Does Happiness Really Exist, or Is it Just an Illusion?

[~attrACTION~]

Look, I know I've whined about this several times, but hear me out one last time.

Who here is truly happy?

It's been a year that I have no friends and no girlfriend. Sometimes I blame my "passion" for making money or my goal-oriented nature for my lack of a social life.

The reason is that I've developed a negative perspective that makes me feel I am still at level zero everytime I reach a new mark in my progress. I keep thinking about everything I don't have. This past Thanksgiving was the first time in I don't know how long that I could not feel "thankful" for anything.

I appreciate life, yes. I am glad I'm alive, and I don't want to die soon. I also believe in the power of intention. I intended to start a business and a I did it. However, I think that focusing too much on my financial goals (because of having no social life to squander time with), made me habitually associate happiness to achieving monetary goals.

But the happiness I felt when I established some passive income wasn't real happiness. I still felt empty inside, so empty that it hurts - everyday. Yes, I laugh and I smile, but there are some thoughts I just can't get out of my head...

Why should I be happy? How can you be happy and not risk becoming content?

As I've whined in the past and in this post, I don't have any friends or a sex life. I don't really want friends any more, but a girlfriend would be nice.

The reason I am so down because it's human nature to want to be liked and social. I am not an asocial person by nature...I used to be very extroverted and lit others up around me. Nowadays though, I feel so negative I don't want to talk to anyone.

I know most conversations are nonsense...because I've been there, like I said I used to be very social and outgoing. But I see these nonsense ramblings as pointless. I don't see it as fun any more. I barely smile or laugh, and even when I do I feel both happy/sad at the same time...like you want to cry but there are no tears. If I could cry I would cry my heart out.

It's like I'm stuck in a very negative cycle and there's no end in sight. I can't see the light, because there is no light.

I understand that a lot of other people are also not happy. They drag on day to day with their double shot of espresso, and 'pretend' to be happy to save face around social groups and coworkers, etc. I doubt the majority of people when asked straight up...would be truly happy.

I think happiness is a farce. If you're happy, you're either on drugs, delusional, or your life is going nowhere. My life was going nowhere when I was happy last year. Everything was going wrong, but I had the biggest smile on my face...

...how, I don't know. I assume because I had no goals to judge my daily life with to see if I was in the green or the red. When you have no basis for judging your reality, then you can be happy because their is no grade to meet. You just don't care...well, the problem is I do care.

On a less relevant note...or perhaps as a result of my aggressive demeanor, no one ****s with me anywhere I go. Girls seem to enjoy this 'bad ass' attitude, even though I get more ticked off since I have nothing to say to them. In 3 situations, I almost got into fights.

To be honest, this feeling of "down" is tearing me apart because on one hand I almost feel the 'depressing thoughts' are motivating me to strive for more...while on the other hand I am absolutely sick of it and want to be happy. But happiness doesn't exist...

I know some of my post was a rant, but I'd like to hear your thoughts on happiness, and if you even believe in it.

Thanks.

 

[Cod3r]

To answer your question... I'm not happy, few people are


-Cod3r

 

[MisterNigma]

Well You Got There Now What?

Here's your problem.

You set a goal, you achieved it, then you set another, and you did it again. Small little bits of success, one after another. Eventually you stop caring.

You also come to realize that practically not matter what you do, it will never be enough.

Bottom line, STOP CARING! STOP GIVING A F*CKING SH*T!

Hard to explain, but there it is, stop caring, stop fearing for youself. Stop caring about yourself altogether. Care about other instead.

The advice above in my post ^^^ is the conclusion I reached after years of being depressed. Infact, I really don't care if I die in the next 10 seconds. I do care about how it will affect my brother, my father, my friends.

So you really have three routes to go, and none of them involve happinness.

1.-Go see a shrink. (Probably best for your health.)

2.-Go to your doc and tell him to give you anti depressants.

3.-Take my advice, stop caring so damn much about yourself.

If you need more advice on this issue, message me.

Good Luck,


-E.Nigma

P.S. - If you don't make things change, they will not change.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Even though my life isn't perfect, I'm extremely happy. The trick is knowing that you have control of whether you are happy or not; it's up to you and your actions. Depending on external happiness relinquishes that control.

