Does she bring up other guys names in your good/healthy relationship? Thoughts on why

[Bourne]

When your woman in good/great relationships with you brings up names and random guys she knows or met through out conversation with you and not on just one occasion but through out the week or day. Why do they do that? Is it because they unknowingly testing you? Do they know they are doing it? How do you respond to it?

I tend to cut the conversation short and tell her I got to get back to do my things. Without doing it bluntly but very subtle.

Very curious of why they do that in a good healthy relationship and any thoughts on this?

 

[Interceptor]

Are you absolutely positive you are not acting out of insecurity??

 

[Bourne]

I probably am and personally working on that.

As well I am very curious if you taking out of my own context and if you had that happen to you? and your response and thoughts on why they do?

 

[Interceptor]

Here's what you MUST know about "healthy" relationships.

You must alwasy assert your personal Boundaries.

BUT...........


You must understand that a healthy realtionship does not involve you EXCLUSIVELY.


Know what that means?



You are getting involved with her friends, co workers, and family.


And you know what?


You have to get used to it.


You know why?

Because that's the mark of a healthy relationship.

You must HAVE AN OUTSIDE LIFE outside of the relationship.
You and she WILL BREAK UP sooner than later IF YOU DON"T.Sorry, guy. You have to accept it. It's part of being involved with women. They will talk to you about their life. And it involves the people they interact with.
Let me guess. She probably doesn't have any major, passionate hobbies. She probably wants to relate to you her experiences.
Remember, many wonmen "THINK out loud". In other words, they express their thoughts verbally, not internally. They often organize their thoughts from the outside in often. You are supposed to be their "rock", their support, their sounding board.
Get used to it, or stay single.
Show signs of jealousy and "I don't want to hear it", and you're putting a suprresion on her release of her emotions to you. You will supress her and repress her. She will feel you are not "Into HER".
You are denying her intimacy when you just want her to shut up about her life or problems.
And yes, they will include the people in her daily life.
Listen to her. Ask her more questions, be a man and be genuinely interested in your woman. You are her protector now, you are her "Rock" now, you are HER MAN, my friend. This is what we do , my friend.


BE HER MAN.

 

[Bourne]

Good post Interceptor.
Thanks bro.

 

[KontrollerX]

"When your woman in good/great relationships with you brings up names and random guys she knows or met through out conversation with you and not on just one occasion but through out the week or day. Why do they do that? Is it because they unknowingly testing you? Do they know they are doing it? How do you respond to it?"

In my experience its never been good news.

For me it was either a jealousy sh!t test or a chick openly daydreaming about some other guy or guys while pretending it was just some story about her day.

"I tend to cut the conversation short and tell her I got to get back to do my things. Without doing it bluntly but very subtle."

This is the correct way to pass the test but it doesn't mean the storm has passed by any means.

"Very curious of why they do that in a good healthy relationship and any thoughts on this?"

Perhaps the relationship is only good and healthy from your perception. Maybe she's looking to trade you up, maybe she's just testing you to see if you still care ie the other side of the jealousy test thats not so negative but still bad because its a bullsh!t test.

If things keep going well in your relationship though with not many rough patches nor severe behaviour change in her be it overly bad or overly good then Interceptor is totally right and its just a chick that wants to tell you about her day.

Probably not to hurt you but just because maybe she finds it interesting, wants to see if you care to listen to her and maybe she has nothing else on her mind to say.

 

[Bourne]

Good perception Kontroller. Interesting view. Guess I have to see.
This a bit stroke a cord in me.

"If things keep going well in your relationship though with not many rough patches nor severe behaviour change in her be it overly bad or overly good then Interceptor is totally right and its just a chick that wants to tell you about her day."

Its been OVERLY GOOD. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it. There hasn't been too many rough patches. Very mild ones. I have a hard time believing that when a girl behaves Overly Good towards you that it means something is up. But it did happened twice to me in my early 20's. Only later did I see it.
Now you guys are most likely to be right. Its probably nothing, but I just don't want to be blind sided ever again.

 

[KontrollerX]

Yeah my last girlfriend who cheated on me a few months back before revealing it to me began acting overly good towards me for no reason.

I was like hmmm something is up but it must be alright because hey its good behaviour not bad behaviour yay!

How wrong I was.

See though I had done nothing special for her to get that good behaviour she had just started doing it and I think chicks do this to offset their guilt when they do it.

It could be nothing though in your case Bourne if you've done something special for her recently as her acting good because of that is simply reciprocity and the mark of an unselfish caring normal woman.

That or it could be normal if she's always been pretty good to you and this is simply a natural progression into being great.

So yeah its not always bad news for this to happen but still keep your eyes open bro when its massive behaviour change of any kind.

 

[Gulyaban]

very interesting to read really..

 

[squirrels]

In what context is she dropping these names?

 

[Bourne]

School that she goes to, in her class. She tends to bring up one particular name of the guy she talks and most likely admires cause she brings him up sometimes in no context of what we are talking about. He is one of the top students in the class and like a kid wiz or something.

Kontroller:
I had a g/f 3-4 years ago. All of a sudden she started to buy me gifts and pay for dinners without anything on my part. Then couple of months later she dump my ass. This was way back when I thought all was cool and didn't know any better about woman. So I know what you mean, I can relate.

