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Does the dating pool get smaller as you get older?

biggoal

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I know silly. You know I know too, lol. I’m happy to offer guidance around here same as everyone else...y’all are funny.



Exactly, lmao.

@biggoal you have to understand something. Couple of things. 1. Attraction is a mystery in some cases. I have friends (who I introduced to each other) who are madly in love, traveling the world together. He is 64, good looking and until he met my other friend was a player’s player. Women everywhere. Women love him. He’s charming, fun, hilarious and well set for life but not wealthy. Has a pension & some assets & enough money to support himself.

She is 44. Tall thin blue eyed blonde who has a PhD and speaks 5 languages. No kids, never married (had a 10 yr LTR). She is the perfect foil for him & he for her. She has assets and enough income to take care of herself.

They are Bonnie & Clyde like compatible without crime of course. They are ridiculously happy & enjoying doing life together. They both beam around each other. It’s pretty neat really.

So there is mad attraction. But it’s more than that.

The second thing is that priorities shift in middle age. For men that shift happens at 50 years old (give or take), and for women it’s more commonly 40 years old (give or take). The shift is the realization that you are in fact getting older and you aren’t 25 anymore and your future includes old age as a reality on the horizon. So people start looking to pair off and settle down to grow old together. It’s more about finding a person you really enjoy spending time with. Sex is important but sex is only a part of that greater compatibility puzzle.

When we go to the clubs everyone knows we are the hot “older” couple there. My guy can pull women who are in their 20s or 30s. He doesn’t relate to them nor find them intellectually stimulating. He can bang them, sure. And he has done that many many times. But then you’re with a woman who you don’t desire beyond sex who wants to put demands on you, wants marriage, children, a family etc.

My guy is a grandfather. He’s had a vasectomy 20 some years ago. He’s not fathering more children (although he’s been known to lead hot young women on to keep getting laid in that regard - until they become intolerable to deal with...then they got replaced with another plate)...

My guy worries about getting older. Most men I know have it on their radar screen because most fear being alone. My guy hates to be alone. It’s his Achilles heel in a sense. So men worry about losing attractiveness just like women do. It just hits about a decade later.

The key is to become solid enough in yourself that you don’t mind being alone and this sets you up to be patient enough to await the RIGHT partner, like my friends above...rather than take any partner, which is what many people do (explains why less attractive people end up in relationships faster).

For me personally I’m OK being alone. I like some solitude in fact. My guy smothers me at times even. And he’s got his issues to be sure. And I have mine too. So I take time away from him. He has to learn to be solid in his own company which he’s always had trouble with...and if he meets someone he likes better? Go. I’ve told him this. He doesn’t go. He knows what he has with me is hard to find and not easily replaced. If I step back he always steps up. He doesn’t want to lose me. He fears losing me & losing what we have and he knows other men would be happy to have me...so his fears motivate him.

More than they should, actually. Fear motivates lots of people as time passes and you start losing friends and family to death and etc. My guy lost a friend last month. An ex lover who he was fond of. It hit him kind of hard. She was only 53 or so. He lost a dear buddy to cancer 2 years ago. It has made an indelible imprint on him the realization of one’s mortality. It’s changing how he looks at life...at relationships. And he’s not the only person I know whose experiencing this shift. It’s a natural perspective shift as we age.

We start to value meaningfulness in life and start to seek more meaningful things. Relationships. Experiences.

Younger people aren’t as a rule in Western society affronted with their own mortality. They have the illusion that they have time. So they make choices reflective of that. Older people realize time is precious and tend to make choices reflective of that...

So those are some thoughts.
44 and 64? I could never imagine banging a 56 year old woman. That's just sick.
 

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biggoal

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Whats wrong with you dude. those 50 year old women are hot.
Not according to the posters here. Anything over 39 is not. That hot teacher is 50. I wanted to plow her but she is into guys older than her. The one she's been seeing for a couple weeks now is older than her.

Again. I have more stamina than these geriatric dudes. She don't know what she's missing.
 