If and when that external source provides you your required level of happiness you hope that it doesn't ever change so it may continue to feed your need. That hope for no change is the bases of complacency.

 

[Kev07]

I remember theres a saying about giving is better than receiving or something

i'm sure this is pretty true, now that i think of it.

i notice that i feel good when i make other people feelgood more than when they make me feel good. if it's someone that i care about i will probably go out of my way to make them feel good/laugh whatever

 

[gherald]

of course...

you can find happiness within you...

here is your problem

you balance your life...

youve only focused on the monetary sode and lose sight of socila life...

and you're also thinking negaive that it became a habit...

it think you should consult psychologist...im dead serious here...no offense meant...

 

[jack knife]

I'm in a really rough part of my life right now, and I'm happy.

the trick is that happiness comes from within. realize that even if you succeed in fixing all of the deficiencies in your life, you will still not be happy unless you allow yourself to be happy.

ask yourself,
"In the end I am going to die. Can my life still be meaningful?"
for me, the answer is a very loud yes.

 

[realsmoothie]

How can you be happy and not risk becoming content?

What's wrong with being content? Wouldn't that solve a hell of a lot of problems?

Our situation as a culture is that we are NEVER content. We always want more, and it's screwing over the entire planet.

I'd be plenty happy if I were content.

 

[danielzxc]

I'm fairly happy. Not in a "brimming with happiness 24/7" kind of way, but 95% of the time if someone asked me, I would easily be able to answer yes I am happy. If I REALLY wanted to, though, I could probably imagine a lot of reasons for why I should be UNhappy -- I mean, my life is FAR from perfect and there are PLENTY of things that I want that I am finding frustration in actually getting them. But, I don't know, that stuff doesn't really bother me. I'm just happy to be alive and to enjoy the simple things in life. The rest of it, I'm working on it, and I expect to get it one day, but in the meantime, I am generally in a pretty happy mood.

On a less relevant note...or perhaps as a result of my aggressive demeanor, no one ****s with me anywhere I go. Girls seem to enjoy this 'bad ass' attitude, even though I get more ticked off since I have nothing to say to them. In 3 situations, I almost got into fights.

Hahahah. I know what you mean, bro. This was how I felt last year most of the time. It seems like a lifetime ago now. Don't really know how I changed it. I just got sick of being upset and on edge all the time, and I realized that, even if I had "good reasons" for feeling that way, it wasn't helping me even slightly.

 

[kyphan]

I'm happy. I have been happy for 6-7 years now. During that time I nearly flunked in college, dropped out of college, took a stab at a new major that I did not know if I would even enjoy, got dumped by a woman I gave my all to, had one week of action in over two years (and it literally lasted a week), got stalked by a crazy girl (that's what one week of action cost me), got fired, and broke up with my now ex-fiance. I was happy most of the time, even when things were rough. Why? I chose to be happy.

I look at my life and I am grateful for so many things. I cannot think of one good reason to be unhappy - even though someone else said he could make a list, I guarantee you none of those reasons are WORTH being unhappy over. Happiness is a choice, not an experience or a destination. You choose to be happy just like you choose what you eat, what you wear, and what women you are with. The sooner you figure that out, the better.

What's wrong with being content? Wouldn't that solve a hell of a lot of problems?

Our situation as a culture is that we are NEVER content. We always want more, and it's screwing over the entire planet.

I'd be plenty happy if I were content.

You would be unhappy if you were content, before long. Your mind and body would weaken because you'd have no reason to improve. Your paycheck would diminish because you'd have no reason to keep getting better. Those around you would become bored with you, because you would no longer make any changes or progress. Always look to improve and savor that opportunity.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Here's a secret - there's no such thing as contentment. Being content implies that life is static, it's not, and to be honest, how boring would that be anyway? Life consists of varying states of discontentment, why else would you bother doing anything? But the good news is that it's more fun to manage discontentment than to endure contentment (which you can't anyway since it's transitory at best).

