Does this mean she is not interested If she almost never initiates a text or a call ?

[DarKnight]

Recently I have met a new girl. I approached her. We have been exchanging texts for about a month. then we had 2 dates. She baked profiteroles and brought them for me. they were amazing.
I try to keep flirting etc.
She always positively responses and support convs. But she almost never initiates texts or never calls first. in about 2 months she only initiated maybe 3 times. Does this mean she is not interested at all ? Is it worth or needed not to text her first and see if she is interested ?

 

[bigneil]

If a girl is not initiating at least 2 times per week something is distracting her.

Keep your texts to date invitations, don't send reminders and don't send follow ups.

 

[DarKnight]

what if I don't plan to date her in a next two weeks ? So I don't text or call her at all if she does not initiate ?

 

[bigneil]

what if I don't plan to date her in a next two weeks ? So I don't text or call her at all if she does not initiate ?

Why are you talking to us about a girl you don't plan to date in the next 2 weeks?

You're texting her AND calling her a lot? Do you put Vaseline on her leg first or just hump it raw?

Early on, for the first month or so (until sex happens) the guy does most of the initiating.

After you start dating she should be initiating about 2 times per week, about 50% of the time. Once she falls in love she will be initiating 70-80% of the time (this is based on Coach Corey Wayne and also matches my current girlfriend's behavior which I kept a chart of).

In the first 2 months with my girlfriend she initiated 14 times out of the 31 days we texted.

At this point, if you sent the last text, wait her out. Why don't you have two other girls btw?

 

[lizardking82]

Why are you talking to us about a girl you don't plan to date in the next 2 weeks?

You're texting her AND calling her a lot? Do you put Vaseline on her leg first or just hump it raw?

Early on, for the first month or so (until sex happens) the guy does most of the initiating.

After you start dating she should be initiating about 2 times per week, about 50% of the time. Once she falls in love she will be initiating 70-80% of the time (this is based on Coach Corey Wayne and also matches my current girlfriend's behavior which I kept a chart of).

In the first 2 months with my girlfriend she initiated 14 times out of the 31 days we texted.

At this point, if you sent the last text, wait her out. Why don't you have two other girls btw?

When she starts giving slight signs of going colder, I guess you do the same thing, right? I am talkin' about a case where the conversation started 2 days ago and she already said she has fantasies on the beach with me and her LOL

 

[bigneil]

When she starts giving slight signs of going colder, I guess you do the same thing, right? I am talkin' about a case where the conversation started 2 days ago and she already said she has fantasies on the beach with me and her LOL

You should still wait. She will fantasize more about you in your absence.

If you simply wait until she texts first on a given day, you almost always have a happy conversation. When we text first, half the time they are busy and we are interrupting. How many times have you been in bed with a girl and see her fire off a text and say "it's my sister" or something - do you want to be that guy checking in on her as she wipes sperm off her chest?

Me: (Coming)
Her: (Wiping sperm)
Him: (via text): "Hey girl, just wanted to say I hope your day is going well! LOL! "
Her: (via text): "Hi baby"
Him: (via text): " How is your day going? LOL!! "
Her: (no reply)
Him: (Starting a thread on SS about why she seemed to randomly lose interest)

 

[DarKnight]

Why are you talking to us about a girl you don't plan to date in the next 2 weeks?

Because I don't want to become as needy ? recently actually I stopped to text her much. I always wait for response from her of course before sending the next message.

How often should I initiate dates not to be seen as needy ? Will it be needy if I initiate dates without her writing or calling ? (I mean I don't want this relationship to be kinda one way)

 

[DarKnight]

I see I need to clarify some things.
First of all she is a virgin and kinda family girl.
On our second date when I wanted to touch her arm she refused and said that she does not like it when somebody touches her. Asked me not to get offended. Because she doesn't like even when her co-workers or friends touches her. I said " I am not your co-worker"She said "well.. we are friends"
I showed her some IODs
Then later during the date I told her "never call me a friend" ( I know big mistake)
She asked "Why ? Then who we are ?"
Me: "I don't know I like personality and maybe in the future we can have a relationship, But of course I am not loving u or anything like this. What do you think about this"
Her: "Hmm. actually I wouldn't sit here if it wasn't otherwise. And yeah let's see where it goes. So u say we can't be friends right ?"
Me: Yeah! Exactly!
Her: Ok

After date she sent me some message. I teased her a little bit. She sent me a picture of her card. I wrote that she looks like an alien (marsian) on this picture.
Next day I called her and initiated date for saturday. I suggest to ride a bike and drink some ****tails. She liked the idea. and agreed.