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BeExcellent

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The question is could @BeExcellent handle me? I'm a handful! I mean, I got tons of energy and stamina. She's a lot older.
No that isn’t the question at all.

You demonstrably do not understand based on the things you state.

I’ve no desire or inclination to consider being involved with you in any way shape or form.

You have not paid any attention whatsoever to what I have said to you. Instead you fixate on age or looks and you miss the point entirely.

If Cindy Crawford or Jennifer Lopez or Jennifer Anniston (all women in their 50s) were to pay attention to you there would be no thought given to their age.

They are objectively hot women. Period.

But these are all successful women who are doing well and require a man who is doing even better than they are. Why? They need a man they can respect. Period. I need someone who I respect as well.

If all I wanted was someone for sex all the time that’s the easiest thing in the world to find. And I’d choose someone who has the exact physical look I prefer too. Which is tall, dark & handsome of the Italian or Spanish variety...and fit, and someone charming who is at ease with women to the point where he doesn’t take women (or himself for that matter) too seriously.

But it’s the maturity personified by the last part of what I just stated that is exceedingly rare in young men.

There just isn’t the degree of self knowledge that a more seasoned gentleman possesses...nevermind the specter of success in world financially or the respect of other men.

I like a man who knows himself, has sufficient wisdom & life experience to garner my respect and someone I have attraction & desire for. Because my desire nature itself requires a charming, experienced man who I respect I simply DO NOT SEE younger men or any man who doesn’t possess these qualities. They simply don’t register as potential partners on my radar screen. They might as well be invisible in that way.

As things currently stand I have no issue attracting men who meet my criteria...although they aren’t everywhere I know they exist...my experience bears that out...and I know the men I desire also find me attractive/appealing. So there’s no need for me to do differently.

I don’t want a guy in his 30s. If I did, trust me I’d have one.
 

biggoal

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No that isn’t the question at all.

You demonstrably do not understand based on the things you state.

I’ve no desire or inclination to consider being involved with you in any way shape or form.

You have not paid any attention whatsoever to what I have said to you. Instead you fixate on age or looks and you miss the point entirely.

If Cindy Crawford or Jennifer Lopez or Jennifer Anniston (all women in their 50s) were to pay attention to you there would be no thought given to their age.

They are objectively hot women. Period.

But these are all successful women who are doing well and require a man who is doing even better than they are. Why? They need a man they can respect. Period. I need someone who I respect as well.

If all I wanted was someone for sex all the time that’s the easiest thing in the world to find. And I’d choose someone who has the exact physical look I prefer too. Which is tall, dark & handsome of the Italian or Spanish variety...and fit, and someone charming who is at ease with women to the point where he doesn’t take women (or himself for that matter) too seriously.

But it’s the maturity personified by the last part of what I just stated that is exceedingly rare in young men.

There just isn’t the degree of self knowledge that a more seasoned gentleman possesses...nevermind the specter of success in world financially or the respect of other men.

I like a man who knows himself, has sufficient wisdom & life experience to garner my respect and someone I have attraction & desire for. Because my desire nature itself requires a charming, experienced man who I respect I simply DO NOT SEE younger men or any man who doesn’t possess these qualities. They simply don’t register as potential partners on my radar screen. They might as well be invisible in that way.

As things currently stand I have no issue attracting men who meet my criteria...although they aren’t everywhere I know they exist...my experience bears that out...and I know the men I desire also find me attractive/appealing. So there’s no need for me to do differently.

I don’t want a guy in his 30s. If I did, trust me I’d have one.
I do not find Jennifer Aniston to be attractive at all. Cindy Crawford, I'd pound her but she's getting rougher too. JLo probably but I dunno what she looks like without make up now.

Interesting what you like in men. I prefer light skin, Germanic women. They would be considered Aryan if this was the early 1940s. Not that I wouldn't pound a dark skinned Italian but I prefer very pale skin which is found in Germanic women more or even French women which I find hot too.
 