The trick is to understand that there are 2 kinds of discontent - creative and destructive discontent. What you choose to do with that discontent makes all the difference in the world. You will only get what you've gotten if you keep doing what you've done. Don't allow yourself to fall back into old destructive habits of dealing with discontent. Don't bother with anti-depressants and psychologists, when a good hard workout at the gym would serve you better.

The truth is I'm always discontent, but creatively so. The minute you can look yourself in the mirror and be happy with what you see you're sunk. You can always improve, even after achieving things that were very important. Happiness is a state of being, it's in the 'doing' not the 'having done.'

 

[DarkLight]

Here's a secret - there's no such thing as contentment. Being content implies that life is static, it's not, and to be honest, how boring would that be anyway? Life consists of varying states of discontentment, why else would you bother doing anything? But the good news is that it's more fun to manage discontentment than to endure contentment (which you can't anyway since it's transitory at best).

The minute you can look yourself in the mirror and be happy with what you see you're sunk. You can always improve, even after achieving things that were very important. Happiness is a state of being, it's in the 'doing' not the 'having done.'

Disagree.
Let me start this off with... it might just be a difference in my understanding your perspective. But, some of the things you wrote seem to imply indirect faulty logic, on other things you wrote.

First of all... if "contentment" is transitory at best, then naturally so is discontentment. So when you say "Life consists of varying states of discontentment"... I could just as easily say the opposite; "Life consists of varying states of contentment." Mind you... this is still all parallel with your logic. Thus my original clarification, that most of my disagreeance is a matter of perspective.

Another fault I find in your logic is... "Being content implies that life is static." How so?

Being content is bottom line... the result of an attitude. Now if one were to receive the ever-changing phenemona of life in any manner of positive acceptance... then the result would be contemnent in an non-static world. Choose any positive quality of being (gratitude, love, etc.)... and you would realize this result. This is the entire goal of humanities ancient meditative traditions. Zen, Taoism, Buddhism, Suffism, etc.

The crux that your missing is... its in the attitude that we recieve life, that creates either contentment or discontentment. Therefore... the choice is always ours... as to which we want to create.

You write..."The minute you can look yourself in the mirror and be happy with what you see you're sunk"

Disagree. While this attitude might prompt you to hit the gym again, it will not create the blessings of happyness. You see, the opposite is true for that to occur. One needs to be able to look himself in the mirror, and be able to whole-heartidly accept and enjoy his totality. That yields everything! Heaven on earth if you will. The state of being, you later call... "happyness."

The misunderstanding is this. People think they need to stay in a situation of discontentment, to motivate them towards what they "THINK" would bring them happyness. But, in reality... once they get to that place, they're mind is already thinking of something bigger, better, brighter... to realize that same notion. They are no more closer to it, then when they originally began. Why? Cause its still outside of their "here and now."

In order to flip the script on sh!t... you must accept happyness here and now. You must be able to have a pimple, and still be happy. The notion of perfection is an illusion. In a state of perfection... nothing more can become. And as you know... life is an ever-becoming. So you must accept the paradoxical nature of the game we're living (called life), in that its perfectly imperfect. AND WONDERFULLY SO!

Such levels of acceptance, will allow the unfolding of the state of being you call "Happyness." Now lets address some of the illusions that scare you away from allowing such a state of being to be.

A primary one I could imagine that we all hold here as men, and further more as aspiring DonJuans, is... "If I allow myself to be content with where I am, I'll never reach where I want to go."

WRONG!

Lets examine why...
Lets say you start to allow such attitudes (that yield contentment/happyness) into your life. Whats going to happen?

A. You'll be a happier person.
B. You'll have more energy
C. You'll be able to help others INCREDIBLY MORE than before
D. You'll be living a more passionate existance, which will motivate you more than ever before.
E. You'll be attracting so much more positivity towards you, in all ways (Money, Pvssy, Health, Opportunities, Etc.)
F. You'll be living a life that yields more power, clarity, intelligence... thus have greater command.
G. You'll be confident, cause you'll know that your a source of value.
H... ETC. ETC. ETC.

I think you get the picture... but make sure every level of your mind/body/spirit can accept and surrender to this understanding. Otherwise, the 5seconds of aha here... aren't going to transform much. So really digest this understanding... to the level that it alchemizes your life perspectives. (If you so choose )

Its so simple... Happyness will unfold the person you want to be.

