Does anyone else get in their own way?

[Fzatf]

While I use tinder to date girls, cuter girls I meet when out with friends I don't have the balls to approach. I hate rejection and take the cowards route of failing to try. Though tinder gets me dates the girls I match with just aren't as hot as some of these girls who go to bars and clubs.

What recommendations do you guys have to get over this?

 

[marmel75]

While I use tinder to date girls, cuter girls I meet when out with friends I don't have the balls to approach. I hate rejection and take the cowards route of failing to try. Though tinder gets me dates the girls I match with just aren't as hot as some of these girls who go to bars and clubs.

What recommendations do you guys have to get over this?

Approach more women. There is no other way to get over it other than facing your fears and then being rejected many times and realizing your fears were silly and it can actually be fun sometimes.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Most people get stage fright at some point, but there's really nothing to fear.

The really hot girls actually don't get asked out very much and therefore don't get a lot of experience when it comes to dating; a lot of guys will fall over themselves chatting them up, but very few will actually have the nerve or skill to get them alone. Therefore, when they do get in to something, it usually lasts and they behave well. That's not the 8's and 9's (often mistaken for the hottest girls). It's the really top tier 5% that are not only hot, but actually decent human beings as well. Obviously the chances of meeting one of these 'unicorn' types is extremely rare, but it does happen and you really have to be ready when it does.

I got one a year or two ago, and reckon I could have laid on the second date, but ended up getting too drunk and obnoxious. She obviously has pretty much blanked me ever since. But, it does happen and we have to be ready.

 

[jaymbrs]

Social circles with women in them. Cold approach...you can get better but takes practice. You almost have to devote a Saturday to it once every few weeks. I used to be good but too tired these days.

Same here, man. I used to cold approach like no other at clubs, parties, bars. I was even teaching other guys how it's done. Man have I gotten tired of that as well, got into a LTR that lasted several years and just got out the game. And it's not like riding a bicycle. Sit on the sidelines long enough, and you'll realize the game changes and you have to adapt to how it is now. Easier said than done.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

OP just keep in mind that rejection is better than regret and approach.

 

[sangheilios]

I used to have terrible cold approach anxiety up until fairly recently, this was a result of being a late bloomer with dating, being naturally more introverted and having an abusive teenage experience at home and school.

This wasn't a plan that I made, but what helped was initiating conversations with total strangers for no reason other than just talking. From there it built up to approaching women I was interested in, but my progress was very slow. What really got it going was when I made a friend who acted as a great wingman and we'd go and talk to women at bars and such. I eventually got to the point where I could go to bars alone and approach groups of women. Now, getting to this point will take a lot of work and will require a fairly thick skin, women in these environments can be brutal at times, so if you haven't built up the confidence for this I wouldn't recommend jumping into that on your own.

 

[jaymbrs]

I used to have terrible cold approach anxiety up until fairly recently, this was a result of being a late bloomer with dating, being naturally more introverted and having an abusive teenage experience at home and school.

This wasn't a plan that I made, but what helped was initiating conversations with total strangers for no reason other than just talking. From there it built up to approaching women I was interested in, but my progress was very slow. What really got it going was when I made a friend who acted as a great wingman and we'd go and talk to women at bars and such. I eventually got to the point where I could go to bars alone and approach groups of women. Now, getting to this point will take a lot of work and will require a fairly thick skin, women in these environments can be brutal at times, so if you haven't built up the confidence for this I wouldn't recommend jumping into that on your own.

Wingmen do help quite a bit.

 

[sangheilios]

Wingmen do help quite a bit.

It definitely makes it a lot easier, though with some guys I know I'd be way better off just going on my own. Generally when I'd go out alone I'd approach a pair or trio of women, one of them would clearly be into me but then the other(s) would pull her away after a few minutes. With a wingman the guy can keep the other girls occupied while I continue bantering with the girl I'm interested in, and then proceed to get her number. Going solo has never netted me a number or date but it allowed me to sharpen my game, spontaneous conversational skills and overall confidence with women. Very few guys actually do this, so if you can get to this point you are doing awesome.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Take some practice swings with 5-6's. Mainly in public. I chat women up all the time at Starbucks, grocery store, wherever. I usually ask their opinion on something.

Case in point: I was in Albuquerque on business and at a Starbucks. I was wearing nice CK jeans, brown boots, turquoise button down shirt, and khaki Hilfiger sport jacket and black framed glasses. A few people asked me where I was from. So I asked this hot chick, about 30, playing with her laptop why I don't "look" Albuquerque? She gave me a few reasons and we both laughed. Easy as pie. I probably could have gone out with her but already had something lined up for that night.