Black Widow Void

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@BeExcellent

I'll admit that you do not appear to be the female (in a bad way) stereotype. Reading about your upbringing seems to explain a lot. I say this because on the other side of the spectrum (due to divorced parents/child custody) I was raised predominately by my mother. And during my mid teenage years recognized that her influence wasn't healthy and began 'rewiring my circuitry.' It sounds like you've found good balance.

I do disagree with some of your assertions though (but 'll keep an open mind if wish to expound) .
During our parent's era (we're close to the same age) and era's before our folks, the "old maid" tag did seem to exist for a reason. From my youth, I do recall that older women that never married or had kids, did seem overly neurotic.

With attitudes changing over the decades, I'm no longer seeing a current pattern. Personally, I prefer dating a childless woman and of these, about half couldn't conceive and the other half chose not to have children. My dating pool would be rather slim, if I only chose to date these types. And so, I'd say that half the women I date have been married and have had children.

The way my brain works, I do believe that I'd notice a behavior correlation between the divorced with children and unmarried and no children.

While biology may be a factor in certain behavior, I wonder if environment (which was a topic among my first paragraph) might provide stronger influence?

Yes, I do acknowledge that "old maid" hand-me-down teachings still exist, but I'm thinking that it's minimal and mostly in rural type environments. I also think that the stereotype attachment isn't nearly as applicable.

I bring all this up without the intention to argue or debate, but because some members (or those simply viewing and not actually a member) may take certain postings here as absolutes and gospel.
Also, I'm always willing to keep an open mind. If you have information that further validates your assertion, then my mind remains open.
 

biggoal

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@BeExcellent

I'll admit that you do not appear to be the female (in a bad way) stereotype. Reading about your upbringing seems to explain a lot. I say this because on the other side of the spectrum (due to divorced parents/child custody) I was raised predominately by my mother. And during my mid teenage years recognized that her influence wasn't healthy and began 'rewiring my circuitry.' It sounds like you've found good balance.

I do disagree with some of your assertions though (but 'll keep an open mind if wish to expound) .
During our parent's era (we're close to the same age) and era's before our folks, the "old maid" tag did seem to exist for a reason. From my youth, I do recall that older women that never married or had kids, did seem overly neurotic.

With attitudes changing over the decades, I'm no longer seeing a current pattern. Personally, I prefer dating a childless woman and of these, about half couldn't conceive and the other half chose not to have children. My dating pool would be rather slim, if I only chose to date these types. And so, I'd say that half the women I date have been married and have had children.

The way my brain works, I do believe that I'd notice a behavior correlation between the divorced with children and unmarried and no children.

While biology may be a factor in certain behavior, I wonder if environment (which was a topic among my first paragraph) might provide stronger influence?

Yes, I do acknowledge that "old maid" hand-me-down teachings still exist, but I'm thinking that it's minimal and mostly in rural type environments. I also think that the stereotype attachment isn't nearly as applicable.

I bring all this up without the intention to argue or debate, but because some members (or those simply viewing and not actually a member) may take certain postings here as absolutes and gospel.
Also, I'm always willing to keep an open mind. If you have information that further validates your assertion, then my mind remains open.
You seem more like an old fashioned guy in general. I don't mean that in a bad way. But like that recording you posted you send women regarding texting, if that was a hot 24 year old and sent that to her she'd think there is seriously something wrong with you if you can't text and not normal and would ghost you.
 
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BeExcellent

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@BeExcellent

I'll admit that you do not appear to be the female (in a bad way) stereotype. Reading about your upbringing seems to explain a lot. I say this because on the other side of the spectrum (due to divorced parents/child custody) I was raised predominately by my mother. And during my mid teenage years recognized that her influence wasn't healthy and began 'rewiring my circuitry.' It sounds like you've found good balance.

I do disagree with some of your assertions though (but 'll keep an open mind if wish to expound) .
During our parent's era (we're close to the same age) and era's before our folks, the "old maid" tag did seem to exist for a reason. From my youth, I do recall that older women that never married or had kids, did seem overly neurotic.

