Do you think a man has to be quite wealthy to pull off marrying a tradwife?

[Manure Spherian]

A woman needs to have her life in order, a job, a career she respects, her hobbies and pastimes.

This is a description of my wife.

The tradcon wife existed very briefly in the 1950s. I simply described the tradcon wife in my previous post.

Women have always worked, sometimes in tedious labor.

I didn’t want my wife working much in the three years of each kids’ lives.

 

[BeExcellent]

This is a description of my wife.

The tradcon wife existed very briefly in the 1950s. I simply described the tradcon wife in my previous post.

Women have always worked, sometimes in tedious labor.

I didn’t want my wife working much in the three years of each kids’ lives.

This is the more modern take on the trad wife. All 3 of my sisters were afforded the early childhood years to be at home being mothers/wives. All are college educated and capable earners. But children are only young once. It is important to get that right.

My first husband was the at home parent in those early years. So while I was not able to be at home as a full time mom (because I was the one capable of financially supporting the family), I was able to support their dad being home full time. He is a very loving father and was exceptional with young children, so he was unusual in that regard.

Children who come through early childhood with a loving parent at home tend to adopt a secure attachment style. This is of paramount importance throughout life, and even though it requires sacrifice to do in many instances it greatly benefits the children during a critical developmental stage.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Matter of degree... The Armed Forces are perhaps the only sector of US society where the concept of honor at least receives lip service on a regular basis. That's the exact opposite of what one finds in corporate America or even academia, where night classes in back stabbing are pretty much mandatory


Goes without saying, this mode of operation is frequently carried outside of the office and into the domestic sphere, INCLUDING marriage

or they could do it for a paycheck & benefits and leave that stuff there like dad lol.

 

[Divorced w 3]

This is the more modern take on the trad wife. All 3 of my sisters were afforded the early childhood years to be at home being mothers/wives. All are college educated and capable earners. But children are only young once. It is important to get that right.

My first husband was the at home parent in those early years. So while I was not able to be at home as a full time mom (because I was the one capable of financially supporting the family), I was able to support their dad being home full time. He is a very loving father and was exceptional with young children, so he was unusual in that regard.

Children who come through early childhood with a loving parent at home tend to adopt a secure attachment style. This is of paramount importance throughout life, and even though it requires sacrifice to do in many instances it greatly benefits the children during a critical developmental stage.

Secure attachment cannot be overstated.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Children who come through early childhood with a loving parent at home tend to adopt a secure attachment style.

Contrast to this, there have been studies suggesting that children who come through childhood with one dysfunctional/toxic parent tend to adopt a more dismissive avoidant attachment style.

Even when the other parent is stable, loving, caring.

It depends on who the dominant parent is.

In your case BE, your stable loving dad was the dominant force (or it sounds that way from what you've described about him) so you adopted a secure attachment style.

It makes sense!

In other cases, the dysfunctional parent may be the dominant force, and as such a child coming from that may adopt a fearful attachment style.

My parental sitch was very similar to yours - mom was dysfunctional and actually abusive, dad was stable, loving, caring!

Problem was my dad was always working! At least during my formative years and my mom became the dominant force in my life.

And as such I developed a fearful avoidant attachment style.

It was only after seeking and receiving the proper treatment that I was able to embrace a more secure attachment style which I now have with my current boyfriend..

For the most part, it's still a work in progress but I've come a long way.

 

[MatureDJ]

Men having low sexual frequency are in a bad spot.

Low sexual frequency can happen for unattached men. These are often borderline incels. They aren't true incels because incels have no sex. Low sexual frequency unattached men are men who might have the occasional 1-2 night stand and aren't retaining women. They aren't good at pickup or early stage dating.

Low sexual frequency for attached men is different. These are men in decaying relationships/marriages. The passage of time often is a key reason why sexual frequency dropped. The women in these relationships gradually lost attraction and sexual desire for these men.

These attached men with low sexual frequency are often fearful to file for divorce because they know they lack seduction skill. They don't think they can attract a new woman. These men often weren't successful with women prior to their marriage or long term, unmarried cohabiting relationship. They have reason to perceive things as they do.

It would be better for the men to exit when the sexual frequency drops, reassess their mental state, improve their physique, and start dating again. The next woman is likely not going to be a future tradwife, but it's probably better than the low sex attachment state where they exist now.

I must say that I had always bailed out when the legs closed - it's like I would lose all interest in any gal that had earlier given me open legs.

 

[BaronOfHair]

there's a great possibility the tradwife has been pumped in dumped by the small town bros & bad boys. Also, what if the small-town girl has an enlightenment mid life crisis period later in life and throws everything out the door?

Yeah, these women are idealizations, comparable to the sort of men one encounters in paperback romance novels... Very few real life multi-billionaires moonlight as male models, while also being the most magnificent lover in human history, and a flawless father, who'd never leave his wife and kids for a 19 year old lingerie model

 

[BaronOfHair]

Correct. In my family and in the way my son was raised the concepts of character and honor are taken seriously with living examples he knows embodying these values. So it is not some abstraction.

Notice that my son did not aspire to be like his father and I in his marriage; rather he emulates his paternal grandparents with a healthy dose of my father and the great uncles thrown in. This is intentional and I am 100% behind his attitudes & beliefs.

I will be the first to acknowledge that I am not a trad wife. I was raised to get an education and be self sufficient, which I have done. My son counsels with me about business and success mindset and many things but he emulates his grandparents in his marriage. I deeply respect that. They are having a daughter and will name her after his paternal grandmother out of their respect for her. They are also planning, during his FMLA to take the baby to meet his great aunt (grandmother's sister) who is in her mid 80s. His grandmother died 6 months before he was married, and taking the baby to visit his great aunt is important to him.

They are a throwback couple to be sure. For all our flaws and screw ups his father and I managed to get some things right.

Well, it sounds like your son and DIL have a strong shot at making this work, and I'm ecstatic for them, BE. For better or worse, MOST men born post-1965 didn't have an early life which resembled that in even the slightest, nor will most of us spend our working lives in perhaps the only organizational culture left in America which takes concepts like honor and character seriously, at least kinda sorta

98% of us will be operating in corporate America, where doing what's necessary to get ahead is considered self-evident, and hobnobning with the gliterrati/being cordial to the faces of folks we really find repugnant comes with the territory

A gal who personifies The 1950s trad wife probably isn't going to be comfortable in a social nexus where "selective honesty" like that is a necessity. We, as men, likewise won't be able to confide in a chick who finds what we're navigating at the office incomprehensible

 

[BeExcellent]

Thank you @BaronOfHair. My DIL and son have me to consult with about the ins and outs of social navigation (they are both willing to phone & pick my brain; my son studies 48 Laws of Power as well....a book I gave him when he was in high school.)

They tackle life as a team. Anything I can do to support them in their goals I do....and fortunately they are both interested in an experienced perspective and have the sense to defer to it when that is the wise thing to do.

That's the takeaway here for me: Give your progeny roots, values, and wings.....and give them perspective if they ask (and be grateful your input is valued.)

They are launched into this world. And he knows to come here and read the content I've posited if something happens to me some day and he needs a little mom perspective.

Cheers

 

[BaronOfHair]

...my son studies 48 Laws of Power as well....

He may find Pfeffer's work fascinating as well