Just do it.

 

[BeExcellent]

OP just keep in mind that rejection is better than regret and approach.

Cannot stress the above enough.

Was watching some silly TV last night. Want to see some great examples of how to chat up strangers?

Watch "Impractical Jokers". I think Joe is the best at striking up random conversations with random people. They get rejected constantly on the show. And while it is TV...it's under adverse circumstances where the other guys are trying to make things really difficult for the interaction.

None of you guys are operating under those sorts of adverse conditions...but some here have self talk that is as bad or worse than the dudes off camera trying to derail an interaction.

You have to act. Action solves everything in social situations, and through action you overcome your (irrational) fear.

 

[peanutbuttablunts]

Most people get stage fright at some point, but there's really nothing to fear.

The really hot girls actually don't get asked out very much and therefore don't get a lot of experience when it comes to dating; a lot of guys will fall over themselves chatting them up, but very few will actually have the nerve or skill to get them alone. Therefore, when they do get in to something, it usually lasts and they behave well. That's not the 8's and 9's (often mistaken for the hottest girls). It's the really top tier 5% that are not only hot, but actually decent human beings as well. Obviously the chances of meeting one of these 'unicorn' types is extremely rare, but it does happen and you really have to be ready when it does.

I got one a year or two ago, and reckon I could have laid on the second date, but ended up getting too drunk and obnoxious. She obviously has pretty much blanked me ever since. But, it does happen and we have to be ready.

i think its just as much of a myth that "theres a unicorn decent woman" out there, than it is a myth that "all women are evil manipulators set on wrecking havoc upon the male psyche". both are a myth. humans are just humans, unpredictable little half animal half human creatures that try their best, fail at times, succeed at other times, etc. i think a lot of the time we create the unicorn aspect in our heads, reflect that sort of dignity in another human being and they will shine and live up to it, treat someone like they are trash and watch them become that toward you

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

i think its just as much of a myth that "theres a unicorn decent woman" out there, than it is a myth that "all women are evil manipulators set on wrecking havoc upon the male psyche".

Agreed.

I don't actually believe in unicorns. In fact I remember getting a bit triggered in the past when I've seen people bringing the subject up here.

I suppose exactly as you say in the quoted passage, my point was that, as much as you can find a self-indulged, b!tchy 5/10 with an over-inflated ego, you can also find a grounded, feminine knock-out GF because most men she meets will be intimidated by her looks. Unfortunately, the former are much more commonplace than the latter at the moment. I find the most problematic group is the 25-30something 7-8/10's; not unattractive, but still very blue-pill, Disney-oriented expectations. Raised to believe they are 10's, very few ever been higher than 8, rapidly heading towards 6 and know it.

Conversely, I remember seeing this girl a few times, years ago. She was introduced by friends and to this day, I still have no idea why she isn't now my wife. This girl is an absolute 9.5; would be higher if she was 3-4' taller, for want of a less inappropriate play on words. Face and body about as perfect as you'll see. Unbelievable eyes, almost golden in colour. We were walking through Waterloo station and she gets stopped by a model recruiter, but says she has no interest in being a model - that kind of girl. And this girl was totally, totally in to me. I was the one treating her like sh!t. Guess she was just a bit too passive for my liking and I wasn't looking for commitment, having just exited a LTR. We banged once when we were drunk, but I absolutely missed that boat. She's now in an LTR. I do need someone with a bit more fizz though, to be fair.

 

[zekko]

Social circles with women in them. Cold approach...you can get better but takes practice. You almost have to devote a Saturday to it once every few weeks. I used to be good but too tired these days.

There's an old saying: Fatigue makes cowards of us all. Or if not a coward, it can make you less effective.

Watch "Impractical Jokers". I think Joe is the best at striking up random conversations with random people. They get rejected constantly on the show. And while it is TV...it's under adverse circumstances where the other guys are trying to make things really difficult for the interaction.

I've often thought about PUA advice and tactics when watching that show. Some have advised that to help get yourself over approach anxiety, you should just go do and say ridiculous things and make yourself look ridiculous. That's pretty much what this show does. As a bonus, it's also usually very funny. Once in a while they have a dud, but most episodes are good. And I agree Joe is the best at it, he will do almost anything, and I think statistically he has the fewest losses.

It's also interesting to me how Sal somehow has some sort of charm over the ladies. I don't understand it looking at him (he definitely has the dad bod), but I know women who think he is hot. There was one scene where Murray invited a fast food girl to Hamilton with him, and she declined. Then when it was Sal's turn, he invited the same girl and she said "I would love to go with you". Lol.