With attitudes changing over the decades, I'm no longer seeing a current pattern. Personally, I prefer dating a childless woman and of these, about half couldn't conceive and the other half chose not to have children. My dating pool would be rather slim, if I only chose to date these types. And so, I'd say that half the women I date have been married and have had children.

The way my brain works, I do believe that I'd notice a behavior correlation between the divorced with children and unmarried and no children.

While biology may be a factor in certain behavior, I wonder if environment (which was a topic among my first paragraph) might provide stronger influence?

Yes, I do acknowledge that "old maid" hand-me-down teachings still exist, but I'm thinking that it's minimal and mostly in rural type environments. I also think that the stereotype attachment isn't nearly as applicable.

I bring all this up without the intention to argue or debate, but because some members (or those simply viewing and not actually a member) may take certain postings here as absolutes and gospel.
Also, I'm always willing to keep an open mind. If you have information that further validates your assertion, then my mind remains open.
Ok let’s discuss. What is the predominant assertion I make which you take issue with?

I made a number of assertions in my responses.

And I cannot speak for “all women” obviously but I too notice trends. One of the biggest trends being the lack of traditional gender roles compared to past generations and a perhaps corresponding lack of leadership in many men today. I expect these things are related. Women too have less need of a man. But this belies the human need for companionship as social creatures. Biology needs an environment which supports biology. I’m for strong leaders & dominant men. This community supports that.

I want a heroic type guy. I want my man to protect me & I want him to feel I need him. Because I do. At a very basic level. It’s not sex for resources of some other transactionally based relation. It’s much deeper than that. And I want to be that place where he can let his guard down and get intimate and so on. It’s about connection at a human level. But it’s individual and complex. But I think there are more commonalities of basic human needs than some are willing to admit.

It takes a very strong person to be hurt, heal, release the baggage and love again (knowing the potential to be hurt is once again a possibility). But to shut down & refuse to expose oneself is IMO a far worse fate for it deprives us of human experience and denies our basic emotional needs, which are designed to be complimentary between the genders.
 

Black Widow Void

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@BeExcellent

It appears that my posting to which you are responding. may have perhaps lacked some clarity? While I appreciate your response, I'm not sure how relative it was to my question. Before posting further, let me think on this.
 

BeExcellent

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@Black Widow Void

No worries. Your question was unclear. So I was uncertain how to respond. You mentioned my assertion. I make many assertions as we all do. Just wondered which specific thing you wished me to elaborate upon. Clearly I chose the wrong one.

So clarification would be welcome.
 

wifehunter

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Does the dating pool get smaller as you get older?

OC California here. No pool here. But, we have a cesspool. And, yes, it gets larger with time.
 
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oc16

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I don't think so as long as you keep yourself in shape as you get in your 30s, 40s, 50s. Remember, female attraction works differently than male attraction. Remember when you were in high school, college and mid 20s? Having a youthful glow with a full head of hair doesn't turn a woman on like we get turned on by youth and beauty in a woman.

Yes, never in your life will you be surrounded by such attractive youthful ***** than in college. However, it seems like 20% of the men get 80% of the women in college.

The super confident (or fake confident) good looking guys or the jocks seem to do well, but that's it. Most guys in college lack confidence and social status. This is by no fault of their own; since they don't have enough life experience yet.

I guess jocks do well with women since they have social status.

As men get older, we get more life experience (e.g more confidence) we become more comfortable in our own skin and build more resources (wealth). These are the things that attract women.

Also, cute/hot women have all the dating power in their early to mid 20's and most still do in their late 20's. This of course, is due to their youthful good looks.

However, once they hit 30, they know the clock is ticking and its all downhill from there.

An in shape confident guy in his early 30s, mid 30s, up to mid 40s is quite the catch to a still hot and single gal in her 30s.

So, the short answer to your question is, no!

No, I don't think your dating pool options get smaller as we men age. Just don't get fat and have a decent job.
 

