Domestic Violence

[Rollo Tomassi]

Thought this was an interesting read.

Male Domestic Violence

 

[Bible_Belt]

Women who are bipolar and borderline are prone to violent fits. af's ex-wife would smash glass in his face and sneak up to the bathroom door when he was inside so that she could open it quickly and smack him with the door. She kept getting in his face saying 'hit me so I can call the police on you."

 

[SAYNO]

"She'd come running at me like a wild animal, both hands and arms swinging, I think she had her eyes closed half the time," he said.

According to a police report, Paul attacked his wife and threatened to kill her, but he said that is a lie."


I think this happens to more men than would care to admit it! Except that who would believe a man?

Normally, if a guys gets attacked by a woman and call the police, it ends up back firing and he goes to jail instead of the woman.

Thats why most guys don't report it.


SN'

 

[Desdinova]

"Men have gotten the point that it's not OK to do those things, but somehow it's turned around, and it's OK for women to do those things," LeClerc said.

I was victim to my ex's emotional explosions as well.

I keep seeing more and more articles popping up that show women aren't the poor innocent ones anymore. I was victim to my ex's emotional explosions as well

It's becoming a huge problem. I've got a friend who was telling me about his new wife's violent outbursts. She'd chase him across the apartment, and he had to lock himself in the bedroom for protection from her.

Not long after he told me about this, they got into a huge argument/fight, and the neighbors called the police. When the police came, they arrested him, not her. They also forced a restraining order on his ass.

It's looks like society is beginning to realize that women are getting away with too much these days. As strange as it may seem, it's not the Don Juan who will stand up for men's rights, but it'll be the men who have been feminized. These are the guys who are putting up with it, but everyone has their breaking point. This article is only the beginning of abused men coming out. This issue will continue to grow.

 

[jendean71]

As some of you have read about me, my ex would like flip a switch and beat on me, kick me, spit on me, verbally and emotionally abuse me as well.

Ah, the old times. LOL.

But it does seem like it appears to be ok for them and we usually get the blame, one way or another. I did not ever call the police, I did finally call her family, and they came to calm her down and talk to her. But, it would only help for a few.

 

[gixxer]

Well fvck.........

This is an interesting coincidence......

What's up guys? Been meaning to get back on here as my last relationship just busted up a few weeks ago. Couldn't resist getting in on this thread though.

Last Friday night my ex gf and I were arrested for Disorderly Conduct. Long story short (I'll post the full story soon) she had moved out but still wanted an rship. I said "fvck no" particularly because one of the main issues was her questionable behavior around a couple male friends and slvtty girlfriends - yeah, I'm sure things will be better when she's living on her own and has MORE freedom.....

Anyway, she comes over unexpectedly, starts demanding all the gifts she gave me during the rship back, attacks me, trashes the house, she charged me on the front lawn and I shoved her back and knocked her on her a$$. In all, she hit me about 4-5 times and charged me about the same number. I only pushed her to get her away from me. B!tch was screaming in my face, calling me a pu$$y and begging to get hit, talking $hit about my mom.

End result? I called the cops and we both got arrested. The cops were cool and tried to only arrest her, but because she told them I pushed her they had to do me too. We're dealing with family relations at court rather than a prosecutor and a friend who's a procecutor in another district has been watching the case and says it will get Nollied (sp?) no problem.

Bottom line? If you have an irate woman in your house get her OR yourself out ASAP and try not to touch her.

gixx

 

[Wyldfire]

Domestic Violence works two ways...and there are plenty of women who abuse their husbands and boyfriends as well.

As many similarities as their are in all cases of Domestic Violence, there are some distinct differences between the way things play out when the victim is male opposed to female.

Firstly, if a woman seeks help, everyone usually believes her and sympathizes with her...in some ways this helps her, but in other ways it actually hurts her. I'll go into this more in a little bit.

When a man seeks help he is often laughed at because it's hard for people to actually believe that a woman can physically abuse a man. And verbal and emotional abuse are viewed as "nagging" or "hen pecking" to the extreme. However, some women are what I like to refer to as "emotional terrorists".

Domestic Violence services are a joke...and this is coming from someone who survived a decade of Domestic Violence. They encourage victimhood and dependence rather than being a survivor and becoming independent, confident and self-reliant. These services typically just take a person who has been under someone else's control tactics for God knows how long and turn around and manipulate and control them as well. What people getting out of DV situations REALLY need is to be allowed to learn to make their own choices and decisions and learn that even if they don't make the best choice...their world is not going to fall apart. They need confidence in themselves.

Men who are abused do face a special set of circumstances in that there is a stigma, disbelief, ridicule and fear of those things will often make a man either fight back and be viewed as the abuser or just take it and slowly have his soul die inside. He can't really win for losing.