Peace'

 

[Remulak]

As a Man Thinketh, it may help you out.

 

[danielzxc]

What if you don't do better, don't talk to more girls, don't make more money, don't become richer or more famous than the day before? Are you then gonna be UNhappy? I don't think tha's a good way to live life.

 

[Quiksilver]

I can say that I'm one of the few truely happy people I know. I got in a debate with my teacher(cynic) and several kids in his class(cynics) about life in general and how you choose to live it. It's amazing to see the difference between people who rely on external sources for happiness, and those who feed of internal happiness.

Some dude above mentioned how you SHOULDN'T be happy. That you should never be content or some bogus like that. Ha Ha Ha! You clearly don't get it. Yeah of course you should never stop improving, but why do you have to be negative, to improve? I look in the proverbial mirror and say to myself "Hey, lookin' good! Lets do even better tomorrow!" Instead of, "Hey! You suck, get yourself together!"

Both achieve the same results, but guess who's having more fun?



This isn't to say I'm perfect or anything...Far from it...There are some times I wish I could beat the **** out of every cynic and pessimist walking the earth, with a baseball bat.

For the most part though, I'm actually happy with the way everything happens.

 

[realsmoothie]

Exactly. Self improvement and competition makes me happy. This is how nature made me. Even improving my happiness from the day before makes me happy. At the end of the night, if I close my eyes and say "I did better today than I did yesterday," then I'm happy. This includes looking better, talking to more girls, making more money, becoming rich and famous.. whatever. I can't wait for tomorrow, it's another day closer to my dream. I'm so happy, I can't sleep at night. It's true. Just ask the people who flock around me wanting a piece of it. And I always give it right to them, free of charge. :cheer: :rockon:

Personally this kind of thing scares me. Most of the people that claim to be like this are freaking nuts when you get them away from their overly-social shell of an external self.

I'm not saying YOU are... as surely some people are able to maintain this "yay me" attitude throughout their life. But our society seems obsessed with individual growth (not that that has ANYTHING to do with capitalism, of course, snicker), this whole "you can do it" myth.

Personally I think we'd more more content, more HAPPY, if we focused on what we had rather than what we didn't.

Of course, it's all about balance. If you're like some people (me), and are missing a significant piece of the puzzle that is being a human being (in my case, being able to deal well with women), than there's certainly some room for self-improvement. I just don't think self-improvement should be a raison-d'etre.

 

[danielzxc]

I agree. Chicks who are into "self-help" or "self-improvement" are nightmares to deal with. Nothing is ever good enough for them. They're always looking for something new, some new feelings, some new experiences ("new" seems to equal "improvement" in self-help chick logic). I could never feel settled with a girl like that. Eager-beever self-improvement guys are not much better either. They keep delaying happiness/contentment until the moment they reach Don Trump kind of socio-eco status -- which for 99.9% of them will not happen and even if it does, umm, are they sure he is really happy anyway? People like this give the concept of improvement a bad name.

 

[jonwon]

Look, I know I've whined about this several times, but hear me out one last time.

Who here is truly happy?

It's been a year that I have no friends and no girlfriend. Sometimes I blame my "passion" for making money or my goal-oriented nature for my lack of a social life.

The reason is that I've developed a negative perspective that makes me feel I am still at level zero everytime I reach a new mark in my progress. I keep thinking about everything I don't have. This past Thanksgiving was the first time in I don't know how long that I could not feel "thankful" for anything.

I appreciate life, yes. I am glad I'm alive, and I don't want to die soon. I also believe in the power of intention. I intended to start a business and a I did it. However, I think that focusing too much on my financial goals (because of having no social life to squander time with), made me habitually associate happiness to achieving monetary goals.

But the happiness I felt when I established some passive income wasn't real happiness. I still felt empty inside, so empty that it hurts - everyday. Yes, I laugh and I smile, but there are some thoughts I just can't get out of my head...

Why should I be happy? How can you be happy and not risk becoming content?

As I've whined in the past and in this post, I don't have any friends or a sex life. I don't really want friends any more, but a girlfriend would be nice.