Ohso-Phresh

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I had a very strong father who was a leader of men. I am the eldest of 4 girls with a father who wanted a son. And he was unapologetic about that. So I learned to hunt, shoot, help with tools and the fixing things around the house and fixing the car and all that “boy” stuff. In addition all the other children in my neighborhood growing up were boys. So I ran in the woods, built forts, invented code languages and played ball and rode bikes with the guys as a child. I learned how to relate to men from a man...and learning how to be a girl came much later (and was confusing as all get out since my mother was distant & not a girly woman at all.)

My earliest childhood memories are bird hunting with my father. I was 3 or so.

So on a deep level I “get” men. But obviously I’ve also learned & understand how to be a woman too at this point.

So it’s less cunning & more comfort. I was always the chick who the guys were OK having in the treehouse if you will. That comfort is why men really enjoy being around me & also why I have a number of close real friends who are men. I’ve got my close girlfriends too, but I’ve just always been comfortable around men. Thanks to my father, who was the kind of great man guys here aspire to be. He wasn’t perfect but he was a man’s man in every sense. He was a great dad. I’m proud to be his daughter, God rest his soul.
Thank you.

Yes you have a great father, one whose influence continues to this day.

How are you taking care of yourself, replenishing your well, what gets your blood going?

The bell curve has most women just giving up and letting themselves go after bearing and raising children.

Women’s way of organizing via ‘in/out’ is much more harsh and brutal then men’s via ‘place in line’. I’m surprised the tomboy in you could assimilate ‘the girly ways’.
 

BeExcellent

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Thank you.

Yes you have a great father, one whose influence continues to this day.

How are you taking care of yourself, replenishing your well, what gets your blood going?

The bell curve has most women just giving up and letting themselves go after bearing and raising children.

Women’s way of organizing via ‘in/out’ is much more harsh and brutal then men’s via ‘place in line’. I’m surprised the tomboy in you could assimilate ‘the girly ways’.
I consider myself lucky in having known a real man in my dad. Your kind words are appreciated.

My parents were very attractive people. So I was fortunate in the genetics department. But lifestyle is more important as one goes along in life. Healthy habits and all.

As far as taking care of myself I get enough sleep, I eat keto/low carb as a matter of habit for many years, I wear little make up unless I’m going out, I avoid sun exposure, I exercise regularly and I have fun and be spontaneous whenever possible. I weigh every day and I look after my appearance. I have a positive attitude and a persistent spirit. I’m also very direct. Moreso than most women. I will never disrespect myself such that I “let myself go”. Not happening.

The tomboy thing is kinda funny. I didn’t know I was pretty in high school. Grades & achievement & intellect were emphasized at home growing up. Beauty was not. I was taught manners and etiquette and how to look ladylike & presentable. But beauty was not emphasized at all. I didn’t even get my ears pierced until I was a college freshman. I was in a sorority (like my mom, grandmother and aunts) because that’s what I thought good gals did...and I had a wonderful group of girlfriends I met in the dorms and going through rush that are really good women, good influences. I’m still friends with them to this day. They are the ones who, along with some influence from my paternal grandmother, educated me about girl stuff. Thank heavens too. I had no idea. None. I was so naïve looking back it was comical. I thought a BJ involved a blow dryer. Not joking.

I was great at being buddies with guys...that was familiar enough but really was clueless about dating or even how to act when I liked a guy. But I always liked fashion & art & had a flair for presentation and an eclectic style...so I got up the learning curve awkwardly at first, but I learned.

Once I realized the power in beauty I gained confidence rapidly, and I was already solid in my intellect and ambition. I remained comfortable around men since I had been raised that way, but I came to understand male/female dynamics from a unique perspective. Women can be brutally cutthroat. In a more cunning way than men, a different way. I learned all that too through my friends and through trial and error.

