Domestic Violence

[ElChoclo]

Women say that domestic violence is no different to any other violence. But it is. When someone comes up to you in the street and is annoying you, you can leave, walk away. When you are in your home, it isn't quite as convenient. According to the old TV convention, it is the man who gets to sleep on the sofa isn't it.

Society is riddled with stereotyping. Men are the violent ones, the ones who can't control themselves. Au contraire, women do not learn to restrain themselves in regards to violence when they are growing up, but men do. A man's life consists entirely of learning self restraint. If it were not the case, there would obviously be some problems if men didn't restrain their sexual impulses.

The judicial system is overly accepting of women in terms of credibility. Society mocks the henpecked man but lavishes sympathy on the beaten woman. According to feminists it would be OK for a woman to show her husband some pictures of her doing it with every guy in the street, mock him for his sexual inadequacy and financial success and yet after receiving this treatment if he were to respond with physical aggression his behaviour would be inexcusable.

There are of course some things which are worse than physical violence for a man, and that is unfounded allegations of child abuse. But I am certain that it occurs all the time. Again society views the man as the predator, so he more or less has to disprove his guilt. If men have received fair treatment why is it that there are virtually no refuges for men compared to refuges for women. Hypocrisy pure and simple.

 

[legolas]

Makes me wonder if the women who are into jerks and not decent guys are really to be avoided at all costs despite their looks. :woo:

 

[SAYNO]

Women say that domestic violence is no different to any other violence. But it is. When someone comes up to you in the street and is annoying you, you can leave, walk away. When you are in your home, it isn't quite as convenient. According to the old TV convention, it is the man who gets to sleep on the sofa isn't it.

Society is riddled with stereotyping. Men are the violent ones, the ones who can't control themselves. Au contraire, women do not learn to restrain themselves in regards to violence when they are growing up, but men do. A man's life consists entirely of learning self restraint. If it were not the case, there would obviously be some problems if men didn't restrain their sexual impulses.

The judicial system is overly accepting of women in terms of credibility. Society mocks the henpecked man but lavishes sympathy on the beaten woman. According to feminists it would be OK for a woman to show her husband some pictures of her doing it with every guy in the street, mock him for his sexual inadequacy and financial success and yet after receiving this treatment if he were to respond with physical aggression his behaviour would be inexcusable.

There are of course some things which are worse than physical violence for a man, and that is unfounded allegations of child abuse. But I am certain that it occurs all the time. Again society views the man as the predator, so he more or less has to disprove his guilt. If men have received fair treatment why is it that there are virtually no refuges for men compared to refuges for women. Hypocrisy pure and simple.

Excellent post!



SN'

 

[Marlimus]

It does happen to black men too. Ever watched that show COPS?

Jesus Christ, Wyldfire, I thought you were more discerning than that. You cite a pseudo-fictional television show that only goes to the most depressed areas, in order to sample an entire ethnic group? Do I think all white people acts like the cast of 'Friends'?

 

[Wyldfire]

Jesus Christ, Wyldfire, I thought you were more discerning than that. You cite a pseudo-fictional television show that only goes to the most depressed areas, in order to sample an entire ethnic group? Do I think all white people acts like the cast of 'Friends'?

I am more discerning than that. I live in the lily white Northeast. I've know white men who were abused by their wives or girlfriends but I haven't personally known any black men who were. I'm sure I would if I didn't live in an area where there aren't a whole lot of black people.

Relax...I'm not trying to put black people in a bad light. My own nephew is half black. Domestic Violence does happen a bit more often in lower income families. It can happen to any family, I know...but if a family is poor there is a slightly higher potential for this kind of thing. The example I gave showed that. I think we all know that all black families don't have old ripped up vinyl recliners in their front yard. And there are plenty of poor white families who have old furniture in their yard as well. I couldn't really explain the story without explaining about the chair outside...because the poor guy WAS duct taped to it for all to see.

 

[Heretolearn]

Domestic Violence works two ways...and there are plenty of women who abuse their husbands and boyfriends as well.

As many similarities as their are in all cases of Domestic Violence, there are some distinct differences between the way things play out when the victim is male opposed to female.

Firstly, if a woman seeks help, everyone usually believes her and sympathizes with her...in some ways this helps her, but in other ways it actually hurts her. I'll go into this more in a little bit.

When a man seeks help he is often laughed at because it's hard for people to actually believe that a woman can physically abuse a man. And verbal and emotional abuse are viewed as "nagging" or "hen pecking" to the extreme. However, some women are what I like to refer to as "emotional terrorists".