The reason I am so down because it's human nature to want to be liked and social. I am not an asocial person by nature...I used to be very extroverted and lit others up around me. Nowadays though, I feel so negative I don't want to talk to anyone.

I know most conversations are nonsense...because I've been there, like I said I used to be very social and outgoing. But I see these nonsense ramblings as pointless. I don't see it as fun any more. I barely smile or laugh, and even when I do I feel both happy/sad at the same time...like you want to cry but there are no tears. If I could cry I would cry my heart out.

It's like I'm stuck in a very negative cycle and there's no end in sight. I can't see the light, because there is no light.

I understand that a lot of other people are also not happy. They drag on day to day with their double shot of espresso, and 'pretend' to be happy to save face around social groups and coworkers, etc. I doubt the majority of people when asked straight up...would be truly happy.

I think happiness is a farce. If you're happy, you're either on drugs, delusional, or your life is going nowhere. My life was going nowhere when I was happy last year. Everything was going wrong, but I had the biggest smile on my face...

...how, I don't know. I assume because I had no goals to judge my daily life with to see if I was in the green or the red. When you have no basis for judging your reality, then you can be happy because their is no grade to meet. You just don't care...well, the problem is I do care.

On a less relevant note...or perhaps as a result of my aggressive demeanor, no one ****s with me anywhere I go. Girls seem to enjoy this 'bad ass' attitude, even though I get more ticked off since I have nothing to say to them. In 3 situations, I almost got into fights.

To be honest, this feeling of "down" is tearing me apart because on one hand I almost feel the 'depressing thoughts' are motivating me to strive for more...while on the other hand I am absolutely sick of it and want to be happy. But happiness doesn't exist...

I know some of my post was a rant, but I'd like to hear your thoughts on happiness, and if you even believe in it.

Thanks.

I think your lacking some what how can I put it a centre or a zone to revolve around, a product of believes that apply to you regardless of what other people think or say or try to influence.

I think your focusing to much on what equals happiness instead of focusing on what you want.

It seems your impression of happiness is derived from other sources but your own, I can see parts of some ones elses opinion in your post.

Things like:
‘Meaningless conversation’ This implies to me that you derive happiness from a state of interaction at any level, when the truth most conversations are meaningless if they do not mean anything to the person having them. For example I could have a conversation about things I like and totally enjoy it, but put me with a person who talks about yarning socks I would be bored to tears.
So this seems to me the conversation or the people you want to converse with are not really what you want truly as they do not fit into your expectations, this as been projected as happiness.

Now it seems to me your problems stems from work commitments and further believes projected from others about the benefits of value and worth in relation to cost, but it is plain to see this is having a negative effect on you. So maybe it would be wise to cut the work out a little bit and relax some more and give time a chance to allow your social life to improve, since working 24/7 will keep you on this path of resentment.
This to me is the foundry of your problem.

As for happiness, happiness is a state of perception only, everything even the negative things in life have a positive effect on us at some point as each thing is a lesson to be learnt and an opportunity for change.

I would suggest you find your centre and start instead to stop finding an outside source of happiness derived from other peoples versions and just simply start to learn exactly what you want! And then peruse it as you already know to do! Its just now you are at a different part of that road so your ready for a next step of change, this resentment is just simply a motivator to make you get of your ass and do it.

Your comfort zone is starting to hurt and now your starting to feel it.

Time to decide what is important, as for happiness well it seems this is what you want so go peruse it.

As for women, why imagine a women will make you happy?
Again this is simply a product of social pressure amounting on you to comply to a role, you may find you are happier being single and a batchlour.
You don’t have to do anything other then exactly what ever you want regardless of pressure from others, who are other people and what makes them right? Only you can answer.

If you want a women, then I would suggest you cut down on work commitments and find a way to free your time up and then peruse interests to get you out in society then work on social skills in the enthuses of pleasing you and not some one else’s, how can I put ‘conversation needs’.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

DARKLIGHT and QUICKSILVER, bring up some interesting perspectives on contentment, but it's not the nature of contentment that's at issue, rather it's how you approach and manage discontent. I could sit here and debate the nature of contentment and we could argue the sound of a tree falling in the woods that no one hears, but making it apply to one's life is what makes things like this important or not.