Even in light of acknowledging these special circumstances, there is one universal truth about ALL people who allow themselves to be abused and are attraced to abusers, regardless of their gender. The abuse fulfills some sick and unhealthy need that the "victim" has and needs to address. Domestic Violence Services are so clueless that they don't even recognize this at all, thereby making them essentially ineffective in truly helping those they serve.

It's good to see some media attention about DV against men. There's not nearly enough even though it has improved substantially over the last few years. The more men who come forward with their stories, as unpleasant as it may be for them, the more attention the issue will get and the less men will be stigmatized because of it. Men really need to understand how important it is to come forward and press charges...because until more do, the issue will never truly get the attention it deserves.

About Borderline Personality Disorder...my ex husband has it. Nasty thing to deal with, believe me, I know. Anyone with that disorder is abusive...and a lot more women have it than men. Personally, I think there are more men who have it than the mental health community realizes...but they are misdiagnosed as bipolar and sociopaths. My ex fit those diagnoses as well...but he is far closer to BPD. I'd strongly suggest that EVERYONE read the warning signs of Borderline Personality Disorder and if you think anyone you get involved with has it...run like hell and fast.

 

[gixxer]

I need to understand what the personality disorders of this type of woman are. I realize now that she had a very controlling hold on me by keeping me jealous and off balance. I also realize she created a lot of conflict between me and her friends. She was also emotionally abusive at times. At other times she was like a dream come true - sweet, understanding, loving, giving....

Any hints or search words that I can use to find articles on this type of woman and this type of relationship dynamic would be appreciated.

Thanks!

gixx

 

[Wyldfire]

I need to understand what the personality disorders of this type of woman are. I realize now that she had a very controlling hold on me by keeping me jealous and off balance. I also realize she created a lot of conflict between me and her friends. She was also emotionally abusive at times. At other times she was like a dream come true - sweet, understanding, loving, giving....

Any hints or search words that I can use to find articles on this type of woman and this type of relationship dynamic would be appreciated.

Thanks!

gixx

Just do a search of the forum for Borderline Personality Disorder. I've talked extensively about it on one thread before. I'll look to and see if I can find a link.

People with BPD are very good at hiding their true selves to a good extent, but when they start showing their true colors and you know the warning signs...you really can't miss it. The biggest warning sign in females is self mutiliation. If she does or has ever cut herself or has any scars to imply it...it's almost a given that she has BPD. Sucidal or threats of suicide...and with men, substance abuse and being abusive to women are good indicators as well as suicidal, mood swings that would make your head spin...I'm talking several shifts in mood in a matter or minutes. It's freaking crazy ****!

 

[Wyldfire]

For those interested in learning more about Borderline Personality Disorder

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=80167

 

[Desdinova]

My ex's mother gave me a few phone numbers that I kept on me at all times. One was a support hotline for when my ex freaked out, and I called it a few times. Another one was to have a van come to the house and take her to the psych ward. I came very close to phoning that one a few times.

It's hell living with a bipolar chick. BANG! Her mood turns evil and 5hit goes flying across the room. Not only that, I feared going to sleep because I woke up one morning to her trying to choke me (in her sleep).

 

[Vulpine]

I have to admit, I've had a few women get violent on me. I never really considered it from the "emotionally/physically abusive" aspect because it never happened more than once with any woman.

There's a part of me that wants to say shame on these guys for cultivating a relationship where this is possible. When women tried to get physical on me I flat out told them in a man's voice: "Do you actually want to fight me? I'm not going to just take a beating. Sit your a$$ down and lower your voice before you get yourself hurt or I leave, neither of which are your desired outcome." If that doesn't cool their jets, I leave. Leave before it escalates. Leave before you go to jail. Fight or flight? If fight means jail, you better stop the fight or make with the "flight".

It's like Desdinova's sig:
"Giving a woman a punching bag when she's pissed is like rewarding a dog for sh!tting on the carpet."

My "fight back with women" opinion is strong for a reason. I'm a regular advocate for men's nuts. In high school I got kicked in the nuts soooo many times that I sometimes wonder if I'll be able to have kids. Women somehow think it's ok to kick a man in the nuts. They don't think for a second that it's assault and believe they can get away with it. Well, it all came to a head on night when I was chilling at a club yackin' it up with some friends. A girl came up and planted her foot in my crotch, yet again. It was a good shot too, I was seeing stars. She started freaking out on me about "that's for what you did to my friend." I had no idea what I did to deserve what I got, so I asked her who her friend was. I didn't have any idea who her friend was. It turns out I got kicked in the nuts for no reason because she thought I was someone else. It was then (while my stomach was twisting) that I vowed to myself to remain standing long enough to straight close-fisted a b!tch and lay her out if she ever kicked me in the nuts. Extreme? I haven't gotten kicked in the nuts since. I'm at 12 years now kick-in-the-nuts free.