Domestic Violence services are a joke...and this is coming from someone who survived a decade of Domestic Violence. They encourage victimhood and dependence rather than being a survivor and becoming independent, confident and self-reliant. These services typically just take a person who has been under someone else's control tactics for God knows how long and turn around and manipulate and control them as well. What people getting out of DV situations REALLY need is to be allowed to learn to make their own choices and decisions and learn that even if they don't make the best choice...their world is not going to fall apart. They need confidence in themselves.

Men who are abused do face a special set of circumstances in that there is a stigma, disbelief, ridicule and fear of those things will often make a man either fight back and be viewed as the abuser or just take it and slowly have his soul die inside. He can't really win for losing.

Even in light of acknowledging these special circumstances, there is one universal truth about ALL people who allow themselves to be abused and are attraced to abusers, regardless of their gender. The abuse fulfills some sick and unhealthy need that the "victim" has and needs to address. Domestic Violence Services are so clueless that they don't even recognize this at all, thereby making them essentially ineffective in truly helping those they serve.

It's good to see some media attention about DV against men. There's not nearly enough even though it has improved substantially over the last few years. The more men who come forward with their stories, as unpleasant as it may be for them, the more attention the issue will get and the less men will be stigmatized because of it. Men really need to understand how important it is to come forward and press charges...because until more do, the issue will never truly get the attention it deserves.

About Borderline Personality Disorder...my ex husband has it. Nasty thing to deal with, believe me, I know. Anyone with that disorder is abusive...and a lot more women have it than men. Personally, I think there are more men who have it than the mental health community realizes...but they are misdiagnosed as bipolar and sociopaths. My ex fit those diagnoses as well...but he is far closer to BPD. I'd strongly suggest that EVERYONE read the warning signs of Borderline Personality Disorder and if you think anyone you get involved with has it...run like hell and fast.

Great post!

 

[SAYNO]

A lady from American Women Suck forum said this about domestic violence:

"OK, as many of you probably know, I am pregnant. Recently, I had a minor accident which led me to go to the clinic to be examined. I had fell down some stairs at home. It was in the middle of the night, and went downstairs to get some water. I slipped on one stair, and then fell down about 4 more before landing on my lower back and arm. My husband was on the computer and saw me fall. He was very worried and wanted me to be seen by someone to make sure everything is OK with the baby and I. So I went ...

I was asked several times by the people at the clinic if "there was a domestic dispute." They asked me when I checked in, and everytime a new nurse, technichian or midwife came to see me in the exam room, I was asked a question about domestic violence/disputes/abuse. I understand that abuse is serious, and cannot be overlooked, but I found the repeated questioning offensive. It put me in a very uncomfortable position, because it made me feel as if it isn't bad enough I fell, but every time I trip or fall I have to wonder if my husband becomes an abuse suspect? It's ridiculous. The priority should have been checking the baby's heartbeat, but that took forever for them to get started. Another thing they overlook is the fact that my center of gravity and balance is off. This has made me a little clumsy. I am not big or anything, but I am used to being very lithe and svelte, so managing the extra weight of pregnancy is difficult for me to adjust. It's not so difficult to understand that a pregnant woman can have an accident that has nothing to do with abuse, and when this happens, the last thing she needs is a finger pointed at her husband. It's bad enough to be hurt from a fall, but why do they have to also make it an extra painful experience by treating the husband with such disrespect?

I also don't understand the strategy of reducing/ending domestic violence by accusing every man of abuse. If every man is already accused of abuse every time a woman falls, then how would this discourage a man from abusing a woman? No matter how a man behaves, he can be accused of abuse .. if not by his wife/girlfriend, then by outsiders.

Bottom line: I should be able to be examined by medical professionals without an interrogation."


SN'

 

[SAYNO]

And another forum member said this:

This same type of thing happened to a friend of mine. He and his wife were out riding four wheelers. She had an accident and was nearly scalped. The doctors re-attached the skin, but her face was swollen and eyes blackened for a while. She was very self-conscious of this and did not go out for a long time. Finally he convinced her to go to dinner, as she had been inside for a while and he was afraid that if he did not get her out depresion would set in. So they get to the restaurant and were seated. The waitress walks up and sees her and immediately says to him " You bastard, how dare you" Implying of course that he had beat her. This served to do two things. First it pissed my friend off and lost the restaurant some business. Secondly, it horrified his wife. Here she was totally self conscious and now some ditz had accused her husband of being an abuser. Not to mention pointed out her new but temporary physical deformity in a loud and embarrasing way. The good news is that she made a full recovery and all the scars are under her hair. But what a stupis thing for the waitress to do.

SN'

 

[Bonhomme]

Not that uncommon, especially since a lot of women know damn well the guy's gonna get the blame almost automatically.

One of my friends went to jail for fighting back after his alcoholic/druggie pscho ex attcked him.

And I also had neighbors who fought violently pretty often ... and it all stopped after the woman moved out.