So we should date last saturday. I called her 2 hours before the date. she didn't answer. 20 mins before the date I called her again she didn't answer. wrote her an sms: " hey, we are meeting today. remember ? I am almost there. will be waiting for you" (I know it was a mistake)
20 mins later she answers: "huh. I am at work now. I confused my shift I am on the second shift today"
I was shocked. I called her 30 mins later to ask her what's going on she didn't answer. That evening I wrote her an sms: " It was very disrespectful from your side"
She answered "so sorry. didn't want to offend u at all. I just confused my shift"
me: " why didn't u answer my calls or maybe call back, at least inform me beforehand ?"
her: Well ... I acted thoughtlessly. I should inform u. Regarding calls I was so busy I didn't see them. Sorry again. Were u there at that time yesterday ?"
I answered the next day: "of course I was" So get ready to accept your punishment"
her: first, let me call my Lord to alleviate my tortures "
me: "u better do. cuz your punishment's goin to be extremely brutal )"
her: "what is the plan ?)"
me: hmmm u think I'm going to tell u ? this my evil secret. first u owe me a drink. preferably made by u. Maybe I will tell then)"
her: "A drink made by me.... okay, I know what will I do "
me"clever girl. we'll see, if I like it u may have a chance "

That's what happened recently. And that's why I am concerned about attraction and keeping balance. How do u think should I proceed ? Call her and set date ? her wait for her to initiate it ?

 

[Bingo-Player]

you cannot force things with women

if its feeling a bit off ( which to me this is ) somethings not right ,

could be any number of things but all you can do is prepare to withdraw yourself emotionally

 

[DarKnight]

you cannot force things with women

if its feeling a bit off ( which to me this is ) somethings not right ,

could be any number of things but all you can do is prepare to withdraw yourself emotionally

Agree. I am actually trying to do it... (withdraw myself emotionally)

She really has some interest in me. her telling "Hmm. actually I wouldn't sit here if it wasn't otherwise", bringing me a cake, agreeing to make a drink from me etc. show some interest. I just try to do my best to turn this interest into attraction. And not to come as needy or clingy.

So that's why I want to know how many times should I initiate dates with her ? once in a week ? should I wait a text or call from her before setting another date or I can set dates in a row without waiting a contact from her? Or maybe other suggestions ?

 

[Bingo-Player]

Agree. I am actually trying to do it... (withdraw myself emotionally)

She really has some interest in me. her telling "Hmm. actually I wouldn't sit here if it wasn't otherwise", bringing me a cake, agreeing to make a drink from me etc. show some interest. I just try to do my best to turn this interest into attraction. And not to come as needy or clingy.

So that's why I want to know how many times should I initiate dates with her ? once in a week ? should I wait a text or call from her before setting another date or I can set dates in a row without waiting a contact from her? Or maybe other suggestions ?

"she really has SOME interest in me"

well you have to ask yourself if you are happy with a girl that has SOME interest in you"

personally i dont , hence why ive literally just walked away from a 6 month relationship

if im commiiting to woman i want the full deck of cards laid on the table not a handfull of them

but its up to you

give her a week then hit her up see what she says although i will warn you , could be setting yourself up for a fall later down the line .....

 

[DarKnight]

Why are you talking to us about a girl you don't plan to date in the next 2 weeks?