And I arrived at who I am now. I try to be transparent and direct with my kids. I want them to understand things I was not prepared to understand as a teen. And I want them to appreciate that I don’t know all the answers and sometimes life is murky and that’s how it goes at times. I try to be pragmatic in preparing them. And I’m open about the fact that I’m still figuring stuff out myself and it is what it is.

I do my level best and rely greatly on things my father taught me. And I get my son around solid men and great masculine influences. I was raised by a great man but Im NOT a man myself. So I see to it he gets man time with my ex husband and also around esteemed men at his all male school and in the community. So far I am pleased with the result. My father was and would be very proud of the young man who is emerging.
 

biggoal

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I consider myself lucky in having known a real man in my dad. Your kind words are appreciated.

My parents were very attractive people. So I was fortunate in the genetics department. But lifestyle is more important as one goes along in life. Healthy habits and all.

As far as taking care of myself I get enough sleep, I eat keto/low carb as a matter of habit for many years, I wear little make up unless I’m going out, I avoid sun exposure, I exercise regularly and I have fun and be spontaneous whenever possible. I weigh every day and I look after my appearance. I have a positive attitude and a persistent spirit. I’m also very direct. Moreso than most women. I will never disrespect myself such that I “let myself go”. Not happening.

The tomboy thing is kinda funny. I didn’t know I was pretty in high school. Grades & achievement & intellect were emphasized at home growing up. Beauty was not. I was taught manners and etiquette and how to look ladylike & presentable. But beauty was not emphasized at all. I didn’t even get my ears pierced until I was a college freshman. I was in a sorority (like my mom, grandmother and aunts) because that’s what I thought good gals did...and I had a wonderful group of girlfriends I met in the dorms and going through rush that are really good women, good influences. I’m still friends with them to this day. They are the ones who, along with some influence from my paternal grandmother, educated me about girl stuff. Thank heavens too. I had no idea. None. I was so naïve looking back it was comical. I thought a BJ involved a blow dryer. Not joking.

I was great at being buddies with guys...that was familiar enough but really was clueless about dating or even how to act when I liked a guy. But I always liked fashion & art & had a flair for presentation and an eclectic style...so I got up the learning curve awkwardly at first, but I learned.

Once I realized the power in beauty I gained confidence rapidly, and I was already solid in my intellect and ambition. I remained comfortable around men since I had been raised that way, but I came to understand male/female dynamics from a unique perspective. Women can be brutally cutthroat. In a more cunning way than men, a different way. I learned all that too through my friends and through trial and error.

And I arrived at who I am now. I try to be transparent and direct with my kids. I want them to understand things I was not prepared to understand as a teen. And I want them to appreciate that I don’t know all the answers and sometimes life is murky and that’s how it goes at times. I try to be pragmatic in preparing them. And I’m open about the fact that I’m still figuring stuff out myself and it is what it is.

I do my level best and rely greatly on things my father taught me. And I get my son around solid men and great masculine influences. I was raised by a great man but Im NOT a man myself. So I see to it he gets man time with my ex husband and also around esteemed men at his all male school and in the community. So far I am pleased with the result. My father was and would be very proud of the young man who is emerging.
Since us guys posted pics in that thread, can you post a better, closer up photo of yourself? I mean like us blur the eyes out but for 51 I'm interested in what you look like. You sound like you're a stunner.

Would you consider yourself like Melania Trump looks wise who's the same age? Melania is a hottie for sure. Although some of that is likely fake though since she has $$$ to pay for it.
 

BeExcellent

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Since us guys posted pics in that thread, can you post a better, closer up photo of yourself? I mean like us blur the eyes out but for 51 I'm interested in what you look like. You sound like you're a stunner.

Would you consider yourself like Melania Trump looks wise who's the same age? Melania is a hottie for sure. Although some of that is likely fake though since she has $$$ to pay for it.
Melania is certainly a beautiful woman. Stylish. Elegant. She is also a good example of a feminine & supportive wife. I don’t compare myself to her although I hold my own in the looks department.

My avatar is sufficient for men to see that I am as advertised. I find it important to have that congruence. And that’s enough.
 
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