I am probably being paranoid and overthinking. But like I said before I want to be aware and never be blindsided. As well as I hope this helps someone else too.

 

[AnnaBee]

Have you tried talking to her about it? I'm amazed at how many guys on here claim to be in great relationships, but they can't bring themselves to talk to their women about the smallest thing, yet they post on here for strangers to give them advice, who don't know the girl personally. That doesn't seem strange to you?
Do you trust this girl? Has she ever cheated on you or anyone else before? Have you ever cheated on anyone? How long have you been together? Do you think perhpas that you are comparing her to your previous relationships unfairly? All of these things come into play...just asking.

 

[joekerr31]

its a sh*t test.

and sure, guys will say 'ohhhhh come on. she can't talk about the non sexual men in her life without it being a sh*t test. thats ridiculous. he's just being insecure."

but you always gotta flip the script. if you were to suddenly start bringing up things about other women trust me it would start to p*ss her off. i know, i've seen it happen with multiple women. which is why now i always limit how much i talk about other women.

i can still talk about them, but they shouldn't comprise more than say 10% of the conversation time. when they start to take up 50% of the time, big trouble coming my way.

anyway, she is doing this as a very subtle and 'good girl' way of inciting your jealousy. shes doing this for one of two reasons...

1) when you finally show your jealousy she will gain control of the relationship as it will be established that you need her more than she needs you.

2) when you finally show your jealousy she will be able to say 'you're crazy. i can't believe your getting upet over this. you aren't who i thought you were. we need to break up." - and a week later you'll find her already in some new relationship.

anyway, the best thing to do with all this one of three strategies...

1) just ignore it and focus on your relationship with her. recognize it for what it is, she's testing you (fairly gently for the time being as well).

2) make these guys an even bigger part of the conversation. like next time you see her make the FIRST thing you say to her something like "hey how is Joe doing? did he get that job?". and just keep bringing the convo back to the men she keeps bringing up. do that a couple of times and it will totally f*ck her head up.

she'll be thinking 'WTF is going on? why does he give a sh*t about Joe? this is creepy. I better s8ck his **** and hope he returns to normal. and then i have to make sure i never bring up guys again."

3) SPIN PLATES.

anyway, im not saying your woman is a bad woman. im not saying you are in the danger zone yet either.

but i am saying that a woman who is bringing up other men a lot in your conversations is either really stupid or is making a calculated gamble and the cost could be your relationship.

one of women's greatest techniques is that they are able to manipulate you while appearing as though they are idiots. you sit there and think 'Nawwwww. come off it. no way. no f*cking way she's doing that on purpose!" because they look so doe-eyed and dumb.

but trust me, their actions are well thought out.

 

[joekerr31]

Have you tried talking to her about it? I'm amazed at how many guys on here claim to be in great relationships, but they can't bring themselves to talk to their women about the smallest thing, yet they post on here for strangers to give them advice, who don't know the girl personally. That doesn't seem strange to you?
Do you trust this girl? Has she ever cheated on you or anyone else before? Have you ever cheated on anyone? How long have you been together? Do you think perhpas that you are comparing her to your previous relationships unfairly? All of these things come into play...just asking.

the only problem with what you've just said is that this board is filled with guys who have talked to their women over the years. and guess what, it didn't work out for them. believe it or not most men STARTED OUT communicating openly with women. in fact they communicated too much. shared their feelings, their past, told them how much they loved them, etc. - and then quickly got dumped on their heads. haha.

the reason being they were AFCs and the women took their overt communication as merely an opportunity to manipulate nad control them.

so personally, for most guys, i think its a really good idea to post here first and get some initial feedback.

and no offense meant by this, but im not surprised that the advice from a woman is to tell the man 'go talk to her and find out why she is doing this?"

hahaha. thats like saying 'Go ask her if she is lying."

i liar isn't going to tell you they are lying. they are just going to lie to you some more.

and while female input is always welcome, i continue to warn guys - NEVER listen to a woman's advice. as well intentioned as it may be, its almost never the right thing for a MAN to do.

 

[disfunktional]

2) make these guys an even bigger part of the conversation. like next time you see her make the FIRST thing you say to her something like "hey how is Joe doing? did he get that job?". and just keep bringing the convo back to the men she keeps bringing up. do that a couple of times and it will totally f*ck her head up.

I think this is really good.... I can see it would work.

 

[Riegs]

I always acted like I didn't care, until the time we had to leave this one store because it reminded her of her ex of 5 years, who she was always comparing me to. We got into a big argument and I found out I wasn't keeping her "entertained" enough". I slipped it in her ass that night as payback and blamed it on the lights being out.

 

[up_an_up]

Its gotta be a test man. Whether on purpopse or not, she is testing you. Like Jokerr said, you wouldnt spend your whole conversation talking about all the girls you know without some negative effects. Girls do this stuff alot, not sure why though. Your best bet is to not care, yawn, start another convo, and mabye even stop talking to her as much until she stops talking about other guys. i wouldnt recommend a confrontation about it because she will either get freaked out, or somehow flip it on you "being paranoid". Just dont reward bad behavior.