I almost love this girl. I like her a lot. she is perfect. the reason I didn't want to date her for the next two weeks is Not to come as needy (and kinda punish her). u know it will look like rewarding bad behavior if I immediately set a date after such a behavior.
p.s I do talk to other girls as well. but none of them is as good as she is .
I want to know that at least I have done my best to get that girl. Don't wanna to give up on her that easy. Because there is really a chance and she is worth it.

 

[bigneil]

I almost love this girl. I like her a lot. she is perfect. the reason I didn't want to date her for the next two weeks is Not to come as needy (and kinda punish her). u know it will look like rewarding bad behavior if I immediately set a date after such a behavior.
p.s I do talk to other girls as well. but none of them is as good as she is .
I want to know that at least I have done my best to get that girl. Don't wanna to give up on her that easy. Because there is really a chance and she is worth it.

So wait, you want to text her every day, but not see her to punish her?

Punish her with complete absence.

 

[DarKnight]

well you have to ask yourself if you are happy with a girl that has SOME interest in you"

Well... Of course I'm not happy just to have some interest from her side. But I want to try to turn this interest into attraction as I said earlier. I am not Brad Pitt or George Clooney to have a girl to immediately love me. This is me who approached her on the street. I have to show her some personality. She has to get used to me, trust me, know me better. etc. I do as much teasing, ****y funny as possible.
And the reason why I opened this thread is to get her, to do my best with your help. see where I am making mistakes. get tips etc

 

[DarKnight]

So wait, you want to text her every day, but not see her to punish her?

hmmm. I don't actually text her everyday. there is half of a day or day between these texts. And I didn't immediately use NC because it would come as if I was weak, offended or as sulking and pouting.
I texted her that it was disrespectful. She said sorry etc (see the details above)
And it was proceeded by a flirty small texting.

Now I want to know if it is worth using NC ? (I think not - right ?)
Here is my plan to call her after a few days (2-4) and set another date. Just not to do immediately after her bad behavior. Kinda half absence, not a complete.
We used to text much frequently. But now we text maybe once a day or two. I would say it is kinda not punishing, just don't want to reward her immediately as well.

I would use NC if I created enough connection or intimacy. Right now I am just a guy she has seen several times. I think NC would work against me. No ?

 

[Igetit!]

Dude....you've made A LOT of mistakes here. A LOT.

What's ironic is,the thing you were trying to avoid doing,you're DOING it.

You're doing the VERY THING you're trying NOT to do.

You talk about not wanting to come off as being needy.....TOO LATE. Look at a few things you said....

(I mean I don't want this relationship to be kinda one way)

You said you don't want the "RELATIONSHIP" to be kinda one way....

"Relationship"? Uhh....didn't you say you've only had TWO DATES with this girl? When did the "relationship" start?

You said she refused when you tried to touch her ARM. So you're in a relationship with a girl....who won't even let you touch her arm? When you told her not to call you a friend,she asked a VERY GOOD question....she said,"Who are we?"

You screwed yourself over when you said that. Nevermind the other things you did...you showed more neediness in that one statement than EVERYTHING ELSE you said/or did put together. In other words,if you get the "we need to slow down or take things slow/don't rush into things...or the "Don't want to move too fast" line from her,you can trace it back to the "never call me a friend" line you said.

Two dates in is TOO SOON to be trying to define or label what you two are. Your "never call me a friend" line showed her where YOUR MIND/THINKING is at.

Not saying it killed her interest,but it damn sure didn't help. You need to keep your mouth SHUT about relationships,and just DATE. .

I said " I am not your co-worker"She said "well.. we are friends"
I showed her some IODs
Then later during the date I told her "never call me a friend" ( I know big mistake)
She asked "Why ? Then who we are ?"

Two dates in is too soon to be having this type of discussion. And as being the guy,you should NEVER be the one to bring it up.

I understand what you were trying to do,looks like you were trying to avoid being friendzoned. But all you ended up doing was avoiding one ditch and falling into another.

Me: "I don't know I like personality and maybe in the future we can have a relationship, But of course I am not loving u or anything like this.

This was YOUR response to her asking what you two were after you told her not to call you a friend. LOOK AT IT.

