- Jul 19, 2019
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44 and 64? I could never imagine banging a 56 year old woman. That's just sick.I know silly. You know I know too, lol. I’m happy to offer guidance around here same as everyone else...y’all are funny.
@biggoal you have to understand something. Couple of things. 1. Attraction is a mystery in some cases. I have friends (who I introduced to each other) who are madly in love, traveling the world together. He is 64, good looking and until he met my other friend was a player’s player. Women everywhere. Women love him. He’s charming, fun, hilarious and well set for life but not wealthy. Has a pension & some assets & enough money to support himself.
She is 44. Tall thin blue eyed blonde who has a PhD and speaks 5 languages. No kids, never married (had a 10 yr LTR). She is the perfect foil for him & he for her. She has assets and enough income to take care of herself.
They are Bonnie & Clyde like compatible without crime of course. They are ridiculously happy & enjoying doing life together. They both beam around each other. It’s pretty neat really.
So there is mad attraction. But it’s more than that.
The second thing is that priorities shift in middle age. For men that shift happens at 50 years old (give or take), and for women it’s more commonly 40 years old (give or take). The shift is the realization that you are in fact getting older and you aren’t 25 anymore and your future includes old age as a reality on the horizon. So people start looking to pair off and settle down to grow old together. It’s more about finding a person you really enjoy spending time with. Sex is important but sex is only a part of that greater compatibility puzzle.
When we go to the clubs everyone knows we are the hot “older” couple there. My guy can pull women who are in their 20s or 30s. He doesn’t relate to them nor find them intellectually stimulating. He can bang them, sure. And he has done that many many times. But then you’re with a woman who you don’t desire beyond sex who wants to put demands on you, wants marriage, children, a family etc.
My guy is a grandfather. He’s had a vasectomy 20 some years ago. He’s not fathering more children (although he’s been known to lead hot young women on to keep getting laid in that regard - until they become intolerable to deal with...then they got replaced with another plate)...
My guy worries about getting older. Most men I know have it on their radar screen because most fear being alone. My guy hates to be alone. It’s his Achilles heel in a sense. So men worry about losing attractiveness just like women do. It just hits about a decade later.
The key is to become solid enough in yourself that you don’t mind being alone and this sets you up to be patient enough to await the RIGHT partner, like my friends above...rather than take any partner, which is what many people do (explains why less attractive people end up in relationships faster).
For me personally I’m OK being alone. I like some solitude in fact. My guy smothers me at times even. And he’s got his issues to be sure. And I have mine too. So I take time away from him. He has to learn to be solid in his own company which he’s always had trouble with...and if he meets someone he likes better? Go. I’ve told him this. He doesn’t go. He knows what he has with me is hard to find and not easily replaced. If I step back he always steps up. He doesn’t want to lose me. He fears losing me & losing what we have and he knows other men would be happy to have me...so his fears motivate him.
More than they should, actually. Fear motivates lots of people as time passes and you start losing friends and family to death and etc. My guy lost a friend last month. An ex lover who he was fond of. It hit him kind of hard. She was only 53 or so. He lost a dear buddy to cancer 2 years ago. It has made an indelible imprint on him the realization of one’s mortality. It’s changing how he looks at life...at relationships. And he’s not the only person I know whose experiencing this shift. It’s a natural perspective shift as we age.
We start to value meaningfulness in life and start to seek more meaningful things. Relationships. Experiences.
Younger people aren’t as a rule in Western society affronted with their own mortality. They have the illusion that they have time. So they make choices reflective of that. Older people realize time is precious and tend to make choices reflective of that...
So those are some thoughts.