivity to have a potentially great fall apart after all the work and navigating both of us have done. Because like I said; there is a ton of good between her and I. And yes, like any relationship there are issues. And these are some

 

[flowtheory]

I think you reframe your perspective and actions through the lens of yourself as being understanding, thoughtful and kind. Those are great qualities. They best be on top of solid a foundation. You don't seem to be operating on a solid foundation,imho. From my view, I think you are operating with her, at least, from a place of YOUR OWN FEAR, and then reframing your choices, as ones of understanding, and drama free.

You can stand up for yourself and what is truly acceptable to you, while ALSO being understanding, kind and without being dramatic.

I think you’re right actually. And maybe this is what @guru1000 talks about in my frame.

I look at key parts of being in a relationship ship but don’t yet have a fortified foundation of the ability to dictate relationship on my terms; which is regarded as boundaries.

Maybe on some level I view her as the catch and not myself so I sacrifice some of my own value to not create turbulence. So I work with her needs and desires and allow her to make mine secondary.

 

[flowtheory]

Flowtheory, you need to look into your own narcissistic traits as well.

Okay? Tell me more old wise LA

YES!!!!

Yea. And I wouldn’t say this is an issue with just her, but probably my disposition with women from a baseline state.
It’s been worse, and I don’t think this situation is far gone at all as there is much good, but I can certainly improve. Any suggestions aside from utilizing removal of exclusivity or walking out? Some things which are not so drastic, but smaller and more consistent which will compound?

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@flowtheory you told her how it makes you feel? BIG f****ng mistake!!!!!! She's scared to be in a relationship with you?? Dude seriously my ex was the same jump off that sinking f****ng ship!! She's a flat out liar!!

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@flowtheory and every member on this thread. I can see exactly how this is going to go down.. (from experience point of course) he told her how it made him feel. (More power to her) she said she's scared.. what a load of BS. (With love comes trust and with trust comes love) soon the messages and communication will slowly fade away. Then she will say she needs space. Coupled with more lies. Then she will probably bang someone else. And flow theory is gonna possibly stick around because she will delusion him with so much BS as to why she did it. And eventually she will leave or he will become a little cuck. Seriously @flowtheory if I were you I'd run away very far and fast.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@flowtheory seriously now for the advice part... id highly recommend delete her number.. and just flat out ghost. If you don't listen you will be back here very soon with a heart broken story to tell.

 

[flowtheory]

@flowtheory and every member on this thread. I can see exactly how this is going to go down.. (from experience point of course) he told her how it made him feel. (More power to her) she said she's scared.. what a load of BS. (With love comes trust and with trust comes love) soon the messages and communication will slowly fade away. Then she will say she needs space. Coupled with more lies. Then she will probably bang someone else. And flow theory is gonna possibly stick around because she will delusion him with so much BS as to why she did it. And eventually she will leave or he will become a little cuck. Seriously @flowtheory if I were you I'd run away very far and fast.

Relax. My situation is not yours. She wants to communicate MORE as per her words this weekend. And if she ever asked for space I wouldn’t stick around.

And with love comes trust, and trust comes love, yea sure. We’re two months in. And it’s absolutely reasonable that she could be scared. That’s not that far out.

 

[flowtheory]

What do you think? What meaningful list would you give you, if you were on the outside reading this?

Hard to see from the outside when my emotions are involved.

I would probably say to have a few areas where I am not willing to bend or negotiate. Construct a new foundation in a few areas, in these early days by showing what is not acceptable. And realize that I have a few needy tendencies as well that I am keeping women on a slight pedestal.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@flowtheory seriously you make alot of excuses for her sh!t behavior just like I did.. your gonna learn the hard way my friend. She wasnt scared with her exs I can guarantee it.. really please stop making excuses for her. We will still be here when she uses you like a old rag but don't say we didn't warn you. Everyone on here can't be wrong remember that.

 

[flowtheory]

@flowtheory seriously you make alot of excuses for her sh!t behavior just like I did.. your gonna learn the hard way my friend. She wasnt scared with her exs I can guarantee it.. really please stop making excuses for her. We will still be here when she uses you like a old rag but don't say we didn't warn you. Everyone on here can't be wrong remember that.

Her exes were also 5/10’s physically with no other women creating competition anxiety for her too.

She’s not used to having women constantly check her boyfriend out or ask him on dates. She’s used to being the one in the drivers seat. With different valued men, women know there’s more to lose and more potential for loss. This is why I believe women date less physically attractive men long term, and keep attractive men for short term.

Same comes woth men dating super attractive women. Way more opportunities for losing her, and if the man is insecure they will act scared and more guarded

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@flowtheory people here have drawn the picture of what is 90% bound to happen.. it's your choice whether you want to color it in and learn the hard way or just throw it in the trash and draw your own picture with someone better.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@flowtheory that doesn't mean anything what her exs looked like.. I can bet they had better game then you though. At the end of the day money, looks, etc are only 20 to 30% of the deal the rest is game and personality strength etc:

 

[flowtheory]

This is pretty mental. So they aren't even male friends with the ambiguity which that brings, just straight up some guys she met on Tinder or whatever. And they are still in her life, why?



You agreed to be exclusive and stop seeing other people. There's your foundation lol

Imo you are overthinking and rationalizing too much. You aren't exclusive (in the way that any person in their right mind would consider it). Should probably just go from there however it suits you.

They did meet on bumble/okcupid and then she friendzoned them at the start half a year ago. They reached out and she said okay, but on platonic terms.

 

[flowtheory]

@flowtheory that doesn't mean anything what her exs looked like.. I can bet they had better game then you though. At the end of the day money, looks, etc are only 20 to 30% of the deal the rest is game and personality strength etc:

Not true.
Her ex had a drinking problem and was pretty unstable by the sounds. She thought he was secretly gay too. I think she’s drawn to difficult unhealthy relationships.
I’m not like that, and also happen to be goodlooking. I can imagine she has some qualities of sabotage and she also believes she doesn’t know if she can truly have a supportive or healthy relationship (her words)

 

[flowtheory]

@flowtheory and every member on this thread. I can see exactly how this is going to go down.. (from experience point of course) he told her how it made him feel. (More power to her) she said she's scared.. what a load of BS. (With love comes trust and with trust comes love) soon the messages and communication will slowly fade away. Then she will say she needs space. Coupled with more lies. Then she will probably bang someone else. And flow theory is gonna possibly stick around because she will delusion him with so much BS as to why she did it. And eventually she will leave or he will become a little cuck. Seriously @flowtheory if I were you I'd run away very far and fast.

Also. Telling someone how their behaviour makes you feel is the healthy way to communicate. Not by going silent and making them try to figure it out. If one is thinking about who has power in a relationship, they themselves are losing power.

Relationships are about communication. Not games and weird silent boundaries. That’s ridiculous