There's 3 different words off in there that show where your mind is,3 different topics that SHOULD NEVER be brought up by the guy,ESPECIALLY 2 dates in....

"Future"
"Relationship"
and "love". YOU BROUGHT THOSE UP.....not her. You couldn't drive her away faster if you chased with a gun.

What do you think about this"
Her: "Hmm. actually I wouldn't sit here if it wasn't otherwise. And yeah let's see where it goes. So u say we can't be friends right ?"
Me: Yeah! Exactly!
Her: Ok

Wow. She baited you with the "so you say we can't be friends,right?" question,and you fell for it.....AGAIN.....she got you two say that TWICE.

Dude,you have a LOT to learn....a LOT.

After date she sent me some message. I teased her a little bit. She sent me a picture of her card. I wrote that she looks like an alien (marsian) on this picture.
Next day I called her and initiated date for saturday. I suggest to ride a bike and drink some ****tails. She liked the idea. and agreed.

So we should date last saturday. I called her 2 hours before the date. she didn't answer. 20 mins before the date I called her again she didn't answer. wrote her an sms: " hey, we are meeting today. remember ? I am almost there. will be waiting for you" (I know it was a mistake)
20 mins later she answers: "huh. I am at work now. I confused my shift I am on the second shift today"
I was shocked. I called her 30 mins later to ask her what's going on she didn't answer. That evening I wrote her an sms: " It was very disrespectful from your side"
She answered "so sorry. didn't want to offend u at all. I just confused my shift"
me: " why didn't u answer my calls or maybe call back, at least inform me beforehand ?"
her: Well ... I acted thoughtlessly. I should inform u. Regarding calls I was so busy I didn't see them. Sorry again. Were u there at that time yesterday ?"
I answered the next day: "of course I was" So get ready to accept your punishment"
her: first, let me call my Lord to alleviate my tortures "
me: "u better do. cuz your punishment's goin to be extremely brutal )"
her: "what is the plan ?)"
me: hmmm u think I'm going to tell u ? this my evil secret. first u owe me a drink. preferably made by u. Maybe I will tell then)"
her: "A drink made by me.... okay, I know what will I do "
me"clever girl. we'll see, if I like it u may have a chance "

That's what happened recently. And that's why I am concerned about attraction and keeping balance. How do u think should I proceed ? Call her and set date ? her wait for her to initiate it ?

OK dude,look.....

YOU'RE NEEDY. You're clingy. You have some INTERNAL WORK that needs to be done to help get rid of the neediness,and more than likely,you'll have to accept this situation here with this girl as a casualty and a learning experience.

I know you want to fix this situation,but really,the "situation" here is YOU. It's your mind and way of thinking that needs to be fixed...NOT the girl. If you took this girl out,put ANY OTHER CHICK off in her place,and you behaved exactly the same way,the results would be EXACTLY the same.

 

[DarKnight]

Dude....you've made A LOT of mistakes here. A LOT.

Man, I know I ****ed up things that day. That's what I am trying to fix right now...
Speaking about being needy. agree. I am working on it. reading many books (david d, mistery, the rational male etc). So really trying to improve.

"Relationship"? Uhh....didn't you say you've only had TWO DATES with this girl? When did the "relationship" start?

I am not saying romantic relationship. I should better use "Interaction". Just didn't use the right word.

know you want to fix this situation,but really,the "situation" here is YOU. It's your mind and way of thinking that needs to be fixed..

As I said earlier I am really working on fixing my neediness. That's why I am asking your opinion on the situation, because being needy I may not make correct decisions. but consider that may intention is to win her (I know I have to fix my neediness first and I will)
So do I have a chance to fix the situation with her ? How do I act further ? do I initiate a contact or wait for her ?

 

[Glassguy]

Want to know where her interest level is after you made some mistakes?

Back off and ghost her. Go radio silent. If she initiates texts, you can reply but keep it very short and end it in 3-4 texts by saying "I am super busy right now....text me later when you are free"

If she calls, dont answer. Send her a text 2 minutes later saying "couldnt get your call as I am really busy right now.....text me later "

Make her start putting some effort into this or bounce and find someone that will put at least as much effort as you into it.