The problem that both of you are having is the nature of discontent. Why should discontent necessarily be characterized as a negative? Happiness and contentment can be mutually exclusive - it is entirely possible to be both happy and discontent or content (temporarily) and be unhappy. I'll take this one step further by adding that strength, growth and maturity are created by discontent. And since you both subscribe to the negative of discontent, I'll add that it can also lead to depression, despreatition and despair - if you approach it from this attitude.

True strength doesn't come from winning, it comes from the process of how you handle discontent and adversity. If you choose to handle discontent destructively you will most likely have a destructive outcome - and this destructiveness may include coopting an attitude of overcompensating or allowing oneself to become self-depricating due to this discontent, as has been suggested here already. However it is equally as destructive to suggest that contentment can be a permanent state or even a goal to achieve.

This of course comes off as cynical to those who've been told their whole lives that they ought to find happiness (and/or contentment) within themselves - sort of a universal JBY (just be yourself) for life. All this does is serve to perpetuate a destructive discontent by fostering a recognized inability to be content. If I'm hungry, I'm discontent with my state and I need to eat. If I eat and satisfy that state I may feel content until the next time I get hungry again. Telling someone they should find contentment from within is like saying "you shouldn't get hungry" or "you can satiate your hunger by more deeply examining yourself." That is destructive discontent.

Constructive (or 'Creative' if I quote myself right) discontent is an accpetance of the nature of discontentment and being comfortable with it while using it to grow, mature and strengthen. As an artist, I'm my own worst critic. Nothing I create is 100% the way I see it mentally, and as good as I can get in my technique of representing it I ALWAYS see a way to improve it after I feel it's "finished enough" and it's after the fact. Friends and associates may rave about my work, but I'm the last and final critic of what I do. There is almost universally a sense of discontent, even if this comes after a very satisfying and contenting piece. I could allow this discontent to consume me and discourage me, but I know the secret of handling discontent - I use it constructively to help me master my craft and master myself. I'm happy in my discontent because it serves to make me a better person. I don't see it as a negative influence, but a supremely helpful one.

 

[Quiksilver]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
Constructive (or 'Creative' if I quote myself right) discontent is an accpetance of the nature of discontentment and being comfortable with it while using it to grow, mature and strengthen.

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
but it's not the nature of contentment that's at issue, rather it's how you approach and manage discontent.

Good points.

I think we're not on the same page, however.

What I'm saying is that it is possible to be content with everything happening as it does. For instance, sure we're blowing ourselves up all over the world, and sure we can easily destroy ourselves as humans in a single day..tomorrow even.

An exaggerated discontented--its not really the right word--person would likely commit suicide thinking that we don't have hope as people and it isn't worth living in a world where such bad things happen. Now that's an exaggeration, but it gets the point across that discontented people(to me) get hung-up on the negatives in life and don't seem to realize that in the grand scheme of things, NOTHING matters. That their entire life is a single moment in a million years. I don't see the point in being bleak and cynical about life in general when it REALLY doesn't matter all that much.

A contented person(lets use me as an example) would think that: sure we have more than enough problems as people, and sure we could easily destroy ourselves soon...But I know why I'm here. Why? Because there is no reason ANY of us are here. We just are. That's why humans create elaborate fantasies and myths about why we are here, because most of us couldn't bear to grasp that there is no reason for our existance, that we are "small". But does it affect the way I live? No, hell no. I'm living to get the most enjoyment out of life, the world is my test lab. Back to the main point...I'm quite happy with everything the way it is(explained above), yet as a human I've made a choice to simply live happily, knowing that I can affect everything in MY life in a positive way.

P.S. There are two real forms of optimism(thats essentially what this is getting at), there's personal optimism which is basically your personal life and your social life[close quarters]. And then there's your societal optimism, which essentially includes your career and how you choose to help humanity, and how you view society. So a single person can be both an optimist and pessimist at the same time, because there are two different parts of it.

You brought up a good point about contentment though. In the way people view a problem. A problem can either be seen as a negative thing(obstacle), or it can be seen as a positive thing(opportunity). That's all perspective, yet you can clearly which person will be more successful solving thier "problem".