"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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Does Happiness Really Exist, or Is it Just an Illusion?

thefonz

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It's been a year that I have no friends and no girlfriend. Sometimes I blame my "passion" for making money or my goal-oriented nature for my lack of a social life.
Stop thinking about it, if it's not what you want why torture yourself by thinking about it over and over? Your thoughts are a choice, say that 50 times a day from now on, you MUST internalize this. Choose to control how you talk to yourself.

Why should I be happy? How can you be happy and not risk becoming content?
You need to answer this first question yourself, why does content=bad? Maybe you will become content one day, why are you fighting against become a certain way? If you get emotional about a certain outcome, first quiet your mind before it runs away like a freight train, breath and ask yourself, why do i care so much?

As I've whined in the past and in this post, I don't have any friends or a sex life. I don't really want friends any more, but a girlfriend would be nice.
Stop thinking about it. Choose to stop thiking about it and come back and tell me which choice you prefer.

As I've whined in the past and in this post, I don't have any friends or a sex life. I don't really want friends any more, but a girlfriend would be nice.
You're STILL thinking about it? I don't believe you don't want any friends, you just want girls more and your limiting your life to center around women. You've read the bible enough to know this is completely dangerous, why are you giving in to outside opinions?

I know most conversations are nonsense...because I've been there, like I said I used to be very social and outgoing. But I see these nonsense ramblings as pointless. I don't see it as fun any more. I barely smile or laugh, and even when I do I feel both happy/sad at the same time...like you want to cry but there are no tears. If I could cry I would cry my heart out.
Small talk is not logical college discussion, it's connecting with people on an emotional level. CONNECTING WITH PEOPLE IS POINTLESS?? Think about this, I mean really THINK man, that's what I'm trying to get across to you. Don't read over this and process the words into intellect. If you feel what I'm saying you'll realize just how nonsense what your doing to yourself right now.

It's like I'm stuck in a very negative cycle and there's no end in sight. I can't see the light, because there is no light.
Stop the mellowdrama, it's destroying you. Choose to stop it. You don't need to see the light, have faith that it's there.

I understand that a lot of other people are also not happy. They drag on day to day with their double shot of espresso, and 'pretend' to be happy to save face around social groups and coworkers, etc. I doubt the majority of people when asked straight up...would be truly happy.
Stop focusing on how happy or unhappy or other people are. One day you'll wake up from this daydream and regret about all the time you wasted on not focusing inward. It doesn't who else is happy, only you and thats what you need to think about. Personally, I think the reason they put on this 'farce' is because they believe in happiness and are trying to reach it by trying to focus on it.....unlike you.

To be honest, this feeling of "down" is tearing me apart because on one hand I almost feel the 'depressing thoughts' are motivating me to strive for more...while on the other hand I am absolutely sick of it and want to be happy. But happiness doesn't exist...
Stop trying to act as though a third party is coming into your head is and is tearing you apart. You and only you are doing this. Do I sound redundant yet? You think you don't want any friends, happiness is a farce, and you aren't nearly as happy as you used to be.....yet you want happiness? I can't imagine how confused your brain must be right now, sort your beliefs out ASAP. Make them more congruent with how you want to live. This is your new part-time job.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Charm

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Happiness is a notion or a concept, associated with a mix of many emotions. Notions are illusions of the mind but are necessary to negotiate the world system of society and communicate with eachother. If you grew up in the wild, youd have no concept of happiness, or rather no notion of it, yet you might experience all of the emotions that people attribute to the concept of it.
 

logicallefty

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When I was content but not happy: Had an 85k a year high paying job with a 10+ stress level, a beautiful 4 bedroom house in the country, 2 brand new vehicles both paid off, and an 8-9+ looking wife.. OK, I worked 80-90 hours a week, hated the job, had nothing in common with the wife other than we both liked to fvck, and had a body that I couldn't stand to look at in the mirror myself.. But hey, I was CONTENT... Had no desire to change a thing, had """everything a guy could ask for""". Was sitting idle not about to make a move to change a thing...

Now I'm Happy but not content: Divorced. I now make 45k a year in an entirely different career and job with only a 6+ stress level. 40 hours a week is great, and I actually love the job. Wow, what a concept.. Been taking work related classes to improve my worth at work, may see 85k again some day but I doubt it.. I live in a much smaller house now, but my 2 cats don't mind.. I have lost 115 lbs sense my content days and have been going to the gym getting better all the time.. No significant other yet, but I know the foundation is being laid to find one that's 100x more of a match for me than my x-wife ever was. I also know that finding one isn't the end of the world.. Been reading this site and figuring out what life and self improvement is all about, instead of just living in my "contentment bubble" staying right where I was at... SO... Why am I happy now? Because I know I am on the right track to something better for me than anything I have ever seen or had before... Why am I not content? Because I know there is much more to reach for, and as long as there is, I won't be content....
 

Cod3r

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^ ^ Interesting...

I don't think we can ever know if we really are happy. My belief is that the human ego never stops wanting more and more, and because we can never satisfy that part of ourselves, we can only be content with what we can attain, never happy because we always want more.

Anyone that says they are 'happy' simply misunderstand the true definition


-Cod3r
 

Charm

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Well, it is not our desire that causes suffering but as the Buddha would say, our attachment to our desire.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Charm

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Congrats to you for choosing health over self-destruction. Many of us have walked a similar path to get to where we are.
 
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