She may not text you at all if her interest is low. If that is the case, dont feel bad and dont sweat it. It happens. Just go find another one or three more.

 

[DarKnight]

Back off and ghost her. Go radio silent. If she initiates texts, you can reply but keep it very short and end it in 3-4 texts by saying "I am super busy right now....text me later when you are free"

Thanks for the advice, man. Won't going cold look weird after our mini flirty texting ? (just trying to make sure) and is this the best thing I can do ? Because really don't want to lose her. If there is slight possibility that doing other way I may create attraction (win her) please tell me.

 

[Igetit!]

Man, I know I ****ed up things that day. That's what I am trying to fix right now...
Speaking about being needy. agree. I am working on it. reading many books (david d, mistery, the rational male etc). So really trying to improve.

Let me ask you a question......

Do you know what basic training is? When a person joins the army/the military,they go through a process called basic training.

It's where they learn how to fight,how to survive....they get pushed to their mental and physical limits. The whole purpose of it is to prepare them for BATTLE.

You get basic training FIRST.....then you get sent off into battle AFTERWARDS.

You.....you're trying to do both at THE SAME TIME. You say you're reading books and trying to work on your neediness,but you're out on the battle field in the dating arena at the SAME TIME. You're trying to learn the basics,while being shot at and having bombs go off all around you at the same time.

That's why you got this situation here with this girl. This mess YOU CREATED,all it lets me know is even though you've been reading all these different books,they haven't helped you enough yet. Either that,or you're not following the information that's in them.

You would have been better off taking some time to yourself to read and work on yourself first for a while,then trying to date.

I am not saying romantic relationship. I should better use "Interaction". Just didn't use the right word.

Well it's too late now. You used the word you used,and she got the impression she got. You can't go back to her and go,"Oh,I didn't mean that word,I mean this other one instead". Too late now,what's done is done.

As I said earlier I am really working on fixing my neediness. That's why I am asking your opinion on the situation, because being needy I may not make correct decisions.

Well that's good...at least you recognize that. Only problem is,you can't run to us everytime there's a decision to be made.

I mean what are you going to do.....be out on a date with this girl,she asks you a question,then you be like,"Excuse me,I need to go to the bathroom for a second".....then you to the bathroom,get in a stall,pull out your phone,get on the internet,log in here,then ask us what your response should be? You see what I'm saying?

Sooner or later,you're going to have to make your own decisions,and if you haven't read enough of your books and learned enough,yeah...you WILL MAKE the wrong decision.

but consider that may intention is to win her (I know I have to fix my neediness first and I will)

I know your IMMEDIATE goal is to win this chick....we know that. I just want you to know that,even if we were to say to you "do A,B,and C".....and you did it,and you DID get the girl.....if you did "A,B,and C" WITHOUT FIXING YOUR NEEDINESS,in a week or two,you'd lose her all over again...you'd be right back where you started. You have to GET that.

It's YOUR NEEDINESS that's causing all this. So it doesn't matter what "trick" someone here comes up with. Even if you got her back short term,you being needy would just drive her away again.

It'd be like a car having a bad battery. Your car won't start,so someone gives you a boost. Yeah...the car is running now,you can go anywhere you want to go,but you didn't fix the problem...you still have the bad battery. As soon as you turn the car off and try to start it back up again,bam...you're right back at square one.

So do I have a chance to fix the situation with her ?

Hmm. Well i don't want to say "no". It kinda depends. If the girl has some interest....ANY interest,you MIGHT be able to turn it around....but you'd have to re-do EVERYTHING you've been doing...I mean 100% the complete opposite. And that's gonna be a problem for you,cause your "needy" mind is driving you to do all the wrong things.

There's has to be SOME TYPE of interest on her part. Even if it's just a little. If she has zero interest,you might as well just drop the whole thing.

How do I act further ? do I initiate a contact or wait for her ?

This is too much to explain.Check this out here.... http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1596861

Five simple steps. It can produce results. Only problem is,you being needy will most likely destroy any progress you make.