Maybe I haven't because I carry myself as a guy that women can't use like a doormat and manipulate. I think in many cases (granted, some women are plain crazy) that the violence is an attempt (albeit extreme) at some sort of control and manipulation. At some point these men must've given a full inch, and the violent women are taking several yards. That's why I say: shame on men who get abused. I don't sympathize with them one bit.

When women start throwing thing and breaking dishes, you simply and calmly say: "Great. Now you've got a mess to clean up."

I can't even wrap my head around how much of wusses these guys must be. There needs to be something even below WBAFC to describe it. Like NMAFC - Needs Medical Assistance Frustrated Chump.

Disclaimer: The above is assuming that not every abuser has a social/psychological disorder.

 

[gixxer]

Thanks for the link, Wyld!

She had none of those signs at all. She was really a very together girl ($100k job, very social, smart) the biggest thing is she would be this super sweet devoted gf one minute and then single crazy girl the next. Her favorite trick was to have her single gfs call and invite her our for a "girls night" (or at least that's what she said) AT THE LAST MINUTE when she and I might have had plans and then pick a fight with me if I was pissed that she wanted to go.

She also had this AFC, fat fvck friend that used to text her all the time and take her out for dinners and lunch (he drove 1/2 an hour on his day off to pick her up at work and take her to lunch one time) I told her if she kept hanging out with him - without me - I was leaving and she'd say, "no, no, I won't lose the man I love over him. He's not that important" Then in a few weeks she'd start talking about him again and how she feels bad that I can't be OK with their friendship and we'd get into a fight. I started checking her phone and found a lot of texts back and fourth between them (nothing really bad) and they were all when she was at work. Eventually, after we broke up, she told me she had TOLD him to only contact her during work because their friendship "upset" me.

gixx

 

[gixxer]

Vulpine,

I assume you're talking about the article and NOT my particular situation.

gixx

 

[Vulpine]

gixxer, the thread blew up while I was composing. I wasn't referencing your situation at all, just the article.

 

[gixxer]

That's cool, bro. No prob.

gixx

 

[Desdinova]

When women start throwing thing and breaking dishes, you simply and calmly say: "Great. Now you've got a mess to clean up."

Good luck telling a BPD woman that. One of those plates will end up aimed at your head. My ex sent a bystander to the hospital for stitches after she flung a pair of side cutters at someone else. My best friend can recall the time when she threw a bowl of hot soup at him.

...and the amount of doors falling off the hinges from being slammed too many times? TOO MANY!

 

[Vulpine]

Disclaimer.... read the disclaimer....

Not everyone that "flips their lid", has a fit of rage, or loses control has BPD or dysfuntional personality.

 

[Wyldfire]

Disclaimer.... read the disclaimer....

Not everyone that "flips their lid", has a fit of rage, or loses control has BPD or dysfuntional personality.

Nope, they don't. That being said, however...if you ARE dealing with someone with BPD or who is bipolar you can't deal with it the way you would someone who doesn't have it. You can reason with a person without these conditions and de-escalate the situation. But someone with the conditions...you will only aggravate the situation. I think that's what Des is trying to say here.

 

[gixxer]

Apparently, my ex had more of the traits of Narcisitic Personality Disorder:


5. Has a sense of entitlement

Translation: They expect automatic compliance with their wishes or especially favorable treatment, such as thinking that they should always be able to go first and that other people should stop whatever they're doing to do what the narcissists want, and may react with hurt or rage when these expectations are frustrated.

6. Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends

Translation: Narcissists use other people to get what they want without caring about the cost to the other people.

7. Lacks empathy

Translation: They are unwilling to recognize or sympathize with other people's feelings and needs. They "tune out" when other people want to talk about their own problems.
In clinical terms, empathy is the ability to recognize and interpret other people's emotions. Lack of empathy may take two different directions: (a) accurate interpretation of others' emotions with no concern for others' distress, which is characteristic of psychopaths; and (b) the inability to recognize and accurately interpret other people's emotions, which is the NPD style. This second form of defective empathy may (rarely) go so far as alexithymia, or no words for emotions, and is found with psychosomatic illnesses, i.e., medical conditions in which emotion is experienced somatically rather than psychically. People with personality disorders don't have the normal body-ego identification and regard their bodies only instrumentally, i.e., as tools to use to get what they want, or, in bad states, as torture chambers that inflict on them meaningless suffering. Self-described narcissists who've written to me say that they are aware that their feelings are different from other people's, mostly that they feel less, both in strength and variety (and which the narcissists interpret as evidence of their own superiority); some narcissists report "numbness" and the inability to perceive meaning in other people's emotions.

8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him

Translation: No translation needed.

9. Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes

Translation: They treat other people like dirt.